Crocodile's Alternative-Lifestyle Adventure
Chapter Two: Mihawk Replies (Alternative Title: Something I Should Have Finished Friday But Was Too Engrossed In Playing Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Phantasy Star Online)
Mihawk sweatdropped as he read a letter he recieved that morning. He was currently living on Shanks' Island of Mystery with the Shanks crew -- just because he could. Shanks had been reading over his shoulder silently this whole time. Mihawk sighed, "I must kill Shanks one of these days..." he muttered. Shanks suddenly threw his arms around Mihawk's neck, hugging him and burying his face into Mihawk's shoulder.
"Hawk-Eye!! This man is just so PERFECT for you!!" Shanks squealed with glee. Mihawk, freaked out by Shanks' sudden display of affection, pulled his knife out of it's cross-sheath around his neck and screamed;
"STABBLE STABBLE STABBLE!!!"
Shanks blinked at Mihawk's outburst, and let go of the other man. "Jeeze, you don't have to get so OFFENDED!" he said, frowning. Mihawk re-sheathed his dagger and glared at Shanks.
"Stop reading my mail," Mihawk growled. Ben casually strode over to the two.
"You two stop fighting.." Ben said, growing bored with their antics. Shanks clung to Ben's waist with his good arm.
"Yeah Mihawk! Or Ben'll kick your ass!!...Won't you Benny?" Shanks asked sweetly, smiling up at his first mate.
"Sure Captain. Whatever you say," Ben said, rolling his eyes, then sitting down on one of the rocks near Mihawk. Shanks climbed into Ben's lap and started to play with Ben's hair -- which had been cut, so now it only went down to maybe his chin when he didn't brush it back. Mihawk looked over to Ben,
"So Beckman...Why DID you cut your hair, anyways?" Mihawk asked -- he'd always wonder why Ben gave up that long hair of his. "Shanks make you cut it?"
"Sort of.." Ben mumbled. "It was just getting too hard to manage after sex and all. Always got all tangled because SOMEONE couldn't keep their hands out of it.." Ben then glared at Shanks, who was trying to look as innocent as a one-armed bandit could. "I meant for it to be shoulder-length...but someone distracted me, and I missed.."
"It's still soft and fun to play with!" Shanks said defensivly, nuzzling Ben's neck.
"No talking," Ben said as he lit up a smoke. Shanks frowned,
"WHO'S The captain here?" Shanks demanded. Ben just ruffled up Shanks' red hair.
"Well, I'm disturbed," said Mihawk, with a sweatdrop.
"Well, Hawk-Eye, the point I'm trying to make is, you really should meet this guy, and settle down. Just like Ben and me! I left behind my wild, partying ways to live a peaceful life, with my lover," Shanks said, kissing Ben's neck. Ben smiled,
"Shanks, mail for you came. Four crates --" Ben began,
"WHOO!!! MY BOOZE!!" Shanks cried, jumping out of Ben's lap, and running off to get the grog he'd ordered to be shipped to the island -- he'd been sober for nearly a day. It had been killing him.
Mihawk looked to Ben, cocking an eyebrow. "Uhhh--?" he began, Ben looked to the hawk-eyed swordman,
"Yes..This IS settled for Shanks..He's been like this for more than ten years. I hate him." Ben said as he smoked.
"......To a giant, bear of a man like yourself, hate means love, right?"
"No."
"...Oh. So..you don't love Shanks?"
"No, I love him. In a hate-filled way."
"...Uh...huh...I..see.."
Shanks soon stumbled back to where Mihawk and Ben sat, clutching a stein of grog. "Lookit what came with my booze!!" Shanks cried excitedly, before flopping back down onto Ben's lap.
"I see that. Very impressive, Red Hair," Mihawk said, feigning interest. Shanks took a long swig from his new stein, quite pleased.
"Mihawk, you need a relationship like mine and Ben-Ben's! It was love at first sight!" Shanks cried, happily drinking more. Ben sweatdropped,
"You were piss drunk, I pointed a gun at you and told you to get out of my bar.." he said.
"LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!" Shanks snapped. Ben knew better than to argue that point.
"How the HELL am I supposed to fall in love at first sight with a man who says things like I'm a Sea Knight" three times in a paragraph? Hell! He doesn't even have very good grammar!!" Mihawk said, appauled.
"Get him to send a picture!" Shanks said. Mihawk mused over this thought for a moment,
"Well...I suppose..." Mihawk said -- maybe he could use this Crocodile fellow to disturb Shanks and Ben.
"He mentions he's a sea knight numerous times, Mihawk...There's something the two of you have in common," Ben pointed out.
"And you can send him this picture of yourself!" Shanks said, pulling out a photograph of Mihawk that he'd taken. Mihawk blinked and looked at the photo, suddenly blushing with anger/embarassment, and he tried to grab the picture.
"NO FUCKING WAY!!" Mihawk cried.
The picture, was one Shanks had taken -- and Mihawk remembered this incident last weekend quite well. Mihawk had just been getting out of the shower, and was drying his hair with a hairdryer. Shanks had lept into the bathroom, and snapped the picture -- but Mihawk, being the decent being he was, tried to swiftly move so the hair dryer would cover his crotch...but unfortunatly, Shanks was too quick..and snapped the shot before Mihawk could do that..and so, the picture made it look like the hairdryer was pointed AT Mihawk's crotch, in all his glory.
Shanks kept pulling away from Mihawk's reach and Ben laughed quietly to himself. Mihawk growled and pulled his dagger out of it's sheath again. "Stabble...Stabble...STABBLE..." he growled, threateningly waving the dagger about. Shanks sighed,
"FINE. I won't send it!" Shanks said, pouting. "But I AM writting your reply letter back!"
"What? No way! I'm supposed to do that!"
"Well, Crocodile didn't even write his own letter to you, ya know!" Shanks said, folding his good arm across his chest.
"What do you mean?" Mihawk asked, confused.
"Well, look at it. If Crocodile REALLY wrote it, he wouldn't be talking about being attracted to his pretty, young secretary. He he really was looking for love, he would have done her by now!" Shanks sai, with a matter-of-fact-ally nod. Mihawk rubbed his temples after putting his dagger away.
"Am I the only NON-IDIOT in this world?" he sighed. Ben took out another smoke and lit up.
"No, you're just moronically-impaired," he muttered. Shanks looked sweetly at Ben, a playful, cute smile on his lips.
"Ben-Ben? Am I a moron?"
"Yes." Ben responded, his eyes closed, a small grin playing on his lips. Shanks glared at Ben and got up out of Ben's lap, hand on his hip.
"I love you too!" he snapped, angry, storming off. Mihawk blinked,
"I think he's mad.." he pointed out, observantly.
"Nawr, he'll be over it in an hour.." Ben stated, bored.
"How do you figure?" Mihawk asked, intriged. Ben opened his eyes and smirked at Mihawk,
"Said he loves me, didn't he?"
Sure enough, an hour later, Shanks was over Ben calling him a moron, and, after a pint, was ready to start Mihawk's letter to Crocodile. He pulled out a pen, and a piece of paper -- crossing the words "Grocery List" off the top, along with "Cocoa Puffs", "Powdered Milk", "Olives" and "Two of Every Animal"(most likely scribbled in earlier by Lucky Roux). He cleared his throat, and began to write -- talking as he did so, because he loved to hear his own voice;
"Hiya Hotcakes!
Do you have a southern accent? Those are HOT. I'm glad you're a sea knight -- I'm one too!! I have a knife, stabble stabble stabble. I don't like children -- they give me hives. I have a rash on my back. I have a thing for amputees -- my best friend is one! He has the greatest boyfriend in the world too! Be is so so so so so so so HOT HOT HOT!!!! Like a house of fire baby!! Sure I'll marry you!! I'm not weird! Wanna grate cheese on my abs? How about washing some clothes there too? Betcha I can use it as a washboard! Don't believe me?! WELL HA! I DID IT!! I ATE A NICKEL I WAS THERE AND I DIED I WAS DEAD!!! OF COURSE I'LL PROTECT YOU FROM NAZIS!!!
