Battle in Britain!
To Red Witch: Yeah, but I still beat you to the punch when it comes to Evo- tizing Sunfire, Warpath, and Dazzler. *sticks out tongue playfully* Nyeah! Anyway, enjoy this new chapter I cooked up for you!
To Sparky Genocide: Hmmm, a crossover with "Keeping Up Appearances". That does sound like an interesting idea. I do like whenever Austin thinks a woman's really a man. BTW, My new edition of Profile Time is for you. Check it and the crazy new chapter out!
To Wizard1: Yeah, only Kelly would do something that stupid, drive on the right side of the road and call out a bunch of English soccer hooligans. Yep, Big Ben makes an appearance! Maybe he'll rejoin the Joe Team... Anyway, WHERE IS CHAPTER THREE?!?!?!?! PUT IT UP NOW!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To Metal Dragon1: Well, Big Ben is a real Joe. He did make an appearance in the comics. Until I heard of him, I thought my OCs Bulldog and Lionheart were the only English Joes. Thanks to YoJoe.com, I learned they also had a Japanese and Russian Joe as well.
To JCKIDSMART: You're welcome! Enjoy this new chapter!
It's time for Profile Time again! This time, it's a character given to me by Sparky Genocide! Check him out:
Name: Leathersuit
Function: Dreadnok Warrior
Real Name: Steve Garrett
Hair: Black with neon green streaks
Eyes: Yellow
Birthplace: Unknown
Motto: PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Powers: Leathersuit has alligator-based mutation. His skin is covered in green scales, and he has an alligator-like tail and sharp teeth, but he looks human otherwise. He possesses superhuman strength, night vision, and slight resistance to injury. His jaw and teeth are very strong, and Leathersuit has been known to be able to bite his way through chains.
Bio: Leathersuit is the American nephew of Dreadnok poacher Gnawgahyde. A lot of details about his early life are unknown. It is known that Leathersuit did try to train as a wrestler at the Wildfire Wrestling School in Boston alongside a young Jake Wildfire, the future unofficial Misfit known as Red Dragon. His love of brutality towards his weaker opponents caused him to be expelled. Details of his life from then until his appearance with his Australian uncle in the Dreadnoks are unknown.
Personality: Leathersuit has a dream of being a pro wrestler, and he loves fighting and bringing pain. None too bright, Leathersuit enjoys to break objects and bones. He is an expert on wrestling moves and history, though. He has a rather amicable relationship with the other Dreadnoks except Virus. The arrogant Virus thinks of him as a dumb brute only good for verbal ridicule and derision. Zartan thinks of Leathersuit's strength as a great asset, and he has no problem sending him out to beat people up, because he knows Leathersuit enjoys the job, and he'll get it done.
Chapter 5: The Best Laid Plans...
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(Dr. Evil's Lair, Meeting Room)
"Gentlemen..." Dr. Evil looked over at his associates: The militant Frau Farbissina, the sycophantic No. 2, the large and rather revolting Scotsman known only as Fat Bastard, the miniature clone called Mini-Me, and his son, Scott Evil. "As you know, the English and American militaries worked together to develop the Rolls-Royce Assault Van. We shall steal it and ransom it for..." He put his pinky to his lip. "ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!" Scott fought with all his might not to laugh out loud.
"Perhaps you should ask for a little more money." No. 2 suggested.
"Ja, Herr Doctor." Frau Farbissina agreed, her voice spiced by a German accent.
"YOU NUMBNUTS!!!" Scott burst out laughing. Dr. Evil looked at his son in a puzzled manner. "To either of them, a million bucks is like nothing!"
"Zip it!" Dr. Evil grumbled.
"Aw Dad, c-"
"Zip it!"
"I'm ser-"
"Zip it and like it!"
"You're so im-"
"When a problem comes along, you must zip it! WHIT-TISH!! Zip it good!"
"You're a jer-"
"Zip it and forget it!" Dr. Evil ended. Scott glared at a grinning Mini-Me. The tiny clone gave Scott a one-finger salute.
"You're dead!" Scott leaped across the table and started brawling with the clone.
"Ah say we eat the babies!" Fat Bastard grinned in his Scottish accent. "I'll make those Misfits GET IN MAH BELLEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!" No. 2 retched.
"Disgusting Scotsman." He grumbled.
"Hey, Ah heard that! You're just jealous because Ah'm dead sexy!" Fat Bastard grinned.
