Chapter 3
A/N: Part 5 is completely new, more Engrish stuff. And after this, one more chapter, then I'll be caught up. Thanks for you patience, but it's getting busy at the end of the semester.
PART 1
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Myu's Musings
Entry No.: 00923885
Subject: GRRROSS!!!
Date: 01-03-0000
Tweet, tweet! Early morning. Birds chirping. What a beautiful, cool, misty morning in the green, summery woods.... EXCEPT FOR THAT HIDEOUS, GAWD-AWFUL, TOE-CURLING REEK!!! Ack! For the love of Taquitos! CPU! Run a BIOS! Switch off my nose! Or I swear this rotting-corpse stench is gonna kill me!
Running System BIOS
Sensory Reception
Optical Reception (sight): ENABLED
Audio Reception (hearing): ENABLED
Tactile Reception (touch): ENABLED
Olfactory Reception (smell): DISABLED
Gustatory Reception (taste): ENABLED
Saving Settings....
Blech... These things I killed (Orks or whatever), haven't been dead 24 hours and they already stink so bad they make rotten eggs smell like perfume! They're attracting bugs and flies and everything else in between... and I'm wading knee deep in them! And why in the name of oven-roasted taquitos am I here you ask? (here being where Legoras left me after I smote all those orks and saved that "eek" guy. Meh, how kind of me. Too bad nobody else appreciates it!) Well, the reason I'm here is because, believe it or not, I have an idea! (^-^) It's a pretty stupid idea and it's probably not gonna work, but I *do* have an idea, so give me credit for that much, 'kay?
Re: MY IDEA
Remember in my last entry (00923884), when I was talking about using my Ethernet to download language so I could talk to the Amish people here? Well, I'm gonna try that on these Ork things! There are a few of them still alive (I just dismembered them, no big deal). I figure if I can get the port to connect with the critter's spinal cord, the electronic binary frequencies can be conducted through it, which would give me access to their brains. But the problems are:
A) these things obviously don't have a co-cerebral CPU chip so I don't know how my system is going to react to trying to connect with their brains without one,
B) I don't know how I'm going to find the language info I need without them having a cerebral database pilot (i.e. a program that takes inventory and locates information stored in a person's memory) and
C) I have to find one that's laying on it's back because I'm sure as hell not going to turn one of these things over and find a bunch of maggots pouring out of its-- well, you get the picture.
(_) Blah!
Okay, here's one. He's still breathing... barely. I just need to make sure he stays alive during the procedure and that his brain stays powered, otherwise I'm SOL. (-_-;) Lessee... If I make an incision here... Oh, I can't do this... Its blood's all-- *shudders* That's just nasty!!!...Ugh, uck, eewie, gag!... Quick! Think of pretty things. Think of an Island paradise! Think of sitting on the beach drinking Corona lite.... drinking phenylalanine beverages... yes... and fluffy bunnies... And making Hina dolls! Making Hina dolls and spending warm, fuzzy time with my chatroom buddies! And sake on new years!... EWW! It just squirted!!!... ugh... just breathe, Myu, breathe... ooh... I think I just ruined my fondness for sake...
Okay, okay! I think I got it. This is it; the spinal cord. Go, go gadget Ethernet port! (That never works. I have the cheap manual-eject model.) The wire stretches two feet out of my wrist (which is still itchy, by the way) so I can keep my distance.. good, good. Now for the connection... Lessee... Hold this open... stick this in there... wiggle it around a bit... Drumroll, please...
NO SIGNAL
(_*) Grrr! After all that!... No, wait. Let me try holding the port this way...
NO SIGNAL
Or this way?
NO SIGNAL
*sigh* Well, it *was* a dumb idea after all. Plus now I gotta locate a natural water reservoir of some sort to clean off my ethernet port. Taquitos, this is so aggravating! Why is it that every plan I ever come up with never works? Sometimes I feel like I'm the poster child for Murphy's law...
SIGNAL FOUND
NO SIGNAL
Whoa! Hold on there! What was that? I was holding it this way, and then taking it out like this.
SIGNAL FOUND
Oh, oops, heh. Cool! I got it!
NO SIGNAL
Stop that! Now where did it go again?
SIGNAL FOUND
There! I just gotta hold it reeeeally still... Now on to step two: User_Command: Computer, extract language data.
ERROR! Language Data not found! Cerebral Database Pilot not installed.
Duh-hoy! Well, then locate the part of the brain with the language stuff.
ERROR! Unable to locate requested Cerebral Sector! Cerebral Database Pilot not installed.
Can't I just extract all of the information and sort it out later?
Negative. Cerebral Model of Host is incompatible with that of the User.
Argh! I hate to resort to this... F1 Help Menu: Trouble-Shooting.
Help topic?
Umm, locating information without a cerebral database pilot thingy.
Trouble-Shooting: Cerebral Database Pilot (CDP) not installed:
- Without a CDP, the information archived in the cerebral databanks of the Host(s) (both organic and synthetic) cannot be readily accessed or modified. However, with User-initiated formatting, block sectors of information may be accessed in read-only format and made available for user download. This, however, requires a user CDP version 12.3 or above.
