Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(yet), and I am not profiting off of him in any way… If anything, I'm losing money to the bastard, as I'm forced to continue buying books and movies and blatant merchandising because he put those friggin' spells IN his books to control all the world's muggles… But one day he may belong to me, and perhaps then I will put him in one of my Camden Town whorehouses and rent him out a shilling a time… THEN the profits will be rolling in, and finally, finally, I will be able to afford my own leather bound copies of the original British HP novels! HA! GO ME!

'Nother disclaimer-I don't own To Rule Them All2 or Jekyll and Hyde The Musical either.

A/N-Remember, this happens BEFORE the last chapter.  Not after, before.  Yeah, I'm just having fun dragging this out as long as possible.

Sick as a Dog, Part 5

*Meanwhile, as we last left our hero's at the shrieking shack…*

"Sirius!"  Harry burst into the bedroom and found the wailing man.  "Sirius, what's wrong?!?"
Hermione, who was not nearly as athletic as Harry, came in a few moments later, breathing heavily.  She gave an exclamation when she saw the state he was in.  "You… look like… you're… dying…" She gasped, trying to catch her breath. "We… heard you… all the way… from… the street…"
Sirius moaned and turned to look at them.  "I don't suppose there's any chance of you chaps leaving me alone now?"
"Damn it, Sirius, we're getting help!  In fact, Ron's just gone to get Lupin."
"He's getting… NO!" Sirius exclaimed loudly. "NO, he can't… Remus can't see me like this, it's too humiliating!"
"He's coming." Hermione snapped, "So I suggest you get over whatever pride issue's your dealing with.  There's no shame in being sick, Sirius!"

"We don't want you to die!"  Harry added.  "You're my Godfather, and you're my friend!  Please let us help you!"
"You don't understa… ahhhhhh…" He said, clutching his abdomen and moaning again.

"Maybe we could understand if you'd explain it to us." Harry replied.

Sirius closed his eyes, sweat dripping off of his nose.  "Well, I suppose you're going to find out soon enough… I've never told anyone this… Never, ever.  You must swear never to tell ANYONE, and if you laugh at me, I will personally make your lives a living hell…  I never thought I'd have to tell... You know that… when a person becomes an animagus, they can't choose what animal they become."
"The animal is based on their inner traits." Hermione finished.

"Well… there are other things besides species that they can't choose as well." Sirius told them.

"Like what?" Harry asked, confused.  Sirius did not answer right away, as he was once again wracked with pain.

"Well, I wasn't able to pick things like size," He said after a few minutes, "color… gender…  markings …"
"Gender…You mean you transfigure into a…" Harry asked, his mouth wide open in shock.

"You can say it…  A bitch."  Sirius said, looking like he wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

"…Really?  Fascinating."  Hermione said, contemplating this notion.  "…But what does this have to do with your illness?"
"I'm not ILL, Hermione."  Sirius told her.  "I'm…  I'm having puppies."
Harry turned pink and had to leave the room for a minute, while Hermione gave a sort of choking noise and ended up coughing for three minutes straight.
"You poor thing…" She said finally, coming over to him and rubbing his back.  Her face was pink, and she was trying very hard not to laugh.  "It's all right, I'm just… well, I'm relieved, I thought you were dying of cancer."
Harry came back into the room, and did not look amused.  'There are just some images I DON'T want in my mind.' He thought, but said "What can I do to help?"
"Don't. Let. Lupin. In!" Sirius demanded.
"Not going to happen, Sirius." Harry replied.  "He'll be here, like it or not."
"Noooo…" Sirius wailed, partially in frustration, partially in pain.

Hermione was sitting, contemplating, and she finally said "Well.. Sirius, tell me, you're in labor now, correct?"

"YES!" Was the frustrated reply.  "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!"
"I'll ignore that comment… And… I'm assuming that you are currently… um… all… all male.  No special anatomy or anything."
"Yes, thank Merlin! If my human form had turned woman as well, I'd have killed myself!"
"Well… don't you think that it might be logical for you to turn into your female dog form?  Otherwise, those puppies aren't going anywhere, and no doubt you want this to be over with as soon as possible."
"Er…" Sirius felt very stupid at that moment. "That makes sense…"
And the Grim labored on, dreading the looming confrontation with the Werewolf.