Disclaimer: Okay folks, you know the drill. I don't own any copyrighted
material that appears in the fanfic. Like so many other authors, I wish I
do but the fact remains that I don't. So don't sue me. (You wouldn't get
much anyway, trust me on this. Unless you happen to really like potatoes.)
In the beginning there was AN AUTHOR.
And THIS AUTHOR happened to view Les Miserables.
After pronouncing it good, THE AUTHOR decided to write A FANFIC.
And there was much rejoicing by THE AUTHOR.
It goes without saying that there was not much rejoicing by the cast of this fanfic.
And so it began.
Valjean: .
Javert: .
Enjorlas: .
OH, said THE AUTHOR, IT SEEMS I FORGOT THAT EVERYONE IS DEAD. MY GOOF.
And using her magic AUTHOR powers, THE AUTHOR restored everyone to life. Of course, THE AUTHOR was about as good as doing magic as she was at writing, so she um, well.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "Hey, I'm alive agai-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
THE AUTHOR felt that she could not exactly capture the next few minutes of her story and keep a PG13 rating, so she apologizes and hopes you will excuse her for skipping to the part with appropriate coherent dialogue.
Eponine: Well, its not so bad. At least I haven't changed much.
Cossette: And I don't see why you people would be upset. It's a good thing!
Javert: Define the word "good."
Cossette: good \gu'd\ 1. Of profit or benefit. Advantageous.
Gavroche: Hey! I'm older! I bet I can sneak into bars now!
Javert: And I could arrest you.
Cossette: Of favorable character or tendency..
Gavroche: I doubt they would let a teenager be an Inspector!
Yes, it was true. For the entire cast of Les Mis had in fact been turned into a bunch of hormonally imbalanced and over-emotional young adults. For the Les Amis de ABC, it was nothing. The biggest shock was to Javert and Valjean.
Cossette: Wow Daddy! You were actually young once!
Valjean: *grumble.
As we all know, teenagers are not the most responsible of creatures, so THE AUTHOR decided that they needed to be put somewhere where they couldn't get into too much trouble. And hey, this was pretty darn good material for a fanfic. So, to shorten this boring intro, THE AUTHOR plopped the whole cast into a secluded mansion somewhere in the Rocky Mountains.
Javert: I demand to be taken out of this fanfic. Or at least returned to a normal age.
THE AUTHOR: ARE YOU HINTING THAT SEVENTEEN IS NOT A NORMAL AGE?
Javert: No, I was just saying that-
THE AUTHOR: I WANT YOU ALL TO GIVE ME MATERIAL FOR A FANFIC! ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE FREED FROM YOUR ATTRACTIVE TEENAGE BODIES!
Javert: But-
. : ONLY THEN! *voice fades ONLY Then.
The cast was left, stranded in the mansion. Fortunately, THE AUTHOR instilled in their brains the knowledge of using modern day appliances. As funny as it might have been, she really didn't want to have them figure out on their own how to use a toilet.
Enjorlas: I say we rebel against THE AUTHOR!
Jehan: But we're stuck in this mansion! It sure isn't good I wish she didn't make me talk in rhyme But she thought I should!
Feuilly: We don't even know where she is!
Enjorlas: She must be stationed somewhere in this house! My friends, come with me to help stamp out oppression! Down with THE AUTHOR! Down with cheesy Les Mis fanfics!
All the Les Amis follow Enjorlas, except for Joly, who is currently passed out on the floor.
Joly: Heart.failing.shock to.system.help.somebody.
Fantine: Cossette!
Cossette: Pleasurable.bringing delight.oh, who are you?
Fantine: Cossette, *dramatic pause. I am your Mother!
Cossette: NOOO! I mean, really?
Fantine: Didn't Monseiur Madeline tell you about me?
Cossette: Not really.
Fantine: Why, you-
Fantine picks up a lamp and whacks Valjean over the head with it. She stomps off, crying, muttering something about needing Mydol and how she hates Valjean. Cossette runs after her. Marius runs after Cossette. Eponine runs after Marius.
Javert: That wasn't very civil of you.
Valjean: Its obviously that time of the month. She'll be fine in a few days. For now, we can only hope that the cupboard is stocked full of chocolate, tissues, and Mydol.
Gavroche: Well, I ain't gonna take any chances. Call for me when its over.
Javert: When what's over?
Valjean: You know, Fantine's, um, problem.
Javert: I don't get it.
Valjean: Uh, her menstrual cycle.
Javert: ?
Valjean: Her period, PMS, "on the rag" that thing. Javert: I really have no idea what you're talking about.
Valjean: Didn't your parents teach you this sort of thing? You know, "the talk"
Javert: My mom was a whore and my dad was in prison.
Valjean: .Uh, well, that explains a lot. Well, it isn't my place to tell you, so I'll be going now.
Javert: But I still don't understand what's the matter with Fantine!
*** Cossette: Its okay, Mother. I'm sure that now we're both teenagers, we'll have lots of bonding time together
Fantine: * sniffle* Yeah, we can "hang out" together.
