VI: Casino Royale (1967)
Welcome back to "From Baskar With Love", the fic where sanity doesn't matter! That's right, the sanity is like Riflemen references to someone who's never read "Upon These Drifter Wings" before. Anyhoo, let's continue where we left off.
"What the?! It can't be!" Gallows stepped back, dropping his hotdog onto the warm cement as the pretzel cart across the street exploded.
"So what? It's an explosion, not like we haven't seen any of those before…" Marivel took a bite out of her bloody dog, which squeled in pain. "Just the way I like 'em!"
"Someone's gonna get hurt! Oooh, we gotta do something!" Lilka turned to her new team.
"They can't be after the laser all ready! We have to find our last team mate!" Gallows cried.
"This isn't like an RPG where time freezes for every event, 003! What laser are you talking about?!" Marivel wanted to know.
"The laser at the ARMS museum, right? C'mon, we gotta move before someone gets hurt!" Lilka answered, running off down the street.
"What laser?!" Marivel screeched.
"Lilka, you're going the wrong way!" Gallows hollered. "C'mon Marivel, we gotta stop P.R.O.P.H.E.T from getting that laser!"
"I would if you'd tell me what we're talking about!" Marivel snapped.
"No time, must go!" Gallows grabbed Marivel's wrist and dashed down the street, Lilka catching up. When they rounded the corner, something amazing caught their sight. For what they saw was a giant robot smashing through the streets. It was a weird robot to say the least, having enormous elephant legs, and bright, lego-esque, type parts for the rest of the dinosaurian shape. And perched atop its head were the two lizardians, Liz and Ard.
"Holy Tap Dancing Kaiju!" Gallows stopped in his tracks.
"What a stupid looking robot…" Marivel frowned.
"Oh no! What will we do?!" Lilka gasped.
"Hahahaha! It is I, the bestest thinker of all the four corners of the lovely desert lotus we call Filgaia, Liz!" Liz's shrill voice came in through a mega-phone.
"Ard! Ard!" Ard's deep voice sounded.
"P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents!" Marivel deduced.
"Hey! You in the stupid robot! You better not get that laser, or we'll have to stop you!" Gallows shouted.
"You better change and accept Eternal Love, or you'll regret it!" Lilka commanded.
Gallows and Marivel looked to the small girl and then to each other, shaking their heads disapprovingly.
"Huh? Did I do something wrong big-brother Gallows, big-sister Marivel?" Lilka asked, concern in her green eyes.
"Oh God! M-my heart!" Marivel dropped to the ground, clutching her chest. "Lilka, you fool! Never utter such sweetness in my presence!"
Gallows grinned an evil grin. He'd have to remember for that. "Oh really. That's good to know."
"Oh I'm so sorry Big Sis Marivel! Is there anything I can do to help you?" Lilka bent down on her knees.
"Gah! Stop it! What are you trying to do, kill me?!" Marivel shouted, canines bared.
"Eep! I didn't mean to hurt you Marivel, I'm so sorry." Lilka shook her head.
"You better be…" Marivel panted, her heart in ache.
"Ahem!" Liz's voice came in once more. "Mayhap you have forgotten it so, but a delicate flower of the cherry blossom wind in the form of moi is currently involved in the glorious ballet of destruction and mayhem atop the lovely gentle asteroid, Bulkigedeon."
"Sounds like a porno, hee hee, the Bulk-a-get-it-on!" Gallows snickered.
Ard glanced over to his smaller friend and shrugged. "Ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard ard."
"003, How are we going to stop this thing? I'm too weak to fight, thanks to the black words that little miss flower pants hath spoken." Marivel questioned the Baskar in a tux.
"Hmmm, I know!" Gallows pulled out his tiny PP7. "DIE GIANT ROBOT!" He fired the tiny thing, sending a tiny bullet ricocheting off the giant's armor.
"Great job 003." Marivel chided.
"Well let's see you think of something. This was the toughest fight in all of WA2!" Gallows grunted.
"Now if you'll excuse us, we fair nobles of the court of luckiness will strive for the ultimate goal of salvation and acquire the lovely yet functional laser "Arc Smasher". Liz saluted and the giant robot plowed through the skyscraper on the right, heading for the ARMS museum.
"What we need is a giant robot of our own!" Lilka thought.
"I can do that easily! Watch and behold!" Marivel pulled out a remote and pressed a big red button. Suddenly, a building down the street was completely demolished as Asgard01 emerged from under the earth. "Big A! It's Show time!"
"I don't ever recall a secret agent using a giant robot before…" Gallows thought.
"Shut up and get in!" Marivel screamed and pressed another button. Before the three realized it, they were wearing brightly colored spandex costumes and helmets and teleported inside the massive Earth Golem reject, I mean the form of Asgard.
"Why do I feel like we're parodying something that we shouldn't right now?" