A/N: "Hanging By A Moment" is my new favorite song. Byebye. *Blushes* Yeah, it's short! SORRY!
Disclaimer: Uhh… if I owned anything by now, Carter would already be back, Kem would have died in a fiery, painful accident (similar to the initial death of Evan in Final Destination 2, if not exactly like it!), Abby would have turned up pregnant with Carter's baby, and Doug Ross would make an amazing return! Er… yes… that's right. I'm a pathetically obsessed little person. The song is Linkin Park's. It doesn't exactly fit, but it's called "Numb", which does fit.
*~LTDan~*
Tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface.
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
I've become so numb I can't feel you there.
I've become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this. All I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to loose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
And every second I waste is more than I can take.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
I've become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this. All I want to do
Is be more like me, and be less like you.
And I know I may end your feeling too.
But I know you were just like me,
With someone disappointed in you.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
I've become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me, and be less like you.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
Tired of being what you want me to be.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
Tired of being what you want me to be.
~Numb by Linkin Park
Carter stood at the door, a numb shock all he could sense. He watched through the small window as Dr. Pratt and Sam Taggert worked with everything they had on Luka. He wasn't even aware of Abby fighting against Gallant and Susan to scrub in. All he could feel was that odd, distant feeling. Luka had been all right an hour ago… well, save for a few places Carter had inducted on him.
He had never meant, never wanted, for this to happen. He would feel terrible when this was all over. Right now, there was no room for feelings. Only numbness. He could only see Luka bleeding out. He could only hear an inner ringing.
And then, everything went blank.
******
When his senses returned, he was standing in exactly the same spot, and Pratt stood in front of him, Abby at his side.
"We worked as hard as we could on him, but there was severe damage to his kidneys and left lung, causing a great deal of internal bleeding. We attempted to resuscitate several times, but we could not revive him. I'm sorry." Pratt was speaking to them like a normal patient's normal family members. Was this hard for him, too?
Carter felt Abby crash hard into his side, and he quickly, almost involuntarily, enveloped her in his arms. It only took a second for her sobs to come.
"I don't know what to do anymore," she said in a low whisper as Pratt walked away.
"You carry on. You be strong, Abby. Don't let it get you down, right? You'll break down… have no will to live. You will… feel worse than you ever have in your life, but you can beat it." He didn't really know where that little speech came from, but he meant every word. He knew, from experience, that what he said was the truth.
"I can't, John," she said in a muffled voice.
"Yes you can. I have faith." He ran his fingers through her thick brown hair.
"I'm glad you do… but I can't keep doing this. I can't keep losing everything when I thought I was at the top of the world." She looked up at him, a pitiful expression on her face.
"If not for you, do it for Jayleigh… Do it for our daughter, Abby."
******
"I need to go home." Abby stood abruptly.
Carter rubbed his eyes. "Go on. You've had enough to deal with today."
Abby squeezed the keys to her apartment, appearing to be thinking. "I can't go back there."
Carter stood next to her. "Home?"
She turned to look at him, nodding slowly. "I can't spend another day in his house. I can't…" She broke off as tears formed in her eyes. She turned away from him.
Carter put his hands on her shoulders. "So go to your apartment."
Abby shook her head. "I sold it when I moved in with Luka."
He sighed, removing his hands. He stepped over to the tiny table near the radiator, grabbing a set of keys. He looked at them, unsure of himself.
"Susan gave me these downstairs. They were in the ignition of Luka's car. He took mine afterall. The brass key, next to the big square silver one—" he pulled it out, "—is the key to the front door of the mansion."
Abby's face twisted with confusion. "John," she said, "I can't sleep in your house."
He couldn't keep a grin from forming on his face. "You have before." He looked over at Jayleigh. "And I couldn't be happier for it."
Abby laughed quietly. "Me too."
Carter stood next to her again. He laced his fingers slowly together with hers, and for a moment, a second, they were joined together. But she pulled away, looking at him intently.
"John. Not… stop. I can't do this. Not now. Not yet."
He pushed her hair behind her ear. "I know. I'm sorry."
They stood there for eternal minutes, their feelings masked by the never-ending silence. But Abby, again, interrupted it.
"It's my fault." She turned, leaning into his chest for the second time that night.
"No it's not. If it's anyone's, it's mine." He kissed her hairline affectionately.
"Don't blame yourself for this too," she said pleadingly.
He couldn't say no to the look on her face. God, he loved that face—he loved her. So there was only one way to answer her.
"Okay."
Response to Reviews
*Coughs* Ehh… no access to the Internet when this chapter was written. Sorry. I will post them with the next update, promise! So here is a cookie for your entertainment. ;)
CookieCarter: You all act like you've seen a ghost.
Susan: Are you sure you don't need another day off?
Carter: Nope, why?
Susan: Carter… your best friend… Luka… he's… gone.
A/N: Have fun, and remember to review! :D
*~LTDan~*