Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
Chapter 18
Buffy was dreaming all of her friends faces were spinning around her in rapid succession, and she couldn't pick one face out of all of them, except for some reason Miss Calendar's which was the only one she could focus on. " You have to know who to trust," Buffy heard a voice say in her dream and it sounded like Angel, and again the faces began to spin in rapid succession, " And who not to trust." The faces slowed then, fading into the background until only Miss Calendar's face remained. Buffy bolted upright in bed, the quick motion waking up Faith and Willow, not to mention she also kicked Dawn, who at sometime during the night had crawled into bed with the older girls, falling asleep at the foot of Buffy's bed. Buffy stood up then, stepping over Faith and going over to her dresser. The dream had made her understand some things and she now knew that Miss Calendar was either directly or indirectly involved in Angel losing his soul or at least knew how and why it had happened.
" What's up, B?" Faith asked groggily, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she sat up in bed. Buffy was now fully dressed and standing in front of the mirror pulling her blonde hair into a ponytail, and when she spun around to pull on her shoes, ignoring Faith's question completely, Faith saw anger and steely determination in Buffy's eyes and the way she had set her jaw. Buffy pushed herself off of the ground, walking out of her room and out of the house, slamming both doors behind her. Faith got to her feet then, pulling on the clothes she had worn the night before, Willow following Faith's lead doing the same.
" What's going on? What's wrong with Buffy?" Dawn asked.
" We'll tell you later squirt, we have to go." Faith said, grabbing a brush off of Buffy's vanity and gesturing for Willow to follow her as they ran out of the house. The look that Faith had seen in Buffy's eyes that morning had her worried more than it should. She was worried that Buffy had decided to take out Angel, and Faith knew that in Buffy's emotionally vulnerable state, she would end up dead or worse, a vampire.
" Faith, where did Buffy go?" Willow asked breathlessly as she struggled to keep with Faith's brisk pace.
" Will, if I knew where she was going we wouldn't be doing the whole cat and mouse thing." Faith said exasperated and Willow quickly fell into silence not wanting to piss Faith off. They finally spotted Buffy walking in the direction of the school. What is going on with her, Faith thought, motioning for Willow to hurry up as the closed the gap between themselves and Buffy, but not getting to close.
Buffy could feel someone following her, and knew it was probably Faith and Willow but she kept walking, not really wanting to deal with them at that moment. She had to get to the school and find out what Miss Calendar knew or had done. Buffy reached the school, pushing open the front doors a little too forcefully, and she quickly glanced around the corridors and was grateful to see that they were empty. Buffy followed the familiar path through the halls to Miss Calendar's computer class, swinging open the door, and Giles and Miss Calendar looked at her.
" Hello Buffy." Giles said smiling at her, but Buffy ignored him, grabbing Miss Calendar by the throat and slamming her onto the desk.
" Buffy!" She heard Willow, Giles and Faith shout but ignored them her focus completely on the struggling woman in front of her.
" What do you know?!" Buffy shouted at her, and Faith rushed forward, grabbing Buffy by the waist trying to pull her off of Miss Calendar without hurting her in the process. The students in the classroom had all gotten to their feet then, staring at the confrontation in front of them, mouths gaping open in shock.
" Do you want me to get the principal?" Someone in the back of the room asked.
" No, I'll umm deal with this, you are all dismissed." Giles told the frightened and confused students and they all rushed from the room.
" B, you need to chill." Faith said, still trying to pull Buffy off, but Buffy let go of Miss Calendar.
" Did you do it? Did you change him?" Buffy asked Miss Calendar who was rubbing her throat, coughing and Buffy felt a little guilty when she saw the bruises that were already beginning to form, but she quickly pushed the guilt away. " Did you know this was going to happen?"
" For god sakes calm down Buffy, you can't just go around accusing everybody..." Giles began to scold his slayer.
" I didn't know...exactly.....I was told," Jenny began interrupting Giles and everyone turned to her shock evident on their faces, " I was sent her to watch you. To keep you and Angel apart. They never told me what would happen."
" Jenny!" Giles shouted in disbelief, confused by this new turn of events.
" I'm sorry, Rupert, girls. Angel was supposed to pay for what he did to my people." Jenny explained, looking at the ground not able to look at the hurt and betrayal she would find on their faces.
" And me? What was I supposed to be paying for?" Buffy asked in a small hurt voice.
" I didn't know what would happen until after. I swear I would've told you." Jenny said.
" So it was me. I did it." Buffy said softly and Faith reached out to put a hand on Buffy's shoulder but she flinched away.
