Chapter 9: Unrequited Love, Part I
A/n: Yes, I'm pulling out the two parter, if any of you noticed the title. By the way, thanks for the reviews, you know how I love them! Hmmm I don't know about this chapter. I don't seem to like parts of it very much. But oh well. Tell me what you think, guys!
I've decided I want a theme song for every chapter (just go with it, I'm insane). Some of them won't have anything to do with the chapter, but are just good songs in general. But whatever... Theme Song: Sympathy by Goo Goo Dolls
Disclaimer: All JJ's except for Alyssa and Corey, as usual. You can have Corey if you want him. He's such a pain in the ass sometimes, though.
* * * * * * *
Vaughn grew steadily nervous as the day dwindled to a close. He wanted to get out of work, but at the same time wished he had to stay forever. Today was the day he would be moving into Sydney's apartment. Not only that, but Will wouldn't be living with them. And that just happened to be another big thing: Will was moving out. Completely out! Meaning it would just be him, Syd, and Alyssa...
Was he the reason Will was moving out? He certainly hoped not. He would hate to kick out someone he now considered a friend just because of unrequited love... It didn't seem right. Vaughn knew that Will already was thinking about moving out before Sydney invited Vaughn to live with her, but hopefully Will had found a place to live by then.
He drummed his fingers in a compulsive manner, finding comfort in the rhythm of his beats. Letting his mind wander, he found himself reminiscing in his old life with Sydney. He recalled several times they had skated on the ice; he tried to teach her hockey. Almost chuckling out loud, he remembered when she took her first shot, how she used too much arm strength and slipped completely onto her backside. Immediately he had rushed to her aid, and treated her pain and embarrassment with tons of precious kisses around her face.
Her gorgeous face; with her beautiful, brown eyes and perfect nose to match. She had such a natural smile, and, when full dimpled, could melt his heart and make him go weak in the knees...
He snapped out of his daydream. Yeah, Eric, what's up? he asked, blinking a few times.
You finished with that debrief statement yet? Vaughn nodded. Despite his being distracted all day, he had managed to get some work done. He handed it to Weiss, but instead of taking the document and leaving, he took a seat across from Vaughn. he said, lowering his voice, I'm glad that things are finally starting to work out between you and Sydney, but don't you think you might be rushing things?
Come on, Weiss, that's not –
That's not what? True? Then explain to me why she wouldn't even give you the time of day three days ago when now you're moving in with her.
Vaughn was speechless. This from Weiss? It was crazy... He was the one who tried to help him win Sydney back, anyhow. I still love her, you know that. And, well, I think our relationship is finally taking its turn back to where it was before. While Vaughn believed that would end their conversation, Weiss stared back at him unconvinced. I'm a big boy, I can make my own decisions.
I know, I know. I'm just looking out for you. But just give it a little extra thought. Is it really what you want right now?
Vaughn's eyes immediately traced to the photograph sitting on his desk. he finally answered, It's what I need.
* * * * * * *
Vaughn's knuckles tightened on his suitcase full of clothes as he knocked on the door to Sydney's apartment. This is awkward, he thought. I'll need a key. Again.
Soon the door swung open, revealing a casually smiling Sydney with Alyssa resting on her hip. Sydney looked comfortable in charcoal gray sweatpants and a pink hooded sweatshirt, while Alyssa donned light pink pajamas. Alyssa, who at once recognized the man standing outside the door, squealed in delight and threw her arms up happily.
While boosting Alyssa up her side, Syd's other hand tightened her messy pony tail. You're going to have to sleep on the couch for tonight, she admitted finally, opening the door wider to allow him entrance. It turns out Will's not moving out until tomorrow. Sorry.
That's... okay, he replied slowly, looking around for a place to set his bag. He settled for a spot near the end of the couch, near where Donovan lay sleeping. The dog let out a soft growl, clearly unhappy with the leather-baggage disturbance, but relaxed when Vaughn gave him an encouraging scratch behind the ears.
