Author's note: If you read Chapter 1, in which case, I hope you did, then good. Because when I wrote it, exactly a year ago, I didn't expect to write a second chatper. And, well, here it is! Please enjoy and remember to review! ^_^
Title: It's okay...
Chapter 2: 2nd Year
Here it was again. That day. It was a beautiful day, still, just like the previous year, and everything was fine. Birds were happily chirping in the trees, exchanging their own versions of wishing each other "Happy Valentines' Day". Leaves rustled as they were blown by a gale, circling and dancing gracefully round and round, in search of a resting ground, where they could fall as pairs, and always be together. Couples grew close to each other, as they headed for restaurants, cinemas, parks...anywhere; any place for the both of them to relax and spend quality time with each other for that day, and maybe, for that lifetime.
There she was again. Standing by her window, she wasn't consciously staring outside, looking at the busy streets and bustling life. She wasn't really looking specifically at the two lucky people, whose lips met as their eyes were fixed upon the other's. She was only...standing by her window. Waiting for something to happen, perhaps, or perhaps not, because she knew that this day would be the same. She would be left alone. Just like last year.
It wasn't that she was lonely, or that she had no friends to keep her company. It was just that...it was something she didn't understand. All she wanted to was to spend some time with someone. Just some one. And not a large group of girlfriends who would eventually be so pre-occupied with their own shopping and boyfriends that she'd be left out in the end. Entirely. Her so-called friends would always be busy with other things, even when they were going out together. She didn't crave for attention, but all she wanted was to belong. Belong to somewhere, to some place, to some one.
Thinking about this, she knew it wasn't just an assumption, that she knew she was not going to have a pleasant day. It was a fact. A fact that would always remain undeniable till the end of her days. Besides, she knew that what had happened the year before, would definitely happen again this year. 'History always repeats itself.' And so it was.
The loud "brring!" of the telephone startled her. Quickly recovering, she picked up the receiver, and mumbled a soft "Hello".
"Hey, Sweetie! You're still at home? I thought you were going out with your friends? Oh well, anyway, your father and I will be back late tonight, so don't wait up ok? I'm sure your older brother will be too busy clubbing, he probably won't return till tomorrow morning, and the li'l one's staying over at his friend's house, right?"
She hesitated. For an instant, she wondered why her mother, whom she loved so dearly, always had to bring up things that she was trying to forget. She knew her mother was not intentionally rubbing things in, but still, there was a sense of irritation towards her mother...and a sense of loss as well.
Yes, she was lost, not knowing where to head from this small, tiny island she stood on. Surrounding the island were vast amounts of seawater, and absolutely no way out. In her hand, she held a plain-looking seashell, which she had picked up by the shore. It was the only object she could find besides sand, plants, and...that was it. Day by day, she watched the horizon as ships passed this unnoticable island. When she sat by the shore, she saw tiny shoals of fish swimming around freely and quickly. 'Where were they rushing to?' was usually the question in mind. But to her, the only inquiry she wanted to make was 'Why are they all in groups, and I am not?' If only, if only she could find the owner of the seashell, if only he would come to save her and take her away, then...
"Sweetie? You there?"
Again, she was startled. Her eyes widened, as if she were trying not to fall asleep, or wander too far away from reality. She apologised.
"Sorry, Mom. I was...I was just thinking about something. It's nothing, anyway. Yes, he did say he was staying over at his friend's house for one more night."
And before her mother could ask her the very same question she had asked a year ago, she quickly filled in another sentence.
"I'll be alright by myself. Don't worry, Mom. Hope you and Dad have a great time!"
The false confirmation of an unconvincing remark.
Hanging up, she slumped down on her bed. Suddenly, an acute rage surged through her. Don't ask me if I'm alright! Why do you want to know, when you're going to have a good time, and I'm not?! The thoughts raced past her mind. You're not the one who's going to be all alone! You're not the one who has to go through what I am going through! What makes you think I won't be alright?! I'll be fine! I'll show you! I'll be just fine! And YOU can't make me feel bad about me being left out and lonely and alone and sad and...
Her train of thoughts came to a stop. Passengers swarmed out of the train, until it was empty, and until she calmed down. Her breathing rate was increased, her face felt hot and flushed, and her eyes...they were in the same condition as they were last year- On the brink of becoming drenched with endless streams of the very same water that surrounded her island.
She reprimanded herself for thinking ridiculously. Her mother was definitely not like that. Her mother was a good, kind-hearted person, who cared for her children, which included her. It was wrong to blame her mother for her own...no, it was wrong to blame her mother for her being...no, it was wrong to blame her mother...blame her mother for...causing her to be...
