VEGETA AFTERNOON
DISCLAMER: Please note...I do not own any of the DBZ characters at all...I am just here to
write a humorous fan fic...
There sat Vegeta, at his usual chair in the dinning room. There he sat, drinking some coffee as he wait for the usual training room to be fixed after an "accidental" ki blast. It had been a long boring day for him. No one was around to talk to or bother. Papa Briefs was in the gravity room, not wanting to be disturbed until his work was done. Mamma Briefs was out with Bulma doing a little grocery shopping and trunks had flown over to the Son's house to play with Goten. He sighed and tried to find something in the fridge to eat but found nothing but a pitcher of lemonade.
"Where are those women! I am hungry and I want my lunch!", Vegeta grunted and poured himself a glass of lemonade.
The Garage door opened. The door was slammed. In walked Mrs. Briefs and Bulma. Mrs. Briefs happy as always and Bulma looking as if she were about to go mad.
"I TOLD YOU MOTHER! THAT'S WHY I HAVE VEGETA! I DON'T NEED SOME STOCK BOY FROM ISLE THREE!" she yelled "even though he was cute" she muttered under her breath.
Vegeta stopped and blinked at the two, looking around to see where the bought food was. Seeing no bags, he sighed and sat down.
"Oh, we got food Vegeta honey........." Bulma said as she threw a capsule on the table and it burst open. "I just had the bagger put it in a storage capsule. Oh, by the way, is trunks back yet and is dad done yet"
"No and no." Vegeta said unloading the groceries like a mad man to see what they had bought to eat.
"Darn, oh well. You can do it by yourself" Bulma said removing a box from one of the bags.
"Do what?" Vegeta questioned.
"This!" she pulled out a box with a picture of a hammock on it. "It was on sale at the store and realized the one we have is in storage rotting away and getting moldy. Can you please set it up in the back yard?"
"ME! But I am hungry! I have no time for this!"
"You have all afternoon and nothing to do since the Gravity room is kaput! Now you'll do it or else!" Bulma gave her glare to her hubby.
"All right, I'll do it! Just let me eat lunch first!" Vegeta said.
Lunch was served 15 minutes later and Vegeta ate heartily. He had hoped by this time Bulma had forgotten about the hammock, but no............she had not.
"Where do you think your going? You have a hammock to put up!"
Vegeta sighed....took the box and went out side.
*****
Vegeta opened the box, and shook all the contents out. He obtained the instructions and tried to read them.
"Tú*.........umm..........lets see here.........Hamaca*? Tul*? Martillo*? Damn it! I can't read this! What is this written in! Namekian?!" Vegeta grunted and turned the instructions upside down. He tried to read more of it but got frustrated. "That's it, I don't NEED instructions! A Sayian relies on his guts and instincts! Screw instructions!" he tossed the instructions on the ground and picked up the net and some screws and a hammer.
He looked at all his tools confusedly as he walked around the house trying to find 2 trees in which to set up the hammock. In the northeast corner he found the perfect trees in which to place the hammock. He dropped all the tools and took a second glance at those instructions on the ground, back to all the weird tools he had, back to the instructions and back to the tools.
His eyes widened "OH! Don't screw the instructions! I don't know what half this crap is!" he ran for the instructions, just as the wind blew them away! "HEY! I need that!" he flew up and was flying all around the yard just trying to catch the instructions. He went left and he went right, and the instructions went up and the instructions went down. He finally caught his chance when the instructions went and got caught in the tree. He flew right into the tree, getting branches in his hair and splinters in his hands as he reached for the instructions. The branches gave under his weight and he came crashing down to the ground.
He grumbled and stood up, brushing the dirt and twigs out of his clothes. He kicked the tree in anger but not enough to knock it down, "Stupid tree!" He then picked up the instructions and tried to read it and to his surprise, this time it was readable.
"What the-.........oh so NOW I can read it" he grunted and turned the paper over and gulped and stuttered "Ha.........ha.........Spanish and Japanese .........heh.........I should have know." He said and turned the paper over and began reading the Japanese side. He tried desperately to read the ever so complicated instructions.