Cossette: And we'll forget meany-poo Valjean.
Fantine: Okay dear.
They both walk away, chatting happily with eachother. Meanwhile, upstairs.
Enjorlas: Damn! THE AUTHOR is sure good at hiding!
Feuilly: Maybe she's not in the house.
Enjorlas: Then where would she be, genius?
Courfeyrac: Um, sitting in front of a computer in the year controlling our every move?
Enjorlas: Now where'd you get that idea?
In the kitchen
Thenardier: There must be something we can steal here! Eponine! Azelma! Have you searched the bedrooms?
Azelma: Yes Father.
Madame: Where's Eponine?
Azelma: I don't know. She ran off, saying something about following a "Marius" or somat like that.
Gavroche: Hey Pops! Hey Mom!
Thenardier: Go away, why do always follow us!
Gavroche: Um, cuz I can. And now that I'm a modern-day teenager, I command you to go buy me a car.
Thernardier: With what money? I'm a teenager too, you know. And everbody knows that teenagers never have money. (Of course, once I pilfer all these stolen toasters, I'll be one of the few teenagers rolling in dough. Ha!)
Gavroche: Yeah, right. I'm gonna look for 'Ponine now. See ya next reunion, Pops.
In the basement
Enjorlas: We still haven't found her!
Grantaire: *hic
Enjorlas: There is only one thing left to do!
Grantaire: *hic
Enjorlas: *dramatic pause
Grantaire: *hic
Enjorlas: We must build a barricade!
Jehan: Barricades are super
And THE AUTHOR is dumb.
We're stuck in this fanfic
And it sure isn't fun!
Combeferre: Go freedom!
Feuilly: Down with the fanfic author!
Bahorel: Let's kill her!
Les Amis: YEAH!
The Computer Room
As nobody would explain the facts of life to our dear 'Spector Javert, he was forced to turn to the Internet, or more specifically, Ask Jeeves. Q: What exactly is PMS?
Jeeve's Answer:
Its when a women bleeds all over and becomes very bitchy. Didn't your parents teach you that, stupid?
Javert: 0_o
Five minutes later:
Ew. So that's what they call it.
Five minutes after the five minutes after the site came up:
Why did I have to ask? *shudder
Will the Les Amis ever find/kill THE AUTHOR? Will Javert remember to arrest Valjean? Will Javert ever recover from those horribly descriptive pictures used to illustrate Jeeve's definition? Will Fantine bond with Cossette? Will the story get any more stupid? Will THE AUTHOR quit writing these questions and move on to the next chapter?
And finally,
Would you please review? PLEASE REVIEW! I LOVE YOU! (Um, yeah.)
In the beginning there was AN AUTHOR.
And THIS AUTHOR happened to view Les Miserables.
After pronouncing it good, THE AUTHOR decided to write A FANFIC.
And there was much rejoicing by THE AUTHOR.
It goes without saying that there was not much rejoicing by the cast of this fanfic.
And so it began.
Valjean: .
Javert: .
Enjorlas: .
OH, said THE AUTHOR, IT SEEMS I FORGOT THAT EVERYONE IS DEAD. MY GOOF.
And using her magic AUTHOR powers, THE AUTHOR restored everyone to life. Of course, THE AUTHOR was about as good as doing magic as she was at writing, so she um, well.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "Hey, I'm alive agai-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
THE AUTHOR felt that she could not exactly capture the next few minutes of her story and keep a PG13 rating, so she apologizes and hopes you will excuse her for skipping to the part with appropriate coherent dialogue.
Eponine: Well, its not so bad. At least I haven't changed much.
Cossette: And I don't see why you people would be upset. It's a good thing!
Javert: Define the word "good."
Cossette: good \gu'd\ 1. Of profit or benefit. Advantageous.
Gavroche: Hey! I'm older! I bet I can sneak into bars now!
Javert: And I could arrest you.
Cossette: Of favorable character or tendency..
Gavroche: I doubt they would let a teenager be an Inspector!
Yes, it was true. For the entire cast of Les Mis had in fact been turned into a bunch of hormonally imbalanced and over-emotional young adults. For the Les Amis de ABC, it was nothing. The biggest shock was to Javert and Valjean.
Cossette: Wow Daddy! You were actually young once!
Valjean: *grumble.
As we all know, teenagers are not the most responsible of creatures, so THE AUTHOR decided that they needed to be put somewhere where they couldn't get into too much trouble. And hey, this was pretty darn good material for a fanfic. So, to shorten this boring intro, THE AUTHOR plopped the whole cast into a secluded mansion somewhere in the Rocky Mountains.
Javert: I demand to be taken out of this fanfic. Or at least returned to a normal age.
THE AUTHOR: ARE YOU HINTING THAT SEVENTEEN IS NOT A NORMAL AGE?
Javert: No, I was just saying that-
THE AUTHOR: I WANT YOU ALL TO GIVE ME MATERIAL FOR A FANFIC! ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE FREED FROM YOUR ATTRACTIVE TEENAGE BODIES!