Ha, ha, ha! That's real funny there, 'pooter... !!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FRIGGIN' MICRO-PROCESSOR?!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TAKES TO FORMAT AN ENTIRE BRAIN?
Estimated time: 2hrs 57min
Cute, real cute. What's my CDP version?
Version 12.5
Please tell me I don't have to sit here for three hours.
Time may vary depending on the amount of information archived in the cerebral databank. However, it is not necessary for the User to undergo formatting if the information is available elsewhere on the inter--
Oh, just shut up and get busy!
NO SIGNAL
Dammit! If you weren't in my head I'd clobber you!
SIGNAL FOUND
There! Happy now, pookums?
Commencing Formatting Session.
Number of Sectors: 14.
Time Remaining: 2hrs 54min.
Status: Formatting Occipital lobe...
Progress 0%
Amida? Why me? Why must I be forced to crouch here over a half-dead, rotting body holding my Ethernet port into a bloody, fluid-leaking incision in the back of it's neck? I cannot endure this...Oh, no. Must have entertainment... Computer?
Yes, Myu?
Run that Pong screen-saver, will ya?
Pong Screen-Saver... Test-Mode Initiating...
*sigh* This is gonna be a long day. Stupid time gateway. Stupid me for jumping into it. I miss VR chatroom and phenylalinine beverages!
~Kaneko Myu signing out~
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PART 2
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Elladan rode swiftly down Orn'ereg path, eastward into the first light of day. He should have left hours ago, right after he had rows with Legolas. But by his luck, his adar had wheedled out a promise from him not to leave until daybreak, and that promise he kept. And now, the ruddy sun was just peeking through the foliage. He was drawing nigh on the remains of the battlefield, evident from the stench of orc carrion.
"Myu!" he bellowed loudly into the cool air. "Myu!" He called again, galloping headlong around a bend. She had been out here, on her own for an entire night. She could be leagues from here by now... in fact, if she could run faster than a horse as Legolas insisted, she could be anywhere within a 100 leagues!
The elf drew in a deep breath to call for her one more time, but froze when he spotted the familiar sallow blonde and purple head peeking up amid the strewn, dismembered pieces of orc. Myu's blue-green eyes were nearly double in size as she watched him approach.
"Myu? What is it?" Coming closer, Elladan began to sincerely wonder what she was doing: She was crouched over a mostly-intact corpse, holding what looked to be a long blue vein or tentacle coming out of her left wrist, into an incision on the back of the corpse's neck.
The word "befuddled" would be an understatement in Elladan's case. He reined his horse to a halt a few feet away, his brow as furrowed, and watched... just watched. From this vantage, he could hear the faint, slurpy breathing of the orc, which seemed to be near-death, but still alive. "What...?" That was the only word the elf could think of at the moment.
For a long while, Myu ogled him like a child with her hand caught in a cookie jar (bad analogy), then pressed her lips into a thin line and looked back at whatever she was doing with the tenticle-thingy. "Mou gofun shika kakaru tte..." ((It says it'll take just five more minutes...)) she murmured nervously.
Myu did not hear the elf dismount, so she jumped when she noticed his leather boots suddenly planted beside of her, then immediately looked back at the tentacle and shouted as if in curse, "Ah! Shimatta! Mata shingo wa nai." ((Ah! Dammit! No signal again!)) After digging into the incision with the tentacle more, she looked up at him and said, "Ima wa zenzen ugokenai yo, boku wa. Chotto ato de kaette chodai ne." ((I can't move a muscle right now. Come back a little later, m'kay?))
Elladan crouched down beside her to better analyze the strange situation. "Myu?" he said shakily. "What is that coming out of your wrist?" He asked gesturing to the long, blue line.
"Ah! Mou sanpun san-jubyo shika nai wa ne!" ((Ah! Only three minutes, thirty seconds left)) she chirped excitedly, blushing profusely.
After a long, silence, he tried to reach over and touch the blue cord, only to have her shriek at him and scare him off. "Myu? What is this? What is it you are doing?" he insisted.
Myu looked helplessly at him, wide-eyed. "Mou san-jubyo shika nai!" ((Just thirty more seconds!)) she muttered, chewing on her lower lip and re-focusing on her strange task.
Elladan glanced at the sordid almost-cadaver. "Myu, Please... What ever you are doing, stop. It's very disconcerting and I don't apprecia--" Elladan's voice caught in his throat. His sensitive ears had picked something up and identified it on instant: the twang of an orchish bow... He had only milliseconds to brace himself before the arrow struck him from behind with a juicy thwack. His body went through momentary shock before the pain zinged through his nerves.
"Aaagh!" Elladan tried to choke back the scream as best he could, but it was still enough to draw Myu's attention. When her head shot up, she saw Elladan clutching his left shoulder. The elf's face was frozen in a transient shock. She started to say something, but stopped cold when she noticed the black-shafted arrow in his shoulder blade, and the bright red rivulet of blood seeping profusely from its base. The thicket behind them stirred. The raucous war-call of orc was more than enough to frighten Elladan's horse off into the woods, taking with him the broadsword tethered to his saddle.
