Chapter 17

*Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

As night fell over Sunnydale, Giles and the gang kept researching, looking for any and all weaknesses they could use in defeating the Judge while Dominick had taken Faith on patrol since Buffy had not resurfaced after sunset and Giles had begun to get a little worried about his slayer, not to mention he could hear all of the kids' stomachs growling and knew that they too were worried about why Buffy hadn't shown up.

" That's it, I say we order a pizza." Xander said after his stomach growled fiercely, shattering the silence of the library as everyone gave him strange looks, " What I know you all were thinking it."

" Xander I believe we should wait for Buffy to get here then we will figure out a plan of attack." Giles told the boy.

" And why can't we eat pizza while we wait for Buffy?" Xander implored, and Giles was about to protest when the door swung open and everyone looked up expectantly hoping it was Buffy.

" Oh its just you guys." Cordelia said scathingly when she realized it was just Faith and Dominick coming back from patrol. Xander looked at Cordelia and rolled his eyes at her bluntness once again. Xander knew Cordelia hung around them because Buffy and Faith had saved her life, but it wasn't like every person they had ever saved was jumping to become a member of the Scooby Gang, and she didn't really like any of them, except for maybe Faith. As much as Xander hated to admit it, Cordelia and Faith had become pretty good friends.

" Yeah, its great to see you too Cor." Faith said, rolling her eyes at Xander and then sitting down in his lap, " So still no B huh?" And everyone just shook his or her heads.

" Buffy said she was heading to Angel's after training today, but she should be back by now, I just hope she's okay." Willow said nervously, twisting her hair around her finger.

" I'm sure Buffy is all right." Xander said reaching around Faith and patting Willow's shoulder comfortingly, and she gave him a small smile.

" Yeah Will, B's fine, she can take care of herself." Faith said before turning and kissing Xander softly. Willow just nodded but neither one of them were paying attention to her both to wrapped up in themselves, she got up from the table and went into the hall. Willow didn't know why it still bugged her so much to see Faith and Xander together, she thought she hadn't gotten rid of all of her lusty feelings for Xander especially now that she had Oz, but it still hurt to see Xander with Faith knowing he had been so blind to her feelings for him.

" Hey Will." Xander said from behind her and Willow jumped turning around to face him.

" Why would you do that Xander?" Willow asked pushing at his chest playfully and Xander gave her his trademark goofy grin before slipping back into a serious expression.

" What's going on Will?" He asked brown eyes locking with green ones.

" Nothing, I'm just worried about Buffy because she's worried about Angel and not concentrating and I don't want her to get hurt." Willow rushed out looking away from Xander, hoping he would buy the story.

" Will, Buffy's little miss slay gal she can hold her own, and besides that's not what I meant, I meant what's going on with us." Xander said turning Willow's head so she was looking at him.

" Nothing, Xand, nothing's going on with us." Willow said, hoping her eyes didn't betray her words. Xander was her best friend, had been since they were in kindergarten, he could read her really well, but yet Willow couldn't bring herself to tell him her feelings for him. He's with Faith now, Willow kept reminding herself.

" Willow, don't tell me its nothing. Ever since Faith and Buffy got back from their dad's this summer, you've been acting weird, distant. Will, we're best friends and I don't want things to be weird between us." Xander pleaded with Willow, his brown eyes filled with concern. Xander had been through everything together, Willow was his lifeline, the one person in the world he could count on when things got rough at home, or at school, and he didn't want to lose that friendship.

" No weirdness here Xand, its just I've been busy with-with school yeah, and helping Buffy and Faith with the slaying and now there's this thing with the Judge, Angel might be missing and possibly dead so yeah I guess I've been distant but its not about you its never about you." Willow told him and he seemed to accept her explanation.

" Well, I don't know how to help you with all that stuff, but I've been thinking about how to fight the Judge," Xander began to explain, and Willow looked at him skeptically, " Yes, I, Xander Harris, King of Cretins has been thinking and ooh, ooh I think I have a plan," Willow was listening intently now waiting to hear his plan, when all the lights in the hall and the rest of the school went out,

" Okay, and now I'm seriously having the wiggins." And Willow nodded in agreement.