Javert: But-
. : ONLY THEN! *voice fades ONLY Then.
The cast was left, stranded in the mansion. Fortunately, THE AUTHOR instilled in their brains the knowledge of using modern day appliances. As funny as it might have been, she really didn't want to have them figure out on their own how to use a toilet.
Enjorlas: I say we rebel against THE AUTHOR!
Jehan: But we're stuck in this mansion! It sure isn't good I wish she didn't make me talk in rhyme But she thought I should!
Feuilly: We don't even know where she is!
Enjorlas: She must be stationed somewhere in this house! My friends, come with me to help stamp out oppression! Down with THE AUTHOR! Down with cheesy Les Mis fanfics!
All the Les Amis follow Enjorlas, except for Joly, who is currently passed out on the floor.
Joly: Heart.failing.shock to.system.help.somebody.
Fantine: Cossette!
Cossette: Pleasurable.bringing delight.oh, who are you?
Fantine: Cossette, *dramatic pause. I am your Mother!
Cossette: NOOO! I mean, really?
Fantine: Didn't Monseiur Madeline tell you about me?
Cossette: Not really.
Fantine: Why, you-
Fantine picks up a lamp and whacks Valjean over the head with it. She stomps off, crying, muttering something about needing Mydol and how she hates Valjean. Cossette runs after her. Marius runs after Cossette. Eponine runs after Marius.
Javert: That wasn't very civil of you.
Valjean: Its obviously that time of the month. She'll be fine in a few days. For now, we can only hope that the cupboard is stocked full of chocolate, tissues, and Mydol.
Gavroche: Well, I ain't gonna take any chances. Call for me when its over.
Javert: When what's over?
Valjean: You know, Fantine's, um, problem.
Javert: I don't get it.
Valjean: Uh, her menstrual cycle.
Javert: ?
Valjean: Her period, PMS, "on the rag" that thing. Javert: I really have no idea what you're talking about.
Valjean: Didn't your parents teach you this sort of thing? You know, "the talk"
Javert: My mom was a whore and my dad was in prison.
Valjean: .Uh, well, that explains a lot. Well, it isn't my place to tell you, so I'll be going now.
Javert: But I still don't understand what's the matter with Fantine!
*** Cossette: Its okay, Mother. I'm sure that now we're both teenagers, we'll have lots of bonding time together
Fantine: * sniffle* Yeah, we can "hang out" together.
Cossette: And we'll forget meany-poo Valjean.
Fantine: Okay dear.
They both walk away, chatting happily with eachother. Meanwhile, upstairs.
Enjorlas: Damn! THE AUTHOR is sure good at hiding!
Feuilly: Maybe she's not in the house.
Enjorlas: Then where would she be, genius?
Courfeyrac: Um, sitting in front of a computer in the year controlling our every move?
Enjorlas: Now where'd you get that idea?
In the kitchen
Thenardier: There must be something we can steal here! Eponine! Azelma! Have you searched the bedrooms?
Azelma: Yes Father.
Madame: Where's Eponine?
Azelma: I don't know. She ran off, saying something about following a "Marius" or somat like that.
Gavroche: Hey Pops! Hey Mom!
Thenardier: Go away, why do always follow us!
Gavroche: Um, cuz I can. And now that I'm a modern-day teenager, I command you to go buy me a car.
Thernardier: With what money? I'm a teenager too, you know. And everbody knows that teenagers never have money. (Of course, once I pilfer all these stolen toasters, I'll be one of the few teenagers rolling in dough. Ha!)
Gavroche: Yeah, right. I'm gonna look for 'Ponine now. See ya next reunion, Pops.
In the basement
Enjorlas: We still haven't found her!
Grantaire: *hic
Enjorlas: There is only one thing left to do!
Grantaire: *hic
Enjorlas: *dramatic pause
Grantaire: *hic
Enjorlas: We must build a barricade!
Jehan: Barricades are super
And THE AUTHOR is dumb.
We're stuck in this fanfic
And it sure isn't fun!
Combeferre: Go freedom!
Feuilly: Down with the fanfic author!
Bahorel: Let's kill her!
Les Amis: YEAH!
The Computer Room
As nobody would explain the facts of life to our dear 'Spector Javert, he was forced to turn to the Internet, or more specifically, Ask Jeeves. Q: What exactly is PMS?
Jeeve's Answer:
Its when a women bleeds all over and becomes very bitchy. Didn't your parents teach you that, stupid?
Javert: 0_o
Five minutes later:
Ew. So that's what they call it.
Five minutes after the five minutes after the site came up:
Why did I have to ask? *shudder
Will the Les Amis ever find/kill THE AUTHOR? Will Javert remember to arrest Valjean? Will Javert ever recover from those horribly descriptive pictures used to illustrate Jeeve's definition? Will Fantine bond with Cossette? Will the story get any more stupid? Will THE AUTHOR quit writing these questions and move on to the next chapter?
And finally,
Would you please review? PLEASE REVIEW! I LOVE YOU! (Um, yeah.)