"You're as attractive as a rotting horse carcass!" No. 2 snapped.
"YOU WANT A PIECE OF MEH?!?!?" Fat Bastard roared, jumping to his feet.
"I don't even want to slap you, you fat pig!" No. 2 snapped. Fat Bastard leapt on the evil sidekick and started pummeling him. "AAAAGH!!!! HELP!!!! EWWWWWW!!!! HE'S NOT WEARING ANYTHING UNDER THAT SKIRT!!!"
"IT'S A KILT!!!"
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(An undisclosed location)
The Misfits and the Joes looked at the van.
"It looks so drab." Cover Girl shook her head.
"It needs repainting." Ace nodded.
"Perhaps a nice tie-dye." Austin crossed his arms.
"You'll have to run that by me first." A voice with an English accent said. The gang turned around and saw Staff Sergeant David Bennett, the former Joe codenamed Big Ben, standing before them, clad in his old Joe uniform.
"Big Ben!" Cover Girl ran up to Big Ben and gave him a hug.
"Good to see you too, Cover Girl." Big Ben laughed.
"It's been a long time." Shipwreck hugged Big Ben. Low Light smiled and shook Big Ben's hand.
"Too long." Low Light chuckled.
"Too long, indeed." Big Ben nodded back with a smile. Bulldog walked slowly up to Big Ben. "Hello, Bryan. How's the time being a Joe?" With a smile, Bulldog punched Big Ben in the face in a playful manner, careful of his strength.
"You bloody wanker! You never told me you were a Joe! You owe me stories!" Bulldog playfully yelled at his old friend. Big Ben smirked.
"You still have a girly punch." Big Ben smirked. Big Ben knew well that Bulldog possessed great strength thanks to his mutation. He didn't mind. As a Joe, he had seen worse and weirder things than mutants. "Where's Davey Boy?"
"He had to stay home. He got into BA's coffee, then some of Xavier's liquor, then got a little too friendly with Sgt. Snuffles." Bulldog snickered.
"Y'know, ever since I first met you, this is the first time I've seen you without Davey Boy." Bulldog noted.
"Hey Big Ben!" Pietro waved.
"Let me guess. The Misfits." Big Ben grinned. "Let's see if I got you all." He pointed at each of them. "Althea Delgado, aka Wavedancer. I do remember you. You've gained hydrokinetic powers. Lance Alvers, aka Avalanche. Geokinetic capabilities. Fred Dukes, aka Blob. Superhuman strength, invulnerability, and when still, can increase the gravitational force around your body. Pietro Maximoff, aka Quicksilver. Has superhuman speed and superhuman vanity."
"Hey!" Pietro said, making the kids laugh.
"Todd Tolensky, aka Toad. Toad-like mutation allows superior leaping and kicking power, acid and slime spit, night vision, super reflexes and agility. Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch. Your power is the ability to alter probabilities and the ability to beat up your twin brother at any speed."
"Hey, I like this guy already." Wanda grinned.
"Jake Wildfire, aka Red Dragon. An unofficial member of the team, you can spit flames and fly. You can also transform into a dragon that, like the Hulk, gets stronger the more you fight. St. John Allerdyce, aka Pyro. From Australia, you can control flames, but you need an outside flame source. Paul and Craig Starr, aka Starchild and Darkstar. You two can fire lasers from your right eyes, and have hypnotic powers. Xi was created to be the ultimate hunter, with invisibility, and the power to read genetic codes by touch. Lastly, Lila Cheney. You have no codename, but you can teleport large groups of people long distances. However, your powers are useless at short-range."
"Wow." Lance blinked.
"How did he know all that?" Lila scratched her head.
"Lionheart talks. A lot." Big Ben smirked. He held up a pile of letters. "Half of them are just "I love Barbecue" written over and over. Let me guess, she's stalking him?"
"Yeah." Bulldog groaned. "She has a crush."
"Oh God." Big Ben groaned.
"We were thinking of repainting the van." Pietro grinned.
"If that's alright." John grinned.
"Sure. I brought paint. I was planning to do it myself anyway." Big Ben motioned to a pile of paint cans. "I was placed in charge of guarding the van. I figured I'd give it a decent paint job while I was here."
Well, Big Ben has returned! What is Cobra up to? What madness will happen next? Will the Misfits, Joes, and Austin be able to protect the RAV? Will Dr. Evil get a clue? Will Cobra Commander ever stop listening to pop bands? Find out in the next exciting chapter! Suggestions needed badly!
