A/N: I forgot to mention something. Borders will be AU here in a few weeks… (the fic will not change, ER will.) Well, it's already slightly AU. But it's nothing huge.
I HAVE GOT NOT CLUE WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FORMATTING. I TRIED EVERYTHING TO FIX IT. IT'S ONLY IN THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS; DON'T LET IT HINDER YOUR READING!
Disclaimer: ER & everything with is Michael Chrichton's. Okalahoma is Billy Gilman's.
*~LTDan~*
Suitcase packed with all his things
Car pulls up, the doorbell rings
He don't want to go
He thought he'd found his home
But with circumstances he can't change
Waves goodbye as they pull away
From the life he's known
For the last seven months or so
She said we found the man who looks like you
Who cried and said he never knew
About the boy in pictures that we showed him
A rambler in his younger days
He knew he made a few mistakes
But he swore he would have been there
Had he known it
Son we think we found your dad in Oklahoma
A million thoughts raced through his mind
What's his name, what's he like and will he be
Anything like the man in his dreams
She could see the questions in his eyes
Whispered "don't be scared my child
I'll let you know, what we know
About the man we found, he looks like you
And cried and said he never knew
About the boy in pictures that we showed him
A rambler in his younger days He knew he'd made a few mistakes
But he swore he would've been there Had he known it
You always said that this was something that you wanted
Son it's time to meet your Dad in Oklahoma
One last turn he held his breath
'Til they reached the fifth house on the left
And all at once the tears came rolling in
And as they pulled into the drive
A man was waiting there outside
Who wiped the worry from his eyes Smiled and took his hand
And he said I'm the man who looks like you
Who cried because I never knew
About that boy in pictures that they showed me
A rambler in my younger days I knew I made a few mistakes
But I swear I would have been there had I known it
Never again will you ever be alone
Son welcome to your home in Oklahoma
~Oklahoma by Billy Gilman
It was six in the morning on a Wednesday. The sun was just beginning to rise in the red-streaked window of room 970 in Cook County General's Children's Hospital. The sky was a deep orange, spiced with pale yellow, deep purple, and fiery red. The world below it was just awakening: lights were being flicked on in nearby buildings and homes. The sailors' sky was promising a perfect day for them all.
******
John Carter loved mornings like these. Before leaving for Africa, he would usually awaken in a synchronized manner with the Chicago morning sun on his days off. What he loved most about Africa was the beautiful colors painted in the sky as the huge orb made its way through the thick jungle trees.
But not this morning. This morning, he was leaning over the bedrail of a sleeping angel. This morning his eyes were bloodshot, and his throat was scratchy. This morning, he didn't care if the sun ever came up again.
He inhaled a rattling breath, smiling down at the little girl beneath him. He hadn't noticed how she looked like him until this moment. Her hair had the same wavy texture; her eyes, when open, were a beautiful dark shade of brown; her skin was a light bronze mixture of his and Abby's. Her hands and nose, Carter observed, were Abby's: (for this, he silently thanked God; he had never liked his nose) small, cute… perfect.
He placed his hands on Jayleigh's, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand.
"We agreed to be less careful," he muttered. "What if we hadn't? Where would we be now?
"You know, I always wanted a baby." He smiled affectionately. "With Abby in particular. I…" He was lost in thought, memories overpowering the present.
Abby and Luka had agreed that Carter deserved time with his daughter. She was turning three; he had already missed more than he could stand. The bone marrow transplant had been an extreme success. Caught it early, indeed: her leukemia was expected to have been cured with Carter's marrow. Of course, the results would not be in for days yet.
The transplant had taken hours, but he was glad. He had known Jayleigh for only a day, but he was a new parent. He had never thought twice of her existence. And when he was simply allowed to sit there for as long as he pleased, just to look at her, his heart was filled with an unfamiliar whelming.
"Jayleigh, I'm sorry…" He was speaking to himself now. "I would have been there, had I known. I know Abby wanted me to. You needed a daddy, didn't you? Is that why she's with Luka? For you? Does she even love him?" He stopped himself from going any further. He was being stupid, and he knew it. Of course she loved Luka! She was living with him, wasn't she? They were probably married.
"I won't lie… I can't. I found out you were mine, and the first thoughts to run through my head were 'happy little family with a suburban house and a white picket fence'. But then I saw Luka standing there… looking at you so sadly, loving you like his own… and I knew I couldn't have that."
His eyes began to sting, and his throat tingled.
"I went to Atlanta… and I came back, and everyone was so great for me. I didn't know what to expect. I thought they'd all look at me… I don't know… weird… because I was an addict. But they all supported me. They understood. But when I come back from Africa, everyone treats me like a rape victim." He laughed, a bit mirthlessly. "Do I have 'handle with care' written across my forehead or something?"
The girl in the bed stirred.
"I love you so much… I didn't know…" His words weren't making much sense anymore, but he didn't care. Words were overrated. He had never known so much love in his life. A thought came to him.
"I wouldn't be here with you…" he whispered, "if my blood wasn't O negative."