" Willow, Xander hey." Angelus called from the shadows, already in full vamp face. Oh, this is gonna be fun, a nice little birthday present for the slayer, he thought trying not to chuckle at the thought of the look on Buffy's face when she showed up at the library to find all of her friends broken, mangled bodies.

" Deadboy what the hell are you doing?" Xander asked a little agitated at Angel's appearance.

" Angel, did you see Buffy?" Willow asked.

" Yeah I saw her, I've got something to show you, Xander why don't you get the others?" Angel told him.

" Sure." Xander said, thinking it was a little odd that Angel didn't just go into the library, so he stopped as soon as he turned the corner to the library to kind of keep an eye on Willow.

" Hey Willow come here." Angelus told Willow and she took a few tentative steps towards him.

" What is it Angel?" Willow asked a little confused by Angel's weird behavior.

" Willow get away from him now." She heard a female voice command from behind her and Willow spun around to see Miss Calendar walking towards her and Angel, a cross held out in front of her, Xander behind her, the confused expression on his face mirroring Willow's own.

" Miss Calendar, its just-" Willow started to say but her words along with her oxygen were cut off when Angel clamped one strong hand around Willow's fragile throat.

" Willow!" Xander shouted in shock, surprise and fear when he saw Angel attack Willow.

" Xander, go get Faith." Miss Calendar commanded as calmly as possible, even though her own body was shaking fiercely and she was anything but calm, had she been paying attention she would have noticed that Xander hadn't moved from behind her.

" Let Willow go Angel." Miss Calendar told the vampire, taking a few steps toward them, the cross still held out defensively in front of her.

" Umm sorry, but I'm thinking no." Angel snarled at Miss Calendar, " And if you take another step I'll snap her neck." He tightened his grip around Willow's neck for emphasis, and Miss Calendar stopped moving, scanning the hallway looking for some type of weapon she could use against Angel, possibly to knock him out with, " Well now, see I have a message for Buffy-"
" Well then give it to me yourself." Buffy interrupted and Angel turned around to see Buffy standing in the doorway, hands on her hips trying to look imposing. Fear gripped Buffy's body when she saw that he was holding Willow roughly around the throat and she couldn't help but notice the fear and panic in Willow's eyes.

" Well lover, its not really the type of message you tell, it kinda involves you finding all the broken, bleeding bodies of your friends, and your messing that up so go away." Angelus said sardonically.

" Angel, this can't be you." Buffy said.

" I thought we all ready covered this." Angelus said tiredly and Xander took the opportunity now that Angelus was distracted to get the cross from Miss Calendar and crept up behind him.

" Angel, there has to be some part of you inside that still remembers who you are." Buffy pleaded.

" Dream on schoolgirl." Angel said coldly. " Your boyfriend is dead and you all are going to join him."
" Leave Willow alone and deal with me." Buffy commanded.

" But she's so cute and helpless, really a turn on." Angelus said mockingly just then Xander pressed the cross his face causing Angel to jump as his flesh began to burn and sizzle, throwing Willow at Xander and sending them both sprawling to the ground, Willow coughing as the pressure on her throat was released and air began to fill her lungs once again.

" You shouldn't have done that, boy." Angelus growled at Xander clutching his cheek, where it was still smoking from the cross.

Angelus rushed forward, grabbing Buffy's upper arms, causing her to yelp more in surprise than in pain, pulling her off of the ground so that her face was barely two inches away from his own.

" Things are about to get very interesting." Angelus whispered, pressing his lips to Buffy's in a kiss that meant nothing but still made Buffy feel weak in the knees and unable to pull away from him. When he had finished kissing her, he flung her away from him satisfied that she had hit the wall. When she hit the ground, Buffy pulled her knees up to her chest, watching as Angel left the school, gulping in air and trembling, rocking herself slightly as she tried to keep the tears from escaping. As soon as Angel had left the school, Xander and Willow rushed over to Buffy, kneeling on either side of her.

" Buffy, what happened? Are you okay?" Willow and Xander asked in unison. But Buffy didn't respond in any way not even turning to look at her friends. She just keep staring at the spot Angel had stood only moments before. Seeing their friend's near catatonic state Willow and Xander shot each other a concerned look over Buffy's head.

" Buff, look at us please." Xander pleaded with his friend placing a hand on Buffy's trembling shoulder, " God, your shaking, tell us what happened."

" Xand, maybe we should take her into the library, I mean Angel could come back any time and she can't fight him, not like this." Willow told Xander, and he nodded in agreement reaching down to pick up Buffy, but she shook her head.

" I'm fine guys," Buffy said sniffling a little and Xander and Willow looked unconvinced, " Maybe not all that okay, but I can walk." She got to her feet then, and walked into the library sitting down, pulling her feet underneath her, hoping that Giles and Dominick would have some answers for her.

" Whoa Will what happened?" Faith asked when she saw Willow's disheveled appearance, " Are you guys okay?" Both Willow and Xander nodded distractedly, their eyes still trained on Buffy.

" So Angel's alter ego Angelus has resurfaced?" Giles asked Jenny for like the tenth time but he was still having some trouble believing what he was hearing, and she nodded. " Are you absolutely positive?"

"Yes!" This time everyone sitting in the library shouted it.

" Giles, it couldn't have been Angel, I mean he was so cruel, he came here to kill us." Willow told him sighing as she flopped down in a chair across from Buffy, unconsciously rubbing her throat as she watched her best friend concern filling her eyes. She noticed that Buffy had taken something off of her finger and was now playing with it absentmindedly, and then Willow saw a tear roll down Buffy's cheek but Buffy made no movement to wipe it away or catch it.

" What are we going to do?" Cordelia asked.

" I'm leaning toward blind panic myself." Giles said sitting down.

" Not in front of the children." Jenny told him.

" If Angelus is back, we need to find out how, why and whether or not this change is permanent." Dominick told everyone his mind already thinking of a course of action to deal with this new threat.

" Does this mean more research, cause I mean if Angel's all evil now isn't what we do kinda obvious, the girls make with the slayage and then we party." Xander explained leaning back in his chair and both Willow and Faith smacked him in the back of the head, " Ow why does everyone always do that?" He whined clutching his head as the girls glared at him, and Willow got up from her chair walking over to Buffy.

" You okay?" She asked Buffy softly, and Buffy shook her head looking up at Willow, her eyes glittering with unshed tears, " Is there anything I can do?"

" I should have known, Will, the things he said...." Buffy told her friend her voice breaking as the memories of the things Angel had said washed over her again.

" What things?" Giles asked.

" It's private." Buffy said, turning away from Giles' questioning stare

" But you didn't know Angel had turned bad?" Miss Calendar asked.

" You knew, how did you know, I mean you were the one who told me to get away from him." Willow asked, remembering now that Miss Calendar had been the only one to notice something was different about Angel, and Willow was curious as to how she had known.

" I saw his face." Miss Calendar explained, coming up with an excuse quickly, it wasn't like she could just tell them the truth.

" If only we knew how it happened." Giles said sitting down at the table.

" What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

" Well, something set it off. Some, some, uh, event must've triggered his transformation. Well, if anyone would know, Buffy, it-it should be you. " Giles said.

" I don't." Buffy said.

" Well did something happen last night?" Giles asked his stubborn slayer. Willow noticed the look that passed over Buffy's face when Giles mentioned her telling him the reason Angel had gone bad, and suddenly Willow just knew what had happened that had turned Angel bad, they had given into their passion finally, and it had ended in Angel turning into the biggest asshole of the century. Willow wished she had an idea of what Buffy was feeling, what it would be like to share something so special with the one person you loved and have them turn all evil, but she didn't.

