Thank you all for your reviews. I really appreciate getting comments, because I like writing, and I like knowing that people enjoyed reading what I've written. For those of you who aren't pleased, I have to tell you, I don't write to please everybody, I write to please myself, and I won't accept anything less than a critique. Anything less than a helpful assessment will be overlooked, and I'm not trashing this story even if all my reviews say it's horrible. I thank the writers who have made helpful suggestions, because that to me is better than telling me that my story is wonderful, if it can be better. Also, about the morning after pills, they are now legal. I've done my research, and if for some reason I am wrong, then in this story they are. *sticks tongue out and laughs* That's right! You have no say! Muahaha.

Chapter 5 – Bits of Violet Amber

When Rory woke up, there was a page torn from a book on her pillow. Rory read the page he'd torn out.

"There was only the girl walking with him now, her face bright as snow in the moonlight, and he knew she was working his questions around, seeking the best answers she could possibly give.

'Well,' she said, 'I'm seventeen and I'm crazy.'"

Rory smiled. She hadn't read this book in a very long time, and remembering it was a warm memory.

"'You know I'm not afraid of you at all."

He was surprised. 'Why should you be?'

'So many people are.'

Many had been afraid of Jess, but she hadn't been. He was different.

"'But you're just a man, after all…'

He saw himself in her eyes, suspended in two shining drops of bright water, himself dark and tiny, in fine detail, the lines about his mouth, everything there, as if her eyes were two miraculous bits of violet amber that might capture and hold him intact. Her face, turned to him now, was fragile milk crystal with a soft and constant light in it. It was not the hysterical light of electricity but—what? But the strangely comfortable and rare and gently flattering light of the candle."

She turned the page over.

Dear Rory,

You are my Clarisse. You make me think, and make me suspect, and grow. You are my candle in the darkness, and you glow and sparkle and inspire me to do better. And I will live up to your expectations, because anything less would be inadequate. Don't forget about me, Rory. I won't forget about you.

Jess

Rory fell back to her pillow, etching the curves of Jess's script with her eyes and taking in every dotted and crossed letter. His scent was still in her room and she dug her face into her pillow inhaling it, because she knew soon it'd be untouchable.

She'd wished he'd hadn't left, she'd wished they'd had more time. She knew he was coming back to stay, but it felt like she'd never see him again.

She walked out onto the porch. She could smell the dew on the grass and the seasons changing. Her eyes started to tear, and she couldn't tell if it was from her allergies or the fact that Jess was gone. The insecurity she had. She felt like a hole had been drilled into her stomach and emptied. She couldn't smile, and she went into the kitchen to get a tissue. As she sat down at the table, her mom came in.

"Morning." Lorelai greeted.

"Morning," she said subtly and obviously less enthusiastic.

"I wanted to apologize."

"Apologize?"

"Yeah, I went a little overboard last night. At least I think it did. Did I? I was thinking about it last night and maybe that really isn't necessary."

"Well…"

Rory waited for Lorelai to interrupt her, but… she didn't.

"I mean, you can't even take those. I haven't even taken you to see a gynecologist yet. You know what? I'm going to make a date. We'll have you checked out. I'm sorry. I might have scared you last night."

"Mom, I really don't think it's necessary."

"Of course it is, Rory. I never did this with my parents." she gasped. "They would have freaked if I asked them. And look what happened. Not an all bad thing, but I was lucky, Rory, you never know if you are going to be that lucky."

"I won't need to be Mom." Rory strained her voice.

"I know, you think you are going to be safe, but I've been there Rory."

Flustered, Rory began to get annoyed. "Mom! Can we just talk about this another time? Like, next week or… next year?" Rory looked away; this was too hard for her right now.

Lorelai's face changed immediately. "Oh. Later." She paused. "Fine."

Rory's throat grew heavy; all the emotion she felt would explode. She felt alone and depressed already, and Jess hadn't even been gone for a few hours. How am I supposed to do this?

"So what do you want to do now" Jess had asked. He looked at Rory and waited for an answer.

"I don't know." She turned over and looked at the wall. It was too hard for her to do this, she didn't want him to leave, but she didn't want him to be there right then.

They sat in silence for a while. If Jess spoke, and he said something stupid, that would be the end of it. If Rory spoke, she would say something that would make him feel worse than he already did.

"So," Jess said. "This is fun."

"Tons." Rory said.