Yours truly,
.."
Shanks suddenly realized that he was intoxicated enough to forget how to spell Mihawk's name. "Mihok..Mihark..Mihork..Mihamk..Miho-ku..Mi-hok..Myhak..Mi-hark....Man, this is difficult..." he siad, scratching his head. "MIHAWK!!! HOW DO YOU SPELL YOUR NAME USUALLY?!" he cried over to the Hawk-Eyed swordsman. Mihawk blinked,
"M-i-h-a-w-k...Why?" Mihawk asked. Shanks grinned stupidly.
"Thanks! I'm just finishing your letter!"
"No you're NOT." Mihawk said, angry, going over to Shanks, and tearing up the letter. Shanks frowned,
"That's not very nice, Mihork." he said. Mihawk sweatdropped.
"I want to write my OWN letter. In fact, while you were pondering my name, I did. Here.." Mihawk said, handing Shanks the breif letter he'd written. Shanks blinked and took it, reading it outloud,
"Hello.
The following things piss me off; Shanks, Shanks, Shanks, Shanks, Shanks and Ben's little make-out fests, people trying to be better than me, Lucky Roux putting my stuff in neat little piles of CHAOS!! CHAOS MR.0!! CHAOS!!!!!..And also, whenever I go the submarine sandwich restaurant, and I leave my submarine sandwich restaurant card at home! EVERY TIME! I WANT A FREE SANDWICH!
~Mihawk"
Shanks sweatdropped, "You don't know how to write good letters..do you?" Shanks said. Mihawk sweatdropped,
"Not really..." he said, half embarrassed.
"Well, don't worry old pal! I know just what to -- Coffee? Anyone for - coffee anyone? All right, sorry. I like cotton candy. Check out my muscle. Potato chips. It's a Ferris wheel. So I guess what I'm trying to say is - plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag!" Shanks cried, jumping up and running after a plastic bag that had gone astray and was caught in an updraft. If Mihawk was capable of sweatdropping any more, that sweatdrop would be the size of East Blue.
Ben calmly strode over to Mihawk, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Just leave the letter to me.." Ben said. Mihawk blinked, and sighed --
"Fine...Just...don't make me sound like an idiot..." Mihawk pleaded. Ben lit up a new smoke,
"No worries..I'm not like Shanks." he said, walking off to write Mihawk's letter -- unbeknownst to Mihawk, was that Ben had the picture Shanks took of Mihawk getting out of the shower, with the hairdryer to his crotch, in his pocket.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"THE MAIL IS HHEEEERE!!!" Crocodile squeeled happily, racing too the door and forgetting to open it. He smashed into the door, and after a few moments of just sitting there, realizing his face was stuck to a door, he peeled himself off of it. "Ow." he stated, now opening the door, and pulling the mail out of the mailbox. He trotted happily back to the Baroque meeting room, placed the mail on the table and let Pickles out of one of the tanks. He pet the Banana Crocodile's nose and climbed up the creature's face so he could kiss the animal's forehead.
"Are we happy today, Pickles?" Crocodile asked, sliding off. Pickles wagged the tip of his tail in response. "Daddy has some mail! Yes daddy does!" he said, petting the crocodile's snout. Nico had been sitting in the corner the whole time.
"Erm..Sir? Can you..NOT..do that while I'm here?" she asked. Crocodile jumped with a girlish scream and ushered Pickles back into his tank, turning to Nico,
"YOU SAW NOTHING!!!" he cried.