He picked up the net and some weird looking screws and a hammer. He looked again at the instructions and tilted his head in confusion. Putting the instructions aside, he unfolded the net and placed it on the ground. Bad idea. The wind had picked up a bit and blew the net into some bushes near by and got the net all tangled.
"Oh crap! Bulma's rose bushes!" Vegeta ran to the bushes and tried desperately to remove the net with care. He managed to do so but tripped over a rock and stumbled backwards, getting caught in the net himself. He rolled over to the tree and tried to remove the net but in doing so, ripped a small hole. An anime vein popped on his head as he sweat dropped and tried to contain his building anger.
"Damn it. Oh well, what's a small hole." He said and picked up an eye screw*. He looked at it funny, peering into the loop, and picked up the instructions, "Hmmm drill screw into tree...well, I don't have a drill on me...I'll just screw it in."
He proceeded to do so but the screw would not go in. "GET IN DAMN IT! Screw in! "He twisted the screw violently trying to screw the eye screw into the tree. "You would think a Sayian as my self could do a simple task like this! Damn it! What is this tree made out of!" he hollered and went super Sayian right then and there. With this strength he managed to screw the screw in, but slowly and still struggling. He made it half way in but under all the pressure, the screw broke in half. Vegeta's eyes bulged "God damn it!" he yelled and looked at the screw "You're evil and I know it! I have my "eye" on you". He thought of how to replace the screw or fix it. He searched the box but found no more screws like it so he opted to run inside and get some super glue and some gloves.
Moments later he returned with "Bulma" brand super glue. He put in the gloves and applied glue to one end of the broken screw. Messily enough, he put the screw together again but glued his fingers shut. "Grrr...." He grunted as he tried to pull the gloves off but then noticed he had glued a portion of the glove to his skin. He sweat dropped and then proceeded to yank the glove off. "Ow.........OW.........GET OFF DAMN IT!" he hollered and yanked the thing off, probably pulling some skin with it. "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!" he screamed loudly and shook his wrist and blew on it. He tossed the gloves away as he held the screw in place while the glue sat. He was getting pissed and angry now and the vein on his head throbbed and bulged.
When the screw was dry, he then proceeded to screw in the other screw on the other tree, but this time it seemed to go much easier. In a hurry and not watching what he was doing, he screwed in the screw half way. All he wanted to do was get it done and over with, even if it meant doing a half ass job.
He walked over and got the net and 2 hooks and while walking tried to figure out which end was what. He found the ends and like the instructions said, he found the loops and placed the 2 hooks on both ends.
".........Once the hooks are on the hammock then put the hooks on the screws and you are all set!" Vegeta did just that and looked relieved that it was all done.
He went to sit in the hammock but to his dismay it sagged and his butt hit the ground. "What the hell! It's not supposed to sag is it! He got up and swore under his breath before realizing the trees were 2 close together. He went over to the right tree (the one with the ½ screwed screw) and used his Sayian strength to push the tree further. He managed to do so but pushed a little too far. The ½ screwed nail popped right out and the hammock fell to the ground. A chibi clank and a little rustle of grass was heard by Vegeta as he turned around eyes widened and stomped on the ground repeatedly as he swore a streak. He grabbed the fallen end and pulled it, and boy did he pull it tight. He barely managed to get it to the tree and screw ½ ways in it in but already the hammock was so tight it could be used as a trampoline. He plucked one string and it vibrated with sound. The vibration vibrated all the way to the other side and slowly jiggled the screw out. The screw then shot out and like elastic shot out and hit Vegeta square in the forehead, knocking him on the ground. He lay there and stared at the sky and screamed "OH KAMI! WHY DO YOU MOCK ME!"
He got up and swore more profanities again and you could almost see steam shoot out his ears. He was extremely angry and frustrated. He then pushed the left tree closer and this time it was perfect. In another angered rush to finish the job, he screwed in the other screw, and like the other one, did a ½ ass job. A little tight but he shrugged. "Bulma won't notice......... now to go.........in.........si........." The hammock looked inviting and he could use something like a hammock to calm his very raging anger. "I think I need a nap........." He whistled and jumped into the hammock, forgetting about his ½ ass jobs on the screws. Now remember that I said it was a little tight? Hee hee.........
