Disclaimer: I don't own X/1999, CLAMP does. Although if they are to offer me Subaru or Sorata, I won't be so stupid as to reject the offering. ^_^

Note: Spoilers for X volume 17. Tread with caution.

Cry
written by: da*mouse ®

She sat vigil by his bedside; her hands clasped firmly, fingers twisting themselves into knots, as she looked at his face, even more child-like and innocent in his slumber. Snatches of conversations between Kamui and the doctor flitted through her mind…serious injuries, broken right arm…She hadn't been paying attention whilst they were talking.

She had been too distraught. She kept thinking that he had died, he had truly gone and die on her, die for her. If not for Kamui, she knew she would have lost control right then, and there.

Losing control…her, Arashi Kishuu. Control was one thing she always prided herself on having, and today, because of the person she had regarded all along as an irritating kid, she nearly crumbled.

And now, sitting here, she found herself racked, consumed with immense guilt. It was because of her, all because of her. With every fiber of her being, she willed for him to wake up, to open his eyes and smile at her, tell her that everything was going to be all right,

She was suddenly gripped by the intense need to hear him, to hear his reassurances. She needed it. If he would only wake up, she would never yell at him again, or ignore him…she would even welcome his flirtations and attention…so long as he would be all right.

"N…Nee-chan." A small voice startled her out of her thoughts. Raising her head to look at him, she felt tears of relief springing into her eyes, and it took a lot of strength for her to force the tears back.

Arashi Kishuu never cried.

Sorata smiled weakly, and she could see that such a minute action was a small ordeal for him. "You're beautiful, as always."

How could he remain in such a way? He was so severely injured, he almost died, it was a miracle by itself that he was still alive. How could he…be the way he was? And yet, she wouldn't want him otherwise, to be anything lesser than himself. Sorata…always will be Sorata.

The floodgates opened, and she could not hold back anymore, not anymore. The tears gushed out, streaming down her cheeks, as she tried her hardest to stifle her sobs.

"Hey…don't cry."

Cry.

She had forgotten how to cry. She thought she had shed the last of tears, the last of her emotions, every single drop of it, when her mother abandoned her. Left her all alone, to fend for herself, banished her into an existence not worth remembering.

"I don't know how to deal with a woman's tears."

Tears.

It never occurred to her that she would feel their warm wetness on her cheeks again, or the salty taste on her lips. She thought she had seen the last of them, all those years ago. When she swore never, ever to shed a single tear again, for anyone.

But it was him now who made her cry, made those tears fall in a light pitter-patter, splashing onto her skirt. Him, who cared for her more than his own life.

"You…you don't know…how I feel…" She gasped through her sobs, horrified by the force of her emotions. She had never felt so deeply about anything.

"I'm a thorn at your side." He whispered, still maintaining the smile on his face. He closed his eyes for one moment, and then opened them again. "You cared nothing for me. I understand."

"No!" She cried instantly. "Do you think that it matters not to me if you die?" Impulsively, she grabbed his hand and held it.

"I am…after all, your comrade…a Dragon of Heaven…maybe...you would grieve…just a little…"

She buried her face in her hands, the tears still coming, fast. It was as if she was making up for all those years where they never managed to wet her eyes…for once, she didn't know how to stop them.

Just looking at him, looking at Sorata…made her cry. He, who never gave up, never took a breath's rest, relentlessly pursuing her, flattering her, cheering her, protecting…and most of all, loving her.

"No…you still don't understand…" she whispered brokenly. Couldn't he tell? She wanted to deny it for so long…and now, she could not. Not now, not ever. Not ever…

If she had been looking at him, she would have saw wonderment on his face, as he sat up and pulled her into his arms, stroking her dark hair with his uninjured arm. "Don't cry…"

She didn't know how to stop crying. Ironically, she used to not know how to cry, and now she could not stop.

All because of this young man, this wonderful young man…Sorata…who unfroze her heart, her tears with his tender, warm and loving soul. As she clung onto him, her tears wetting his shirt, she wanted nothing more than to be held close to that generous heart…forever. For that one instantaneous moment, Arashi knew that she never wanted to let go.

Cry.

She finally learnt how to cry again.

And to love.

-Finis-


da*mouse ®
posted 2nd March 2004
edited 10th March thanks to Monou Hakkai

Apologies if I seemed to butcher Arashi's personality, I know she is not the weepy type…but hey, she was crying heaps in the manga. And here I shall proclaim that I love dearest Arashi (+ Sorata) to bits. ^_^ They are such a lovely couple, and often overshadowed by Subaru/Kamui and Subaru/Seishirou.

Read, review/flame/comment/whatever. Much appreciated, thanks!

Now, if only I could get back to my other fics…o_o