WARNING: This shipper story is about to set sail! Major angst in this section, too. Ok? Good. :)
She pulled out of his arms and sat back on her heels to look at him. "Well you bloody well aren't serious!" she exclaimed.
She looked closely at his face.
"Doc. You cannot, can not, CAN NOT be serious!"
He titled his head, amused at the triplication of her denial. "Why not?"
"Why not? Hell's teeth! Where would you like me to start?!"
His gaze was still calm, but his words had a slight edge to them. "I'd like for you to start with what Halda told us yesterday."
His words dispelled her steam, and she sighed and slumped against the wall. He moved to sit beside her, both of them cross-legged, not touching but close enough to touch. She didn't answer, and he gave her a wry smile. "Or do I need to refresh your memory?"
She still said nothing, but he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was remembering...
* * * * * *
"You two! Come here. I will speak with you!"
The Doctor looked up from the wooden puzzle he was carving to find that Halda was pointing at him and Tegan. Tegan sat beside him, sewing one of her shirts that had been ripped. It had been odd at first, sewing with a needle made of bone, but she'd quickly gotten used to it. Everything sharp they were allowed to have was made of bone, and they were only allowed to have such items in the crafting room. Under the laundry system each prisoner was given seven outfits a week, and on the sixth day they were all collected and washed and the clean ones brought back on the seventh day. If you had a tear or rip in anything you were expected to mend it yourself during crafting time.
Tegan had glanced up as well: all the prisoners had, fear and curiosity on their faces. She frowned, and the Doctor frowned, but both of them rose, surrendered their implements to guards, and were escorted out by Halda and three other Azim.
They were taken into a detention room, and Tegan felt a sharp stab of panic, unable to stop herself from thinking about her torture. The Doctor heard her gasp and reached out, grasping one of her hands in his. They stood quietly and waited for Halda to speak.
"You have been here almost a month."
The Doctor was puzzled. "Yes."
"In all this time," Halda continued, "you have not mated."
Tegan gulped.
"Why is that?" Halda asked.
The Doctor cleared his throat nervously. "Surely we do not have to mate in a certain time frame," he began, but Halda stopped him by stabbing a finger in his direction.
"Something is not right about male and female who are bonded who don't mate," she said flatly. "I want to know what it is."
"Why?" Tegan asked angrily. "What does it matter if we screw like rabbits or abstain like monks? It isn't our time in the schedule yet to try and have a child!"
"Crass, but well said," the Doctor murmured.
Halda shook her head. "I do not know what a rabbit or a monk is, but I know that it is not part of the way for you not to be mating. You consented to the shot readily," she accused, looking at Tegan with a hard stare.
"Well I'm sorry that we don't mate on demand," Tegan snapped. "Tough luck for you, that."
"Perhaps you are not truly paired," Halda said. "Perhaps you only act like you are so you can stay together."
"Why does it matter?" The Doctor asked darkly. "Why is it so important for us to be a pair? Why couldn't we be together and not be bonded?"
"It is disruptive!" Halda stormed. "And if there is no attachment between you, you will not be kept under control so easily."
"You know very well that we are attached," Tegan retorted. "We tried to escape together, and the Doctor begged you to let him take my punishment! How much more attached could we be!"
"Not enough," Halda said. "How will you mate if you are not bonded?"
Tegan didn't have an answer for that. "I thought so," Halda said triumphantly. "Since you are not paired together, you can live with another just as easily."
"And how do you think the mating will take place then?" Tegan asked sarcastically.
Halda shrugged. "Your consent is not required to produce a child," she replied matter-of-factly. "And there are many other males here."
Tegan gasped and staggered back as she understood what Halda meant. "You're talking about having me raped and impregnated! You can't do that!"
"I can, and I will," Halda answered calmly. The Doctor was in shock.
"Why?" Tegan cried, anguished. "Why won't you just let me stay with the Doctor! You can't force me to have sex with some stranger, you can't! I won't let you!" She screamed.