He bounced when he jumped into the hammock but it didn't sag as much as it should have. "Oh well, at least it sags." Don't get 2 comfortable Vegeta!
He went to close his eyes but his Sayian hearing picked up a small cracking noise. The noise got louder in his ears and the hammock collapsed. He fell right to the ground as the screws from both sides cracked and fell out of the tree. Vegeta yelled as he got caught in the hammock and struggled to get himself free. He got tangled here and there, fingers stuck here, toes stuck there. He was like a bug in spiders net. He was tangled in it good and he was getting very.........extremely.........violently.........angry. He got so angry he went super Sayian 2 and freed himself of the hammock. He yelled so loudly the ground shook. In his rage he kicked the tree down and threw the hammock net across the yard.
"YOU STUPID TREE! YOU EVIL TREE! DIE!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he yelled and ki blasted the tree to bits "TAKE THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT!" And quick as lighting he shot over to the kicked hammock and stomped all over it and ki blasted it as well.
"EVIL CREATURE! TAKE THAT! HOW DARE YOU HUMILIATE ME! DIE! HAAAAA!" he blasted the hammock until there was nothing left, "THE SAYIAN PRINCE WILL NOT FALL AGAIN!"
He ran over to the box and grabbed it and shook it violently and then kicked it all the way across town. He rushed over to the hammer and chucked it into the roof and threw the glue across town in the other direction. He ran over to the instructions and ripped the paper to shreds he then stood there breathing heavily just as Bulma walked out side. Vegeta immediately powered down, realized what he had done, blinked a few times and just stood there sweat dropping and gulping.
"Hey Vegeta! Is the hammock finished yet?"
"Ummm...........about the hammock........." Vegeta turned around and looked Bulma in the face.
"Yes........." she glared at him "You didn't get frustrated and quit and then ki blast it did you?"
"Umm.........umm.........no.........no.........dear.........heh......... I would never do that.........what really...happened..."
"Yeeessss?"
"Kakar- I mean........." his eyes widened as he got an idea "oh Bulma dear...when I opened the box there was nothing in it. Just instructions. No hammock!"
Bulma glared, seeing through his lie. "VEGETA!"
Vegeta gulped, "Fine, I did ki blast, I did get frustrated. Happy!"
"Grrr! How could you! You promised not to use Ki around the house! Someone could get hurt! Why do you always do this when I give you a chore! You are so stubborn and arrogant Vegeta!" she grunted and dragged Vegeta by the ear into the house "That's it, from now on I am gonna make you wear an anti-ki device on your neck! No more ki when you do a chore!"
Vegeta moaned as he got dragged into the house. *Sigh* Just another afternoon, he thought. Just another afternoon.
***
Later that night
The TV is on, and everyone is sitting down watching the news. News anchor: Our top story for tonight, a man was killed today in west city. Witnesses claim a box had flown in the air and hit the man and high speeds. Police are unable to identify the whereabouts of the box but efforts are under way. More on that story later. (The little screen zooms in to the box as Bulma then starts to get a little angry) In other news, 2 females got stuck to the forehead with some super glue today at the corner of Strye Ave. and Blitz Street. Witnesses claim a bottle of "Bulma's" Super glue hate hurdling at the women and splattered all over. The women are being hospitalized for glue in the eye and are getting treated for the removal of each other and the glue. Both are doing just fine as of now. (The picture zooms in to the glue bottle on the ground)
"THAT'S MY GLUE! THE ONE FROM THE UPER LEFT SHELF OF MY TOOL ROOM! VVVEEEEGGGGEEETTTAA!", Bulma screamed
"Oh my! Poor ladies" Mrs. Briefs exclaimed
"Ha ha! Dad's in trouble! Dads in trouble! Ooooohhhh!" trunks laughed
Mr. Briefs is still working on the gravity room.
Vegeta quietly gets up and tiptoes away and what ever happens next is totally up to your imagination! Thus ends our story!
END
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~This story was already posted here but someone else had posted it for me before I got an account here.........but this time I am posting it under MY account.........I hope you all like...........R+r please!!! Thanks!