"Are you still going to go to prom?"

"I don't know."

"You should."

"What?"

"You should go. I don't want you missing out on the big senior event just because I won't be there."

"I don't know."

"It'll be fun. You'll dance, and… drink punch… and eat chicken."

"Well I do love chicken." Rory looked at Jess. "It wouldn't be the same, without you there. Besides I don't know anybody at Stars Hollow High anymore. Except Lane. And I don't want to hang around her and Dave all night."

"Why don't you go to the Chilton Prom? You know people there."

"I want to avoid being around Paris that night. If something goes wrong, she'll put me to work. Plus, I can't hang around her. Jaime will be there."

"Even Paris, huh."

"Even Paris."

It was silent once more.

"Listen, Rory. I know you aren't to happy with me right now, and well, we aren't on such great terms, but I'm not going to see you for a while, and… well…"

She leaned up onto the bed and looked at Jess. She kissed him on the cheek and said "Goodnight Jess."

"Yeah. Goodnight."

Rory didn't want to think about Jess anymore. At this rate, she'd fail her finals and Yale would kick her out. How was it that one boy could possibly ruin her life and all she'd worked for? It didn't seem fair.

Jess got off the bus in a strange town in a strange place.

He looked around, and walked towards the boardwalk. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't know how he was going to get there. All he had was a slip of paper his dad had mailed his mom once and Liz threw it out. He had taken the envelope out of the garbage and saved it. It was one of many things he kept hidden from Liz.

He approached a house. A crazy house. It had dogs and cats and a gate. Jess hated dogs. Maybe this wasn't Jimmy's house.

Jess started to open the gate as all the dogs started to run towards him. Jess freaked and closed the gate.

"Hey! Hello, is anybody home? Hey!"

A woman appeared on the roof. She had blonde spiky hair. She looked old, but young at the same time. Young in mind. She reminded him of Liz.

"Pipe down!" Sasha yelled at the dogs. "You sellin' something?" she asked.

"No." he answered. He sighed. "Does Jimmy Mariano live here?"

"Does he owe you money?" she asked immediately.

Wow, just the kind of father I thought I'd have. "No, I'm his…" Jess paused. His son? He didn't feel like his son. He just had the same last name. "Jess. I'm Jess."

"Jess?" she asked. She remembered Jimmy had a son. Could it be?

"Jess Marian…" he tried to get out while the dogs started acting up.

"Frodo, back off now!" she yelled. The dog cried and scurried away. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"I just wanna see Jimmy, okay?" he was getting frustrated. He was talking to a woman on a roof for God's sake. He might as well be talking to the dogs.

"Hey, did you ever see The Wizard of Oz?" she asked.

"Yes." Jess answered reluctantly.

"Remember when they go to the Emerald City and they ring the bell and the guy with the beard stuck his head out and they said that they wanted to see the wizard, and he said no, and they said, 'She's got the ruby slippers', and he said 'Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in.'

"Yes." he nodded.

"Well, I'm the guy with the beard and I'm saying the no unless you can come up with the ruby slippers." she raised her eyebrow.

"I'm his… son." he spit out.

"His son?"

"Yes…" Was this going to be so hard to do? "…his son."

"Well…" His son. My god. "…that's a horse of a different color. Come on in."

Rory sat at the table staring at her books. Her system was all set up, and she had left off reading about the Bolshevik Revolution, but now she found herself staring out the window. Rory was startled when she heard the front door open.

"Hello?" Luke called in the house.

Rory paused. If she didn't say anything, would he leave? He had probably just found out Jess was gone.

She heard footsteps towards the kitchen. Rory cringed.

"Rory." Luke said startled.

"Hi.. Luke." she said embarrassed. She wished she'd had answered. It was the same way she said it when Luke had caught her with Jess on the couch in a compromising position. She had been ashamed then, and she was ashamed now.

"Hey… is your mom around?"

"She went to the Inn," she said doubtfully, "I think." Rory heard her leave the house, and didn't say good-bye. She regretted it.

"Oh." Luke replied. He put his hand through his hair nervously.

"Are you okay, Luke?" she looked up. Luke had been nothing but a father to her. He didn't deserve to be lied to now.

"Umm…"

"I know." Rory said softly.

"What?"

"I know.. that.. he's gone. And I know about you and my mom." I can't do this now. Not both.

"Oh."

"So…"

"I'm sorry."