With practiced calm, Elladan watched orchish archers emerge, twenty or more, and saw Myu duck down out of the corner of his eye in vain hopes of hiding from them. Their bows were fitted, and their mouths twisted in gloat as if they took pleasure in watching their injured prey in his last, desperate moments. But Elladan far from desperate, or at least he was too stubborn to admit it. With a glint of loathing in his grey eyes, one as sharp and lethal as the steel edge of a blade, he un-shouldered his bowm ignoring the grievances from his injury, and nocked an arrow with swift, able hands.
"Hu u-gaun!" ((Cowardly dogs!)) Elladan cursed at them as he yanked back the string with his injured arm, cringed, then let it fly. He took one down, then barely dodged a return-shot. The wound had torn open more from that act and he knew he would not last long against so many enemies. He decided that as soon as he had picked enough of them off, he would grab Myu and run.
Myu, meanwhile, sat in a quandary, her eyes darting frantically between the Elladan and the line coming from her wrist.
Time Remaining: 00min 03 sec
Elladan loosed another perfect shot to an orc's throat, but not before a volley of three arrows came streaking towards him.
00min 02 sec
The elf whipped sideways, stumbling back as he did. He nearly fell, but the maneuver left him unscathed... by those arrows at least. The arrow in his back had been forced even deeper by that stunt, and the crimson stain spread down over his left flank.
00min 01 sec
Another arrow. A loud crack sounded from where Elladan blocked it with his bow. Dizziness was beginning to tug at him. He knew then that the arrow in his back had been dipped in poison, which was a common below-the-belt practice for orcs.
00min 00 sec... Closing Session...
Myu was bouncing impatiently and whispering to herself, words of encouragement, or so Elladan thought. ((though it was actually 'f*cking computer, f*cking computer...")) He could not fail her. He could not fail himself and his family, who would bear the burden of his loss for centuries.
Extracting Language Data... WARNING: Do not disconnect until the data has finished downloading! Disconnecting from a databank without CDP may result in User System Failure!
Myu made a sound like a dying chicken, but this went unheeded as Elladan was too preoccupied with his own problems. In desperation, the elf strung two arrows at once and loosed them just as he twisted from the path of four more shots aimed poorly. One of his arrows struck an orc's thigh, and the other missed its target completely.
Downloading language.dat... DO NOT DISCONNECT!
Elladan was tiring, and still the orc's overwhelming numbers were replenishing as steadily as he could pick them off, with more and more bursting from the shady depths of the thicket. He glanced over his shoulder at Myu, and met her eyes, which were wide and helpless like those of a terrified child. Perhaps Legolas had been wrong. Perhaps she had not slain all these orc after all.
Downloading language.dat... DO NOT DISCONNECT!
That was when Elladan's luck finally caved in. His eyes went wide as he felt the harsh, biting tip of an arrow slam into his bow arm, giving his fingers a jolt. They flew open as if on their own whim and dropped the bow clutched within them. Elladan had not realized what happened before more flights or orcish arrows drove him away from his only weapon.
Downloading language.dat... DO NOT DISCONNECT!
Myu bit into her bottom lip. It was all she could do to keep her hands from trembling. "Yamerarenai," ((I can't stop it,)) she whispered to herself, quavering fiercely. It was almost done. Just a few more seconds...
Downloading...
Just a few more...
==============================
PART 3
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Downloading…
"Goth, at gru, loikr'ishiz mushof." ((Master, there is a woman, hiding in the corpses!))
"Traum-izish, Pizurk!" ((Show me, underling!))
"Gulog-prap," ((Behind the elf)) replied Bolghur, then scuttled back in fear.
Gothul, orc cheiftain and servant of Sauron, grunted in response, a generous reply for the likes of him, and rested a calloused, dirt-crusted hand on the hilt of his scimitar, still tethered at his waste. The other hand drew up in the air, halting his archers. With a low rumble in his throat, he bode them hold. The orc-leader's mottled yellow eyes searched hard grey ones of the elf knelt down in the corpses of his previously fallen warriors. The elf was a rare dark-haired one, not so much as twitching in the face of death, yet paled with poison and blood-loss. He clutched his injured right arm with his left, which was in turn clamped painfully against to his side due to the black arrow lodged in his shoulder. The orc could smell his fear, and his agony, though he refused to let any of it surface on his hard, chiseled features. Elves were a stubborn race... stubborn and foolish.
"Lulgijak..." the orc muttered at him in insult.
Downloading…
A muscle in the elf's jawbone ticked, proving that he had understood what he had just been called. But Gothul paid him no heed. He stepped forward, his char-black skin dappled under the tree shadows, and shining with a light sweat-sheen as the daylight summer heat was beginning to rise to uncomfortable levels. Two of his minions flanked on each side, and ten more drawn arrows behind him still gleamed hatefully at the elf, daring him to move suddenly, and receive death swiftly.