"Right Sir. I saw nothing." She said, rolling her eyes. Crocodile nodded,
"Very good...Come on, We have lots of mail.." he said, as he began to divide the mail up;
"Bills...bills..bills...Oh, Nico, You May Have Already Won..bills...bills..Oh Look. A postcard from Mr.3 and Mr.5.." he said, holding up a postcard.
"Are they enjoying thier vacation?" Nico asked, mildly interested. Crocodile turned the card around and read,
"Ahh. Ahh. Ahh. Oh god oh god. Save us from the inferno." he said, " ...Ah, sounds like they're enjoying working at the retirement home."
"That's always good. You need to have a hobby." Nico replied. Neither of them did it, but they were laughing hysterically at their cruel trick they'd played on Mr.3 and Mr.5 -- they told them that they'd be going to get some rest and meet alot of interesting people for the next three months..In truth, Crocodile was just needing someone to fill up the community service hours he got landed on his shoulders after "the incident"..Not his fault he thought some kittens could fly.
Crocodile's eyes suddenly lit up as he saw it -- the reponse from Mihawk! He giggled with giddy delight and tore the envelope open with his hook. "Response from your new 'friend'?" Nico asked, bitter. Crocodile grinned,
"Yep yep!! Want me to read it to you?!" he asked, eyes bright with joy and happiness. Nico shrugged,
"Might as well.." She was seriously hoping she'd turned Mihawk off with the letter she had sent him for her beloved Mr.0. Crocodile cleared his throat and read;
"Sir Crocodile,
You're a funny guy, Mr.0. If you really want me to save you from nazis, I will. I wear a trench coat-like thing that deflects their bullets of evil. You're a sea knight you say? As am I. Wow, we have so much in common. And you're pretty -- you're very pretty. I assure you. I have a hot bod -- hot hot hot, like a house of fire. I hate kids -- that's why I'm gay. I like booze, and I drink like a robot. I probably eat like one too -- I don't know. I'm as pimpin' as you want me to be -- I got a pimp hat and some sexy pirate bling-bling. Sometimes, I'd dream I fell and hurt my head on a fishbowl, hurt myself just bad enough to work graveyard shift at a convience store. A group of Hari Krishnas always came in at 4am and bought 16 gallons of Mr. Slushi and a package of banana flavored Ding Dongs, then the Swedish Bikini Team jumped out of a magazine and read Moby Dick to me inside a giant carton of cottage cheese. Why? I'd ask myself, what could it mean? Am I mad or is the world just a mystery too complex to understand? ...In short, what I'm trying to say is that enclosed, is a picture of myself.
-Mihawk"
"He's so philosophical!!" Crocodile squeeled, looking to Nico.
"....THAT was philosophical?!" Nico said, falling over.
"Well, let's just take a look-see at how my potential boyfriend looks, shall we?" Crocodile said, pulling out the picture.
Crocodile's eyes widened, and his face turned beet red. Within seconds, blood began gushing from his noise at an alarming rate. He shoved his hook up his left nostril and half a roll of Burley Paper Towel up the right. "OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD!!!!!!!!!!" Crocodile cried, salivating all over the floor, practically drowning in his own saliva. He soon passed out due to blood loss.
Nico jumped up with alarm and called for a medic. Crocodile was put to bed, and forced to eat iron supplement pills for the next three days. However, it was at this time, that Crocodile sent out a letter to Mihawk --
"We HAVE to meet. Might I suggest the Olive Garden? It's like eating in the private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype!
- Sir Crocodile"
~-~END CHAPTER TWO~-~
A Note from Baka Kitsune:
Waaai!!! __ Argh. I don't find most of this funny at all..half way through, I just stopped trying..Several Clone High USA quotes, Strong Bad quotes and a Duckman one stolen and placed in here for my own amusement. I'm tired. Let's go to school. Wait, it's the weekend. Darr, I'm not attractive.
Anyways, look for CHAPTER THREE coming soon..Crocodile and Mihawk's FIRST DATE! No two people are not on fire. Awww.
Expected release date of Chapter 3: Next Weekened.
