Author's Note: Okay, let's try a little viewer participation here. Faithful readers (they exist in my own little world, n'kay?), when you see this mark, *, let's all say "Tentacle Sex!" How about a little practice... *! Good job! Now, on with the story!

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SCOUTMASTER CTHULHU:

WOUNDS ARE AS IMPORTANT AS KNOWING WHAT SQUAMOUS MEANS!

In order to get those adorable little gothlings into Boy Scouts, the dark gods of said scouts have presented the public with yet another eldritch advertisement...

(Screen is black, large red letters zoom in and hit the screen, then splatter :)

"SCOUTMASTER CTHULHU!"

"EPISODE TWO: LET'S DRESS WOUNDS!"

NARRATOR: Welcome back, faithful viewers! We join our heroes, Ted, Fred, Evil Bobby, and, of course, Scoutmaster Cthulhu, on a friendly romp in the woods*!

(Happy cartoony forest scene. Ted, Fred, Evil Bobby, and Scoutmaster Cthulhu walk on screen.)

NARRATOR: Oh, but what's this?

(Camera zooms in on rock.)

NARRATOR: It's a non-Euclidean stone of DEATH!

(Narrator gives girly scream. Footsteps are heard getting farther and farther away, then the slamming of a door, and finally the screech of a car. Cthulhu trips on the non-Euclidean stone of death and falls over.)

TED: Oh no, Scoutmaster Cthulhu, that non-Euclidean stone of death has harmed you!

EVIL BOBBY: (mumbling) No shit, Sherlock...

(Ichor oozes from Cthulhu's* knee.)

FRED: Amazing, it fits* BOTH definitions!

TED: Fascinating!

(Cthulhu glares at them, annoyed.)

TED: Oh yeah, that's right.

(Ted bandages the knee with a fish.)

FRED: Hey, that bandage is squamous!

(Cthulhu hands him his* "I-know-words-that-are-completely-useless Badge".)

TED, FRED: Yaaay!

EVIL BOBBY: ...I want to bathe in more dead things.

(Cthulhu pats him on the head, then spits green stuff all over them*. Evil Bobby stares, dumbfounded, and the screen fades to black.)