"Eladan?" Gothul heard a female voice whisper behind the dark-haired elf, assuring him that Bolghir had indeed spoken truth. Gothul could hear the orc in question sighing his relief and so paused in his tread and bore his teeth in a crooked scowl. Too bad he didn't get to kill him now, which he had been aching to do since the sniveling maggot was transferred to his command.
Downloading…
"Myu, no," The elf hissed and waved his good hand at whomever was behind him, luring back Gothul's attention. Oh, but the blood of an elf, thought the orc-leader, was worth so much more than Bolghir's. Gothul could distinguish some noble-rank to this particular elf, by the opulent nature of his clothes, and the thin, silver circlet twined in his dark-rich hair. The orc-leader came to stance menacingly before him, uncurling his fingers from a tight fist, and then slowly unsheathed a long hunting knife from his belt. The elf did not flinch when the orc drew a long red trail down his jaw with its blade. Gothul broke a grin at his lack of response, looking forward to smashing the pretty face and the challenge of making this stubborn, foolish elf cry out in burning tears of agony. "Mirz mabaj at, golog-tor? Faand izishu-ur?" ((Who have you there, pretty elf? A virgin for us?)) He growled loudly, for all to hear.
This time, the orc had garnered quite an response from the elf; not only did the black speech grate his delicate ears and force a flinch out of him, the words that he had spoken made the elf's jaw clench tightly and his chest begin to heave with short, nervous gasps. He had found the elf's weak spot: This woman, whoever she was. A lover of his perhaps? The thought of honeyed elvish love made Gothul want to vomit right there on the spot.
Downloading…
"Alag gru gaakh kulat amirz inrasuzat-ur ik, praasuz-nar uglat." ((That woman may be the one that attacked us before, the one we could not defeat.)) One of the orc flanking him hissed in warning, only to receive the wrathful fist of his leader smashing into the side of his head.
"Nar urdanog-izish, nar thos!" ((You do not command me, sack-less!)), Gothul roared before tearing him to the ground, then turned and flashed his yellow eyes menacingly at the dark-haired Noldor elf. He pressed his knife under the elf's chin, forcing him to look up at him. "Tell me who you got there, lulgijak!" he spat in the common tongue, "Else I torture it out of you!"
"She has no concern in this," the elf muttered darkly, "Leave her. Take me in her stead."
The orc-leader laughed, much amused that some pompous elf still thought he could command him, even with two arrows sticking out of his body and held at knifepoint and arrow-point. "Haughty elf," he bellowed, "Maybe you won't be so haughty if I made you an elf no more!" He slid the knife blade up to the elf's pointed ear, and tested skin's softness there with a small incision to his auricle that made him flinch his head away. "Rrokta!" ((Hold him!)) Gothul barked.
Downloading… Complete!
Cataloging Language.dat...
"Akhoth!" ((Yes, master!)) one of his flanking minions complied as he leapt forward and jerk the elf back roughly as he would a disobedient dog. When the elf offered struggle, Gothul reached out with his free hand and twisted the arrow in his back roughly, forcing out an agonized yelp.
Cataloging Language.dat...
"Poor elfling!" the Gothul cooed mockingly, twisting the embedded arrow even harder, causing the orcs behind him to burst into raucous laughter.
User_Query: translate "Sore wo Yamero!" ((Stop that!))
search?q :: Sore+wo+Yamero &sub :: Search & trans :: JPN & new
Translating… Please Wait.
The elf's face twisted in agony. He struggled with all his might not to let out a cry by biting his lip, so hard a drip of blood slithered down his chin. "Does it hurt?" Gothul taunted, a huge grin on his blackened lips, wrenching the arrow still further. The elf was beginning to lose consciousness fast.
… Suggested Translation: "Nadal ajog."
"Well, I could make it even better!" And with a roar, Gothul brought his rust-strecked knife down, aiming for the elf's uninjured shoulder, but that is not what it hit. Instead the knife came down into a small, outstretched palm, and did not pierce through for it felt, oddly enough, as though it had struck metal. Gothul's wide incredulous eyes followed from the tiny hand to the most mysterious blue-green eyes he had ever seen.
"Nadal ajog!" ((Stop that!))
Gothul flinched in such alarm that his grip on the knife faltered, he stumbled back. Gothul barely noticed his minions were back-peddling in terror, crying, "Alag gru! Irz!" ((It's that woman! Run!))
Gothul gasped. A woman! Never had he heard the black-tongue spoken by the likes of a woman! And when he gazed into her exotic blue-green eyes, the effect she had upon him was not to be under-estimated. They reminded him of Saruman's Palantir he had caught a glimpse of once, so impossible, so mysterious. "Mirz lat?" ((Who are you?)), he demanded, mystified.
"Myu..." the elf murmured incoherently as darkness took him. She stood over him, imposingly depite her size, eyes narrowed, bottom-lip thrust out. Orcs were scattering like dead leaves as she removed the knife from her hand and held it up for all to see as the blood-less incision mended itself within a matter of seconds.