Just make yourself comfortable, Sydney said, setting Alyssa onto her feet, but still holding her hand. There's food in the fridge, and you know where everything else it. Not much has changed around here. Vaughn nodded as Sydney let go of Alyssa's hand. The young girl shot off behind the couch, and quickly returned with a present for her father. Hiding it timidly behind her back, she giggled, then presented a large stuffed lion to him.
Vaughn couldn't help but smile, remembering his first meeting with Alyssa. She had done the same thing with the same toy. Graciously, he kneeled down and took the toy into his hands, but as soon as the toy was gone, her whole body shook on a yawn.
Sydney checked her watch. I probably should get her to bed... It's way past her bedtime. Come on, Lyssa. She picked her up, and disappeared behind a corner. Vaughn sighed and leaned against the back of the couch. With everything he said or did, he felt a degree of weirdness. Knowing he would feel this way for a long time if he didn't say anything, he decided he must talk to Sydney. Maybe Weiss actually gave good advice after all.
She soon returned with her hands settling into the deep pocket of her sweatshirt. Want anything to drink? she offered, heading around the bar into the kitchen. He politely declined, but followed her idly to the kitchen.
Syd, can I ask you a question?
She had opened the refrigerator door, but closed it abruptly. She turned.
I just want to know why you've changed all of a sudden. You're talking to me almost normal, you look at me again, you invited me to move in with you. What happened?
Sydney looked speechless. She crossed her arms, and opened her mouth to say something yet nothing emerged. Finally when she took a deep breath and opened her mouth, she was interrupted by the front door opening.
Great news, I got to leave the restaurant early, Will's voice echoed through the halls. He walked into the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator door looking for something to drink.
Um, Will, can we have a moment alone? Sydney asked, referring to herself and Vaughn.
Will stared blankly. Oh, I'm sorry. Sure, I'll just go finish packing up my stuff.
Sydney gave him a slight smile as he left the kitchen as quickly as he had entered it. She took a moment to reflect on what she was going to say before. There were several things that factored into my decision. Part of it was Will... He made me see how I was really treating you. And I apologize for not telling you about Alyssa or Corey. It was Will's idea that you should move in, actually...
My dad also made me see it... We had a very emotional talk about, well, my mother. I'm not sure if I should be saying this to you, but he told me about how it felt to lose my mother. And how it felt when he knew she was alive, and... his feelings.
But the night after you cornered me in that office, the day before you followed me to the pier... That's what made me see. I have two picture frames on the table in my bedroom. One is of Danny, Will, and Francie, and the other is of you and me. Alyssa wouldn't sleep, so I was walking around with her for a while, and I ended up taking her in there. Sydney's eyes wandered down the hall to her room. She was being fussy... She refused to close her eyes even though all she wanted to do was sleep. I sat down with her on the side of my bed and she started looking at the pictures. I know she recognized Will in the first picture because she smiled at it. Then she saw the one with both of us and she pointed her finger at it. She looked at me and said... she said... Sydney blinked rapidly for a moment before looking up into Vaughn's eyes. Vaughn, she said dada.' I wasn't even thinking of her though all of this. All this time I only thought of my problems when I didn't let my own daughter have a say in this. How could I have let myself done that?
Vaughn was at a loss for words. Alyssa knew who he was... That's incredible! And she had the power to persuade her mother. She recognized me from the picture and called me dada? He seemed to still be stuck on that moment.
Sydney, however, did not. I owe you so much, and I can only keep apologizing to you forever. I can't believe some of the things I said to you, the things I did. I'm a horrible person for it.
Syd, it's okay.
No, it's not okay, she interrupted. But I'll make it up to you.
For a while, he stared unblinkingly at her, not sure of what to say next, as she did the same. Soon Will yelled from down the hall. Can I come out now?
She broke eye contact. In a minute, Will, she shouted back, then turned to Vaughn. I just have a question for you. When I asked if you would move in... Did you answer yes on the spur of the moment? Because if you did I'd understand if you don't really want to move in –
No, Syd, he stopped her, I really want to do this. I need to build a relationship with my daughter. And. Rebuild one with you. That's important to me. His legs felt like jelly as he responded.