To Red Witch: Yeah, but I still beat you to the punch when it comes to Evo- tizing Sunfire, Warpath, and Dazzler. *sticks out tongue playfully* Nyeah! Anyway, enjoy this new chapter I cooked up for you!
To Sparky Genocide: Hmmm, a crossover with "Keeping Up Appearances". That does sound like an interesting idea. I do like whenever Austin thinks a woman's really a man. BTW, My new edition of Profile Time is for you. Check it and the crazy new chapter out!
To Wizard1: Yeah, only Kelly would do something that stupid, drive on the right side of the road and call out a bunch of English soccer hooligans. Yep, Big Ben makes an appearance! Maybe he'll rejoin the Joe Team... Anyway, WHERE IS CHAPTER THREE?!?!?!?! PUT IT UP NOW!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To Metal Dragon1: Well, Big Ben is a real Joe. He did make an appearance in the comics. Until I heard of him, I thought my OCs Bulldog and Lionheart were the only English Joes. Thanks to YoJoe.com, I learned they also had a Japanese and Russian Joe as well.
To JCKIDSMART: You're welcome! Enjoy this new chapter!
It's time for Profile Time again! This time, it's a character given to me by Sparky Genocide! Check him out:
Name: Leathersuit
Function: Dreadnok Warrior
Real Name: Steve Garrett
Hair: Black with neon green streaks
Eyes: Yellow
Birthplace: Unknown
Motto: PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Powers: Leathersuit has alligator-based mutation. His skin is covered in green scales, and he has an alligator-like tail and sharp teeth, but he looks human otherwise. He possesses superhuman strength, night vision, and slight resistance to injury. His jaw and teeth are very strong, and Leathersuit has been known to be able to bite his way through chains.
Bio: Leathersuit is the American nephew of Dreadnok poacher Gnawgahyde. A lot of details about his early life are unknown. It is known that Leathersuit did try to train as a wrestler at the Wildfire Wrestling School in Boston alongside a young Jake Wildfire, the future unofficial Misfit known as Red Dragon. His love of brutality towards his weaker opponents caused him to be expelled. Details of his life from then until his appearance with his Australian uncle in the Dreadnoks are unknown.
Personality: Leathersuit has a dream of being a pro wrestler, and he loves fighting and bringing pain. None too bright, Leathersuit enjoys to break objects and bones. He is an expert on wrestling moves and history, though. He has a rather amicable relationship with the other Dreadnoks except Virus. The arrogant Virus thinks of him as a dumb brute only good for verbal ridicule and derision. Zartan thinks of Leathersuit's strength as a great asset, and he has no problem sending him out to beat people up, because he knows Leathersuit enjoys the job, and he'll get it done.
Chapter 5: The Best Laid Plans...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(Dr. Evil's Lair, Meeting Room)
"Gentlemen..." Dr. Evil looked over at his associates: The militant Frau Farbissina, the sycophantic No. 2, the large and rather revolting Scotsman known only as Fat Bastard, the miniature clone called Mini-Me, and his son, Scott Evil. "As you know, the English and American militaries worked together to develop the Rolls-Royce Assault Van. We shall steal it and ransom it for..." He put his pinky to his lip. "ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!" Scott fought with all his might not to laugh out loud.
"Perhaps you should ask for a little more money." No. 2 suggested.
"Ja, Herr Doctor." Frau Farbissina agreed, her voice spiced by a German accent.
"YOU NUMBNUTS!!!" Scott burst out laughing. Dr. Evil looked at his son in a puzzled manner. "To either of them, a million bucks is like nothing!"
"Zip it!" Dr. Evil grumbled.
"Aw Dad, c-"
"Zip it!"
"I'm ser-"
"Zip it and like it!"
"You're so im-"
"When a problem comes along, you must zip it! WHIT-TISH!! Zip it good!"
"You're a jer-"
"Zip it and forget it!" Dr. Evil ended. Scott glared at a grinning Mini-Me. The tiny clone gave Scott a one-finger salute.
"You're dead!" Scott leaped across the table and started brawling with the clone.
"Ah say we eat the babies!" Fat Bastard grinned in his Scottish accent. "I'll make those Misfits GET IN MAH BELLEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!" No. 2 retched.
"Disgusting Scotsman." He grumbled.
"Hey, Ah heard that! You're just jealous because Ah'm dead sexy!" Fat Bastard grinned.
"You're as attractive as a rotting horse carcass!" No. 2 snapped.
