Chapter 5: The Greatest Gift

A/n: Oh my gosh, guys, thanks so much for your reviews. They really mean a lot to me.
SydVaughn1001- I'm so glad that chapter was worthy of a review!

Disclaimer: Didn't own it in previous chapters, still don't own it now. But wow, was that premiere amazing or what? And the second episode was great too. After seeing the scene with the conversation between Sydney and Weiss I was like, Hey, that sounds almost like what I wrote, and I just want to say that what I have was not taken from real Alias.

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Vaughn was speechless. This little child Sydney held in front of him... Was his daughter? It couldn't be right. Why was Sydney doing this to him? Tormenting him, making him desperately want what he couldn't have. A dream. He must be dreaming. He had to be...

But then again, everything was real. He felt the soft fur of Donovan beneath his fingertips, he felt the pain of expecting to meet Corey Peterson, he felt his heart melt the moment he saw Alyssa in Sydney's arms. Suddenly everything hit him like a brick wall. This was real, and Alyssa was his daughter. She had Vaughn's green eyes, and no one could have denied it. The shape and color were identical in every way, and even reflected the same curiosity and innocence as his did.

Her behavior was different from toddlers Vaughn had met over the years, too. Instead of being shy and hiding her face in Sydney's neck, she was watching her father intently, almost with a knowledge that they were related. That was Vaughn's genes, not Sydney's. And her hair, a creamy brown, curled in soft feathers around her face; two pigtails on the top of her head.

Vaughn already felt like he knew every inch of her; felt like he'd known her since birth. Such a connection was present that one could pull it's essence out of thin air. He read every movement she made, every gentle sound, every image he saw and analyzed it all together...

Overwhelm. That was what he now felt. The stages had passed, from confusion to anger to pain, and now the feeling of being overwhelmed. It was certainly not something he had planned for, but was much more comforting than the pain. His daughter was impressing him already. She was the reason his pain had been sucked away, leaving nothing but a trickle behind. She was the reason all his anger had subsided. She was the reason, he felt, that suddenly everything in the world was right; no one was hurt nor was anyone feeling anything but happy. The world was perfect. He actually wanted to wake up in the morning...

Vaughn, say something, Sydney urged, shifting her weight with Alyssa on her hip.

His newfound speech impediment was cause for problem now. He opened his mouth several times before finally a sound emerged. She's... Beautiful. The only two words he could process that made an sense, yet they were the most appropriate words he would have chosen if he had a Webster's Dictionary.

Sydney set Alyssa on her small feet and took a seat on the couch. She glanced nervously at Vaughn before turning her attention back to Alyssa. The toddler tilted her head sideways to the right before taking a few steps towards her father. Vaughn's heartbeat rose as she neared him. Finally she stopped abruptly before him, her eye level at the height of his belly button, and slowly reached her hand out towards him. He gulped. Did she always just do that? Randomly stick her hand out in the air? He didn't know what to do or how he was supposed to react. His mind resorted to doing what came natural: taking her hand into his.

Why was I confused? he would have wondered, had he not been feeling so many emotions. Each swirled about in a rush inside of him, none in a hurry to smooth out, however, but all of which could boil down to only one thing: deep, meaningful, truly heartfelt love. A love so strong that even that sharpest knife could not break it; a love so pure that the darkest evil couldn't withstand it; and a love so everlasting that it could outlive the immortal gods.

Alyssa suddenly pulled her hand away, hiding it behind her neck; a large smile covering her face, and she giggled, enjoying the game she had invented. Vaughn couldn't help but smile. He looked up at Sydney, expecting to see her grinning back at him. Yet of course, he had forgotten everything. She stared idly at her daughter as reality once again smacked Vaughn in the face. He came to his senses. When... How...

I was about six weeks pregnant when you disappeared, she canted, then caught Vaughn's gaze. She's fifteen months. Today, actually.

So... Her birthday is December 14?



There was so much he had missed: the pregnancy, the birth, watching Alyssa grow up... How could he ever make it up to Sydney and Alyssa? But mostly, how could he make it up to himself? Oh, God, he thought. I have to be the worst father in the world. Father. I can't believe it. She's... mine.