Yet she gave a small smile. She leaned her head over the bar. :Will, it's all right to come out now.
* * * * * * *
That night, Vaughn had trouble falling asleep. It wasn't that the couch was uncomfortable, because it was quite comfy. And it wasn't that his dog's snoring kept him awake, because he still blocked it out. It was, however, that he was in Sydney's apartment. How was he still in shock? That couldn't be all of it. His mind raced from thought to thought in a wild jungle of memories...
Vaughn, she said
His daughter knew. Sydney knew his daughter knew. Their daughter. He wished he could describe his current feelings. Was it joy and happiness? Was it confusion? Forgiveness? After a brief moment of thought, he settled on relief; satisfied to know his daughter couldn't grow up without him.
But of course she wouldn't, he remembered, since he now lived with her.
He shook his head. This day was too crazy for him. First with Weiss yelling at him, then with moving in, finding out about Sydney's decision, and lastly the thing about Alyssa. Finally, he sighed, sitting up on the couch. He wrapped a soft, fleece blanket around his legs and gave a snoring Donovan a good scratch behind the ears. Leaving the blanket behind, he went into the kitchen to get himself a drink of water when he heard a soft whimpering coming from down the hall. He paused, listening to the noise in detail.
Vaughn followed it, and quickly discovered himself just outside Alyssa's room; Francie's old room. The door was cracked open slightly, just enough for him to the see the yellow glow of a night light from the side of the room. Opening the door all the way, he found his daughter standing in her crib, looking curiously at the door.
So you couldn't sleep either, huh? Vaughn whispered, stepping inside. She replied with a deep gaze into her father's eyes, the ones identical to her own. You at least look tired. She cocked her head to the side. Alyssa Michaela Vaughn, he said out loud to himself for the first time. I think I like that. Come here. He gently picked her up into his arms and allowed her head to rest against his shoulder. Her forehead set perfectly in the curve from his shoulder to his neck, and she sighed in the comfort of his scent. I think there's some serious things we need to talk about. But not about boys, because, well I don't think either of us are ready to talk about that, he chuckled to himself. Your mom was apologizing to me earlier, and now that I've had time to think about it, I'm the one who owes an apology. To you, Alyssa. Alyssa Michaela Vaughn...
I'm sorry I wasn't there when you were born. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you had your first bath. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you took your first steps. I'm sorry I wasn't there for your first word. I'm sorry I wasn't there on your first birthday. I'm sorry you had to live so long without knowing I existed. His voice cracked in the whisper. I'm sorry I had to live so long without knowing you existed. I'm sorry you had to know me through a picture on your mother's table. I'm sorry I could only know you through a picture on my desk. I'm sorry I wasn't there to play with you, or hold you, or rock you to sleep. But I'm here now, and like your mom said to me, I'm going to make it up to you. I promise that, my little angel.
She lifted her head and rested it against his cheek, letting him feel her silky, soft hair along his skin. He cradled her head in his hand and kissed the top of her head a few times, slowly beginning to rock his body back and forth. As he stroked her hair, he quietly started to hum an old tune his mother used to sing to him when he was a young child. The humming soon turned to song, and in a whisper the French lyrics danced their way into Alyssa's head, lapsing her body into comfort and sleep. He rocked and sang, rocked and sang for a while longer, not knowing that Sydney stood silently in the hall listening to his song and his apology before it.
* * * * * * *
As the morning light beamed through the vertical blinds in the living room, they stung Vaughn's green eyes. He blinked a couple of times before turning away and burying his face into the couch's corner, tightening the grip on the fleece blanket around his body. His forehead throbbed still from the bright light of the room; he had not yet gotten enough sleep. It was hard enough to fall asleep last night anyway...
Was last night a dream? His apology to Alyssa?
It couldn't have been, he argued back. It was too real, the love for his daughter too real, his words to her too true. He recalled that he could have danced with Alyssa in his arms for hours more, only to let her sleep in her crib when he knew she was asleep for good. He had stood for a moment and watched her sleeping form; her chest rising and falling in a steady undulation. After a while, he settled into the large, comfy armchair in the corner of the room, and could have fallen asleep there had he not decided he should move back to the couch. He blew her a kiss, and returned to his makeshift bed, and suddenly sleep found him.
Forgetting about the sunlight – lost in his memory – he turned back over on the couch and was immediately blinded in a flash of light. But quickly it went away and he seemed to be in a shadow. Curious, he slowly opened his eyes to find the face of a young, green eyed girl staring back at him, their noses inches apart.
Bonjour, mon petit ange, he said, sitting up and lifting her into his lap.
She smiled, and exclaimed, Yum yum!
Yum yum?
That means she wants breakfast, came Sydney's sugary voice from behind his back. He twisted his neck around and found her carrying a box; the tips of her slightly curled hair bouncing of it's cardboard flaps. Will and I need to run his last boxes over to his new place before the movers get here. Do you mind whipping her up something?
Not at all, he replied, bouncing her on his knee.
she smiled. See you later then.
He stared at his daughter with his eyebrows furrowed as they heard Sydney open and close the door. Um, let's go to the kitchen... he swooped her to his right side and stood up, heading for the kitchen. He opened a few cupboards and the refrigerator with uncertainty, then he stopped in the center of the kitchen and looked blankly at Alyssa. The only thing I know you like to eat is Cheerios. And it looks like we've run out completely. So I guess since Sydney barely has any food in her house, and since I can only find ingredients for this particular meal, I'm making us some pancakes. And not just pancakes, but my super duper special colored pancakes. How does that sound?
She replied with a muffled giggle.
Close enough. You can be Daddy's little helper, he said, smiling to his reference as Daddy.
He set Alyssa down and began to pull out a mixing bowl and pan for pancakes. But she was soon again in his arms as she aided him in putting in the ingredients. And for being almost 16 months old, she was quite the chef. The only problem occurred with an explosion of Bisquick, and a confused Alyssa looked up at her father with a white, powdery face. When her face had been cleaned off, they continued on their pancake making adventure as if nothing had interrupted it.
And that's how you make the batter, Vaughn finished explaining, kissing his daughter on the top of her now unpowdery head. He knew there were a lot of pancake making adventures and kisses he had to make up for, but he also knew it wasn't too late to start. What's your favorite color? he asked, staring inquisitively into her green eyes. Alyssa, not understanding the question, reached for Vaughn's face and gave his nose a gentle squeeze. She fingered the bump along the bridge of his nose and traced the outline of his face. Her eyes closely followed her finger, which eventually paused just below his left eye. Green. Green pancakes it is.
she added in a voice that sounded wise beyond her years.
That's right, green panca.
Alyssa helped him drop the green food dye into the pancakes without managing to get any coloring on herself or the counter. Vaughn mixed it into the batter, and proceeded to pour into into the pan for cooking.
His daughter found it particularly amusing when he flipped the pancakes from the pan into the air. With each one, she would laugh hysterically and clap her hands. When they were ready to eat, Vaughn had just poured the syrup on each of their plates when the doorbell rang.
Oh, great, Vaughn thought, the movers are too early. He sighed. Oh well, he would just have to eat cold pancakes.
Licking his sticky fingers, he headed for the door. He wiped his hand on his pants and opened the door, quite surprised to not find the movers at the door.
Well, I wasn't expecting to find you here, the man outside the door said.
I didn't expect you either, Corey.
A/n: Hmmm, I still don't know about this one. It's okay, but I still don't like the beginning of it. PLEASE REVIEW! YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE REVIEWS! Anywho, there will either be one or two more chapters in this one before it's over. So I hope you enjoy the last couple of chapters I pull out. Thanks!
~Whitelighter Enchantress