"Do you know what today is, Beej?"
BJ looked up from his wife's cookies, which he had been scarfing down. "Well, let's see . . . war's end?"
"Nope."
"Uh . . . Thanksgiving?"
"Wrong-o."
"Bastille Day."
Hawkeye laughed. "Guess again!"
"Throttle Hawkeye Day?"
Hawkeye swiftly dodged the pillow thrown his way. "None of those things, Beej. Today happens to be March 2nd, and the author's first anniversary on Fanfiction.net."
Damn straight.
"Oh, hey!"
Hey, Hawkeye. Hello, BJ.
BJ picked up a cookie and held it aloft. "Care for a cookie? It's fresh."
Nah, no thanks.
"Maybe if I stuck a candle in it?"
No. I'm not really hungry. Thanks anyway.
Hawkeye sat up on his cot. "So, ma'am . . . got any special plans tonight? Today being special and all . . ."
Hawk, you know it's not my policy to date fictional TV characters.
"That's a 'no', then?"
You betcha. And a word of warning-you try it again and you'll find yourself transplanted to the front.
BJ rolled his eyes and smiled. "God forbid."
Hawkeye threw a pillow at him. "Say, Author? Where's the Lipless Wonder?"
Hang on.
Frank suddenly appeared out of thin air. Lipstick was smeared all over his lips. "What the . . . how'd I get here?"
He noticed Hawkeye and BJ grinning at him.
"You two degenerates had something to do with this, didn't you?"
Yo, Ferret Face, up here.
Frank looked up. "Oh, it's you," he sneered.
Hey, nobody but NOBODY talks to me in that tone of voice!
"I'd watch it, Frank. She's the almighty Fan Of Ultimate Doom!"
"Oh, shut it, wise apple."
I'D shut it I were YOU.
Beej leaned back in his chair. "Guess what today is, Frank."
"Today happens to be of absolutely no importance to me!"
Ooh . . .
Hawk nodded up at the ceiling.
"You're making her angry."
"What's she gonna do? Put me in a relationship with you?"
THAT can easily be arranged!
BJ sighed. "Today's her one-year anniversary of being a member of Fanfiction.net!" "I wrote it down on my calendar," said Hawk, "after clearing my afternoon of all wounded, of course!"
Suddenly, Frank became rather amiable. "Oh, well, happy anniversary, ma'am! I only wish I had gotten you something."
Actually, there is one thing I would love more than anything in the world . . .
The next thing Frank knew, he was locked in a passionate kiss with Hawkeye! Their eyes were frozen wide open in shock.
The End
"Thank God."
Put a sock in it, Frank!
BJ looked up from his wife's cookies, which he had been scarfing down. "Well, let's see . . . war's end?"
"Nope."
"Uh . . . Thanksgiving?"
"Wrong-o."
"Bastille Day."
Hawkeye laughed. "Guess again!"
"Throttle Hawkeye Day?"
Hawkeye swiftly dodged the pillow thrown his way. "None of those things, Beej. Today happens to be March 2nd, and the author's first anniversary on Fanfiction.net."
Damn straight.
"Oh, hey!"
Hey, Hawkeye. Hello, BJ.
BJ picked up a cookie and held it aloft. "Care for a cookie? It's fresh."
Nah, no thanks.
"Maybe if I stuck a candle in it?"
No. I'm not really hungry. Thanks anyway.
Hawkeye sat up on his cot. "So, ma'am . . . got any special plans tonight? Today being special and all . . ."
Hawk, you know it's not my policy to date fictional TV characters.
"That's a 'no', then?"
You betcha. And a word of warning-you try it again and you'll find yourself transplanted to the front.
BJ rolled his eyes and smiled. "God forbid."
Hawkeye threw a pillow at him. "Say, Author? Where's the Lipless Wonder?"
Hang on.
Frank suddenly appeared out of thin air. Lipstick was smeared all over his lips. "What the . . . how'd I get here?"
He noticed Hawkeye and BJ grinning at him.
"You two degenerates had something to do with this, didn't you?"
Yo, Ferret Face, up here.
Frank looked up. "Oh, it's you," he sneered.
Hey, nobody but NOBODY talks to me in that tone of voice!
"I'd watch it, Frank. She's the almighty Fan Of Ultimate Doom!"
"Oh, shut it, wise apple."
I'D shut it I were YOU.
Beej leaned back in his chair. "Guess what today is, Frank."
"Today happens to be of absolutely no importance to me!"
Ooh . . .
Hawk nodded up at the ceiling.
"You're making her angry."
"What's she gonna do? Put me in a relationship with you?"
THAT can easily be arranged!
BJ sighed. "Today's her one-year anniversary of being a member of Fanfiction.net!" "I wrote it down on my calendar," said Hawk, "after clearing my afternoon of all wounded, of course!"
Suddenly, Frank became rather amiable. "Oh, well, happy anniversary, ma'am! I only wish I had gotten you something."
Actually, there is one thing I would love more than anything in the world . . .
The next thing Frank knew, he was locked in a passionate kiss with Hawkeye! Their eyes were frozen wide open in shock.
The End
"Thank God."
Put a sock in it, Frank!