SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Sometimes love leaves logic behind.
And when words aren't enough,
Emotions can make the cut,
That allows the blood to forget,
Something it's never going to get.
-frost
~I need to know!~
Seifer startled, ran to her side, she fell limp in his arms, once again. Smiling at the strangeness of the situation he slowly fell to his knees; her form was sitting on his. He could smell her, her hair, her skin, her breath. He was so tired, he just wanted to fall asleep with her in his arms and let her give him peace. She sounded so surprised, he thought as he leaned against the bed, the carpeting wasn't harsh. Seifer let his legs spread out, with Quistis sitting on his lap, her arms hung over his, on the outside of him, his arms hugged her waist and he rested his chin on her shoulder.
She acted like if she had seen a ghost, she acted as if she hadn't expected me to be alive. Why? Who was she trying to fool? I should wake her up.....maybe later; maybe she'll wake up on her own. I don't want to leave, why did she say I was the bartender? That was weird, what the hell was she trying to pull? I'm not going to pretend that nothing happened, and what is it she has? She looks okay, I would be worried if she was turning different shades, but she just looks like she's asleep, maybe if I should think without looking at her I can get more done, I should wake her up, he thought before drifting off into thought.
Quistis moved her body back, into the warmth of her bed, as she recalled her weird dream; lazily she opened an eye, and then the other. Her body froze, shock registering, Seifer!? Is here!? Then she noticed something strange, her eyes were looking ahead but she glanced to the side and noticed him, quietly she studied him, his lashes fidgeted a little but he was so tranquil, his hair falling around his face and around her, she could feel his warmth, and his breathe...he didn't try anything.
He......Seifer....is - hugging? - My waist.....and is asleep on my shoulder? She thought with a frown, why doesn't this bother me? He feels good. No stop Quistis! She thought as she turned completely to look at him, in the process her nose cuddled his cheek, and raised all of her skin, sending a wave of rushed blood from her nose to her toes. He was the bartender? Thank hyne, at least it's someone I ...no that's not right...Wait...no!, that means he would be the father of my baby! Ugh! That terrible! What if it turns out like him? She thought she should try to be upset but the thought made her smile almost, at least he's hot, the baby will be very handso- what? I don't, no! Quistis you need to stop thinking about him, its not healthy, and you don't love or like or even care about him……anymore, so don't think it, she reprimanded herself.
What happened? I used to be in love with him, I'm finally over him? When....Quistis stopped dead in her tracks, when had she gotten over him? She asked herself, and then she noticed something, he had come to her, or so it seemed, what had she done in bass bay? She thought, while she nudged Seifer, he didn't stir; she moved around to bother his sleep but stopped as she noticed it wasn't such a good idea for either of them and then with her head she nudged his until he opened his eyes.
"Damnit! why? Oh....." he had started talking angrily but then he turned quiet when he realized what and where he was and why.
"Explain yourself." she told him as she glared. Seifer frowned, he wasn't holding her hard or in a tight grip, she could have gotten out of it, a long time ago. Doesn't she notice? Whatever the reason, it made him smile. Quistis frowned when he did and then shoved him away and scowled herself again for not removing herself. Standing up with her he stood a few feet away.
"Quistis don't tell me you forgot about me already?" he asked, his tone was sarcastic but she couldn't tell if the tone was mocking of hurt or if that was really there. Quistis wanted to scream at him, she wanted to kill him, and had this insensible desire to feel him all at once. She wanted to get rid of him, but she also wanted to leave with him. That bastard, she thought hotly as she controlled herself, she needed answers.
"If I ask you something, would you answer honestly?" she asked him, Seifer turned serious and motioned for her to continue.
"What if I told you that I couldn't remember what happened? What if I don't know how I met you, and if I didn't even know that you were alive until you kissed me, then I realized you were the same guy the bartender was. What would you say if I asked you to tell me, vaguely enough, what happened that night?" she asked him, her eyes were cold, but inside she was full of contradictions on this, and she worried about what he was going to say.
"I..." then Seifer grew silent, what the hell? He didn't know what to say, she didn't remember, maybe he should give her the letter? First he should tell her what happened.
"You....came into the bar, it was night, and there was a really bad tropical storm. You ordered a drink and some guy came to pick you up, but you tried to ignore him, he grabbed you and you got into a fight with him and his buddies. I had seen you fighting with the leader and decided to get my Hyperion, when I came back down you were being harassed but were fighting them off, you got knocked out and I finished the guys off, and got you up to my room to clean up your head, I didn't realized you were you, until I took off the wig. Then sometime later, you asked to go to the bathroom and the lights went out, because of the storm, I lit my fireplace and we sat by it, talking about what we'd been up to and stuff, we drank wine, and you cried."
"Why did I cry?" she asked unbelievingly after she cut him off.
"Because of that guy that died after the war." he was hesitant to say this. Quistis wanted to ask what guy, but she thought about what she would have told Seifer if she were actually in the situation. If I were drinking wine, with Seifer, and he asked why I was crying....I would....depending on the situation and who I really lost. I would......lie! Who was it I lost then? She thought.
"Then what happened?" Seifer looked away and in a quite voice.
"Then... (And he moved a step toward her)...I didn't know what to do, but I wanted to make you feel better... (And moved another step)...so I asked you if I could have you for a night... (and then stood in front of her)....I asked you to let me give you the only thing I had to give you..." he said huskily as he stood looking down at her. She knew what he was saying and was foolish to ask.
"What?" she asked her voice grew low; she didn't mean it to come out so low.