"About which?" Rory responded.

"Both?"

"Luke…" she waited for the right words to come to her. "You have been nothing but a great friend to me and my mom, more than that. My mom deserves a great guy like you. You umm… have my blessing?"

"Wow this is so weird."

"Well, this isn't exactly a normal house you've stepped into here."

"I know."

"I swear sometimes I feel like the mom." Rory laughed. She had almost forgotten about last night.

"That makes me a teenage boy."

"Feels good to be young, doesn't it?" Hah. What an oxymoron.

"Yeah I guess." he stood there nervously for a few seconds and looked away. His look was exactly the same as the one Jess made when he said he was leaving.

"You don't have to stand there, Luke. Do you want to sit down?" she asked.

"Sure."

It was tough to know what Luke was feeling. Mom had once called him unflappable. She had been so right.

Luke sat down at the table and followed the lines of wood with his eyes. He didn't know what to say.

"I can't believe he's gone." he said.

"I know." she responded. "It's not your fault." she said. In truth, she wanted to hear it too.

"How can it not be?" He paused. "I failed him."

"How can you say that?"

"I let him be free to do whatever he wants. I set rules for him… and I let him break them one by one."

"Jess was never one to live by the rules, Luke."

"I was supposed to change him."

"You did."

Luke looked up. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He had changed Jess.

"You did a good job with him, Luke. You're gonna be a good father one day. You've been like one to me. And I can't think of a better person for my mom."

"Thanks." he said. "You're a good kid, Rory. You didn't deserve this."

"I know." she answered back. "But in a way I feel like I was asking for it." Tears started to well up in her eyes. "I let him keep driving while we were in the car. I let him control me. I don't know what it is…" she paused. "Was." she corrected as she wiped her eyes. "I liked his attention; I'd never been treated like that. I mean… with Dean it had been so different; he was a nice guy in general. But Jess was this boy who had been pushed the wrong way and hated the world, but not me. Something about me made him want to know more, and I don't know what it was. I visited him in New York! I skipped school! I missed my mother's graduation. I kiss him while I was still with my boyfriend. He was a jerk to my friends, to my grandma, sometimes even to me. I don't know what I ever saw that made me…" she stopped. Love him.

"I know you know what it is, Rory." Luke said. "Maybe you can't word it, but there was something. I saw you two."

"Yeah?" she was so humiliated. She'd just gushed about a boy to Luke. It was her first time ever showing that much emotion to him, and he was being so patient.

"Yeah." he answered assertively. "Thanks, Rory."

Rory folded her lips into somewhat of a smile. At least, one that she could hold. "Thanks, Luke." He nodded and walked out. Rory proceeded back to Russian history.

Jess was followed Sasha down the boardwalk. It was quite a struggle as she said hello to almost every person they passed, as if she knew everybody. It was no small town like Stars Hollow, but it seemed like everybody knew somebody.

"Nice town."

"Sure is!" Sasha said happily.

Wow, you're chipper! he thought.

"So do you and Jimmy have any kids?"

"Jimmy might." she responded suspiciously. "I mean… I've only heard of one."

"Oh?"

"You know I was talking about you, right?"

"Oh… yes." Phew.

"But I have a daughter. Her name is Lily."

"Oh."

"Yeah, she's a young one. Quiet. Falls asleep in the cabinet sometimes."

"Right." he responded. The cabinet. What kind of crazy people…

"Here we are!" she almost shouted. Jess looked around to see if people had turned their heads.

"Right, here we…"

Jess was interrupted by a booming voice.

"Sash! What are you doing here?" He went in for a hug. He was tall, and Jess saw features of himself in this man. Part of him was angry for what he'd done to their family. Part of him felt empty for the half of his family he didn't know.

"I brought a visitor," she said focusing her eyes on Jess.

Jimmy reached out his hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm Jimmy."

Jess took his hand. "Jess."

Jimmy's hand went limp. That's when he noticed the dark curly hair. Liz's eyes. His nose. Her mouth. His… Jess.

"My Jess?"

"Your… Jess."

"You, uh, just get here?"

"About a half hour ago."

Sasha interrupted. "So Jess," she continued, "I assume you'll be staying for dinner."

"If it's not too much trouble…"

"No trouble. No trouble at all. Jess, can I steal Jimmy for a moment?"

"Uh, sure." Jess sat down on the bench, his eyes wide open. What the hell am I doing here?