Alyssa had briefly stuck her head behind the couch, only to return with a stuffed lion gripped firmly in her tiny hands. She ran, if one could call the heavy pounding of her feet running, up to her father and handed him the stuffed animal, exclaiming, Her first word to him; a moment he would treasure. He graciously took the offered toy and held it at his side, while Alyssa carefully observed his movements. As if seeing an immediate trust in his eyes somewhere, she slowly inched forward then climbed up onto the couch, allowing only the stuffed lion to physically separate them. Vaughn couldn't tear his eyes away. Alyssa captivated him completely; a person so unknown to him, yet he felt that wanted to know her for the rest of his lifetime. How could anybody not? He still couldn't look away. If he did, he would have noticed that Sydney's eyes were welled with tears.

He couldn't think straight. Should he say something to her? Should he kiss her head or give her a hug? He felt somewhat like a teenage boy on his first date. Suddenly Alyssa turned to look at him, a big smile gracing her face. His heart melted. It was a smile that he hadn't seen in a long time; a full smile that belonged to Sydney. Alyssa leaned her head against Vaughn's arm, finding an untapped comfort in him. All of a sudden, Vaughn felt fully capable of everything the world could throw at him. He felt like he had no problems, and it all led to Alyssa. She was his life. All he wanted to do was be her father, be her protector, be her teacher, be her everything. It was so simple, yet so complex.

Does... Does my mother know? The only question that could come to mind.

Yes. But I told her not to tell you. Sydney couldn't look at him anymore.

Why? Why would you keep something like this from me? He asked as harshly as he could without shouting. Why would you keep this a secret? I've been here for nearly two weeks. I think that gave you plenty of time to tell me. He stopped for a moment, while Alyssa crawled into his lap. he added with a much softer tone, I love her. He waited for her reaction, yet she continued to stare blankly.

She shook her head out of her daze. I think you should go now, Vaughn, she said, standing up and taking Alyssa away from him. Vaughn immediately stood up. Alyssa, say bye-bye to... say bye-bye to daddy. Alyssa awkwardly stuck her hand up at her mother's command and ecstatically waved her arm, saying, and not understanding the situation.

Sydney, I –

Goodbye, Vaughn, she sighed, still not meeting his gaze.

After everything he had been through during these past two weeks, this, he discovered, was what caused him the most pain. Why would she give him the greatest gift, only to take it away? But then again, he had learned nothing. He loved Sydney, but she was taken away from him. Alyssa was just another thing missing. In his heart, he knew that he could eventually get over Sydney, but he could never get over Alyssa.

He waited a while, hoping that Sydney might make eye contact. She never did, and grimly he headed towards the door. He didn't look back. He didn't say anything. He didn't care. He let his fingers grasp the doorknob and pull open the door in a hurry, only to shut it behind him. Regret of an intense form washed over him. Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he turn around? Now he would never know that Sydney followed closely behind him, hesitating too long although she wanted to say something. Now he would never know...

I'm a father, Vaughn whispered hoarsely. He leaned his head back against the door, unable to move. His body slid down until the cool cement step stopped him. Little did he know, Sydney was doing the exact same thing on the opposite side.

* * * * * * *

Dude, you look like someone just attacked you with rabid lawnmower, Weiss greeted Vaughn the next morning at work. Vaughn hadn't heard him, but mildly looked at his friend. No, seriously, what's up?

He sighed. Except for the fact that everything's upside-down right now... He closed his eyes, shaking his head. I'm a father.

Weiss nodded. So you know...

Yes. I definitely know. But I don't have a clue where I stand with Sydney and Alyssa. God, everything's so messed up right now. Nothing's like it's supposed to be.

Weiss nodded solemnly, unsure of how to comfort his friend. Why don't I take you out to dinner tonight. Just you and me. We can talk, he tried.

Yeah, that... sounds good. Yeah. He didn't want to go to dinner with Weiss that night, let alone talk with him about everything that had been happening. There was reasoning behind it, but something exactly that he just couldn't place. He thought maybe because he knew Weiss too well, and believed that Weiss's mind was always elsewhere. Mostly, Vaughn was in no condition to be discussing his life. He hated the rush of emotions whenever he was reminded of events over the last two weeks. Vaughn checked his watch. All right. I have to go to my therapy session now. I'll meet you later.

He wandered through the halls, trying to forget anything from last night. Remember, you aren't mad at each other anymore, he told himself.

But I am mad at her! he countered back. She wants to keep Alyssa from me!

You don't know that for sure... You're still Alyssa's father, which she can't change. Sydney still trusts you. You have to believe that.

But what if I can't? What if I truly believe that she doesn't love me anymore?

NO!

He almost shouted it. Even as he thought it, he soon found himself leaning against a nearby wall, his fingers plastered to it for support. His body was shaking. Dammit, he was arguing with himself again. Vaughn knew he had to stop before he went out of control; before he lost himself in his confusion and anger; before he was inundated by everything.