" Giles, please, I c-can't, I just can't, I'm sorry." Buffy managed to stay before jumping out of her chair, bolting from the library, Giles still calling after her.

" Shut up Giles!" Faith and Willow shouted in unison.

" I-I'm sorry but we really need to.." Giles trailed off looking at Dominick for back up.

" We know Rupert, but I think its best if we let Buffy be for now." Miss Calendar said placing a hand on Giles' shoulder.

" She's right Rupert, if they don't attack tonight I think we should just leave Buffy alone and we'll worry about the Judge in the morning." Dominick said agreeing with Miss Calendar's idea.

" Well, I'm going after her." Faith told them, walking towards the door,

" You coming Will?"

" Sure Faith." Willow said, walking towards Faith and Xander got up to follow them.

" Xand," Faith said when she noticed her boyfriend standing next to them, waiting to leave and knew he probably wanted to go with them to talk to Buffy,

" I think this is kind of a girl thing, we'll see you in the morning." She reached up and kissed Xander softly on the lips before walking out of the library Willow following her.

" But-but I want to help, I'm Buffy's friend too." Xander said softly watching his girlfriend and his best friend leave.

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Buffy ran away from the high school as fast as her legs could carry her, needing to be as far away from the place where her whole world had just come crashing down around her, and away from her friends and their questioning stares; memories of the past couple of hours still swirling in her mind. She still felt numb, as if her limbs weren't connected to her body as she ran, her mind knew she was running but she didn't feel her feet hitting the ground. Her mind was in a haze and she couldn't grasp any of the many thoughts that were swirling their, it was like her mind was playing on repeat, telling her over and over again that Angel was gone. She needed to go somewhere where she could just be Buffy and give into the bone-numbing, mind paralyzing pain she felt and didn't need to deal with the slayer responsibilities. When she reached her home, the house was darkened and all shut up, and Buffy knew that both her mother and Dawn were already in bed. Buffy crept up to her room silently, pulling the door shut quietly behind her. She didn't know what to do, a part of her still wanted to curl up and cry for all she was worth and another part of her just wanted to scream, pummel something take out all of her pain and frustration the way Faith often did. She looked around her room, a room which was still full of memories of Angel, Buffy and Angel had shared their first kiss in this bedroom, he had stayed the night here when they were hiding out from a vampire gang. But then her gaze came to rest on a silver cross necklace that was hanging from her bedpost, it was the cross Angel had given to her when they first met, and it meant so much to Buffy, he had obviously given it to her because he cared about her and that was before they had even met. As she stared at it, playing with the delicate cross on the end, a sob came burst from her throat and she put her hand to her mouth turning away from the necklace. She then pulled off the ring Angel had given her as the tears began to stream freely down her cheeks. The ring had been given to her with such love and devotion, and Buffy knew it was a symbol of forever, and Buffy had shown Angel just how much he had meant to her, and how willing she was to spend forever with Angel in that one perfect moment. That moment was one of the best and worst of Buffy's life. To be that intimate with someone, to give herself so freely to the one whom she loved so much was exhilarating and freeing, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that in that perfect moment Angel had forfeited his soul. Buffy felt her knees go weak no longer up to the task of supporting her, and she collapsed on the bed as she began to sob harder, curling up on her side, pulling her knees to her chest, clutching the ring Angel gave her like a lifeline.

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Faith and Willow ran to Buffy's house, stopping every couple of blocks so that they could catch their breath, knowing instinctively that was where Buffy had gone and wanting to get there quickly in case she did anything stupid in her fragile state. They knew how much Buffy loved Angel, and to lose him like that so quickly and without warning must be crushing her, and didn't want to leave her alone when she was hurting this badly. They reached Buffy's house and ran in the front door when they realized it wasn't locked, and up the stairs taking them two at time until Faith nearly tripped and fell over something on the darkened stairwell.

" Ow." The lump said, and as Faith's eyes adjusted to the dark she saw Dawn sitting on the stairwell clad only in pajamas.