*Goes to do ancient history and anthropology homework o__o;;;;*
Chapter Two: Mihawk Replies (Alternative Title: Something I Should Have Finished Friday But Was Too Engrossed In Playing Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Phantasy Star Online)
Mihawk sweatdropped as he read a letter he recieved that morning. He was currently living on Shanks' Island of Mystery with the Shanks crew -- just because he could. Shanks had been reading over his shoulder silently this whole time. Mihawk sighed, "I must kill Shanks one of these days..." he muttered. Shanks suddenly threw his arms around Mihawk's neck, hugging him and burying his face into Mihawk's shoulder.
"Hawk-Eye!! This man is just so PERFECT for you!!" Shanks squealed with glee. Mihawk, freaked out by Shanks' sudden display of affection, pulled his knife out of it's cross-sheath around his neck and screamed;
"STABBLE STABBLE STABBLE!!!"
Shanks blinked at Mihawk's outburst, and let go of the other man. "Jeeze, you don't have to get so OFFENDED!" he said, frowning. Mihawk re-sheathed his dagger and glared at Shanks.
"Stop reading my mail," Mihawk growled. Ben casually strode over to the two.
"You two stop fighting.." Ben said, growing bored with their antics. Shanks clung to Ben's waist with his good arm.
"Yeah Mihawk! Or Ben'll kick your ass!!...Won't you Benny?" Shanks asked sweetly, smiling up at his first mate.
"Sure Captain. Whatever you say," Ben said, rolling his eyes, then sitting down on one of the rocks near Mihawk. Shanks climbed into Ben's lap and started to play with Ben's hair -- which had been cut, so now it only went down to maybe his chin when he didn't brush it back. Mihawk looked over to Ben,
"So Beckman...Why DID you cut your hair, anyways?" Mihawk asked -- he'd always wonder why Ben gave up that long hair of his. "Shanks make you cut it?"
"Sort of.." Ben mumbled. "It was just getting too hard to manage after sex and all. Always got all tangled because SOMEONE couldn't keep their hands out of it.." Ben then glared at Shanks, who was trying to look as innocent as a one-armed bandit could. "I meant for it to be shoulder-length...but someone distracted me, and I missed.."
"It's still soft and fun to play with!" Shanks said defensivly, nuzzling Ben's neck.
"No talking," Ben said as he lit up a smoke. Shanks frowned,
"WHO'S The captain here?" Shanks demanded. Ben just ruffled up Shanks' red hair.
"Well, I'm disturbed," said Mihawk, with a sweatdrop.
"Well, Hawk-Eye, the point I'm trying to make is, you really should meet this guy, and settle down. Just like Ben and me! I left behind my wild, partying ways to live a peaceful life, with my lover," Shanks said, kissing Ben's neck. Ben smiled,
"Shanks, mail for you came. Four crates --" Ben began,
"WHOO!!! MY BOOZE!!" Shanks cried, jumping out of Ben's lap, and running off to get the grog he'd ordered to be shipped to the island -- he'd been sober for nearly a day. It had been killing him.
Mihawk looked to Ben, cocking an eyebrow. "Uhhh--?" he began, Ben looked to the hawk-eyed swordman,
"Yes..This IS settled for Shanks..He's been like this for more than ten years. I hate him." Ben said as he smoked.
"......To a giant, bear of a man like yourself, hate means love, right?"
"No."
"...Oh. So..you don't love Shanks?"
"No, I love him. In a hate-filled way."
"...Uh...huh...I..see.."
Shanks soon stumbled back to where Mihawk and Ben sat, clutching a stein of grog. "Lookit what came with my booze!!" Shanks cried excitedly, before flopping back down onto Ben's lap.
"I see that. Very impressive, Red Hair," Mihawk said, feigning interest. Shanks took a long swig from his new stein, quite pleased.
"Mihawk, you need a relationship like mine and Ben-Ben's! It was love at first sight!" Shanks cried, happily drinking more. Ben sweatdropped,
"You were piss drunk, I pointed a gun at you and told you to get out of my bar.." he said.
"LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!" Shanks snapped. Ben knew better than to argue that point.
"How the HELL am I supposed to fall in love at first sight with a man who says things like I'm a Sea Knight" three times in a paragraph? Hell! He doesn't even have very good grammar!!" Mihawk said, appauled.
"Get him to send a picture!" Shanks said. Mihawk mused over this thought for a moment,
"Well...I suppose..." Mihawk said -- maybe he could use this Crocodile fellow to disturb Shanks and Ben.
"He mentions he's a sea knight numerous times, Mihawk...There's something the two of you have in common," Ben pointed out.
"And you can send him this picture of yourself!" Shanks said, pulling out a photograph of Mihawk that he'd taken. Mihawk blinked and looked at the photo, suddenly blushing with anger/embarassment, and he tried to grab the picture.
"NO FUCKING WAY!!" Mihawk cried.
The picture, was one Shanks had taken -- and Mihawk remembered this incident last weekend quite well. Mihawk had just been getting out of the shower, and was drying his hair with a hairdryer. Shanks had lept into the bathroom, and snapped the picture -- but Mihawk, being the decent being he was, tried to swiftly move so the hair dryer would cover his crotch...but unfortunatly, Shanks was too quick..and snapped the shot before Mihawk could do that..and so, the picture made it look like the hairdryer was pointed AT Mihawk's crotch, in all his glory.
Shanks kept pulling away from Mihawk's reach and Ben laughed quietly to himself. Mihawk growled and pulled his dagger out of it's sheath again. "Stabble...Stabble...STABBLE..." he growled, threateningly waving the dagger about. Shanks sighed,
"FINE. I won't send it!" Shanks said, pouting. "But I AM writting your reply letter back!"
"What? No way! I'm supposed to do that!"
"Well, Crocodile didn't even write his own letter to you, ya know!" Shanks said, folding his good arm across his chest.
"What do you mean?" Mihawk asked, confused.
"Well, look at it. If Crocodile REALLY wrote it, he wouldn't be talking about being attracted to his pretty, young secretary. He he really was looking for love, he would have done her by now!" Shanks sai, with a matter-of-fact-ally nod. Mihawk rubbed his temples after putting his dagger away.
"Am I the only NON-IDIOT in this world?" he sighed. Ben took out another smoke and lit up.
"No, you're just moronically-impaired," he muttered. Shanks looked sweetly at Ben, a playful, cute smile on his lips.
"Ben-Ben? Am I a moron?"
"Yes." Ben responded, his eyes closed, a small grin playing on his lips. Shanks glared at Ben and got up out of Ben's lap, hand on his hip.
"I love you too!" he snapped, angry, storming off. Mihawk blinked,
"I think he's mad.." he pointed out, observantly.
"Nawr, he'll be over it in an hour.." Ben stated, bored.
"How do you figure?" Mihawk asked, intriged. Ben opened his eyes and smirked at Mihawk,
"Said he loves me, didn't he?"
Sure enough, an hour later, Shanks was over Ben calling him a moron, and, after a pint, was ready to start Mihawk's letter to Crocodile. He pulled out a pen, and a piece of paper -- crossing the words "Grocery List" off the top, along with "Cocoa Puffs", "Powdered Milk", "Olives" and "Two of Every Animal"(most likely scribbled in earlier by Lucky Roux). He cleared his throat, and began to write -- talking as he did so, because he loved to hear his own voice;
"Hiya Hotcakes!
Do you have a southern accent? Those are HOT. I'm glad you're a sea knight -- I'm one too!! I have a knife, stabble stabble stabble. I don't like children -- they give me hives. I have a rash on my back. I have a thing for amputees -- my best friend is one! He has the greatest boyfriend in the world too! Be is so so so so so so so HOT HOT HOT!!!! Like a house of fire baby!! Sure I'll marry you!! I'm not weird! Wanna grate cheese on my abs? How about washing some clothes there too? Betcha I can use it as a washboard! Don't believe me?! WELL HA! I DID IT!! I ATE A NICKEL I WAS THERE AND I DIED I WAS DEAD!!! OF COURSE I'LL PROTECT YOU FROM NAZIS!!!
