A/N: Okay, maybe I've been a little cruel with the last post, but Harm is not that heartless with Mac, believe me... It wouldn't be classified as romance if it ended that way...
I have to update my disclaimer too, so : I don't own much in this story... The characters don't belong to me, the songs neither... I did bought most of these music sheets some years ago, but I can't get any money by using them, so...
Feed-back are always welcome! If you sign your reviews, I'll be able to look over your stories and return the ball... Thanks!
Tears were blurring Mac's vision as her heart broke apart. 'I did all this for nothing,' was all she could think. Instinctively, she reached for the other page and wiped off the tears in her eyes when she realized the text was continuing.
"Please, Mac, wipe off those tears. I'm sorry, I never meant to make you cry, even though I did much too often... Don't give up on me so easily, please... The other day, I promised you to fill in this booklet with all the feelings I have for you, but I'm not able to do it. And you were right – we would not be able to discuss this in person. So there was only one option left... The only thing you have to do now is to press the 'play' button on your VCR... Please, keep the faith in me..."
Intrigued, Mac obeyed and looked attentively at the television. The scenery seemed familiar... She let out a little cry when she recognized Harm's kitchen. A second later, he sat on a stool, wearing an old pair of blue jeans and a black stretched T-shirt. He was staring at the floor, so Mac couldn't see his face. He took his guitar and played a few harmonies before he started singing...
What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends
The beat suddenly changed as he continued with another song. He lifted his head and was now looking straight at the camera, as if he were searching for her eyes.
I want to tell you, my head is filled with things to say
When you're here all those words they seem to slip away
When I get near you the games begin to drag me down
It's alright, I'll make you maybe next time around
But if I seem to act unkind
It's only me, it's not my mind
That is confusing things
Harm stopped singing and took a relieved breath before he started talking. "... I think music is the only safe way for me to express my feelings. I guess you're wondering where all this equipment came from... No, I'm still not a techno freak! Webb felt like he owed me because I talked to Catherine the other week, so I took him up on it this time. Don't worry, he had no idea why I needed it. At least, I didn't tell him... Sergei helped me set everything up before he left. So now, I'm alone in front of this camera, talking to you... By the way, a spare key is not only useful to water plants or grab clothes... I think the best thing to do is to start from the beginning, so here we go... How can I forget the first time we met...?" His eyes were locked on a spot behind the camera, lost in memories, his hands seeming to move effortlessly on the strings.
I'd put you in the middle of my rose garden
And I would never never have to say pardon
To the daises the tulips the buttercups
Not even the roses and I'd water you first every
Morning the other flowers would have to start
Calling give me some water please
We too need to grow
Wonder where will I be
Let's say ten years down the road
Search my heart and constantly you're there
Can't get you out of my system and I like this living
It's so wonderful that you and I can share
"... A great adventure was beginning for us. So many things have happened – I can't name them all, but I'll do my best for the most important episodes of our history.... Now, let's really get started! Your departure for private practice with Dalton has been a rough moment, but this is what we should have said outside the building, when you left JAG..."
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye
You and me and my old friends
Hoping it would never end
Say goodbye, never say goodbye
Holdin' on - we got to try
Holdin' on to never say goodbye
"... You are a lot like me, you hate to depend on others. During some of the worst moments of your life, like Dalton's death, your reunion with your father and your court-martial, I really wanted you to realize this..." Hearing the first notes, Mac smiled. She knew that song by heart and she started singing softly over Harm's warm voice.
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Harm resumed talking, seemingly searching his mind, his eyes closed and his lips twitching. "... How can I tell you who I really saw on the docks almost six years ago..." Harm sighed. "Let's try it this way..."
How can I convince you what you see is real
Who am I to blame you for doubting what you feel
I was always reachin', you were just a girl I knew
I took for granted the friend I have in you
I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever, the search is over
You were with me all the while
Can we last forever, will we fall apart
At times it's so confusing, these questions of the heart
You followed me through changes and patiently you'd wait
Till I came to my senses through some miracle of fate
I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever, the search is over
You were with me all the while
Now the miles stretch out behind me
Loves that I have lost
Broken hearts lie victims of the game
Then good luck it finally struck
Like lightning from the blue
Every highway leading me back to you
He nervously wiped off a lonely tear that rolled down his cheek when he mentioned the loves that he has lost and kept going. "... Even though I loved her very much, I didn't kiss Diane that night. I knew who you were, and that is the reason I did it... And by the way," he added, as a smile crept on his face, " even if blue fits you pretty well, you really look better in green! Changing of subject, I'll have to admit, in eight years, we didn't agree often... I think the Beatles wrote this song for us..."
You say yes, I say no.