"Tegan!" Halda warned. Guards came to stand behind Tegan and the Doctor.
"I'll kill myself first!!" Tegan shouted.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!"
Halda and Tegan both looked at the Doctor, stunned into silence by his roar. His face was ghostly white, and he trembled with anger, his eyes chips of icy blue fire.
"If the only way that Tegan and I can stay together is by pairing off sexually, then that is what we will do," he said in a voice even colder than his eyes.
Tegan nearly fainted. Halda looked skeptical. "Why now? If she means so much to you, why are you not mates already?"
"That doesn't matter!" he barked. "What matters is, we will be mates now, completely, if you will let us stay together."
She still looked unconvinced. He sighed. "Give us a few days. I promise you we will do as you order."
She nodded. "Very well. You have three days. If you have not mated by then, I will take Tegan and put her with another male."
The walk back to their cell was long and bleak.
* * * * * *
Tegan finally sighed. "I'd managed to forget about that for a time, thank you very much."
He nodded. "I'd like for it not to matter," he said quietly. "But it does."
She rested her chin on her knees, looking glum. "So, we have two more days to deliver on the promise," she said. She looked at the Doctor; this being that was her friend, her best friend in the whole universe other than Nyssa, that she was supposed to shag to suit their captor's sense of peace and harmony.
"Yes."
"Doc, I'm sorry, but... how could you do it? How could you make a promise like that to Halda knowing you can't keep it? Have you got a plan that'll get us out of here in the next day or two that you've not told me about?" she asked hopefully.
He looked at her levelly. "No, I don't have a plan, and yes, I can keep that promise. WE can."
"But how?"
He was laughing. Laughing at her! "I don't see what's so funny," she said tartly.
"I never would've thought I'd need to explain sex to you, Tegan," he chuckled.
Realization dawned on her. "You mean you want us to... really... actually..."
"Really, actually, truly," he assured her.
Tegan was infinitely thankful that she was already on the floor: it saved her the trouble of falling. "Oh, Doc," she said helplessly.
"Is it such an unbearable thought?" he asked quietly.
She glared at him, suspecting he was needling her. He saw the glare. "I'm serious, Tegan. Is going to bed with me a totally unwelcome concept?"
She sighed. "Under these circumstances, I'd not want to take any man to bed. But circumstances notwithstanding..."
He waited. "Yes?"
"You tell me first," she said quickly.
"Not fair," he chuckled.
"Isn't it?" she asked softly. "You're the one who up until about a month ago barely spoke with me beyond the obvious or the superficial. Do you expect me to think you're enjoying the idea of this?"
"No, I don't enjoy the idea of this at all," he told her honestly. "But it has everything to do with being coerced into it and nothing to do with Tegan Jovanka."
She stared at him in wonder.
He nodded. "Oh, yes. You want a confession? You want me to tell you that I've thought of you? That part of the reason I kept you at arm's length was because I was afraid of you? Of what I suspected I could feel for you? All right, then, I admit it. I rather think we're past the point of admissions hurting us, don't you?"
"Yes," she said faintly. Something he'd said nagged at her. "What was the other part?"
"What?"
"You said that was PART of the reason you kept me at bay," she explained. "What was the other part?"
He smiled again. "You're very beastly at times."
To her amazement she laughed. "I can't dispute that! But, you know, I did tell you why that was..."
"Yes," he agreed. "And it confirmed what I'd believed for a while now."
"Which was what, pray tell?"
His eyes were warm and soft as he looked at her. "That you felt much the way I did."
She sighed. "You've laid yourself on the line for me. I owe you the same."
He started to speak, but she held up a hand. "No, I want to say it." She drew a deep breath. "Yes, you're right again, blast it. I've thought of you, wanted you on some level. But I knew it was a stupid idea. So I never told you how I felt."
"That must have been difficult," he said gently. "I know there were times when I wanted to tell you how I felt, especially since I thought it was the same with you, but like you I couldn't do it..."
"Great," she quipped. "We have a prison warden to thank for the confession of our feelings." But she managed a smile, and he managed to return it.
"Not how I'd have wanted it to happen," he agreed. "But it's done."
"Yes," she nodded. They stared at each other for a moment. "So... what now?" she breathed.
He glanced down, suddenly looking shy. "I don't have much experience," he admitted.
"Neither do I."
His surprise must have shown on his face, because she scowled. "Had me labeled as the whore of Babylon, did you?"
"No, no," he said quickly. "I just assumed, I suppose, because you're human..."
"I've warned you once before about making assumptions," she grinned, anger gone as fast as it had arrived.
"And I have assuredly made an ass out of me, if not you as well," he answered. "I'm sorry, Tegan, that was an unfair assumption on my part."
She nodded. "Well, now that we've established that we fancy each other and that neither of us is a Casanova..."
"Yes?"
She burst into laughter. "This is completely stark raving mad!"
He laughed with her. When their amusement had calmed he took her hands in his. "I'm glad we're able to laugh about this," he said.
"Why is that?"
"Humor is a wonderful survival tool," he said. "If we can keep our sense of humor with this insanity around us, we can survive it."
"Sensible," she murmured.
"Yes, but I'll try not to be tonight," he said quietly.
"What, sensible?"
He nodded. "If this has to happen, at least we can give each other what pleasure we can. I'll not have you feeling like you're being raped."
"But I am," she said gently. "And so are you. It's just that instead of someone else doing it, we're doing it to each other."
He looked distinctively unhappy at her words. "I don't want to think of it that way, Tegan."
"Neither do I, Doc. So... how about we just do what you said, try to give each other what we can, and think of it as something that might have happened someday on its own?"
"That's a marvelous plan," he told her.
She scooted over and sat between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her, and she wrapped her arms around his. She tilted her head back onto his shoulder, and he turned and brushed his lips against her cheek.
She pulled out of his arms and sat back on her heels to look at him. "Well you bloody well aren't serious!" she exclaimed.
She looked closely at his face.
"Doc. You cannot, can not, CAN NOT be serious!"
He titled his head, amused at the triplication of her denial. "Why not?"
"Why not? Hell's teeth! Where would you like me to start?!"
His gaze was still calm, but his words had a slight edge to them. "I'd like for you to start with what Halda told us yesterday."
His words dispelled her steam, and she sighed and slumped against the wall. He moved to sit beside her, both of them cross-legged, not touching but close enough to touch. She didn't answer, and he gave her a wry smile. "Or do I need to refresh your memory?"
She still said nothing, but he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was remembering...
* * * * * *
"You two! Come here. I will speak with you!"
The Doctor looked up from the wooden puzzle he was carving to find that Halda was pointing at him and Tegan. Tegan sat beside him, sewing one of her shirts that had been ripped. It had been odd at first, sewing with a needle made of bone, but she'd quickly gotten used to it. Everything sharp they were allowed to have was made of bone, and they were only allowed to have such items in the crafting room. Under the laundry system each prisoner was given seven outfits a week, and on the sixth day they were all collected and washed and the clean ones brought back on the seventh day. If you had a tear or rip in anything you were expected to mend it yourself during crafting time.
Tegan had glanced up as well: all the prisoners had, fear and curiosity on their faces. She frowned, and the Doctor frowned, but both of them rose, surrendered their implements to guards, and were escorted out by Halda and three other Azim.
They were taken into a detention room, and Tegan felt a sharp stab of panic, unable to stop herself from thinking about her torture. The Doctor heard her gasp and reached out, grasping one of her hands in his. They stood quietly and waited for Halda to speak.
"You have been here almost a month."
The Doctor was puzzled. "Yes."
"In all this time," Halda continued, "you have not mated."
Tegan gulped.