The chieftain ignored the threat the uncanny beauty posed completely, and in fact, stepped withing a few arms length of her, one of his boots treading on the dark spill of the unconscious elf's hair. He paused before her to study her deeply; her flashing eyes, her rose-bud lips, her full, voluptuous body all covered in the blood of his fallen minions. She must certainly know how to fight. Gothul was impressed. Most women he would have just taken on the spot and tore them to pieces. But this one... this one he wanted to take it slow with her. He could torture her later... But what was that long blue line coming out of her wrists? Some sort of tentacle? Perhaps there was more to this woman that she seemed. Perhaps she was a monster just like him. He sighed out a long breath, feeling butterflies in his stomach as she pierced him with her angry, hateful glare. Such fire in this woman! "Ashdautas vrasubatlat," ((I will kill you someday)) he said in customary orcish greeting.
User_Query: respond to "Ashdautas vrasubatlat."
search?q :: Ashdautas+vrasubalat & sub :: Search & resp :: new & JPN
Searching... Please Wait.
The woman looked at him strangely, then her eyes wandered.
... Suggested Response: "Nar Udautas."
After a moment, they snapped back to him, "Nar Udautas." ((Not today.)) she replied with impreccable orcish ettiquette, then gestured for him to move the boot he had on the elf's hair.
The orc-leader glanced at the still form of the elf, and scowled. "Mash-ur nargzabta, luliszub gajumat?" ((What do you want him for, my ugly flower?))
She said nothing, just furrowed her brow and pointed again, more insistently this time.
"Nargzab vrasta nalt?" ((You want to kill him yourself?))
She twisted her lips in contemplation. Her eyes darted here and there, then she folded her arms under her chest and nodded.
"Ah, Ambalhorn-izub," ((Ah, My sweet-buns)) he cooed endearingly, "Nar paash." ((You cannot.))
With a sigh, the woman said nothing more, merely unfurled her arms, and with an exaggerated, terribly-offbalance uppercut, she socked the orc so hard in the stomach he launched nearly five feet off the ground before he landed on his back, clutching his midsection and squeaking about two octaves higher. Flipping her hair arrogantly, she stomped past him, and orcs scattered in terror from her path. A few arrows streaked her way and struck her, but she merely brushed them off as she would a spot of dirt on a velvet tunic. Now that these orcs were certain this was this unconquerable woman-warrior (though with purple hair, how could they mistake her?) were dashing off this way and that into the woods and crying for a retreat, content to leave their leader behind, writhing in the dirt as he clutched his broken ribs.
"Eladan! Hayaku!" ((Eladan! Hurry!)) Myu prompted the elf as she tried to tug him to his feet, but there was no retrieving him from the dark abyss his conscious mind had fallen into. The poison had at conquered him. Although she could tell he was still alive, his pallid face and blue-tinted lips told that he was slipping away fast. "Eladan!"
"Matubat ik dil kul-gukh," ((He will die before the sun goes down.)) Gothul sputtered, sitting up and gazing longingly at her.
But Myu was not listening, much less even translating what he said. "Mada washi ni naku nararenai de ne." ((Don't die on me yet, you hear?)) she whispered to the unconscious elf encouragingly in her own language, "Mamonaku kaeru kara." ((We'll be home soon.)) Quickly, she hefted Elladan up onto her shoulders, grasping his uninjured shoulder and hooking her other arm around his leg, then, hoping she remembered the direction he had ridden in from, instantly broke into a sprint down that path.
Gothul was shocked at the speed with which she could run, and very soon she had disappeared into the foliage. "Gimbubatlat urzku ashdautas, vajaz-izub matuurz," ((I will find you again someday, my mortal maiden)) he swore to the forest path that had swallowed her up, "Mabajubatlat. Afar Angathfark!" ((I will have you. I swear by the forge of my soul!))
=============================================
Walking the path of elven dreams, Elladan came across a clearing in a dark forest where the trees were unfamiliar and the wind was thin and seeking something. A moment ago, it was night, but now the morning sun shined full. And he could see in the clearing, his memory most recent. Am I dead, then? He wondered. Myu was there, shielded behind him. He saw a mirror of himself fall before the orcish chieftain and then events blurred. He heard words of the black speech in Myu's voice; "Nadal Ajog!" ((Stop that!)) That did not make sense. How could Myu have spoken black speech? He saw brokenly her wide greenish eyes, the carrion of orcs, and a blue wire, but the images were shadered and made little sense to him, blotted here and there through holes in his memory, burned through by orchish poison. Then dark shadows seeped in again and swallowed up all time and space.
=============================================
PART 4
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Myu's Mishaps
Entry No.: 00923886
Subject: Camping out
Date: 01-03-0000
A lot of things have happened. First off, I'd like to say; What in the name of the four screaming hells…? Don't tell me that orc thing was hitting on me!! Oh! Oh! Nasty! I'm gonna barf! Why must I always attract the creepy guys? Why can't I get a cute like Elladan or Legolas? Or at least one that bathes regularly. That was just vile! (6_6;)
Anyways, here's what happened so far: In short, Elladan got hurt by that aforementioned barf-bag that was hitting on me (never mind how), and I figured I best take him back to that Rivendell place (I know nil when it comes to mantenence of type twos). Assuming I was heading the right direction (how did people ever live without GPS? How?!) I must have been at least half-way there, when alluva sudden, another one of those point-eared amish people (his name's Amrion, which I found out later) suddenly dropped out of a tree, right into my path like an idiot and hollered at me to stop. I don't think these people are too keen on Newton's laws, especially the second one that says; "an object in motion will remain in motion..." Lessee, I was going about 60 mph, which would be about 27m/s... I weigh 85 pounds, 38 kg. Force equals one-half mass times velocity squared, so 1/2 (38kg) x (27m/s)^2.... That's 13,851 Newtons I hit him with! Well, maybe a little less, since I *did* have a chance to decelerate a little. Cuz I don't think he would have survived if I hit him with 13,851 Newtons.