Yours truly,
.."
Shanks suddenly realized that he was intoxicated enough to forget how to spell Mihawk's name. "Mihok..Mihark..Mihork..Mihamk..Miho-ku..Mi-hok..Myhak..Mi-hark....Man, this is difficult..." he siad, scratching his head. "MIHAWK!!! HOW DO YOU SPELL YOUR NAME USUALLY?!" he cried over to the Hawk-Eyed swordsman. Mihawk blinked,
"M-i-h-a-w-k...Why?" Mihawk asked. Shanks grinned stupidly.
"Thanks! I'm just finishing your letter!"
"No you're NOT." Mihawk said, angry, going over to Shanks, and tearing up the letter. Shanks frowned,
"That's not very nice, Mihork." he said. Mihawk sweatdropped.
"I want to write my OWN letter. In fact, while you were pondering my name, I did. Here.." Mihawk said, handing Shanks the breif letter he'd written. Shanks blinked and took it, reading it outloud,
"Hello.
The following things piss me off; Shanks, Shanks, Shanks, Shanks, Shanks and Ben's little make-out fests, people trying to be better than me, Lucky Roux putting my stuff in neat little piles of CHAOS!! CHAOS MR.0!! CHAOS!!!!!..And also, whenever I go the submarine sandwich restaurant, and I leave my submarine sandwich restaurant card at home! EVERY TIME! I WANT A FREE SANDWICH!
~Mihawk"
Shanks sweatdropped, "You don't know how to write good letters..do you?" Shanks said. Mihawk sweatdropped,
"Not really..." he said, half embarrassed.
"Well, don't worry old pal! I know just what to -- Coffee? Anyone for - coffee anyone? All right, sorry. I like cotton candy. Check out my muscle. Potato chips. It's a Ferris wheel. So I guess what I'm trying to say is - plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag!" Shanks cried, jumping up and running after a plastic bag that had gone astray and was caught in an updraft. If Mihawk was capable of sweatdropping any more, that sweatdrop would be the size of East Blue.
Ben calmly strode over to Mihawk, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Just leave the letter to me.." Ben said. Mihawk blinked, and sighed --
"Fine...Just...don't make me sound like an idiot..." Mihawk pleaded. Ben lit up a new smoke,
"No worries..I'm not like Shanks." he said, walking off to write Mihawk's letter -- unbeknownst to Mihawk, was that Ben had the picture Shanks took of Mihawk getting out of the shower, with the hairdryer to his crotch, in his pocket.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"THE MAIL IS HHEEEERE!!!" Crocodile squeeled happily, racing too the door and forgetting to open it. He smashed into the door, and after a few moments of just sitting there, realizing his face was stuck to a door, he peeled himself off of it. "Ow." he stated, now opening the door, and pulling the mail out of the mailbox. He trotted happily back to the Baroque meeting room, placed the mail on the table and let Pickles out of one of the tanks. He pet the Banana Crocodile's nose and climbed up the creature's face so he could kiss the animal's forehead.
"Are we happy today, Pickles?" Crocodile asked, sliding off. Pickles wagged the tip of his tail in response. "Daddy has some mail! Yes daddy does!" he said, petting the crocodile's snout. Nico had been sitting in the corner the whole time.
"Erm..Sir? Can you..NOT..do that while I'm here?" she asked. Crocodile jumped with a girlish scream and ushered Pickles back into his tank, turning to Nico,
"YOU SAW NOTHING!!!" he cried.
"Right Sir. I saw nothing." She said, rolling her eyes. Crocodile nodded,
"Very good...Come on, We have lots of mail.." he said, as he began to divide the mail up;
"Bills...bills..bills...Oh, Nico, You May Have Already Won..bills...bills..Oh Look. A postcard from Mr.3 and Mr.5.." he said, holding up a postcard.