"Why is that?" Halda asked.
The Doctor cleared his throat nervously. "Surely we do not have to mate in a certain time frame," he began, but Halda stopped him by stabbing a finger in his direction.
"Something is not right about male and female who are bonded who don't mate," she said flatly. "I want to know what it is."
"Why?" Tegan asked angrily. "What does it matter if we screw like rabbits or abstain like monks? It isn't our time in the schedule yet to try and have a child!"
"Crass, but well said," the Doctor murmured.
Halda shook her head. "I do not know what a rabbit or a monk is, but I know that it is not part of the way for you not to be mating. You consented to the shot readily," she accused, looking at Tegan with a hard stare.
"Well I'm sorry that we don't mate on demand," Tegan snapped. "Tough luck for you, that."
"Perhaps you are not truly paired," Halda said. "Perhaps you only act like you are so you can stay together."
"Why does it matter?" The Doctor asked darkly. "Why is it so important for us to be a pair? Why couldn't we be together and not be bonded?"
"It is disruptive!" Halda stormed. "And if there is no attachment between you, you will not be kept under control so easily."
"You know very well that we are attached," Tegan retorted. "We tried to escape together, and the Doctor begged you to let him take my punishment! How much more attached could we be!"
"Not enough," Halda said. "How will you mate if you are not bonded?"
Tegan didn't have an answer for that. "I thought so," Halda said triumphantly. "Since you are not paired together, you can live with another just as easily."
"And how do you think the mating will take place then?" Tegan asked sarcastically.
Halda shrugged. "Your consent is not required to produce a child," she replied matter-of-factly. "And there are many other males here."
Tegan gasped and staggered back as she understood what Halda meant. "You're talking about having me raped and impregnated! You can't do that!"
"I can, and I will," Halda answered calmly. The Doctor was in shock.
"Why?" Tegan cried, anguished. "Why won't you just let me stay with the Doctor! You can't force me to have sex with some stranger, you can't! I won't let you!" She screamed.
"Tegan!" Halda warned. Guards came to stand behind Tegan and the Doctor.
"I'll kill myself first!!" Tegan shouted.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!"
Halda and Tegan both looked at the Doctor, stunned into silence by his roar. His face was ghostly white, and he trembled with anger, his eyes chips of icy blue fire.
"If the only way that Tegan and I can stay together is by pairing off sexually, then that is what we will do," he said in a voice even colder than his eyes.
Tegan nearly fainted. Halda looked skeptical. "Why now? If she means so much to you, why are you not mates already?"
"That doesn't matter!" he barked. "What matters is, we will be mates now, completely, if you will let us stay together."
She still looked unconvinced. He sighed. "Give us a few days. I promise you we will do as you order."
She nodded. "Very well. You have three days. If you have not mated by then, I will take Tegan and put her with another male."
The walk back to their cell was long and bleak.
* * * * * *
Tegan finally sighed. "I'd managed to forget about that for a time, thank you very much."
He nodded. "I'd like for it not to matter," he said quietly. "But it does."
She rested her chin on her knees, looking glum. "So, we have two more days to deliver on the promise," she said. She looked at the Doctor; this being that was her friend, her best friend in the whole universe other than Nyssa, that she was supposed to shag to suit their captor's sense of peace and harmony.
"Yes."
"Doc, I'm sorry, but... how could you do it? How could you make a promise like that to Halda knowing you can't keep it? Have you got a plan that'll get us out of here in the next day or two that you've not told me about?" she asked hopefully.
He looked at her levelly. "No, I don't have a plan, and yes, I can keep that promise. WE can."
"But how?"
He was laughing. Laughing at her! "I don't see what's so funny," she said tartly.
"I never would've thought I'd need to explain sex to you, Tegan," he chuckled.
Realization dawned on her. "You mean you want us to... really... actually..."
"Really, actually, truly," he assured her.