You say stop and I say go go go, oh no.
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.
I say high, you say low.
You say why and I say I don't know, oh no.
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.
Harm was getting fabulous sounds out of his classic guitar. "... On the USS Watertown, when we were arguing, instead of going away, I should have told you this..." He continued with a faster paced song, tilting his head from side to side following the beat.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
"... Okay... This one might be a little tougher... When the paramedics brought Harriet, Bud and the baby to the hospital after little AJ's birth, I asked you to go halves on a kid in five years from then. I was thinking to myself what I could be singing to you, five years from that moment..."
Oh! I why can't forget you
You're deep down inside
And you'll be there for a long long time
Oh! How come I still love you
Cause you're the mother of our child
The mother of our child
Harm's face suddenly darkened. "... I never meant to erase you from my life when I left for the Patrick Henry. I was the legal and I missed all my good collaborators like Bud, Harriet and mostly you. On my way home, I was whispering this song..."
It's been a long time, now I'm coming back home
I've been away now oh how I've been alone
Wait till I come back to your side
We'll forget the tears we cried
But if your heart breaks, don't wait, turn me away
And if your heart's strong, hold on, I won't be late
Wait till I come back to your side
We'll forget the tears we cried
I ... you ought to know
That I've been good as good as I can be
And if you do I'll trust in you
And know that you will wait for me
"... Unfortunately, things were not that easy when I came back... I think my expectations were too high... Okay now, you will agree, this is an easy one for our trips to Russia..." Mac could only grin when she recognized what he started playing.
Been away so long I hardly knew the place
Gee it's good to be back home
Leave it till tomorrow to unpack my case
Honey disconnect the phone
I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boy
Back in the U.S.S.R.
The smile on Harm's face faded once again and Mac could feel the same pain she saw in his now dark blue eyes. "... On the ferry, in Sydney, you were absolutely right..." He had to play the intro twice as his fingers were hesitating on the strings.
It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart
It's hard letting ... go
Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue
And the neighbor's dog don't bark like he used to
Well, me, these days I just miss you
It's the nights that I go insane
Unless you're coming back
For me, that's one thing I know that won't change
It's hard, so hard - It's tearing out my heart
It's hard letting ... go
"... On the Admiral's porch, this is exactly what I wanted to tell you, but I was incapable of. I never found a song that expressed more perfectly our situation..." His voice almost failed him when he started singing, like if the memories of that night were submerging his goodwill, but he had steadied it by the end of the first verse.
You were lonely and you needed a friend
And he was there at the right time with the right smile
Just a shoulder to lean on
Someone to tell you it'll all work out alright
Don't let him steal your heart away
No, don't let him steal your heart away
Don't let him steal your heart away
No, don't let him steal your heart away
You can look at him the way you did me
And hold him close say you're never letting go
But any fool can see you're fooling yourself
But you ain't fooling me
So don't let him steal your heart away
No, don't let him steal your heart away
And don't pack my suitcase, I'll be back
And don't take my pictures off a' the wall
Oh, did you hear me
Don't let him change a thing 'cos I'll be back
Jus tell him to pack his things and get out of your life
And just give me one more chance
I'll show you I'm right, I'm right
'Cos I've been thinking and I know it was me leaving you lonely
But hoping you could be strong
But could you look at me straight
Tell me what else can I do but say I was wrong
So don't let him steal your heart away
No, don't let him steal your heart away
Well he's gonna try to make it work for you
Make you think your whole life's been leading to this
But whatever you do
Think about me and don't be fooled by his kiss
And don't let him steal your heart away
Please, don't let him steal your heart away
And don't pack my suitcase, I'll be back
And don't take my pictures off a' your wall
Oh, did you hear me
Don't let him change a thing 'cos I'll be back
Jus tell him to pack his things and get out of your life
And just give me one more chance
I'll show you I'm right
You know I'm right
You were lonely and you needed a friend
And he was there at the right time with the right smile
Just a shoulder to lean on
Someone to say don't you worry it'll all be alright
But he's no good for you
He'll make you think your whole life's been leading to this
And whatever you do
Think about me, oh, and don't be fooled by his kiss
"... Don't be fooled by a kiss... Well, isn't that what happened? I can't believe all those bad moments happened back to back... When I was lost at sea after my crash, my thoughts were with you, so much more than with Renée. I was also begging you to..."
Rescue me from the mire
Whisper words of desire
Rescue me - Darling rescue me
With your arms open wide
Want you here by my side
Come to me - darling rescue me
When this world's closing in
There's no need to pretend
Set me free - darling rescue me
Harm was shivering and he braced himself to regain his composure. "... I know it's now too late to save us from a lot of pain, but this is what you should have heard from me when Mic left for good..." Mac's eyes were tightly closed because she didn't want her tears to fall as she remembered that night.