"Me.....and everything I had." he told her in her ear, his lips brushed against her lobe, she closed her eyes lazily. Feeling his hair tickle her skin, still wet from the pool, little drops fell every few minutes.
Seifer didn't move away, but didn't move closer, they stayed there, together in their thoughts. Quistis had been trying to remember what he was saying, trying to piece together the distorted memory of that night. Seifer was fighting with himself of what he should do, if he should ask her about the letter. He had slept, he had actually slept without nightmares this surprised him. He also thought about Quistis, she didn't remember what he had told her, he could see it in her face, in her gestures. Why? He thought.
"Why are you here?" she asked.
"I saw you in F.H. and got worried." he told her.
"Why would you have been worried?" she asked, looking up at him.
"I saw you throw up and I wanted to help you. I do care ya know." he told her.
"I'm fine. You can leave me alone. I won't tell anyone I saw you." she told as she backed away from a frowning Seifer.
"What are you afraid of? I just want to help you! What? Can't trust me to care about you but you'd sleep with me?!"
"Shut up! I can't remember that! And I don't want you involved in my problems or my life. Damnit Seifer I don't even know what your capable of."
"What? I saved your life! I followed you to Esthar to make sure nothing was wrong! You think I'm capable of hurting you? You have no idea what the hell I have to deal with!"
"That's just it! You stalked me! You killed thousands of people, wanted to make everyone part of the dark side. What the hell do you expect me to do? Especially in my current situation."
"Not be a bitch! Rub it in Quistis, rub it in. I live with that blood, I have to carry it around, and that bitch....forgets it. You don't care about me. You were very clear on that." he said, his voice low and dangerous, as he threw her the crumbled piece of paper that was her letter. She read it carefully, and then ripped it in half and threw it away, she should have given him more credit about his intentions okay, but she just wasn't sure what he would do if she.....
"Seifer...excuse me." and she ran to the bathroom, Seifer followed close by. As she threw up, he held her hair and when she finished, after flushing the toilet she looked up at him.
"Why would you want to care about me? Help me?" she asked him.
"Because that's what I want. What is it that you have?" he asked.
"I have...a baby." she whispered. Then he would leave, she thought. I shouldn't have allowed him to stay this long, she thought.
"I know. I wanted to see if you would tell me." Quistis looked at him at this, frown in place.
"What? How?"
"I followed you remember? Well, after I realized you were in the same hotel I was in.....I followed you to the office building and realized you were probably pregnant; with what floor you stopped on." he told her. Quistis digested this information, the bitter taste of herself made her want to clean up.
She washed her face and then lifted herself to sit on the sink area, reaching up to grab a towel. Seifer was looking at her, hyne....help me not do anything stupid right now, he half assed prayed. Quistis put the towel back exactly how she found it and then hopped off the sink to wash her teeth. Seifer was trying to figure out how he was supposed to act, he walked out into the room before she finished and looked around.
Quistis walked out of the bathroom and stopped at the door, she had been too angered, and confused before, but now she noticed how Seifer was dressed. Shorts, and a towel around his neck, damnit....I have to stop staring, she thought. Seifer was looking through her magazines and newspapers. One hand holding both ends of the towel around his neck, the other flipped through pages. Quistis outlined his movements, thinking about the way he would taste, or what his skin felt like. Now that she paid attention, he was definitely not a mistake, why had I written that? She asked herself.
"Seifer you should leave, its getting late." she told him opening the door, Seifer wasn't happy on that note, deciding to give her the hard time she deserved.
"Wait. You asked me questions; it's my turn to ask you a few. Why did you sleep with me?" he asked her.
"I don't know." she answered.
"Bullshit, Quistis it's not something that needs memories of the event. Why would you sleep with me?"
"I don't know!"
"Did you mean what you said in that letter?"
"I'm not positive I meant it the first time."
"That guy...that died in the war, that you loved and couldn't be with....is he really dead?" he asked, if that guys the father, then I would have to leave her alone she wouldn't want me to help her if she had him, he thought. Quistis thought on this, well, I don't know who he is talking about so, she thought.
"Yes, He is."
"Quistis, you don't remember anything of.....that night during the storm?" he hesitated on the last bit.
"Seifer I don't remember you, or any guy. The person is just one big blur, its been bothering me since....well that's not important but I just know that I can't remember who and what I felt."
"Why?!" he asked exasperated.
"I- don't- know! What do you want from me?!" she screamed. Seifer yelled right back as he covered the distance between them.
"To remember me! I need to know what I was to you!" he cried as he kissed her, Quistis stood shocked, her eyes wider than ever before. Unfortunately her eyes were all that were functioning properly, eventually they began to close and shut. Her mind knew it should argue with this very thought, let alone let the action happen but she couldn't, no she didn't want to push him away.
"Seifer...." she didn't finish the sentence though because he leaned back in for another kiss. She wanted to scream, to cry, to laugh and kick his ass. Yet the only thing that happened was her crying, she cried, because she couldn't remember, because she suddenly understood how bad he wanted her to remember, and so she cried. Because she also wanted to remember what she had done, with him? With Seifer, and she cried because she was happy, that it was Seifer, because, even though along time ago, she had decided she didn't love him; she knew it wasn't true. Seifer squeezed his eyes and kept his lips on her, and she forgot she was supposed to hate him, and that she had fought with him, and she hugged him. She clung to him with every fiber of her being. Because even though she couldn't remember, she knew.
"You're just the best I ever had."
I'd like to thank all the wonderful reviews, I've gone crazy and imagined them all, so…but that's okay. Please enjoy the story, and thanks for reading. Please if you'd like, leave me a review and I'd let you know how appreciated they are! ^ ^.