It was random, but it was, he thought, the truth. If his and Jayleigh's blood types weren't the same, he might have never known that he was fathering a daughter. Abby was one to run from her problems, though neither of them had brought it out into the open.
He sat there for endless minutes, his chin resting on the bar of her bed, watching her sleep; listening to her breathe. With each soft inhale, he realized how much he loved her, and what he would do for her. Slowly, he drifted off into a cautious sleep, his eyes fluttering to stay awake.
******
"Dr. Carter, you need to get back to your bed."
Carter awoke quietly. "No…" he mumbled.
"You've just had a spinal tap. You've given a lot of blood up. You need your rest." An African American woman was standing at the door, giving Carter a hard look.
"I need to stay with her…" he said sleepily, raising his head off the bar.
"You can see her when you're good and rested. Hop off back to bed."
Carter shook his head. "I'm okay. I… feel better here."
She shook her head. "Okay…" she muttered, turning to close the door. "But I didn't give you permission."
Carter turned his attention back to the blonde-haired girl. Her eyes were just opening.
"Hello, Mr. John," she said, stretching.
He sighed. "Good morning, sleepyhead."
Jayleigh grinned. "I had a dream about you."
He smiled. "Did you? What was your dream about?"
"I don't know what it means…" She scrunched up her cute little nose. "But I was in a big room. And you got somethin stuck in your back. It looked like it hurt real bad. And then they stuck a big needle in my arm…" She appeared to be thinking. "I don't remember anything else."
Carter smiled again. She was describing the biopsy. "That's a very weird dream."
Jayleigh nodded. She studied him for a moment. "Your eyes are brown. Like Mommy's."
He closed his eyes and nodded. Like Mommy's. Like yours… "Yes they are. Very good. Are you just learning your colors?"
"No…" she said in a high-pitched voice. "I just thought they looked a lot alike. Are you my mommy's brother?"
He could only laugh at this inquiry. "No. I'm not."
Jayleigh's eyes twinkled. "Are you her… cousin?"
Carter grinned and shook his head. "Nope."
"Her uncle?"
"Nuh-uh."
"Are you her daddy?"
His expression changed. "No."
There was a pause. "Do I have to go back to that room?"
"The one in your dream?" he asked.
When Jayleigh nodded he responded, "Probably. See, your sickness means you've got to have a lot done. And today, you have to get what doctors call a bone marrow transplant."
"Will it hurt?" she asked timidly.
Carter frowned. "I don't know. I hope not. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt."
Abby had given him the permission to tell her the truth. She claimed she still hated him, but she knew he wouldn't hurt her. Carter decided long ago Abby was a confusing woman, and he stood by that reasoning today.
"Do you know why Luka doesn't want you to call him daddy?" he asked softly.
"Because Lu-kah isn't my daddy. Mommy told me that my daddy was a big, tall, handsome man that she loved very, very much. But she said she loved Lu-kah too. She said that my real daddy didn't love her back, so he left to go to lions' house. And that's real far away. But she told me that he was still a really good guy."
The news shocked Carter, but he wasn't sure why. "Your mommy told you all this?" he said unbelievingly.
"Nah, she told Aunt Susan, but I heard her say it."
Carter laughed. "Oh. Okay." He paused, then grinned smugly. "So your daddy was a real looker, eh?"
Jayleigh giggled. "That's what my mommy said!"
"Did Mommy tell you your daddy's name?" he inquired curiously.
"She said that my last name is just like his. But I don't know what that really means." She crinkled her nose again.
"Is your last name Carter? Is that your name? Jayleigh Carter?"
Jayleigh nodded her head vigorously. "Yeah! How did you know?"
He knew because Abby had given her his last name.
"That's my name too. John Carter."
Her eyes widened. "Really? Mommy told Aunt Susan that's my daddy's last name!"
Carter nodded slowly. "Am I your friend, Jayleigh?"
She grinned and nodded. "You're my best friend, John!"
He laughed quietly. "Can I be your daddy too?"
Response to ReviewsLuby-Connor-Lizzy: I hope this is soon enough for you…
DreamChaser78: Wouldn't have it any other way. Lol. That's not a bad idea. Oh, yes, yes! I could have Carter throw Kovac up against the back wall on the roof, but miss and throw him off the roof! And then… oh… never mind.
Lauren: Thank you much! Updating as soon as I can. Hope you liked the extended chapter. ;)
Fariha Khan: *Blushes* Thank you! Of course I'll continue! It's the only thing I have half a mind to continue right now! I've never updated this much so fast! Still my number one reviewer! ;)
ForeverCarby: Of course! I live for the stuff!
Becky: Incredibly, fantastically well? WOW! Thank you SO much!
Kattybaby2318: Intense? You mean like those cinnamon-flavored Jolly Ranchers? Those are intense! …And so is my stepdad's chili… *groans* Lol…
Poet2002: (This is more a response to your email) Offended? Nah, it takes a lot to offend me. I'm a very high-spirited person, despite my chronic depression! WOOHOO!
A/N: Well… that was longer than most of my chapters. And I've gotta take the time out to say I love that song. Billy Gilman has got the prettiest voice. Too bad it's deeper now. *Kills puberty*
*~LTDan~*