" What are you doing Dawn?" Faith hissed, trying to keep her voice as low as possible so that they wouldn't wake their mom, but from where they were standing they could her Buffy's pained sobs and knew immediately why Dawn was there.

" Buffy's crying, what happened?" Dawn asked curiously.

" Go back to bed Dawnie, we'll take care of Buffy." Faith reassured her younger sister, helping her up off of the stairs and leading Dawn to her bedroom.

" She's gonna be okay right?" Dawn asked Faith concern for her older sister evident in her voice. Faith and Willow just shrugged honestly not knowing whether or not Buffy would be okay.

" Sweetie, we don't know if Buffy's gonna be okay, but we promise you we'll take good car of her, so just go to bed now." Faith told her younger sister, brushing some lose strands of Dawn's hair off of her face and kissing the younger girl's forehead, and walking away from her going into Buffy's room. Dawn waited until Faith and Willow went into Buffy's room, before creeping into the darkened hallway, trying to listen to the conversation going on in Buffy's bedroom.

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Buffy felt the weight on her bed shift as someone sat down next to her, and she felt someone began to softly stroke her cheek, brushing away her tears as they fell. Her heart started to beat a little bit faster because the soft touch reminded her of Angel and it gave her hope that maybe Giles and Dominick had found a way to return Angel's soul to him. She opened her eyes and saw that Faith and Willow were sitting next to her, both of their eyes filled with concern for her.

" Hey B." Faith said smiling weakly at her sister. Faith wanted to cry for Buffy, she could feel the pain radiating off of her sister in waves and it was breaking her heart. Buffy didn't deserve this, her life had been turned upside down so many times and she didn't deserve to have it messed up again, not when it was finally getting back to normal. Buffy sat up looking at both her friend and sister before her face crumpled again, her tiny body once again becoming racked with sobs. Faith didn't even think before pulling Buffy into her arms, rocking her sister slightly, trying to soothe her. Willow moved onto the other side of Buffy, placing her hand in the small of Buffy's back rubbing comforting circles into it.

" God, it hurts....it just hurts so much...I feel like I'm dying." Buffy said between sobs the words muffled by Faith's shoulder.

" Oh Buffy." Willow said a sad tone to her voice, tears filling her own eyes at the pain she heard in Buffy's voice. She looked over to see tears in Faith's eyes also, and they both shot each other helpless looks, not knowing what to do to help their hurting friend.

" Buffy, what happened with you and Angel last night?" Faith asked, hoping that by getting Buffy to talk about what happened with her and Angel they would get clues as to how he lost his soul, and it might help Buffy work through some of her pain. At the mention of the night before, all the memories of making love to Angel, his tender kisses and caresses and the way he held her so gently but firmly as she fell asleep came flooding back to her, but along with those memories came back Angelus' own critique of that beautiful moment and it was too much for Buffy to take. She felt the bile beginning to rise her in her throat and she clapped a hand over her mouth as she began to gag, pulling out of Faith's arms and running to the bathroom where she fell in front of the toilet retching violently. Faith and Willow ran after Buffy where they found her in the bathroom emptying her stomach of all the things she had eaten in the past couple of days. The girls first reaction was to say "eww" and leave the bathroom, but then they remembered how badly Buffy was hurting and that technically Buffy was grieving, and grief sometimes did weird things to people. Faith knelt down next to Buffy quickly, pulling Buffy's hair back with one hand, murmuring soft words of comfort, as Willow sat behind rubbing her back, trying to convey some sort of comfort to her hurting best friend. When Buffy had emptied her stomach of all its contents, she pushed away from Willow and Faith, leaning against the bathtub, pulling her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, putting her forehead on her knees, rocking herself slightly as the tears began to fall yet again. Buffy knew that what happened to Angel was somehow her fault, that in those moments while making love to Angel or immediately afterwards something she had done had made him lose his soul. Buffy just wanted to be alone, to hurt, to have no comfort, since she felt that she didn't deserve not after what she had done to Angel, taking away the one thing that kept him anchored to this world.