DISCLAMER: Please note...I do not own any of the DBZ characters at all...I am just here to
write a humorous fan fic...
There sat Vegeta, at his usual chair in the dinning room. There he sat, drinking some coffee as he wait for the usual training room to be fixed after an "accidental" ki blast. It had been a long boring day for him. No one was around to talk to or bother. Papa Briefs was in the gravity room, not wanting to be disturbed until his work was done. Mamma Briefs was out with Bulma doing a little grocery shopping and trunks had flown over to the Son's house to play with Goten. He sighed and tried to find something in the fridge to eat but found nothing but a pitcher of lemonade.
"Where are those women! I am hungry and I want my lunch!", Vegeta grunted and poured himself a glass of lemonade.
The Garage door opened. The door was slammed. In walked Mrs. Briefs and Bulma. Mrs. Briefs happy as always and Bulma looking as if she were about to go mad.
"I TOLD YOU MOTHER! THAT'S WHY I HAVE VEGETA! I DON'T NEED SOME STOCK BOY FROM ISLE THREE!" she yelled "even though he was cute" she muttered under her breath.
Vegeta stopped and blinked at the two, looking around to see where the bought food was. Seeing no bags, he sighed and sat down.
"Oh, we got food Vegeta honey........." Bulma said as she threw a capsule on the table and it burst open. "I just had the bagger put it in a storage capsule. Oh, by the way, is trunks back yet and is dad done yet"
"No and no." Vegeta said unloading the groceries like a mad man to see what they had bought to eat.
"Darn, oh well. You can do it by yourself" Bulma said removing a box from one of the bags.
"Do what?" Vegeta questioned.
"This!" she pulled out a box with a picture of a hammock on it. "It was on sale at the store and realized the one we have is in storage rotting away and getting moldy. Can you please set it up in the back yard?"
"ME! But I am hungry! I have no time for this!"
"You have all afternoon and nothing to do since the Gravity room is kaput! Now you'll do it or else!" Bulma gave her glare to her hubby.
"All right, I'll do it! Just let me eat lunch first!" Vegeta said.
Lunch was served 15 minutes later and Vegeta ate heartily. He had hoped by this time Bulma had forgotten about the hammock, but no............she had not.
"Where do you think your going? You have a hammock to put up!"
Vegeta sighed....took the box and went out side.
*****
Vegeta opened the box, and shook all the contents out. He obtained the instructions and tried to read them.
"Tú*.........umm..........lets see here.........Hamaca*? Tul*? Martillo*? Damn it! I can't read this! What is this written in! Namekian?!" Vegeta grunted and turned the instructions upside down. He tried to read more of it but got frustrated. "That's it, I don't NEED instructions! A Sayian relies on his guts and instincts! Screw instructions!" he tossed the instructions on the ground and picked up the net and some screws and a hammer.
He looked at all his tools confusedly as he walked around the house trying to find 2 trees in which to set up the hammock. In the northeast corner he found the perfect trees in which to place the hammock. He dropped all the tools and took a second glance at those instructions on the ground, back to all the weird tools he had, back to the instructions and back to the tools.
His eyes widened "OH! Don't screw the instructions! I don't know what half this crap is!" he ran for the instructions, just as the wind blew them away! "HEY! I need that!" he flew up and was flying all around the yard just trying to catch the instructions. He went left and he went right, and the instructions went up and the instructions went down. He finally caught his chance when the instructions went and got caught in the tree. He flew right into the tree, getting branches in his hair and splinters in his hands as he reached for the instructions. The branches gave under his weight and he came crashing down to the ground.
He grumbled and stood up, brushing the dirt and twigs out of his clothes. He kicked the tree in anger but not enough to knock it down, "Stupid tree!" He then picked up the instructions and tried to read it and to his surprise, this time it was readable.
"What the-.........oh so NOW I can read it" he grunted and turned the paper over and gulped and stuttered "Ha.........ha.........Spanish and Japanese .........heh.........I should have know." He said and turned the paper over and began reading the Japanese side. He tried desperately to read the ever so complicated instructions.