In result, Amrion and I, and the unfortunate unconscious Elladan whom I was carrying over my shoulder, crashed spectacularly and went flying through the air. And I, being so cat-like and agile (yeah, right), managed to twist mid-air so I could cushion Elladan's fall, well, kinda, while Amrion flew backwards and slammed into a tree trunk. Another guy, Taldur, dropped out of a nearby tree and asked Amrion if he was alright. Well, that was mighty considerate. After a dazed moment, Amrion sat up, brushed off his shirt like an Armani suit and said something about me running inhumanly fast, so it was impossible for him to have accurately estimated my velocity, thus it was *my* fault, not his, for *him* jumping in *my* way! Pfft! As if!
That's when I noticed something odd: I could understand them!… Yet I could straight-out tell the difference between their flowing speech and the guttural talk of those orcs. So how could I understand what they were saying if I only downloaded one language data file? Well, later this evening, I opened up the new language.dat, and sure enough, there were two or more words matched for every base vocabulary. This means basically that I, "the User", did not, as the computer accuses "Specify multi-lingual partitioning" so this "Westron" (the language these guys speak) has been mixed in with grunty orc-talk inside a big ol' 50 terabyte data file, and I'm going to have to spend forever and a day separating it out word-by-word if I want to translate my own speech efficiently. (Why me, Amida? Why?) As of now, I'm having to query in translations, and manually adjust them, which might lead to some grammatical errors, but I'll live, I guess. Besides, computers are awful at translations to begin with. We usually use AI's for that.
ANYWAYS, while I was wondering at that, Amrion and Taldur noticed I had Elladan with me (still unconscious). The two new guys ran up, got him off of me and started shaking him and calling his name, and speaking in ANOTHER language that I couldn't translate at *all*. I queried something to the CPU (I forget what it was now), thinking they might understand that other language I translated. And I found out the hard way that they really don't like that language. They kinda looked at me like "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" (these people don't talk much), and one of him drew his bow and aimed it at me, looking mad. And, well this was getting tiresome (not that my day had been peachy to begin with), so I just hollered at them "Kutabare, okama-tachi!" (in retrospect, I'm very fortunate couldn't understand that) and walked off and was done with it.
At least this way, I didn't have to witness the nasty process of pulling out arrows and crap out of Elladan (well, arrows, anywayz). And wow, it must have really hurt him! Elladan, I mean. They had to stick a piece of leather in between his teeth because he was clenching his jaw so hard, even when he was unconscious. I kinda feel sorry for the older models of humans now. Poor guy. In all, the operation took 3 hours and 37 minutes. And while the scouts were injecting antidote, picking out arrow splinters, stitching Elladan up and applying healing ointment, they were talking to each other, sometimes in the language I had downloaded, sometimes in that weird, musical language that I couldn't translate. I listened to them as I inconspicuously diagnosed outdated Earth plant-life (nothing too interesting, I assure you), and that's how I picked up their names; Amrion and Taldur. I also learned that they were scouts, sent by Elladan's daddy, who is, like, the king or something of that Rivendell place. I thought; "Whoa, hold on a minute. Elladan is a PRINCE?!! Money? Power? Rank? The whole nine yards?" I took a second look at Elladan's face, and suddenly realized he suddenly looked very Lego-licious indeed! And speaking of Legolas, I wonder where he is? If he's Elladan's friend, he might be a royal, too! Or not. I could definitely see myself with Elladan. Besides, dark hair is kinda sexy on a guy... tall dark and handsome and all... But it would be kinda hard to tell him apart from his clone... Elrohir was it?
Anywayz, before my train of thought derails completely, here's what happened later… After Amrion and Taldur were finished patching up my poor, unconscious prince Elladan, once rhetorically asked the other what happened to him, and the other said, looking at me, "I will bet it has something to do with this petty witch..." What a buncha superstitious bumpkins! I glared at them, and when they didn't take a hint, I queried; "I'll have you know that I'm not a witch!" to my CPU, manually picked out the Westron words and blurted it out.
They froze like water on liquid Nitrogen and looked at me funny. They were obviously very stunned indeed at my newfound ability to speak Westron. Because they just stood/sat there blinking at me like a pair of barnyard owls. And they hadn't said anything sense. Ha! Told them off! They thought I was stupid or somethin' because I could not speak their language (now I know how my dad feels being a foreigner).