She couldn't say those words in her head. The two words were so harmless, as words, but to her, their meaning held all her emotions together. She couldn't admit it. She couldn't bring herself to admit it at all- that she was Alone, and Lonely...that she was really not okay.
"I am really not okay."
The thought resounded and echoed continuously, as if she had said it to the mouth of a deep, dark cave, where sound was amplified and multiplied numerous times, before bouncing right back into her. Right smack into her face, forcing her to face the truth.
She ran out of her house and into what was meant to be a warm, soothing evening for lovers to remain as lovers, and for new couples to arrive, their love story opening with a grand introduction on this Valentines' Day. Only the thing was, she was out of the picture.
Running and running, her legs would not cease to move even though she was thoroughly exhausted. Panting heavily and sweating profusely, she was too full of fatigue that she didn't see the person she had bumped head-on into. The impact almost seemed to throw her toward the wet ground, but she was caught in time with a single, swift move, by him, the young man.
Realising what she had done, she apologised repeatedly, and was about to walk on when she felt his grip still on her arm. She turned to him, and made a gesture towards her arm, implying that he could let go, because she was alright. But he wouldn't let go. Instead, his hand slided down her arm and holding her hand, he led her away from the scene to a quieter area of the street.
She had been afraid, as he pulled her away, without saying a word. Somewhere in her, she felt that she was in trouble, because she had bumped into the wrong person. But in another part of her, more specifically, her most helpful legs, she could not stop following him. Puzzled, she finally asked, "Where are you taking me?"
This time, he stopped and turned to look deep into her eyes. Then, as if he saw something embarrassing on her face, he looked away, and handed her a handkerchief.
"Here," he whispered, as if it would hurt less if he spoke to her softly. "Wipe away your tears."
Standing there, her hands covered her mouth in shock, preventing the moan from escaping. But there was nothing to hold her tears back. They just fell. Just like that.
And then she realised that she had been crying all along, ever since she left the house.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."
She couldn't speak properly; her words were blurred as her vision was too. The man smiled and consoled her.
"I don't know what happened to you, but it's okay, now. So, don't worry..."
And then the realisation came to her. It arrived so subtly, she could not help laughing. For the first time, on that Valentines' Day, she laughed out loud with all her heart.
And for the first time, she had found the owner of the seashell.
-end-
Title: It's okay...
Chapter 2: 2nd Year
Here it was again. That day. It was a beautiful day, still, just like the previous year, and everything was fine. Birds were happily chirping in the trees, exchanging their own versions of wishing each other "Happy Valentines' Day". Leaves rustled as they were blown by a gale, circling and dancing gracefully round and round, in search of a resting ground, where they could fall as pairs, and always be together. Couples grew close to each other, as they headed for restaurants, cinemas, parks...anywhere; any place for the both of them to relax and spend quality time with each other for that day, and maybe, for that lifetime.
There she was again. Standing by her window, she wasn't consciously staring outside, looking at the busy streets and bustling life. She wasn't really looking specifically at the two lucky people, whose lips met as their eyes were fixed upon the other's. She was only...standing by her window. Waiting for something to happen, perhaps, or perhaps not, because she knew that this day would be the same. She would be left alone. Just like last year.
It wasn't that she was lonely, or that she had no friends to keep her company. It was just that...it was something she didn't understand. All she wanted to was to spend some time with someone. Just some one. And not a large group of girlfriends who would eventually be so pre-occupied with their own shopping and boyfriends that she'd be left out in the end. Entirely. Her so-called friends would always be busy with other things, even when they were going out together. She didn't crave for attention, but all she wanted was to belong. Belong to somewhere, to some place, to some one.
Thinking about this, she knew it wasn't just an assumption, that she knew she was not going to have a pleasant day. It was a fact. A fact that would always remain undeniable till the end of her days. Besides, she knew that what had happened the year before, would definitely happen again this year. 'History always repeats itself.' And so it was.
The loud "brring!" of the telephone startled her. Quickly recovering, she picked up the receiver, and mumbled a soft "Hello".
"Hey, Sweetie! You're still at home? I thought you were going out with your friends? Oh well, anyway, your father and I will be back late tonight, so don't wait up ok? I'm sure your older brother will be too busy clubbing, he probably won't return till tomorrow morning, and the li'l one's staying over at his friend's house, right?"
She hesitated. For an instant, she wondered why her mother, whom she loved so dearly, always had to bring up things that she was trying to forget. She knew her mother was not intentionally rubbing things in, but still, there was a sense of irritation towards her mother...and a sense of loss as well.