" I-I think so. If you did..." Jenny said trailing off.
" I don't understand." Giles said, demanding an answer as to what exactly Buffy had done to cause Angel to turn into that maniac Angelus.
" The curse. If Angel achieved true happiness even just a moment of...He would lose his soul." Jenny explained.
" How- how do you know you were responsible..." Giles began but trailed off when Buffy gave him a pointed look and he understood then, " Oh."
" If there's anything I can..." Jenny began to say.
" Curse him again." Buffy demanded.
" I-I can't, those magicks are long lost even to my people." Jenny told her.
" You did it before. It might not be too late to save him." Buffy said practically pleading.
" I-I can't, I'm sorry." Jenny said sadly.
" Then take me to someone who can." Buffy demanded. Jenny nodded knowing she could take Buffy to her Uncle Enyos, that he would be able to explain to Buffy what she couldn't and why the spell couldn't be duplicated. Faith wanted to go with her sister for moral support but more to keep Buffy and Jenny away from one another, so she, Jenny, Giles and Buffy left the school and Willow finally go the chance to take over Jenny's computer class. When they reached the hotel Jenny was the first one up to his room, the others following closely behind her. Jenny knocked softly once and when it wasn't answered immediately she walked into the room.
" Oh my god." Jenny murmured her hands flying to her mouth when she saw her uncle sprawled across the bed, covered in blood his throat ripped out, his cold dead eyes facing the door. Jenny couldn't do anything but stare at his body, completely missing the message written in blood on the wall.
" Hey what's up Miss C?" Faith asked when she heard Jenny gasp, Buffy and Giles following her into the room, all of them gasping when they saw the sight before them. Faith looked away quickly, grabbing Miss Calendar's arm, pulling the shocked and horrified woman into the hall. Giles was torn between going to comfort the woman he was falling in love with and staying in the small, silent hotel room that smelled of blood and death with his slayer. Buffy was staring at a message scrawled across the wall in blood stating "Was it good for you?" which had obviously escaped everyone else's keen notice. The message erased any doubts in her mind about who had killed the dead man before her.
"Don't let him get to you," Buffy heard Giles say softly, his voice pulling her from her thoughts, his hand on her shoulder in a gesture of comfort and she turned to look at him, " That's what he wants to make it harder for you."
"He's only making it easier, " Buffy stated her gaze once again drawn to the message on the wall before her feeling Giles' questioning gaze on her, " I know what I have to do now, I have to kill him." She then turned away from the gory scene in front of her stalking out of the room, Giles following her at a much slower pace.
" What's wrong?" Xander asked when Buffy, Giles and Faith returned later that afternoon. He had heard from Willow how Buffy went off on Miss Calendar in the middle of one of her classes that morning, and how they had left not long after that. He couldn't help the worry which had been eating at him all morning as he wondered if his best friend and girlfriend, and the worry only increased when he saw the defeated looks on his friends faces' when they walked into the library.
" Xander, shouldn't you be in class?" Giles asked the young man a weary edge to his voice.
" Well I heard about what happened this morning and I was worried, and I see I had a right to be worried now." Xander told Giles alluding to the fact that all three of them looked like victims of some great injustice, " So what happened?"
" Jenny betrayed us, she knew about the curse all along and we found her uncle dead in his hotel room, killed by Angelus." Faith said slumping down in a chair next to Xander, who reached over rubbing circles into her back, a million questions running through his mind but he knew that now was not the time to ask them.
" Well I have something that might cheer you up." Xander told them, just as the library doors swung open and Willow and Oz walked in. When Willow and Oz were seated at the table, Xander proceeded to tell them that he had figured out a way to possible beat the Judge. All the books had said that the Judge was unkillable, but Xander figured that was just because weapons during his reign of terror were not powerful enough. So Xander, Cordelia and Oz had snuck onto the Sunnydale Military Base stealing a rocket launcher, figuring that it was large enough to get the job done or at least majorily injure the Judge.
" Wow, Xand, you came up with that all on your own?" Faith asked amazed and Xander nodded proudly, " My boyfriend is so smart." She leaned over then giving him a passionate kiss, causing the rest of the gang to groan and Giles to clean his glasses.
" Umm guys, what do we do now?" Willow spoke up, causing Faith and Xander to stop what was rapidly becoming a steamy make out session, all attention on her, " I mean what's the plan, do we just go to the warehouse guns blazing? How do we even know that they'll be there?"
