A/N: Hopefully the bloody formatting will be better this time. I apologize for what the stupid thing did last time. *Growls* I'd like to apologize for the long wait. I feel bad for not posting sooner! I knew spoilers, and I went hog wild telling everyone about them. Thus, I had no time to post.
Disclaimer: I don't own noffin. The song is Sherrie Austin's.
*~LTDan~*
Hello God, it's me again. 2:00 a.m., Room 304.
Visiting hours are over, time for our bedside tug of war.
This sleeping child between us may not make it through the night.
I'm fighting back the tears as she fights for her life.
Well, it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
She's much too young to be on her own;
Barely just turned seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?
Tell me God, do you remember the wishes that she made,
As she blew out the candles on her last birthday cake?
She wants to ride a pony when she'd big enough.
She wants to marry her Daddy when she's all grown up.
Well, it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
She's much too young to be on her own;
Barely just turned seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?
Lord, don't you know she's my angel
You got plenty of your own
And I know you hold a place for her
But she's already got a home
Well I don't know if you're listenin'
But praying is all that's left to do
So I ask you Lord have mercy, you lost a son once too
And it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
Lord, I know once you've made up your mind,
There's no use in beggin'.
So if you take her with you today, will you make sure she looks both ways,
And would you hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven.
The streets of Heaven.
~Streets of Heaven by Sherrie Austin
Three days away from death and despair wasn't very bad. The more time he had to spend with Jayleigh, despite the fact that she was on sleepers. Of course, he would first have to find an excuse to leave post-op.
"Nurse," he said when the African American woman entered the room.
"Yes, Dr. Carter?" she asked, removing his pillow and shaking it vigorously.
"Can I walk down the hall to see—"
"No you may not. You can lay there and rest." She laid the pillow down on his bed again, but he sat straight up. "Doctor Carter," she said warning, stressing his title so it sounded like "Doc-tor".
"I feel fine," he said in a monotone, remaining upright.
"You've had surgery. You've been cut open—lay down!"
Carter scowled. "My daughter has leukemia. She is down the hall. She just had my blood mixed in with her own via a very painful surgery. I feel fine. Now, if you will just quit hovering over my back, I need to go check on her. I am her father. And I have every right to go look in," he said hotly.
The nurse raised her eyebrows. "Okay. But it's your funeral if you're caught," she said, pursing her lips and walking back out of his room.
Carter gratefully stood, adjusting his IV. Once he felt comfortable with the pull-along tubes, he walked toward the door. Quietly, he opened the door. He poked his head out of the door, making sure no one was watching him.
When the hallway proved to be clear, he allowed the door to creak shut behind him as he tiptoed out. Carefully, silently, he made his way down the hallway to the blue-painted door on the right. Jayleigh.
He gently pushed open the barrier between him and his daughter, only to find another sitting amid them. His funeral indeed.
"Abby, I… I'll come back…" he said quickly, making to close the door again.
"No." Her tone was hard, as if she was bent on Carter's stay.
"Um… okay." He walked slowly back into the room, making his way to the opposite side of Jayleigh's bed. He should have known Abby would have been with her. She had been her daughter for nearly two years now.
Moments dragged by, as each of them study the sleeping girl, the only sounds were the steady intakes of her breath, and the incessant beeping of the monitor to Abby's left.
"Will she…?" Carter asked abruptly, unsure himself of what asinine thought caused him to voice such a question.
Abby nodded sadly, looking anywhere but in his eyes. "She'll be okay."
Carter felt useless, sitting there, watching her sleep. But he had possibly just saved her life. He didn't see things that way.
"I've missed so much of her life…" he mumbled.
"I know."
"But she didn't know how much I loved her…" Carter didn't know if he were even talking about Jayleigh.
"She had someone else to love her, John," said Abby softly, taking his hand in hers.
Carter squeezed his eyes shut, trying to erase her words. "I just wanted to be there. I didn't want any of this to happen. I wanted…" He broke off as his voice began to waver.
"I know you didn't. I'm sure she knows too."
Carter smiled slightly. "Do you think she loves me too?"
Carter looked up at Abby, waiting impatiently for a response. He tried looking into her eyes, but she would not have it; she looked away, trying to no avail to appear indifferent.
It seemed to take her ages to answer, but Carter was nonetheless pleased as she said in a shaky tone, "I'm sure she does."
Carter removed his hand from Abby's. She sure as hell wasn't talking about Jayleigh. She was talking about herself.
"Jayleigh told me that you loved me," he blurted before he could help it.
Abby's eyes swept over to his. She appeared to be lost for words. Carter pitied her. At the look on her sad face, he wished he had not said it.
"Did she?" she asked in a tiny, would-be calm tone.
"I'm sorry…" If Abby's voice was quiet, his was a fragile whisper.
She frowned delicately, then her gaze shifted back to the golden-haired girl between them.
"It's not fair…"
Carter didn't know who she was talking to, but answered anyway. "I know it isn't."
He watched a single tear roll down her cheeks, trying to remember the last time he had seen her look so heartbreaking. An image of her yawning came back to him, and he felt like smiling. But he didn't. Instead, he reached across the bed and took her hand in his.
"I'm sorry," he muttered. The doorknob suddenly became very interesting.
"You couldn't have done anything."
"I could have come back."
"Don't do this to yourself."
"Do what? It's my fault."
"How is your fault, John?"
"I had the gene, didn't I?"
His voice and anger were both beginning to rise.
"There was no way to know."
"Gene counseling. Ever heard of it?"
"John. Gene counseling is for couples who know they're pregnant. We didn't know."
Carter leaned over the bedrail. "We could have! We… could have been more careful."
Abby's face distorted. "You don't want her?"
"I didn't say that. But you have to admit things would be a lot easier—"
"CARTER!" Abby bent over as well, her face as red as the sun going down outside.
There was a squeak to Carter's left. The door had opened. Luka stood in the doorframe, looking, aghast, at the sight before him.
"Am I interrupting something?" he half-spat.
It became evident to Carter that his and Abby's faces were directly in front of each other. It must have looked as if they were going to kiss from Luka's point of view. Luka Kovac was getting on his last nerve.
Response to ReviewsAllison: Sweet? Dammit… I don't like sweet stuff! Well, yes, I do… but that's beside the point…
MrsWyle: *Grins* All I can say. By the way – great name! ;)
Jennifer: Haha… well, if this chapter tells you anything, it should be that you're prolly gonna be right!
Vicki: Eek! Soon? Sorry! I took like, a week! :(
Starbright: :) There you go! ;)
Fariha Khan: *Cries* I'm sorry I didn't update sooner!! Two more friends hospitalized, busy schedule besides… bah. Sorry! Don't lose faith, o faithful one! ;)
Lauren: Probably…
Luby-Connor-Lizzie: No, no, I'm not good! Do you see how long it took me to get this chapter out?? :(
AnnaSun: Thank you very much! I appreciate your feedback.
AnnaSun: Hello again! You just found it? Well…. That's nice. Er… something… Soon? I don't like that word anymore!
Starbright: I hope Carter can save his daughter too! o.O
Peppercat: Yeppers. It's in my LJ, if you wanna see what I think. Update… *whines* I feel guilty!
A/N: Here is a cookie! Since… I won't be updating until next week. Going on holiday. *Growls* I have a one-shot for you all when I get back, too! ;)
Carter: Stay out of this Luka!
Luka: Abby is none of your business anymore.
Carter: How the hell can you say that? She's the mother of my daughter!
Luka: Only—by—blood.
A/A/A/N: Have fun with it! :P