Ah, Michael, here you are. It was Dr. Kerr. I hoped you've cleared your head since yesterday?

Wait, before we get started, I know I'm not going to be able to concentrate. So let's not even bother. He paused, and she looked curiously at him waiting for a solution. Could we, um, just talk instead? What? No! He didn't want to talk about his problems with anyone. No one would understand, no one could understand. But Dr. Kerr was not Eric Weiss...

She hesitated. ... Yes. Yes, I think that would be a good idea. Take a break. Okay. Come on in, make yourself comfortable. Vaughn flashed her a quick, nervous smile before entering the room and taking a seat in a cold leather chair. Dr. Kerr took her time getting to her seat, allowing Vaughn to get a better look around her office. Her desk was neat and orderly, with her pens and pencils in a child-made jar, a shiny metal name plate with Dr. Virginia Kerr' printed elegantly in capital letters, and pictures of her with her family – with her long brown hair finally let down from the usual tight bun she wore it in. It resembled many of the desks he saw in the CIA or any office, yet she had made it her own to match her personality. I was a desk, he knew, that he would one day want. she interrupted his thoughts, what is so keen on holding your attention?

Dr. Kerr, I've been missing for two years, he said obviously.

She raised her eyebrows. Well, I know that. It didn't stop you before from concentrating, though.

I know, and that isn't really an excuse. It's just, well, I've recently made some discoveries.



I... have a daughter.

She smiled. Ah, yes. So you know about Alyssa... Vaughn leaned his head back. So everyone in the CIA knew about Alyssa except him? Great. Just peachy. He used to be one of the most well-informed agents of the CIA, and now he was Mr. Clueless. This seemed hardly fair.

And what?

And what's on your mind now that you're a daddy?

I'm confused. And a little scared, I guess. Scared? Did he just tell this woman that he was scared? He wouldn't even tell Sydney when he felt scared, let alone this woman whom he barely knew. Why could it just slip so easily? But suddenly he found new words and feeling pouring out of him like endless finger compressions on a keyboard. He told her absolutely everything; all of the matters that he least wanted to think of simply spilling out of him.

He told her in great detail his confusion, to anger, to pain, to overwhelm. He told her about his fight with Sydney, about how he still loved her, but how her heart belonged to another man. He told her about Alyssa, his daughter and new found love, and how he didn't know what to do next. Should he talk to Sydney? He would demand to be part of Alyssa's life. Did he know how to be a father? His left him at the age of six.

And I never know who I can talk to anymore... he finished, glancing at a clock. He had been talking for nearly an hour, all while Dr. Kerr listened patiently.

Vaughn looked up at her, raising his eyebrows and waiting for her to speak. She licked her lips before opening her mouth. You keep asking yourself rhetorical questions... Answer them! I think you know the answers. It all comes down to what you want. What do you want, Michael?

It didn't take a second's hesitation for him to utter, Yet a millisecond later he said, And Alyssa. He laughed at himself, rolling his eyes. And my life the way it was before.

Dr. Kerr smiled. Then I believe we have solved the problem.

Have we really? he wondered. Perhaps it really was that easy, yet it didn't seem possible. Just wanting something? No, that's not what she meant. If it was something he truly desired, demanded, tried for with all his might; if he obsessed and devoted, then he could attain it. He could get Sydney, he could get Alyssa. Could he get his old life back? No, but if he had the previous two then he would learn to accept his new one. Acceptance. It was all about accepting every little aspect and change.

All right, have we had enough? Dr. Kerr asked, receiving a nod.

Yes. And thank you. For listening, he mumbled.

Any time.

* * * * * * *

He had wanted to go to Francie's restaurant again, and somewhat begrudgingly, Weiss took him. All through the car ride, however, Vaughn dreaded the coming event with his friend. When they took their seats at a table, he allowed an awkward silence to slip between them.

You know, we said we were going to talk. In order to do that, we kind of need a topic, Weiss finally said after too long. It's your call.

Vaughn sighed. Look, I know I said this was a good idea, but the truth is I don't have anything to say. Okay, so it wasn't the truth, but he couldn't hurt his friend. Eric, I just can't talk to you wasn't good enough for him.

Oh, come on. Just this morning you would have paid me to hear about Alyssa.

Well... I just don't know enough about anything. I'm still uninformed about a lot of things around here.