In the end, I got no more than a few spiteful glances from Amrion and Taldur for the rest of the night as they went about setting up a camp and talking to each other purposefully in that language I couldn't understand. Elladan has his eyes open right now. They're kinda glazed over, and don't seem to conscious of what their looking at, but they're looking at me! (Hey there, sweetie!) Phew. If I want to win him over, I guess I'd better find out what a Maia is, or at least how to act like one so I can live up to his expectations (slaying orcs asunder and all). But I think I'll save that for another day. Right now, we're all settled down for the night, heading for Rivendell in the morning, and I'm due for a catnap. My mind needs a break from reality cuz three hours of formatting can be a scarring experience.
~Logging out~
Kaneko Myu
By the way, is it just me, or do these point-eared guys glow in the dark?
=============================================
PART 5 (New)
=============================================
Myu's Mishaps
Entry No.: 00923887
Subject: Cute guy
Date: 01-04-0000
Squeeee!!! This guy is so cute! He's got this big sword and has this very serious look on his face! I wanna pinch his cheek!
Sooooo Cuuuuuuute!!!
Anyways, I just wanted to get that out of my system.
~Signing Out~
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Elvish vocab: Hir nin = My Lord.
____________
Amrion and Taldur stood on the veranda, monitoring the falling night. Fireflies and cicadas were prolific in Elrond's west-wing garden, and it was difficult to be at ease with the edgy buzzing and the sporadic yellow-green flickers.
"Lord Elrond waits in his office," murmured the aide, who approached two elven scouts leaning on the railing of the veranda outside the said office.
Lord Elrond's office was a work of art in itself, back-dropped with a cornucopia of tomes and scrolls, beset in shelves and arches of a palled, silvery wood, carved in likeness of the forest foliage. The elf lord himself was seated behind his desk, a colossal piece of furniture around which sat four velvet-cushioned chairs, one of which was occupied by the strange purple-haired firiel ((mortal woman)) they found carrying the wounded Elladan, her wrists and ankles in shackles. On either side stood two guards, whose hands gripped the hilts of their swords. She had indeed spoken words of the black speech, but the two scouts had not realized that Elrond deemed her this dangerous.
"Hir nin," Taldur greeted, inclining his head respectfully, "How fares the Lord Elladan?"
Elrond's gray eyes were unreadable. "He is well. He will recover with time," he said simply, then motioned them to their seats. "I would like information regarding her and her behavior when you encountered her on Orn'ereg path," said the elf lord motioning to the firiel.
Amrion glanced at the firiel, who seemed more preoccupied with watching the guard stationed on her left rather than being fretful or enraged over her captivity. He spoke in elvish. "Other than her uncanny fleetness of foot and her strange...." he did not quite know how to place what it was she did when she talked, "... speech.... her behavior is quite typical of any young firiel. As I briefed with your aide, she crashed into me while urgently carrying Lord Elladan, who was injured, and requested of us, in the black speech, 'Don't just stand there, do something'."
Elrond stiffened noticeably, even though he had already briefed of this bit of information. He eyed Myu who had turned around in her seat to better observe the aforementioned guard. The guard was glaring back at her menacingly, knuckles tight on his weapon.
"If I may mention, hir nin," Taldur interrupted, "For whatever reason, I believe the firiel may just have been confused. Her accent made it evident that she was not familiar or natural with the tongue of orcs."
"That may be so," Elrond admitted slowly, "And then what happened?"
Amrion continued, "We tended to Lord Elladan the best we could, administering antidote, and by my judgment I deemed he was not safe to more until his condition was more stable," Elrond nodded his approval as a healer, and Amrion continued confidently, "We were in the midst of discussing what this strange creature could be and whence she came, for we did not know she had been in Imladris before, and that is when Taldur suggested she might be a witch."
"And you claim she answered to that in words of Common speech?"
"Aye, Hir nin," said Taldur, "But words only. She made a short dialogue, one which made very little sense."
Elrond Perehdil leaned forward, pressing his fingers into a steeple. She had not said a word since she arrived in Rivendell and Elrond was curious to know that she had slipped words of Common Speech. This could very well mean she was a spy, monitoring what they said, all the while convincing them she could not understand a word they spoke. "And what said she?"
Amrion and Taldur regarded each other, then finally one of them spoke, " She said, 'I make that I am not magical errand in you.'"
Elrond stopped, looked between the two, then raised an eyebrow. He was about to ask Amrion to repeat himself when he was interrupted by Myu making kissy noises. The elf-guard who was the target of those noises, had a very subtle expression on his face, an expression which would be the human equivalent of wrinkling one's nose. "Myu! Stop that!" Elrond barked in Common Speech, slamming his hand down on his desk. Myu jumped at the sound, her chains rattling, and turned to look at him. "Turn around and sit in your seat properly!"
Myu blinked, then sat down with a pout. Elrond felt almost reminiscent of scolding Elrohir all those centuries ago when he was an elfling. But only felt that for a fleeting moment as he realized that, yes, this indeed proved that Myu could understand him. He glanced at Amrion, who nodded, then looked hard at Myu. "Who are you, and whence come you?" he demanded.
