A/N: I recently found out that in 2001, Noah Wyle renewed his contract with ER to extend it another two years. I think I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now… Oh yeah. The "hockey" mentioned is tonsil hockey, so you know… hehe.
Disclaimer: Should I even bother? ER isn't mine, the song is Phil Collins's.
*~LTDan~*
So you're leaving
in the morning on the early train
I could say everything's alright
And I could pretend and say goodbye
Got your ticket
Got your suitcase
Got your leaving smile
I could say that's the way it goes
And I could pretend and you won't know
That I was lying
Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I?
We took a taxi to the station, not a word was said
And I saw you walk across the road
For maybe the last time, I don't know
Feeling humble
I heard a rumble
On the railway track
And when I hear that whistle blow
I'll walk away and you won't know
That I'll be crying
Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I?
Even try...I'll always be here by your side
Why, why, why...I never wanted to say goodbye
Why even try...I'll always be here if you
change, change your mind
So you're leaving in the morning on the early train
I could say everything's alright
And I could pretend and say goodbye
But that would be lying
Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I even try?
~Can't Stop Loving You by Phil Collins
Carter's hand took a while in finding the button on his alarm clock. When the buzzing had stopped, he rolled over on his back, opening and shutting his eyes. Once they decided to stay open, he simply laid there, staring at the ceiling. He wondered why he had ever left Africa; there was no alarm waking him at five in the morning.
"I'm definitely back home," he mumbled, realizing he had gotten a bit over three hours of sleep the night prior.
He mechanically rolled himself out of bed and began to stumble his way around the room in search of his clothes.
By 6 AM, Carter had grabbed his keys off the key rack by the door, and was on his way outside. He made his way to his car, and slid into the small space that was the driver's seat. He was really beginning to hate that car.
******
"Carter?" Jing-Mei did a double take.
"Hey, Deb." Carter smiled.
"Oh my God! When did you get back? You have missed so much! You wouldn't believe it!" Deb grabbed his hand and began giving him a tour, as if he had been gone a lifetime.
"…And this is Luka! Remember him?"
Luka Kovac and Cater shook hands. "Nice to have you back," said Kovac.
Sudden images flashed through his head. The Congo; the guerilla; refusing to give up hope on Kovac; finding him…
"Carter, come on, let's go! There's more to see!" Deb took him by the arm again, proceeding to another exam room. She poked her head in the door, but hurriedly said, "Nothing here you haven't seen."
As Carter was dragged away, however, he caught a fleeting glance of a short woman with dark brown hair hovering over a bloody colored man.
******
Carter flopped down in the nearest chair to the door when he entered the lounge.
"Rough day, Carter? How long have you been on? Three hours?" Susan Lewis sat down next to Carter, and he smiled.
"About…" he mumbled sheepishly.
She beamed at him for a moment before her expression became more serious. "How have you been, Carter?"
Carter sighed. "Well, I had a GSW, a miscarrying mother—"
Susan frowned. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. Now, how have you been, Carter?"
"I've been fine. I bought a new car, moved into the Carter mansion—"
Susan groaned in frustration. "Carter!" she whined. "Will you stop avoiding the question?
He sighed. "I came 'round last night. Abby was up in ICU… Oh, can you tell me who the little girl was she was visiting?"
"Hmmm… maybe you should ask her. And my break is over in five. 'Bye." Susan got up to leave the lounge.
"When's Abby's break?" Carter asked as she left.
"Umm…" Susan checked the clock on the wall and appeared to be thinking. "Ten minutes."
Carter nodded. "Thanks."
Susan stopped at the doorway and grinned roguishly. "By the way—do you still have a thing for her?"
He only smiled, and by the look on Susan's face, it was apparent she took that as a 'yes'.
*******
Carter checked his watch. It had been fifteen minutes since Susan left, and Abby still had not made it to the lounge. Deciding to go ask someone, he left.
"Jerry," he said upon reaching the admit desk, "have you seen Abby? Her break began five minutes ago."
Jerry looked up at Carter. "Hmm… nope, Doc, sorry. You could check ICU. She usually spends her break up there."
Carter laid a hand on the desk to leave. "Okay, thank you Jerry."
"Anytime, Doc."
Carter had no trouble finding Abby in ICU this time. He walked to the second level of Intensive Care, and down the hall to room 403. He softly knocked, and Abby came to the door.
"Hey," he said as soon as he saw her face. "I got worried when you didn't come to the lounge. My break doesn't end for fifteen minutes. I thought we could catch up with each other."
"Catch up with someone else. There are plenty of new doctors and nurses downstairs." She made to close the door but he caught it.
"I've already caught up with everyone else." He paused long enough to grin. "Deb gave me the grand tour."
Carter happily obliged, and stepped through the door. The scene from last night was not present today. A lot of the contraptions sticking in various places of the tiny girl's body were not there today; the room as a whole seemed cleaner; the girl's eyes were open, revealing a beautiful shade of brown.
"Who is this?" she said, eying Carter.
"Someone I used to know, Jayleigh."
Someone you used to know? He thought incredulously.
"What is his name?" said the girl in a squeaky little-girl voice.
Carter saw Abby glance quickly at him. "John," she responded.
Carter smiled, hoping to make a nice impression with the small girl. "I'm John, so who are you?"
"Jayleigh." The girl giggled. She could not have been more than two years old.
He could feel Abby watching them. "Can I talk to my friend now, Jayleigh?"
The girl nodded, and Abby pulled Carter outside. "Will you please tell me why you're here?"
"I told you once… I was worried about you. And, don't go off on my, Abby. Hear me out." Abby looked quite upset, but she nodded.
"I don't want you to think I don't care about you. I don't want you to think that I've forgotten about what we had. Because I haven't, Abby, and I won't. I love you."
Abby's expression was caught somewhere between anger and enthrallment. Carter, deciding it looked more like anger, took a step backwards.
"You think you can waltz in here, tell me you love me, and expect me to take you back—" She snapped her fingers, "—just like that? Well you're dead wrong. I told you last night, John, that I had gotten over you a long time ago. And I'm not about to fall in love with you again, just so you can drag me through the mud and run off to Africa. I'm not going through the time, trouble, or heartache!"
The only times in his adult life he had ever wanted to cry had been on four occasions. One had been when he came back from Atlanta to find everyone had been so worried and supportive for him during his drug addiction. Another when one of his best friends and colleagues, Mark Greene, had died. The third when he had lost his Gamma. The last when he had written Abby from the Congolese jungle. This moment reminded him so much of those times.
"Abby… I… I didn't mean it like that… I meant… I meant that… I still love you. And… I just wanted you to know that I always would… I didn't mean for you to… take it… wrong…" Carter's eyes were welling up with tears, and he could hardly believe it. He had never been so emotional. Then, he had never been in love. He had loved women before. He loved Abby, but being in love… that was an experience he was waiting for.
He must have looked as vulnerable as Abby had looked last night when she yawned, because nothing would have ever possessed her to do what she did next.
"…John…" she mumbled. She placed both hands on his jaws, stood on tiptoe, and kissed him full on the mouth. Half a second later, Carter decided his favorite sport was hockey. A five-second makeout session ensued.
"Never, ever again." Abby pushed him off her, flames flashing in her unreadable eyes.
"I'm sorry, Abby, wait—!" he yelled after her as she turned to enter the child's room again. He grabbed her arm.
"Let go of me."
"Look, I—"
"You took advantage of me! You…" Tears became visible in her eyes.
Great, you idiot. You hurt her…again. You're just wonderful with women, aren't you?
"Abby, please. Stop. Hey, hey… what's this? Stop…" He pulled her close to him, and was surprised when she didn't attempt to break free. Instead, she rested her head on his chest, and he stroked the back of her head with his fingers delicately.
"John…" she said after a moment. "I need to go back in. Jayleigh needs me."
He suddenly remembered his curiosity concerning the girl. "About her…" he said, freeing her arm. "Who, exactly, is she?"
When Abby didn't answer, he said again, "Abby, who is she to you?"
"She's my daughter, John."
Carter felt his heart skip a beat, and he realized for the first time in his life what it felt like to be completely and utterly lied to.
Response To ReviewsLouisa: Thanks. I appreciate your feedback! :D
ForeverCarby: Like, totally, like thank you! I like, love your like, review! Haha… I'm only kidding. :D
Kiehl: Well… now we know half the answer to your question! Hehe. Don't we ALL just love Carby romance? XD
Lily: I've reduced someone to whining. Well, I'm not up to my usual standards. I can get people to cry. Just go read a Harry Potter fanfic of mine. I never get to brag, so leave me alone!
Peppercat: Yes ma'am! 'Cept… it's already posted. And now chapter four is! WOO!
A/N: Ahh… well… five pages aren't as bad as three! LOL!
*~LTDan~*