This is for Kittenmommy, who asked for more. :)
The Doctor spent the day in a trance. As close as a Time Lord could come to that, at least. In between chopping, slicing and simmering he thought of Tegan. While he stirred and sautéed he thought of Tegan. No matter what else he was doing or how he tried to redirect his thoughts, somehow they drifted back to her. Well he had told her he'd miss her, he reminded himself. But this wasn't just a simple case of that. What had she said to him, "Nothing is ever simple where you're concerned?" And she was right.
It was, well, be honest, he told himself. It was the sex. His mind was flooded with images, smells, and sounds from the night before. They crept up on him and bombarded him the moment he let them in. And he didn't seem to be able to shut them out. Maybe, he realized with a start, he didn't want to.
Her lips, so full and soft, the silkiness of her skin, her arms and legs wrapped around him, the fragrance of soap and something that was uniquely Tegan, a clean sweet scent... the Doctor swallowed hard. His body was beginning to mirror his thoughts and he felt himself becoming aroused. Stop, he ordered himself fiercely. This was entirely out of order!
The Doctor stood at a stove, clutching a pot, trembling. He managed to put it down and stir the contents a few times before he slumped back against the wall.
"What's happening to me?" he whispered to himself.
"Doctor? You all right?"
The Doctor gasped, jerking his head up to see Rina studying him from a few feet away. "You seem ill... should I tell the guards?"
"No!" he exclaimed, then more calmly added: "I'm fine, really. Thank you, Rina."
She nodded, dumping a handful of dried herbs into the pot. "How are you and Tegan?"
"Fine, just fine," he stammered, mentally berating himself for his behavior.
Rina nodded again. "It is... difficult, is it not," she said. It was a statement more than a question.
"What do you mean?" he asked, feeling a faint flush on his cheeks even as he spoke.
"You and Tegan," she said quietly. "You were not mates before you came here. Friends, yes, but nothing more. Now you are bonded to each other. But this of itself is not what disturbs you."
He nodded, both embarrassed and relieved. Part of him insisted that it was something that should not be discussed. Another part of him knew he was out of his depth and desperately wanted help. After a few seconds hesitation the second part prevailed.
"I... I don't know where my feelings begin and end," he admitted. "I don't know what was there all along and I just didn't acknowledge it, and what has evolved because of our circumstances. I'm not used to these feelings... I'm not used to so many emotions, it's overwhelming at times..." he drew a deep breath, a calmness settling over him after giving voice to what he'd been holding in so hard for so long.
Rina smiled. "You are having to learn to adjust to many things. Your captivity, your emotions for Tegan... it's hard for you. But you're doing fine."
"I am?" he echoed. "I wish I felt that way!"
"You expect so much from yourself, don't you? You strike me as someone who has to have all the answers to all the questions and have them immediately."
"Well..." he muttered.
"Stop being so hard on yourself," Rina told him. "You might not ever be able to have all the answers you want. In the end, it doesn't really matter whether your feelings for Tegan have existed for a week or a year. What matters is what's in your heart."
"My heart?"
"What does your heart tell you, Doctor? How do you feel when you think about Tegan?"
He blinked, eyes wide as he considered the question. "Happy," he said at length. "I feel happy."
"Then that is what's important. Don't torment yourself with things you can't figure out. It doesn't do you any good. Let your emotions be your guide, and move forward. Don't get stuck in the past."
"Stuck in the past," he repeated.
She patted him on the shoulder. "You're smart. And stronger than you seem. I've no doubt that you'll be fine. You just need to learn when to hold on and when to let go."
He smiled ruefully. "I think you're the wise one here, Rina."
"Just more experienced. Now, how about we finish up the harvest stew?"
The Doctor spent the day in a trance. As close as a Time Lord could come to that, at least. In between chopping, slicing and simmering he thought of Tegan. While he stirred and sautéed he thought of Tegan. No matter what else he was doing or how he tried to redirect his thoughts, somehow they drifted back to her. Well he had told her he'd miss her, he reminded himself. But this wasn't just a simple case of that. What had she said to him, "Nothing is ever simple where you're concerned?" And she was right.
It was, well, be honest, he told himself. It was the sex. His mind was flooded with images, smells, and sounds from the night before. They crept up on him and bombarded him the moment he let them in. And he didn't seem to be able to shut them out. Maybe, he realized with a start, he didn't want to.
Her lips, so full and soft, the silkiness of her skin, her arms and legs wrapped around him, the fragrance of soap and something that was uniquely Tegan, a clean sweet scent... the Doctor swallowed hard. His body was beginning to mirror his thoughts and he felt himself becoming aroused. Stop, he ordered himself fiercely. This was entirely out of order!
The Doctor stood at a stove, clutching a pot, trembling. He managed to put it down and stir the contents a few times before he slumped back against the wall.
"What's happening to me?" he whispered to himself.
"Doctor? You all right?"
The Doctor gasped, jerking his head up to see Rina studying him from a few feet away. "You seem ill... should I tell the guards?"
"No!" he exclaimed, then more calmly added: "I'm fine, really. Thank you, Rina."
She nodded, dumping a handful of dried herbs into the pot. "How are you and Tegan?"
"Fine, just fine," he stammered, mentally berating himself for his behavior.
Rina nodded again. "It is... difficult, is it not," she said. It was a statement more than a question.
"What do you mean?" he asked, feeling a faint flush on his cheeks even as he spoke.
"You and Tegan," she said quietly. "You were not mates before you came here. Friends, yes, but nothing more. Now you are bonded to each other. But this of itself is not what disturbs you."
He nodded, both embarrassed and relieved. Part of him insisted that it was something that should not be discussed. Another part of him knew he was out of his depth and desperately wanted help. After a few seconds hesitation the second part prevailed.
"I... I don't know where my feelings begin and end," he admitted. "I don't know what was there all along and I just didn't acknowledge it, and what has evolved because of our circumstances. I'm not used to these feelings... I'm not used to so many emotions, it's overwhelming at times..." he drew a deep breath, a calmness settling over him after giving voice to what he'd been holding in so hard for so long.
Rina smiled. "You are having to learn to adjust to many things. Your captivity, your emotions for Tegan... it's hard for you. But you're doing fine."
"I am?" he echoed. "I wish I felt that way!"
"You expect so much from yourself, don't you? You strike me as someone who has to have all the answers to all the questions and have them immediately."
"Well..." he muttered.
"Stop being so hard on yourself," Rina told him. "You might not ever be able to have all the answers you want. In the end, it doesn't really matter whether your feelings for Tegan have existed for a week or a year. What matters is what's in your heart."
"My heart?"
"What does your heart tell you, Doctor? How do you feel when you think about Tegan?"
He blinked, eyes wide as he considered the question. "Happy," he said at length. "I feel happy."
"Then that is what's important. Don't torment yourself with things you can't figure out. It doesn't do you any good. Let your emotions be your guide, and move forward. Don't get stuck in the past."
"Stuck in the past," he repeated.
She patted him on the shoulder. "You're smart. And stronger than you seem. I've no doubt that you'll be fine. You just need to learn when to hold on and when to let go."
He smiled ruefully. "I think you're the wise one here, Rina."
"Just more experienced. Now, how about we finish up the harvest stew?"