"Are they enjoying thier vacation?" Nico asked, mildly interested. Crocodile turned the card around and read,
"Ahh. Ahh. Ahh. Oh god oh god. Save us from the inferno." he said, " ...Ah, sounds like they're enjoying working at the retirement home."
"That's always good. You need to have a hobby." Nico replied. Neither of them did it, but they were laughing hysterically at their cruel trick they'd played on Mr.3 and Mr.5 -- they told them that they'd be going to get some rest and meet alot of interesting people for the next three months..In truth, Crocodile was just needing someone to fill up the community service hours he got landed on his shoulders after "the incident"..Not his fault he thought some kittens could fly.
Crocodile's eyes suddenly lit up as he saw it -- the reponse from Mihawk! He giggled with giddy delight and tore the envelope open with his hook. "Response from your new 'friend'?" Nico asked, bitter. Crocodile grinned,
"Yep yep!! Want me to read it to you?!" he asked, eyes bright with joy and happiness. Nico shrugged,
"Might as well.." She was seriously hoping she'd turned Mihawk off with the letter she had sent him for her beloved Mr.0. Crocodile cleared his throat and read;
"Sir Crocodile,
You're a funny guy, Mr.0. If you really want me to save you from nazis, I will. I wear a trench coat-like thing that deflects their bullets of evil. You're a sea knight you say? As am I. Wow, we have so much in common. And you're pretty -- you're very pretty. I assure you. I have a hot bod -- hot hot hot, like a house of fire. I hate kids -- that's why I'm gay. I like booze, and I drink like a robot. I probably eat like one too -- I don't know. I'm as pimpin' as you want me to be -- I got a pimp hat and some sexy pirate bling-bling. Sometimes, I'd dream I fell and hurt my head on a fishbowl, hurt myself just bad enough to work graveyard shift at a convience store. A group of Hari Krishnas always came in at 4am and bought 16 gallons of Mr. Slushi and a package of banana flavored Ding Dongs, then the Swedish Bikini Team jumped out of a magazine and read Moby Dick to me inside a giant carton of cottage cheese. Why? I'd ask myself, what could it mean? Am I mad or is the world just a mystery too complex to understand? ...In short, what I'm trying to say is that enclosed, is a picture of myself.
-Mihawk"
"He's so philosophical!!" Crocodile squeeled, looking to Nico.
"....THAT was philosophical?!" Nico said, falling over.
"Well, let's just take a look-see at how my potential boyfriend looks, shall we?" Crocodile said, pulling out the picture.
Crocodile's eyes widened, and his face turned beet red. Within seconds, blood began gushing from his noise at an alarming rate. He shoved his hook up his left nostril and half a roll of Burley Paper Towel up the right. "OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD!!!!!!!!!!" Crocodile cried, salivating all over the floor, practically drowning in his own saliva. He soon passed out due to blood loss.
Nico jumped up with alarm and called for a medic. Crocodile was put to bed, and forced to eat iron supplement pills for the next three days. However, it was at this time, that Crocodile sent out a letter to Mihawk --
"We HAVE to meet. Might I suggest the Olive Garden? It's like eating in the private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype!
- Sir Crocodile"
~-~END CHAPTER TWO~-~
A Note from Baka Kitsune:
Waaai!!! __ Argh. I don't find most of this funny at all..half way through, I just stopped trying..Several Clone High USA quotes, Strong Bad quotes and a Duckman one stolen and placed in here for my own amusement. I'm tired. Let's go to school. Wait, it's the weekend. Darr, I'm not attractive.
Anyways, look for CHAPTER THREE coming soon..Crocodile and Mihawk's FIRST DATE! No two people are not on fire. Awww.
Expected release date of Chapter 3: Next Weekened.
*Goes to do ancient history and anthropology homework o__o;;;;*