He picked up the net and some weird looking screws and a hammer. He looked again at the instructions and tilted his head in confusion. Putting the instructions aside, he unfolded the net and placed it on the ground. Bad idea. The wind had picked up a bit and blew the net into some bushes near by and got the net all tangled.
"Oh crap! Bulma's rose bushes!" Vegeta ran to the bushes and tried desperately to remove the net with care. He managed to do so but tripped over a rock and stumbled backwards, getting caught in the net himself. He rolled over to the tree and tried to remove the net but in doing so, ripped a small hole. An anime vein popped on his head as he sweat dropped and tried to contain his building anger.
"Damn it. Oh well, what's a small hole." He said and picked up an eye screw*. He looked at it funny, peering into the loop, and picked up the instructions, "Hmmm drill screw into tree...well, I don't have a drill on me...I'll just screw it in."
He proceeded to do so but the screw would not go in. "GET IN DAMN IT! Screw in! "He twisted the screw violently trying to screw the eye screw into the tree. "You would think a Sayian as my self could do a simple task like this! Damn it! What is this tree made out of!" he hollered and went super Sayian right then and there. With this strength he managed to screw the screw in, but slowly and still struggling. He made it half way in but under all the pressure, the screw broke in half. Vegeta's eyes bulged "God damn it!" he yelled and looked at the screw "You're evil and I know it! I have my "eye" on you". He thought of how to replace the screw or fix it. He searched the box but found no more screws like it so he opted to run inside and get some super glue and some gloves.
Moments later he returned with "Bulma" brand super glue. He put in the gloves and applied glue to one end of the broken screw. Messily enough, he put the screw together again but glued his fingers shut. "Grrr...." He grunted as he tried to pull the gloves off but then noticed he had glued a portion of the glove to his skin. He sweat dropped and then proceeded to yank the glove off. "Ow.........OW.........GET OFF DAMN IT!" he hollered and yanked the thing off, probably pulling some skin with it. "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!" he screamed loudly and shook his wrist and blew on it. He tossed the gloves away as he held the screw in place while the glue sat. He was getting pissed and angry now and the vein on his head throbbed and bulged.
When the screw was dry, he then proceeded to screw in the other screw on the other tree, but this time it seemed to go much easier. In a hurry and not watching what he was doing, he screwed in the screw half way. All he wanted to do was get it done and over with, even if it meant doing a half ass job.
He walked over and got the net and 2 hooks and while walking tried to figure out which end was what. He found the ends and like the instructions said, he found the loops and placed the 2 hooks on both ends.
".........Once the hooks are on the hammock then put the hooks on the screws and you are all set!" Vegeta did just that and looked relieved that it was all done.
He went to sit in the hammock but to his dismay it sagged and his butt hit the ground. "What the hell! It's not supposed to sag is it! He got up and swore under his breath before realizing the trees were 2 close together. He went over to the right tree (the one with the ½ screwed screw) and used his Sayian strength to push the tree further. He managed to do so but pushed a little too far. The ½ screwed nail popped right out and the hammock fell to the ground. A chibi clank and a little rustle of grass was heard by Vegeta as he turned around eyes widened and stomped on the ground repeatedly as he swore a streak. He grabbed the fallen end and pulled it, and boy did he pull it tight. He barely managed to get it to the tree and screw ½ ways in it in but already the hammock was so tight it could be used as a trampoline. He plucked one string and it vibrated with sound. The vibration vibrated all the way to the other side and slowly jiggled the screw out. The screw then shot out and like elastic shot out and hit Vegeta square in the forehead, knocking him on the ground. He lay there and stared at the sky and screamed "OH KAMI! WHY DO YOU MOCK ME!"
He got up and swore more profanities again and you could almost see steam shoot out his ears. He was extremely angry and frustrated. He then pushed the left tree closer and this time it was perfect. In another angered rush to finish the job, he screwed in the other screw, and like the other one, did a ½ ass job. A little tight but he shrugged. "Bulma won't notice......... now to go.........in.........si........." The hammock looked inviting and he could use something like a hammock to calm his very raging anger. "I think I need a nap........." He whistled and jumped into the hammock, forgetting about his ½ ass jobs on the screws. Now remember that I said it was a little tight? Hee hee.........