"Only one way to find out, " Buffy said, " We go to the warehouse, if they're not there we need to figure out where they would go."
" Agreed." Giles said. The library then became a flurry of motion, everyone rushing around gathering weapons and other odds and ends. Xander, Buffy and Faith slipped into Giles' office where Xander pulled out a long crate, placing it on the desk, Giles joining them, just as curious as the kids to see the rocket launcher.
" Happy birthday guys, I hope you like the color." Xander told Faith and Buffy beginning to pry open the crate.
" Wicked cool!" Faith exclaimed gleefully.
" Yeah, this is good." Buffy agreed.
" Do you uh, " They heard someone say in the doorway and Faith and Giles turned around to see Jenny standing there looking quite uneasy, " Is there something I can do?"
" Get out." Buffy growled in a low menacing voice.
" I-I just want to help." Jenny pleaded with them, wishing they would understand why she had to do what she did.
" She said get out." Giles said, turning away from her after he spoke unable to see the dejected look in her eyes that he knew would be there when she turned and left.
" Alright Xand, show me how to use this "wicked cool" present." Buffy said smiling softly at her sister and Xander, a smile that didn't reach her eyes and was only put on for show. When Xander finished explaining to the girls how to use the rocket launcher they joined Willow, Cordelia and Oz in the main foyer of the library. Oz had agreed to drive them to wherever they needed to go, which surprised the Scoobies a little since he barely knew any of them. Oz, for his part, was only agreeing to help them out because it would be helping Willow and also gave him more time to spend with the redheaded he was quickly becoming enamored with.
" I knew it." Buffy said when they walked in the warehouse only to find that it was completely deserted.
" Do-do we have any idea where they would go?" Giles asked trying to keep his frustration at bay.
" Well it would have to be somewhere busy since they need bodies." Faith said thoughtfully.
" How 'bout the Bronze?" Xander asked.
" It's closed tonight." Willow told him.
" Well, I think I have an idea," Oz spoke up, causing everyone to turn and look at him a little surprised since he was normally so quiet, " Well this Judge dude needs lots of bodies right well why not the mall? It's always packed there."
" Well it merits investigation." Giles said.
" Alright, Sunnydale Mall here we come." Buffy said striding out of the factory the rest of the Scoobies trailing her. When they reached the mall it seemed peaceful enough, nothing out of the ordinary for Sunnydale and all of them were feeling a little defeated thinking they had no idea what they were doing, that was until they got inside the mall, and saw that the Judge, Angel, Drusilla and a few other vampires were also just arriving taking up a spot on the balcony above the ground floor.
" Everyone but Faith stay back, damage control only. Me and Faith we got the Smurf." Buffy told her friends. They came to an abandoned refreshment stand in the middle of the mall and Buffy and Faith climbed on top of it, while the rest of the Scoobies stood around them, making sure to stay behind the refreshment stand. They watched while they were setting up that the Judge had already burnt his first human to ashes and was now standing arms open, palms flat, orange electricity flowing from him and connecting every human in the immediate vicitinity together. Faith took that opportunity to shot the crossbow she held in her hands, the arrow flying at the Judge's chest and sticking there. It had the desired affect as all the people were released from the Judge's control, and continued to go about their business as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
" Who dares?" The Judge questioned pulling the bolt from his chest and casting it to the floor like it was nothing more than a nuisance.
" Guess I got his attention." Faith said shrugging.
" Stupid mortal children, don't you know that no weapon forged can stop me?" The Judge questioning chuckling at what he thought to be their stupidity.
" That was then," Buffy said, reaching down to grab the rocket launcher from Xander, hefting it up to rest on her right shoulder, " This is now." The Judge just started at it fascinated as she flipped a few switches turning it on, placing her finger gently on the trigger. Faith jumped off the counter, joining the rest of the gang behind it.
" What's that do?" The Judge asked curiously. Both Angel and Drusilla seemed to know what it did as they ran forward, jumping over the railing just as Buffy pulled the trigger sending a rocket zooming at the Judge's chest, the kickback nearly knocking Buffy of the counter. On impact the Judge exploded into a cloud of orangish-gold fire and smoke. In the moments following the explosion chaos reigned in the mall as bits of the Judge rained down on the screaming people, the fire emergency sprinklers turning on as the cloud of smoke that had once been the Judge reached the ceiling, covering the people in a freezing cold shower.
" That was the best present ever." Buffy told Xander as she hopped off of the counter.
" Ya think he's dead?" Faith asked Buffy.
