CLASH of the CHARACTERZ
- The MEEP! -
Disclaimer, again: They ain't mine.
Yo, readers: When I tried to upload this @ first it didn't do the paragraphs, so it looked like a big jumble of words… *makes a mental note to PREVIEW b4 posting* sorry bout that. So, ahem.
CHAPTER TWO, the chapter of DOOM!!!
Okay, but first, I have to clear up a few things.
#1: I'm sorry for what I said about Legolas lovers being ditzes. I mean, that's what I think, but that was rude and offensive, so… SORRY EVERY1!
#2: For Starry Eyes12. Yes, I know. That thing was kind of something my perverted friend made up, and I stuck it in for her. So to fix that, Aragorn and Legolas won't be in this chapter. So there!
#3: That last chapter was… more directed toward my friends than you readers out there (as though you wanted to read it anyway), so… now I won't mention Ingrid, Sara, Toast, Solace, Courtney, Hannah, or any one of them. HAHAHA!!!
#4: "Bloody Hell" is officially outlawed from this chapter.
So, on with it already.
Holly woke up several hours later at home. She seemed to recall dreaming something about being on top of Orthank in a bathrobe, with a bunch of other crazy characters from various other stories/movies. She had beaten Artemis Fowl at chess, and Chii almost died, and Ash flooded the place with a unicorn Pokemon…
Wow. Strange. She got up and headed to her closet, only to see… another vortex.
"HOLY FRICKING BLOODY CRAPAZOID HELL!" she exclaimed.
*format switches*
Nari (your authoress, remember?): Hey, I said no more Bloody Hell!
Holly: But I didn't…! I said Bloody Crapazoid Hell!
Nari: That still counts. Anyways, 'crapazoid' is copyrighted by Naiashieko. (covers mouth) Oops! I'm breaking all my vows here!
Audience: BOOOOO!!!
Nari: Hey, I didn't ask for an audience. Just readers! (And I got two!)
Holly: Okay, I don't want to go associate with your stupid characters, okay, Nari, or whatever your name is?
Nari: Too bad. I'm the authoress, and you have to do what I say, remember? And I want you to jump in that vortex. *grins smugly*
Holly: D'Arvit.
*Holly jumps into the vortex, and lands at a strange-looking place. A woman in a Karate uniform, at least something that looks like a Karate uniform, walks over.*
Holly: Who are you?
Lady In The Karate Uniform: You are at Madame Ko's bodyguard training academy. I am Madame Ko… might I ask who you are?
Holly: Umm, Holly Short.
Madame Ko: Ahh, I've heard of you. I believe one of the Fowls mentioned you… Artemis, was it? Yes, Artemis Jr. Said you were 'hot'.
Holly: *blushes* Okay, now you're just making stuff up.
MK: You're right. I just read the book, so I though it would be fun to say that.
Holly: (thinking) There's a book about us?! (speaking) well, umm… could you tell me why I am here?
MK: Yes. I believe you are here for the World Chess Championship, like so many other strange people who have come to visit… please take a seat. *gestures towards many tables and benches, at which many of the characters Holly had seen that last night, and some new ones, too, are sitting.*
Holly: *sits down across from Chii, who this time has her master/owner/boyfriend Hideki with her. Go read Chobits.*
Chii: Chii? *gestures toward chessboard*
Holly: Umm, okay, let's play chess.
*Holly and Chii played chess. Chii beat Holly 5 times out of 6.*
Holly: Bl—HOLY CRAP, Chii! I beat Artemis! And you're dumb! How could you be so lucky?!
Chii: *smirks*
Holly: I'ma go play with someone else.
Hideki: *whispers* Don't let her know you were cheating, Chii.
*Holly walks around and finally sits down next to Iceman/Bobby (X-men).*
Bobby: Care for a friendly game of chess?
Holly: Sure, why not.
*Holly plays chess with Iceman and after two hours, is ready to checkmate him.*
Holly: *tries to move her Queen* Hey, what the meep?! It's frozen to the board!
Iceman: *evil laugh*
Holly: Phoo. Let's call it a draw! Good-BYE. *walks over to… sorry everyone, I had 2 include him… Legolas. Sits down*
Holly: Chess?
Legolas: Shure.
*Holly plays chess with Legolas, and beats him 10 times out of 10.*
Legolas: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! How could you do this!!! I'm supposed to be, like, so hot and perfect and Orlandoesque!!! NOOOO! One more game?
Holly: Face it, Legolas . You're dumb.
Legolas: You die Holly: *pulls out his choice weapon, golden-tipped arrows.*
Holly: *shields*
Legolas: *confused* Hey, where'd she go? *Shoots an arrow at where Holly used to be sitting. The arrow whizzes on by and gets stuck in the mud.*
Legolas: NOOOOOOO! That was my best arrow! Die Holly die! *cries*
(a/n: You can tell I really don't like Legolas. Sorry.)
*Madame Ko steps up to a Microphone after Holly has played several more games.*
MK: Attention, please! We have selected our two finalists: Artemis Fowl and Holly Short. They will now compete in the final game for FIRST PRIZE… but I'm not going to tell you what it is, so there. NOW! Arty and Holly---
Artemis: G**D***IT DON'T CALL ME ARTY!!!
MK: Sorry. AR-TEM-ISS and Holly will compete in the Final Match… sit down please… okay, good. On your mark, get set…
Holly: *whispers* Hey Chii, c'mere.
Chii: Chii?
Holly: I want you to fire this cap gun at Artemis when it's his crucial move. 'Kay?
Chii: *wicked grin* 'Kay.
MK: …GO!
Artemis: I'm white, so I move first. *moves a pawn* Your move…
Holly: Yes, Arty, I know it's my move. *moves another pawn*
Artemis: *continues taking turns for several more minutes, shocked that he can't beat her in six moves.*
Holly: *nods at Chii while it's Artemis's turn*
Chii: *Fires cap gun*
Artemis: AAAAHHHHH! *wets his pants* G**D*** YOU HOLLY!!! Madame Ko! Madame Ko!!!
Holly: Quit being such a crybaby, Artemis. Go and change your pants!
Artemis: *glares* Don't move any pieces. Butler, make sure she doesn't.
Butler: *grins*
*A MESSAGE FROM YOUR FRIENDLY AUTHORESS WHILE ARTEMIS IS GONE*
Saying 'g**d***' is officially banned from this story.
*later*
Artemis: I'm back!
Holly: Took ya long enough.
Artemis: So, your move or my move?
Holly: Your move.
Artemis: *moves a piece*
Holly: *moves a piece* Checkmate.
Artemis: *stares in disbelief* I BEAT THE WORLD CHAMPION IN 6 MOVES!!!
Holly: Not the new world champion. *grins*
Artemis: *glare*
MK: *returns* How's it going? Who won?
Holly: Erm, I did.
MK: Not bad. Okay! *steps up to the mike again* Attention, chess lovers! We have a winner… HOLLY SHORT!
*cheers and applause*
MK: Holly, you get a LIFE SUPPLY of… POCKY!!!
Holly: WHAT?! That's lame! For all I went through?
MK: Of course, I could just give it to Artemis…
Holly: No, no, no, Pocky is fine. Heh.
So Holly eats pocky, Artemis sulks, and the drugs forgot to be included in this story. (Maybe that's a good thing.) THE END… of chapter 2!
~meep~