Tegan was infinitely thankful that she was already on the floor: it saved her the trouble of falling. "Oh, Doc," she said helplessly.
"Is it such an unbearable thought?" he asked quietly.
She glared at him, suspecting he was needling her. He saw the glare. "I'm serious, Tegan. Is going to bed with me a totally unwelcome concept?"
She sighed. "Under these circumstances, I'd not want to take any man to bed. But circumstances notwithstanding..."
He waited. "Yes?"
"You tell me first," she said quickly.
"Not fair," he chuckled.
"Isn't it?" she asked softly. "You're the one who up until about a month ago barely spoke with me beyond the obvious or the superficial. Do you expect me to think you're enjoying the idea of this?"
"No, I don't enjoy the idea of this at all," he told her honestly. "But it has everything to do with being coerced into it and nothing to do with Tegan Jovanka."
She stared at him in wonder.
He nodded. "Oh, yes. You want a confession? You want me to tell you that I've thought of you? That part of the reason I kept you at arm's length was because I was afraid of you? Of what I suspected I could feel for you? All right, then, I admit it. I rather think we're past the point of admissions hurting us, don't you?"
"Yes," she said faintly. Something he'd said nagged at her. "What was the other part?"
"What?"
"You said that was PART of the reason you kept me at bay," she explained. "What was the other part?"
He smiled again. "You're very beastly at times."
To her amazement she laughed. "I can't dispute that! But, you know, I did tell you why that was..."
"Yes," he agreed. "And it confirmed what I'd believed for a while now."
"Which was what, pray tell?"
His eyes were warm and soft as he looked at her. "That you felt much the way I did."
She sighed. "You've laid yourself on the line for me. I owe you the same."
He started to speak, but she held up a hand. "No, I want to say it." She drew a deep breath. "Yes, you're right again, blast it. I've thought of you, wanted you on some level. But I knew it was a stupid idea. So I never told you how I felt."
"That must have been difficult," he said gently. "I know there were times when I wanted to tell you how I felt, especially since I thought it was the same with you, but like you I couldn't do it..."
"Great," she quipped. "We have a prison warden to thank for the confession of our feelings." But she managed a smile, and he managed to return it.
"Not how I'd have wanted it to happen," he agreed. "But it's done."
"Yes," she nodded. They stared at each other for a moment. "So... what now?" she breathed.
He glanced down, suddenly looking shy. "I don't have much experience," he admitted.
"Neither do I."
His surprise must have shown on his face, because she scowled. "Had me labeled as the whore of Babylon, did you?"
"No, no," he said quickly. "I just assumed, I suppose, because you're human..."
"I've warned you once before about making assumptions," she grinned, anger gone as fast as it had arrived.
"And I have assuredly made an ass out of me, if not you as well," he answered. "I'm sorry, Tegan, that was an unfair assumption on my part."
She nodded. "Well, now that we've established that we fancy each other and that neither of us is a Casanova..."
"Yes?"
She burst into laughter. "This is completely stark raving mad!"
He laughed with her. When their amusement had calmed he took her hands in his. "I'm glad we're able to laugh about this," he said.
"Why is that?"
"Humor is a wonderful survival tool," he said. "If we can keep our sense of humor with this insanity around us, we can survive it."
"Sensible," she murmured.
"Yes, but I'll try not to be tonight," he said quietly.
"What, sensible?"
He nodded. "If this has to happen, at least we can give each other what pleasure we can. I'll not have you feeling like you're being raped."
"But I am," she said gently. "And so are you. It's just that instead of someone else doing it, we're doing it to each other."
He looked distinctively unhappy at her words. "I don't want to think of it that way, Tegan."
"Neither do I, Doc. So... how about we just do what you said, try to give each other what we can, and think of it as something that might have happened someday on its own?"
"That's a marvelous plan," he told her.
She scooted over and sat between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her, and she wrapped her arms around his. She tilted her head back onto his shoulder, and he turned and brushed his lips against her cheek.