Take these broken wings
And learn to fly again
And learn to live so free
And when we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up
And let us in
Baby I think tonight
We can take what was wrong
And make it right
I need you so
Baby it's all I know
That you're half of the flesh
And blood makes me whole
I need you so
Harm stayed silent for a minute and took a lighter tone to continue, "... At the JAG-a-thon, you were talking about a new start. I thought you were taking this straight from this song of Bryan Adams..."
Give it to me straight from the heart
Tell me we can make another start
You know I'll never go
As long as I know
It's comin' straight from the heart
I'll see you on the street some other time
And all our words would just fall out of line
I was dreamin'
Straight from the heart
Give it to me straight from the heart
Tell me we can make another start
You know I'll never go
As long as I know
It's coming straight from the heart
"... Now, turning to even more serious matters..." Harm looked at his hands for a few seconds before he lifted his head to face the camera. "I know you couldn't guess that the simple 'Mac' I pronounced when you left my apartment for Paraguay meant so much, but these are the words I wanted to tell you when you had 'one foot out the door'..."
How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face
I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space
But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take
Harm stirred on his chair and seemed to gather himself before he continued with this other song. The baritone notes he was able to get at the beginning of this melody sent chills down Mac's spine.
I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love is suicide
You say you've cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore
Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl
I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you
He let his voice trail off with the sounds of his guitar. "... The first night after you left for Paraguay, I couldn't fall asleep. And during the short moments drowsiness won over me, I always had this nightmare..."
I call your name but you're not there
Was I to blame for being unfair
Oh I can't sleep at night since you've been gone
I never weep at night, I can't go on
Don't you know I can't take it, I don't know who can
I'm not gonna make it, I'm not that kind of man
Oh I can't sleep at night, but just the same
I never weep at night, I call your name
Mac couldn't believe he actually said that. It was just a song, but he admitted he missed her too. She was lost in her thoughts when Harm went on. "... When the Admiral told me you were lost in Paraguay, it was too much for me. I couldn't stay in Washington, doing nothing. I was always thinking for the worst, seeing you captured or even dead. This song was driving me crazy, I had to do something for you..."
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
This wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of this years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of this years
But you still have all of me
"... Later, when we were all safe and sound at the hotel, I was asking this to myself all the time..."
Do I have to say the words
Do I have to tell the truth
Do I have to shout it out
Do I have to say a prayer
Must I prove to you how good we are together
Do I have to say the words
"... I thought you would have guessed why I resigned my commission, but I know now that I should have said the words... It was for you, only for you! Then, back to Washington, when I was flying planes for the CIA, I was singing this all the time. Believe me, it was driving Beth O'Neil crazy!"
The world is treating me bad, misery
I'm the kind of guy who never used to cry
The world is treating me bad, misery
I've lost her now for sure, I won't see her no more
It's gonna be a drag, misery
I'll remember all the little things we've done
Can't she see she'll be the only one, only one
Send her back to me, 'cause everyone can see
Without her I will be in misery
I'll remember all the little things we've done
She'll remember and she'll miss her only one, lonely one
Send her back to me, 'cause everyone can see
Without her I will be in misery
Ooh in misery, oo my misery
"... All this was until I found you back at JAG. Since then, I see you with new eyes and I'm now ready to tell you this, even though the feeling itself has been there for ages..." Harm closed his eyes, took a couple of deep breaths and exhaled slowly on the last one before he started playing and singing.
Saying 'I Love you' is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you not to say
But if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do
To make it real then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you
And make you understand all you have to do
is close your eyes and just reach out your hands
And touch me hold me close
Don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love 'cause I already know
When he finished the song, he held out his right hand, like to halt invisible protests coming from the camera and he continued, with a beautiful smile on his features. "... Okay, this time I dive head first. If I didn't make myself clear before, now there'll be no place for misunderstanding after this..." A shy grin appeared on his face as he played the first notes of the song.
Listen, do you want to know a secret
Do you promise not to tell Whoa oh, oh
Closer, let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I'm in love with you. Ooh-ooh-ooh
Listen, do you want to know a secret
Do you promise not to tell Whoa oh, oh
Closer, let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I'm in love with you. Ooh-ooh-ooh
As the melody ended, the little smile was transformed in a huge beam on his face and his eyes were shining with thousands of sparkles. "... Pfew... I don't know why I waited so long to tell you this, it wasn't so hard after all... But don't think the surprise is already finished... Just open your door... I can't tell you more..." After those words, the screen turned black. Mac stared at the television for a long seven minutes forty-two seconds before she realized what she had heard. She finally got up, rushed to the door and yanked it open.