User_Query: translate (new & JPN) "Who are you, and whence come you"
Results: "Dare desu ka, doko kara kimasu ka"
User_Query: translate (JPN & new ) "Kaneko Myu de, Ezo no shusshin desu."
Suggested Results: ...
"I am Kaneko Myu and is out of Ezo."
Elrond waited… And that was it. He looked at Amrion and Taldur who both shrugged. Elrond sighed, not knowing what to make of that save for tomfoolery. He tried another approach, touching on a topic she might be more serious about, and more compelled to answer. "Legolas of Mirkwood, Gresham of the Dunedain, as well as my scouts have witnessed your unusual feats, say for example, traveling faster than a horse, and have come to doubt that you are a mere human. In fact, Legolas has suspected you are a spy of the Dark lord Sauron. What evidence do you have against this?"
User_Query: translate … ……
Myu stared blankly at Elrond for a moment, then her eyes narrowed, then went wide.
User_Query: translate "Watashi ga hayaku hashireru toka to iu koto dake de wa………" ((Just because I can run fast and all doesn't mean I'm evil, you know. In fact, if you were to accuse me of that, you would be making a grievous logical fallacy called non sequitur, which means "does not follow". That is to say, that the premise of your argument does not, in fact, follow through soundly to your conclusion. Do you understand?))
Suggested results: "As for me I can run………"
With a semi-amused smirk, Elrond raised an elegant eyebrow waiting for her to respond, which took an agonizingly long time, but luckily elves are known for their patience. Finally Myu turned serious and said: "As for me I can run the fact that it is wicked exactly fast, it meaning that everything does not mean, you have known. Actually if it should appeal that me, you were called fault, logical error was made the sequitur, sadly, average "does not continue". Namely, really prerequisite of your argument to your conclusion that it does not follow to health. Do you understand?"
Elrond's mouth fell open. Taldur and Amrion simply stared at her. A long moment passed uneventfully, and finally Elrond snapped his mouth shut and said, "No… I do not understand…"
Myu shrugged then turned around, looked at the guard she was staring at earlier, despite his noticeable irritation.
User_Query: translate "Kare ga kakkoi nante pinchi yaritai kedo yarasenai daro " ((He's so cute I want to pinch him but he probably won't let me))
Suggested Results: "There is he………"
Myu pointed at the guard and told Elrond, "There is he, therefore as for lovely me the knob you want, him perhaps, but he does not permit me!"
Elrond looked to the scouts for help, hoping they had enough experience with her to clarify what was happening, but unfortunately they could offer more than a mirror of his blank expression. "What are you doing?" Elrond wanted to know.
Myu pointed again, despite the guard's irritation, "Cutie!"
"No!" The elf lord's temper was hanging by a thread, "Are you mocking us? Why do you speak like that?"
Myu froze blinking, obviously at a loss.
"Do you understand what I am saying?" Elrond pressed.
Pause. "Yes."
"And you speak the Common Tongue?"
Longer pause. "Yes."
"Then why are you speaking incoherently?"
User_Query: translate "Boku wa mechakcha ni hanashiteinai yo! Zenbu kokoro no mochi yo." ((I'm not speaking incoherently. It's all in your head!))
"I do not speak inconsistently. Your head entirely it is that!"
"Silence!" The elf-lord boomed.
"Naze ittai ni boku ni okotteru?!" ((Why the hell are you mad at me?!)) Myu squeaked with a scandalized look on her face.
And now this odd foreign tongue again? This was too much. Lord Elrond stood, drawing Taldur and Amrion to their feet as well. "Escort her to the dungeons," Elrond ordered as calmly and as even-voiced as possible, and the two guards were only too happy to do so.
"Cutie!" she cooed at the one guard, who was trying to keep her at least an arms length away, then before they managed to get her out the door, she froze as though something dawned on her. "Dungeons!?!"
"That is correct. You will be kept there until you are ready to speak civilly, and inform us truthfully of who you are and why you are here."
User_Query: translate "Boku no jibun de tsukutta honyaku wa chotto mechakucha daro ne………." ((I suppose my manual translations are a bit rough. I think I can get this formatting done after three or four days, so ask me then.))
Myu pressed a finger to her lips, contemplated, then said "I suppose that it is the bit where my hand translation is rough. As for me I three can make end this formatting four days later, therefore in me then asks of thing is thought."
Elrond shook his head jadedly, so she smiled and said more simply "Three or four days later?"
With a hesitant nod from the elf lord, Myu was off with the guards closing the door behind him. Elrond let his head fall tiredly into his hands. He somehow felt he was going to have as much success finding out who this strange female creature was and whom she served, as he did convincing Isuldur to toss the One Ring into Mount Doom….
Whatever happened to that Ring anyways?
Amrion, still standing in limbo, was hesitant to disturb Elrond, who seemed so distressed he had forgotten he and Taldur were still there. "By your leave, hir nin."
At the slightest gesture from their lord, Amrion and Taldur stepped outside the office door and back onto the veranda and regarded each other. Taldur glanced back at the closed doors "What was *that* all about?"