Eric glanced around nervously before leaning in slightly towards Vaughn. We got some more test results from that hospital in Hong Kong, he whispered. They show definite proof that you were brainwashed. And, I don't know if I'm authorized to tell you this, but I figure you'll find out anyway. There was a team created during your disappearance that specialized specifically in your whereabouts. Anyway, the three of us concluded that because you were brainwashed that you must have given away CIA secrets.

And that's how Sloane and Derevko have been able to stay in hiding for so long? Weiss nodded. But I thought it was nearly impossible to brainwash an adult, let alone a member of the Agency.

Leave it to Sloane to find a way, though. But it explains why it's difficult to perform the hypnotic regression therapy, and why you don't remember anything.

That's insane. Sloane could just start doing this to... to anyone with information he wants.

We know. Which is why you've got to clear your head and get back some memories.

It was all beginning to come together. Weiss didn't just want to hang out with his friend and help him with his problems; he was doing it for the good of the world. And he understood the message: they needed to find Sloane before he could cause anymore damage. Vaughn couldn't blame his friend, though. If he were in Weiss's position he would have done the same thing. It was important to secure the safety of the nation because he knew that Sloane would use this as the deadliest weapon; one more powerful than those of mass destruction. There was more importance now in finding Sloane than there ever was before, and the entire CIA knew that Vaughn was the key...

Vaughn asked, Sydney in my special team?

No. No, it's just me, Dixon, and Kendall. It was Kendall who thought that she would be too emotionally involved. But I'm pretty sure Jack Bristow was helping to get us information. Obviously, Sydney had been too emotionally involved. If she went off on her own trying to find him, only to be tortured, then surely she was emotionally driven. Yet there was no doubt in Vaughn's mind that if Sydney knew about the team, that she would have wanted to be a part of it. Aw, crap, Weiss continued. I've done all the talking and you haven't done any. Oh, how the tables have turned, my friend.

Vaughn chuckled slightly and let his eyes wander aimlessly around the restaurant, first settling at the bar. He remembered that was where he saw Sydney... Except she was not there tonight. The bar was surrounded by mostly men, drinking away their middle-of-the-week troubles, and a few waitresses that they were hitting on. But there was a man sitting alone that specifically caught his eye. He seemed to be sitting with no work buddies and there were no waitresses surrounding him, despite his good looks. His blonde hair matted his forehead as he slowly took a sip of his beer. It didn't matter how far away Vaughn was; he could see the sadness in this man's eyes. Not quite the sadness Vaughn had seen, but more of a depression slipping over him inch by inch.

After a moment, Weiss's eyes followed Vaughn's fixed gaze to the bar, only to let his mouth drop a little when he saw the final destination. You know what? he asked, standing up. We haven't ordered anything yet and you don't really want to talk anyway so I don't see why we can't just go –



I – I... he stuttered, casting nervous glances from Vaughn to the bar. Just subtle clues until Vaughn finally understood.

Once he realized it he couldn't believe it. It couldn't be him, could it? No. No, of course it couldn't be. Yet it was... That's him!? Vaughn hissed under his breath, pulling Weiss back into his seat. That's Corey?

I... I plead the fifth!

Come on, Eric. That's Corey Peterson, isn't it? If it wasn't, Vaughn would be damned. The sad, blonde man, sitting alone at the bar on his third beer, with his broad shoulders slumping and his slouch hanging over the bar. Oh, how Vaughn disliked him very much already...

Okay, so it is. But you can't go up to him or anything. Please don't try to talk to him.

Don't worry, I wasn't planning on it. He paused for a moment, licking his lips. I don't see what's so special about him. What makes Sydney want him more than me?

Well, you're much better looking. And I bet you smell better than he does. But I guess he was here and you weren't.

It was true though. Vaughn had left her at one of the worst possible times. Pregnant and alone, then a single mother. It was in her nature to find help, and she found Corey. But it wasn't Vaughn's fault! Sloane had kidnapped him! Couldn't she see that? She'd have to see that.

He turned his attention back to Corey, who was downing his fourth beer now. I do not want that man around my daughter if he drinks that much.

Mike, I really think we should go, Weiss urged.

Vaughn took one final look at the man who stole his two loves. Fine. Let's go. He would avoid a confrontation at all costs at this point. Clear my head, he remembered, clear my head.



A/n: What did you think? REVIEW! You guys did great last time with the whole reviewing concept. Thanks again. Sorry that this chapter took so long to write, I've just been really busy with school and basketball lately. The next chapter shouldn't take me this long, I promise (*BTW, the next chapter will be a little different from all the other ones, just to tell you. Still good though, I hope!*).
~Whitelighter Enchantress