" Don't know. Just pick up the pieces and keep them separate." Buffy told her friends, as she began to walk away from her friends, stopping when she felt someone grab her arm and she turned around to look into the concerned brown eyes of her twin.
" Be careful, B." Faith said softly and Buffy nodded turning away from her friends and walking through the assorted chaos in search of Angelus.
" Pieces?! Did you say pieces?!" Cordelia called after Buffy, but Buffy just ignored her continuing to walk, " Cause I don't do pieces." She affirmed crossing her arms over her chest, pouting dramatically. Xander groaned, grabbing Cordelia's arm and pulling her along with him.
Buffy followed Angelus to a side hall, stopping him right in front of the exit.
" Leaving so soon?" Buffy asked crossing her hands over her chest, reaching into the inside of her jacket, wrapping her hands around the rough wood of the stake she kept there. Angelus didn't reply he just brought a hand up punching Buffy in the mouth, sending her sprawling to the ground landing roughly on her backside.
" You know what the worst part was? Pretending that I loved you. If I had know you would give it up so easily I never would have bothered." Angel said mockingly sneering his arms flying up in front of him, preparing for a fight as Buffy flipped herself to her feet once again.
" That doesn't work on me anymore. You're not Angel." Buffy told him disdainfully.
" You'd like to think that wouldn't you. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is you made me who I am today." Angel taunted her, and she kicked him in the face. Fighting with Angelus was like a practiced dance, they knew each other's every move and were able to block and counter each other's attack. But like fighting with Angel's every once in awhile they were able to get a punch or kick in on the other, and it seemed like Angelus was gaining the upper hand as he knocked her to the ground once again, and she didn't get up right away needing to catch her breath.
" You're not giving up on me already are you Buff? Come on kick my ass." Angelus said. Buffy got to her feet, pushing her body to the limit as she rained blow after blow down on him, knocking him into the wall, where he slumped to the ground. Buffy pulled the stake out then, ready to finish what she had started, but Angel pulled himself up off the ground, staring straight at her. Buffy looked deeply into his chocolate brown eyes, lost in memories of her and Angel and the love they had shared for one another, lowering her stake to her side, finding herself unable to use it.
" You can't do it, you can't kill me." Angel said mockingly seizing on her hesitation in her moment of weakness. Suddenly the hard look returned to Buffy's face as she kicked him in the crotch. Angelus's eyes widened as pain exploded throughout his groin and up into his belly. He found he was unable to do anything but let out a strangled moan collapsing to the ground, clutching his burning groin.
" Give me time." Buffy murmured, spinning on her heels and stalking out of the mall, pushing her wet bangs from her forehead. She leaned against Oz's van, staring out into the dark night sky, thoughts clouding her mind. She knew she should have used her stake, should have killed Angel while he was on the ground helplessly clutching at his crotch, but she couldn't do it. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes as she thought about the disappointment she would hear in her friends' voices, see in their eyes when they found out that she had been unable to kill Angelus. She had failed them for the first time since they found out about her gig as the slayer and she wasn't ready to let them know. She had tried to shut off her emotions, to become cold, callous and uncaring. But when Angelus had looked at her with Angel's soulful brown eyes that had once been filled with such love for Buffy and were now devoid of emotion, she found she couldn't do it, she couldn't kill the man who wore her lover's face. Buffy felt a familiar tingle shoot up her spine, and knew that Faith was close to her. She felt an arm snake around her waist, and knew it was Faith. She snuggled a little closer to her sister, drawing on her sister's strength, needing the support that only Faith could give. Faith could feel Buffy trembling ever so slightly and knew that the battle with Angelus had undoubtedly been tough on Buffy, especially if it had a dusty ending. The climb into Oz's van then, the ride back to the school done in silence as no one wanted to talk about what happened between Buffy and Angelus afraid to break the already emotionally fragile girl, not to mention they were all exhausted from the events of the past few days. When they reached the school Oz offered to drive Xander and Willow home, while Giles offered to drive Buffy and Faith home.
" Is something wrong?" Giles asked softly when he pulled up in front of the house on Revello drive and Buffy was making no move to climb from his car.
" I-I couldn't do it." Buffy said softly, staring out of her window at the soft inviting light coming from her front porch, " I-I couldn't kill him Giles." Giles tried to hide the shocked look that passed over his face, but found he was unable to. Faith for her part climbed out of the car, knowing that Giles and Buffy needed to be alone to talk and work things out, she squeezed Buffy's shoulder comfortingly before climbing out the car, running up the steps to the house, but stopping and sitting on the top step.