Yes, she was lost, not knowing where to head from this small, tiny island she stood on. Surrounding the island were vast amounts of seawater, and absolutely no way out. In her hand, she held a plain-looking seashell, which she had picked up by the shore. It was the only object she could find besides sand, plants, and...that was it. Day by day, she watched the horizon as ships passed this unnoticable island. When she sat by the shore, she saw tiny shoals of fish swimming around freely and quickly. 'Where were they rushing to?' was usually the question in mind. But to her, the only inquiry she wanted to make was 'Why are they all in groups, and I am not?' If only, if only she could find the owner of the seashell, if only he would come to save her and take her away, then...
"Sweetie? You there?"
Again, she was startled. Her eyes widened, as if she were trying not to fall asleep, or wander too far away from reality. She apologised.
"Sorry, Mom. I was...I was just thinking about something. It's nothing, anyway. Yes, he did say he was staying over at his friend's house for one more night."
And before her mother could ask her the very same question she had asked a year ago, she quickly filled in another sentence.
"I'll be alright by myself. Don't worry, Mom. Hope you and Dad have a great time!"
The false confirmation of an unconvincing remark.
Hanging up, she slumped down on her bed. Suddenly, an acute rage surged through her. Don't ask me if I'm alright! Why do you want to know, when you're going to have a good time, and I'm not?! The thoughts raced past her mind. You're not the one who's going to be all alone! You're not the one who has to go through what I am going through! What makes you think I won't be alright?! I'll be fine! I'll show you! I'll be just fine! And YOU can't make me feel bad about me being left out and lonely and alone and sad and...
Her train of thoughts came to a stop. Passengers swarmed out of the train, until it was empty, and until she calmed down. Her breathing rate was increased, her face felt hot and flushed, and her eyes...they were in the same condition as they were last year- On the brink of becoming drenched with endless streams of the very same water that surrounded her island.
She reprimanded herself for thinking ridiculously. Her mother was definitely not like that. Her mother was a good, kind-hearted person, who cared for her children, which included her. It was wrong to blame her mother for her own...no, it was wrong to blame her mother for her being...no, it was wrong to blame her mother...blame her mother for...causing her to be...
She couldn't say those words in her head. The two words were so harmless, as words, but to her, their meaning held all her emotions together. She couldn't admit it. She couldn't bring herself to admit it at all- that she was Alone, and Lonely...that she was really not okay.
"I am really not okay."
The thought resounded and echoed continuously, as if she had said it to the mouth of a deep, dark cave, where sound was amplified and multiplied numerous times, before bouncing right back into her. Right smack into her face, forcing her to face the truth.
She ran out of her house and into what was meant to be a warm, soothing evening for lovers to remain as lovers, and for new couples to arrive, their love story opening with a grand introduction on this Valentines' Day. Only the thing was, she was out of the picture.
Running and running, her legs would not cease to move even though she was thoroughly exhausted. Panting heavily and sweating profusely, she was too full of fatigue that she didn't see the person she had bumped head-on into. The impact almost seemed to throw her toward the wet ground, but she was caught in time with a single, swift move, by him, the young man.
Realising what she had done, she apologised repeatedly, and was about to walk on when she felt his grip still on her arm. She turned to him, and made a gesture towards her arm, implying that he could let go, because she was alright. But he wouldn't let go. Instead, his hand slided down her arm and holding her hand, he led her away from the scene to a quieter area of the street.
She had been afraid, as he pulled her away, without saying a word. Somewhere in her, she felt that she was in trouble, because she had bumped into the wrong person. But in another part of her, more specifically, her most helpful legs, she could not stop following him. Puzzled, she finally asked, "Where are you taking me?"
This time, he stopped and turned to look deep into her eyes. Then, as if he saw something embarrassing on her face, he looked away, and handed her a handkerchief.
"Here," he whispered, as if it would hurt less if he spoke to her softly. "Wipe away your tears."
Standing there, her hands covered her mouth in shock, preventing the moan from escaping. But there was nothing to hold her tears back. They just fell. Just like that.
And then she realised that she had been crying all along, ever since she left the house.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."
She couldn't speak properly; her words were blurred as her vision was too. The man smiled and consoled her.
"I don't know what happened to you, but it's okay, now. So, don't worry..."
And then the realisation came to her. It arrived so subtly, she could not help laughing. For the first time, on that Valentines' Day, she laughed out loud with all her heart.
And for the first time, she had found the owner of the seashell.
-end-