" Oh god, Angel, what have I done?" Buffy whimpered and Faith rushed forward placing a hand on Buffy's shoulder, which Buffy shrugged off quickly. Faith then knelt down in front of her sister, placing her hands on Buffy's knees.

" Buffy, sweetie look at me," Faith pleaded with her sister, pulling Buffy's head off of her knees, holding her chin firmly, forcing Buffy to look at her, " What did you do?"

" Please, just go away, Faith." Buffy sighed defeated, turning her head forceful away from Faith's concerned gaze, knowing that if she stared into her sister's dark brown eyes she would see the love and concern for her there and lose all the willpower to push her away.

" I'm not going anywhere Buffy, tell me what you did."
" I don't know, Faith, not exactly, I gave Angel a piece of me, all of me, something no one can ever have and...and.." Buffy tried to explain to her sister not knowing how, her voice breaking as she started to sob, falling forward against Faith, knocking her sister backwards as Buffy laid her head in Faith's lap. Faith stroked Buffy's light blonde hair tenderly as her sister continued to cry out all of her pain and frustration. Faith knew what Buffy had meant when she said she had given Angel all of herself, Buffy had made love to Angel, she had given him her virginity, and in return she had lost him and gotten Angelus in his place.

Faith couldn't even began to try and comprehend what Buffy was going through, the emotions that were coursing through her body. Faith had already experienced her first time with Xander and she wouldn't give the experience up for anything, but then again she had no idea what she would have done had Xander turned evil after that beautiful experience. Willow went to the sink to get Buffy a glass of water, as she watched Faith comfort Buffy, knowing Buffy needed her sister and didn't want to break off the tender moment between the sisters. Faith felt Buffy's sobs beginning to subside and she helped her sister up off of the ground, Willow handing Buffy the glass of water, but Buffy just looked at it blankly.

" Its water, Buffy, its so you don't have vomit mouth." Willow said trying to smile gently at her friend but Buffy just took a sip of the water as Faith and Willow led her back to the bedroom, Buffy sitting on the bed.

" Get some rest, Buffy, we're gonna go home, we'll come check on you in the morning before school." Faith said, leaning down and hugging her sister, kissing the top of her head, before her and Willow turned to leave.

" You guys, could umm stay with me tonight." Buffy said softly, not wanting to lose the comfort she felt when her sister and best friend left.

" Buffy, we would, but well Will has to get home before her parents start freaking." Faith told her sister as gently as possible, she really wanted to stay and be there for her sister, but she didn't want to get Willow or herself in any trouble with either of their guardians.

" Please." Buffy pleaded, sounding like a little lost child, and the vulnerable, sad look in Buffy's eyes made Faith not care whether or not she would get in trouble for staying out all night. Faith looked at Willow, wanting to make sure it was okay with her before she agreed to stay with Buffy and knew that the look in Buffy's eyes had also took away all of Willow's fears about getting in trouble when the other girl nodded in the affirmative, Faith shutting Buffy's bedroom door behind her, walking over and sitting next to Buffy.

" So umm are we sleeping on the floor tonight?" Willow asked curiously.

" Umm, I think the bed can hold the three of us." Buffy stated trying to give them a wan smile, but failing miserably. She went to her dresser, giving Faith and Willow a pair of pajamas each, and pulling one out for herself. The three girls changed as quickly as possibly none of them comfortable changing in front of each other. When they were changed, they all squeezed into Buffy's queen-sized bed the best that they could, Buffy in between Willow and Faith, soaking up their comfort. It seemed like they had no sooner laid down, gotten comfortable and began to drift off to sleep, and Buffy began to tremble again, sniffling, which gave way to the fact that she was crying. Faith rolled over onto her side, draping her arm across Buffy's trembling frame, as Willow did the same. Soon the three friends had drifted off to sleep, Willow and Faith's arms wrapped around Buffy, holding her tightly, trying to calm her, as the tears began to dry on Buffy's cheeks.

A/N: Some lines taking from Surprise/Innocence.