A/N: Sorry it took ages to update. I've been down for a few days with RSV and virtually everything else under the sun. Do you know how hard it is to write a fanfic when your body temperature is 103.4 degrees? By the way: I threw a rubberband, a cough drop, and a plastic toy soldier at Kem. I hit her every time! YAY! What did you throw?
*Anyone who hates Kem as much as me, talk to me on MSN messenger: LTDan_81@hotmail.com, and I'll see about getting you in the Anti-Kem Mob. :P*
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine, yada, yada, yada. The song belongs to Evanescence .
*~LTDan~*
I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
~My Immortal by Evanescence
Carter and Anne stepped out of the cab, cool November air slapping their faces and tousling their hair. He took her hand and led her to the middle of the cemetery where a crows of people stood under and around a green tent.
"John!" Abby's voice called to him as he made his way up to the mob.
"Hey," he said, though he was looking at Jayleigh, whom Abby held in her arms. He turned to Anne.
"Abby, this is Anne. She's a friend of Deb and Pratt. Anne, this is Abby Lockhart… the four of us work together."
Anne smiled and shook Abby's hand. Though she returned the gesture, Carter could see what Abby really thought of Anne in her eyes.
"So you're Abby? Greg, John, and Jing-Mei have already told me about you." Her eyes swept to the blonde-haired toddler laying her head on Abby's shoulder. She looked at Carter. "Is this your little girl?"
Carter nodded proudly, like the new father he was. "That's my Jayleigh."
Abby gave him her Oh is she? look, eyebrows high on her forehead.
"Can I have her?" Carter asked, disregarding her expression and holding out his arms.
Abby gave no response; instead, she carefully detached the small girl from her shoulder, placing her deftly in Carter's hands.
Jayleigh stirred a bit, looking up at him. She smiled sweetly. "I had another dream about you."
He put his lips to her forehead. "Did you? What was this one about?"
"You and Lu-kah got real mad and you hurt him. But then Mommy told you to stop it, and you did."
Carter now understood why parents did not ask their children questions in public.
"What a bad dream." He pulled her closer to him. "How do you feel?"
She sighed. "I feel sad that Lu-kah left. He took me to the park lots. He let me ride the choo-choo train there. Will you take me to the park and let me ride the choo-choo, umm… Daddy?"
He would have smiled, if not for the fact that his daughter was telling him the sweetest things about a man whose funeral had been held the day before.
"Of course. But first, you'll have to get better, okay?"
She nodded.
Anne, who had been watching their bonding quietly said, "What's wrong with her?"
He frowned sadly. "Acute-angle leukemia. I donated marrow, but… she has to recover from the surgery before she can do anything."
Anne gasped slightly. "Oh! John, I'm sorry."
Carter shrugged his left shoulder, and was about to reply when the Minister's voice cut him off.
"Later."
******
"…Luka was the only person I ever loved. I miss him so much." A young woman called Mary stood between the crowd and Luka's flag-draped coffin.
Carter stood behind Abby, his hands wrapped protectively around her neck as she cried silently. Anne was next to him, simply looking at the Minister and not saying anything. Jayleigh held tight to Carter's leg, neither of her parents able to hold her.
Mary took her place in the crowd again, and Abby turned to look at Carter.
He smiled at her, and squeezed her shoulders. "You'll do fine." He kissed the top of her head reassuringly, and let go of her.
Abby walked up to the spot where Mary had been standing. She cleared her throat, and looked around. Carter picked up Jayleigh, nodding at Abby supportively.
"I started working at County General Hospital seven years ago. Everyone was… great to me. You couldn't ask for better people. But one person sticks out in my mind clearer than anyone else. And that person is Luka Kovac.
"I'm Abby Lockhart. I was his fiancée."
That cleared up a lot.
"Luka and I were friends for a while. Great friends. It didn't take long to… to fall in love." Carter met her eyes, then let them fall to the ground. He had taken Abby away from Luka then.
"But we changed and grew apart. We were friends again. I started seeing someone else. His name was Dr. John Carter, and he and Luka were close. Luka was so supportive of us, despite his past with the both of us. He was so… understanding.
"Then John went to Africa on business, and we went our separate ways too. I had John's baby girl, and Luka cared for us. He took us in and loved us both more than we deserved. He loved my little girl like his own. He would have done anything in the world for her."
Carter clung tightly to Jayleigh, the small girl who didn't know how much love she had.
"Luka was also one of the most dedicated doctors I've ever met. He worked the E.R. with a passion I've never seen in anyone before. He made each case personal. He would stop at nothing to prevent patient care. Everyone at work loved him… We all respected him. He was great at what he done. And he'll be remembered for a long time to come for his work."
Abby paused, and looked at the faces of the coworkers that had showed up for the lowering. Carter smiled softly when her eyes landed on him.
"Luka Kovac was one of the best people I've ever known. If there was anyone so undeserving of death… it was him. I'll never forget him, and I'll always love him." Abby smiled briefly, bit her bottom lip, and joined Carter again.
Carter, who had given a short speech earlier, grinned and nodded his approval. He hugged her warmly, in nothing more than a friendly manner, let her go, stood back, and broadened his smile.
"You were great."
Response to ReviewsHer Royal Heighness: You spelled your name wrong. Did you know? Haha. Well, I did write you in. You did get to say how much you loved Luka. Happy?
Fariha Khan: Yes. They should get together, shouldn't they? :) Will Anne be around for the whole story? Hmm… I don't know about that. ;)
Snoops: Thank you! What a nice review. :) Carter took Anne to Luka's funeral because he's… well… we'll say I like to let the gullible, naïve Carter from season one show through now and then. Get what I mean? ;) Thank you greatly for your review!
Luby-Connor-Lizzy: Yes, Anne is evil. But so is Kem. Care to join the Anti-Kem Mob? *Grins at Chrysti* It's great fun. Leave your MSN name, and we'll get up with you. :D
CarbyWriter: I should hope we're not losing Carby in this story! Well, just for a bit. Maybe. Oh, we'll see. As for losing Carby on TV… have you read any spoilers? Check some out for the next episode. It's called "NICU". I think you might enjoy them…
Starbright: I can promise a happy ending. :) That's all I can do, though.
AylaYAY: Oh yes. Oh, yes! It's working! No one likes her! *Dances* I'm so proud of myself now…
Kate: Oh, I didn't look when they kissed last Thursday. I covered up my eyes with my mommy's blanket and threw things at her! :)
MauraT: If you saw last Thursday's episode, my friend, you saw the dreaded kiss. It was in there. But I didn't watch that scene. Did you see the look Carter was giving Kem, though? It made me wanna throw up. My mommy thought it was cute. It's only cute if he's giving it to Abby!
AnnaSun: Thanks, as usual. No prob, as usual.
Peppercat: There you are! I've been looking all over for you! Nope, I'm not done with our cutesy little Carter-Abby byproduct. :)
CARTERJOHN: Welcome back, stranger! I read your fic, but my review button is screwed up. Sorries. :(