" Well, then, I-I believe you know it is not over. He'll come after you particularly since he tends to strike out at the things that made him feel the most like a man." Giles told her.
" You must be so disappointed in me." Buffy said dejectedly, facing him for the first time that night, tears swimming in her eyes.
" No, no I'm not." Giles told her firmly.
" But this is all my fault!" She cried.
" I don't believe it is. Buffy, do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? Because you did. And I can. But I know how much you loved him and how he loved you. He has proven that more than once. You had no idea what was going to happen. This coming months are going to be hard, I suspect on all of us, but if its guilt you are looking for Buffy, than I'm not you man. All you will get from me is my support, and my respect." Giles told her, and Buffy found that she could no longer keep her tears at bay, and they had began to pour down her cheeks.
" Thank you Giles." Buffy whispered her voice choke by tears, but managing to smile at him. He returned her smile, reaching for her hand nervously and giving it a gentle squeeze. In the year and half since he had known Buffy, she had begun to grow on him, to worm her way into his heart. Although Giles would never tell her this he thought of her like the daughter he would have liked to have and to see her hurting, the pain so clearly written on her face day after day, the brilliant smiles she always gave him no longer reaching her eyes was tearing him apart inside. He wanted nothing more to take her pain away, to keep her from hurting every again. Buffy pulled her hand out of his then, climbing from the car and walking slowly up the path to her front porch. Giles watched as she sat down next to Faith on the front step, and Faith, not speaking or even looking at Buffy for more than a mere second, reached out, pulling Buffy into her arms. The sound of Buffy's sobs reached his ears, breaking his heart all little more. He hadn't been lying when he had said the coming months would be hard, but he knew that Buffy would get through it with the help of her friends and her sister, that none of them would let Buffy get to lost in her grief.
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" Did I miss anything?" Joyce asked from the doorway, a plate with three cupcakes on it in her hands, her two daughters turning from the TV to her, her heart lightening at the thought of them together.
" Nope, just some singing and dancing." Buffy said as her mom took her seat in between the girls, snuggling up to Joyce yet again. Buffy, Faith and Joyce were having a belated birthday celebration, and Dawn was already upstairs in bed, so the two of them had their mom to herself. Buffy was tired, physically and mentally exhausted and she wanted nothing more than to sleep for weeks, but another part of her wished she could curl up in her mother's arms, and cry for hours, telling her everything about being the slayer and Angel, but that was just wishful thinking. Joyce laid the cupcakes on the table.
" I'm sorry I didn't have to make you a real cake." Joyce said apologetically, realizing that it was the first time in over a decade when she had both of her girls together for their birthday, and she really wished she had been able to make it more special for the girls.
" No, this is great mom." Faith said reassuringly, the word mom still feeling a little unusual to her.
" But we'll still go shopping on Saturday," Joyce said, and both girls looked at her, "What'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun?"
" The gang threw us a surprise party, it was alright." Faith said purposely avoiding the parts that involved Angel or slaying.
" What about you Buffy? Did you have fun?" Joyce asked her silent daughter, wondering what had made the normally bubbly girl so reticent.
" I got older." Buffy said solemnly.
" You look the same to me." Joyce told Buffy, smiling gently. She wanted to ask her daughter what was bothering but knew Buffy wouldn't answer. Joyce leaned forward then, lighting candles on the cupcakes.
" Happy Birthday girls." Joyce said, leaning back on the couch, " I don't have to sing do I?"
" No." Buffy said staring at her hands as Faith beamed at her mother.
" Well go on make a wish." Joyce prodded gently and Faith did as she was told blowing out the candle, but Buffy just continued to stare at the candle, " Buffy?" Joyce questioned.
" I think I'll just let it burn." Buffy told her mom softly, laying her head on her mom's lap, Joyce running her fingers through Buffy's blonde tresses, as Faith also laid her head on her mom's shoulder. Buffy pretended to be watching the movie, but she was actually watching the still burning candle, knowing that as the wax melted dripping down and landing on the frosting of the cupcake, her childhood innocence and naivety was melting away much in the same way. She once believed that wishes and dreams came true but knew now that she was wrong, the no matter how much you wished for something it wasn't going to happen. That things one believed to be perfect could fall apart in an instance and more often than not would, that no one was ever prepared for the twists life takes, and she found herself wanting that innocence back as she watched the candle burn, her eyes growing heavy and closing as she fell into a restless sleep.
* Some lines taken from Innocence.*