"YOU WANT A PIECE OF MEH?!?!?" Fat Bastard roared, jumping to his feet.
"I don't even want to slap you, you fat pig!" No. 2 snapped. Fat Bastard leapt on the evil sidekick and started pummeling him. "AAAAGH!!!! HELP!!!! EWWWWWW!!!! HE'S NOT WEARING ANYTHING UNDER THAT SKIRT!!!"
"IT'S A KILT!!!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(An undisclosed location)
The Misfits and the Joes looked at the van.
"It looks so drab." Cover Girl shook her head.
"It needs repainting." Ace nodded.
"Perhaps a nice tie-dye." Austin crossed his arms.
"You'll have to run that by me first." A voice with an English accent said. The gang turned around and saw Staff Sergeant David Bennett, the former Joe codenamed Big Ben, standing before them, clad in his old Joe uniform.
"Big Ben!" Cover Girl ran up to Big Ben and gave him a hug.
"Good to see you too, Cover Girl." Big Ben laughed.
"It's been a long time." Shipwreck hugged Big Ben. Low Light smiled and shook Big Ben's hand.
"Too long." Low Light chuckled.
"Too long, indeed." Big Ben nodded back with a smile. Bulldog walked slowly up to Big Ben. "Hello, Bryan. How's the time being a Joe?" With a smile, Bulldog punched Big Ben in the face in a playful manner, careful of his strength.
"You bloody wanker! You never told me you were a Joe! You owe me stories!" Bulldog playfully yelled at his old friend. Big Ben smirked.
"You still have a girly punch." Big Ben smirked. Big Ben knew well that Bulldog possessed great strength thanks to his mutation. He didn't mind. As a Joe, he had seen worse and weirder things than mutants. "Where's Davey Boy?"
"He had to stay home. He got into BA's coffee, then some of Xavier's liquor, then got a little too friendly with Sgt. Snuffles." Bulldog snickered.
"Y'know, ever since I first met you, this is the first time I've seen you without Davey Boy." Bulldog noted.
"Hey Big Ben!" Pietro waved.
"Let me guess. The Misfits." Big Ben grinned. "Let's see if I got you all." He pointed at each of them. "Althea Delgado, aka Wavedancer. I do remember you. You've gained hydrokinetic powers. Lance Alvers, aka Avalanche. Geokinetic capabilities. Fred Dukes, aka Blob. Superhuman strength, invulnerability, and when still, can increase the gravitational force around your body. Pietro Maximoff, aka Quicksilver. Has superhuman speed and superhuman vanity."
"Hey!" Pietro said, making the kids laugh.
"Todd Tolensky, aka Toad. Toad-like mutation allows superior leaping and kicking power, acid and slime spit, night vision, super reflexes and agility. Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch. Your power is the ability to alter probabilities and the ability to beat up your twin brother at any speed."
"Hey, I like this guy already." Wanda grinned.
"Jake Wildfire, aka Red Dragon. An unofficial member of the team, you can spit flames and fly. You can also transform into a dragon that, like the Hulk, gets stronger the more you fight. St. John Allerdyce, aka Pyro. From Australia, you can control flames, but you need an outside flame source. Paul and Craig Starr, aka Starchild and Darkstar. You two can fire lasers from your right eyes, and have hypnotic powers. Xi was created to be the ultimate hunter, with invisibility, and the power to read genetic codes by touch. Lastly, Lila Cheney. You have no codename, but you can teleport large groups of people long distances. However, your powers are useless at short-range."
"Wow." Lance blinked.
"How did he know all that?" Lila scratched her head.
"Lionheart talks. A lot." Big Ben smirked. He held up a pile of letters. "Half of them are just "I love Barbecue" written over and over. Let me guess, she's stalking him?"
"Yeah." Bulldog groaned. "She has a crush."
"Oh God." Big Ben groaned.
"We were thinking of repainting the van." Pietro grinned.
"If that's alright." John grinned.
"Sure. I brought paint. I was planning to do it myself anyway." Big Ben motioned to a pile of paint cans. "I was placed in charge of guarding the van. I figured I'd give it a decent paint job while I was here."
Well, Big Ben has returned! What is Cobra up to? What madness will happen next? Will the Misfits, Joes, and Austin be able to protect the RAV? Will Dr. Evil get a clue? Will Cobra Commander ever stop listening to pop bands? Find out in the next exciting chapter! Suggestions needed badly!