He bounced when he jumped into the hammock but it didn't sag as much as it should have. "Oh well, at least it sags." Don't get 2 comfortable Vegeta!
He went to close his eyes but his Sayian hearing picked up a small cracking noise. The noise got louder in his ears and the hammock collapsed. He fell right to the ground as the screws from both sides cracked and fell out of the tree. Vegeta yelled as he got caught in the hammock and struggled to get himself free. He got tangled here and there, fingers stuck here, toes stuck there. He was like a bug in spiders net. He was tangled in it good and he was getting very.........extremely.........violently.........angry. He got so angry he went super Sayian 2 and freed himself of the hammock. He yelled so loudly the ground shook. In his rage he kicked the tree down and threw the hammock net across the yard.
"YOU STUPID TREE! YOU EVIL TREE! DIE!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he yelled and ki blasted the tree to bits "TAKE THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT!" And quick as lighting he shot over to the kicked hammock and stomped all over it and ki blasted it as well.
"EVIL CREATURE! TAKE THAT! HOW DARE YOU HUMILIATE ME! DIE! HAAAAA!" he blasted the hammock until there was nothing left, "THE SAYIAN PRINCE WILL NOT FALL AGAIN!"
He ran over to the box and grabbed it and shook it violently and then kicked it all the way across town. He rushed over to the hammer and chucked it into the roof and threw the glue across town in the other direction. He ran over to the instructions and ripped the paper to shreds he then stood there breathing heavily just as Bulma walked out side. Vegeta immediately powered down, realized what he had done, blinked a few times and just stood there sweat dropping and gulping.
"Hey Vegeta! Is the hammock finished yet?"
"Ummm...........about the hammock........." Vegeta turned around and looked Bulma in the face.
"Yes........." she glared at him "You didn't get frustrated and quit and then ki blast it did you?"
"Umm.........umm.........no.........no.........dear.........heh......... I would never do that.........what really...happened..."
"Yeeessss?"
"Kakar- I mean........." his eyes widened as he got an idea "oh Bulma dear...when I opened the box there was nothing in it. Just instructions. No hammock!"
Bulma glared, seeing through his lie. "VEGETA!"
Vegeta gulped, "Fine, I did ki blast, I did get frustrated. Happy!"
"Grrr! How could you! You promised not to use Ki around the house! Someone could get hurt! Why do you always do this when I give you a chore! You are so stubborn and arrogant Vegeta!" she grunted and dragged Vegeta by the ear into the house "That's it, from now on I am gonna make you wear an anti-ki device on your neck! No more ki when you do a chore!"
Vegeta moaned as he got dragged into the house. *Sigh* Just another afternoon, he thought. Just another afternoon.
***
Later that night
The TV is on, and everyone is sitting down watching the news. News anchor: Our top story for tonight, a man was killed today in west city. Witnesses claim a box had flown in the air and hit the man and high speeds. Police are unable to identify the whereabouts of the box but efforts are under way. More on that story later. (The little screen zooms in to the box as Bulma then starts to get a little angry) In other news, 2 females got stuck to the forehead with some super glue today at the corner of Strye Ave. and Blitz Street. Witnesses claim a bottle of "Bulma's" Super glue hate hurdling at the women and splattered all over. The women are being hospitalized for glue in the eye and are getting treated for the removal of each other and the glue. Both are doing just fine as of now. (The picture zooms in to the glue bottle on the ground)
"THAT'S MY GLUE! THE ONE FROM THE UPER LEFT SHELF OF MY TOOL ROOM! VVVEEEEGGGGEEETTTAA!", Bulma screamed
"Oh my! Poor ladies" Mrs. Briefs exclaimed
"Ha ha! Dad's in trouble! Dads in trouble! Ooooohhhh!" trunks laughed
Mr. Briefs is still working on the gravity room.
Vegeta quietly gets up and tiptoes away and what ever happens next is totally up to your imagination! Thus ends our story!
END
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~This story was already posted here but someone else had posted it for me before I got an account here.........but this time I am posting it under MY account.........I hope you all like...........R+r please!!! Thanks!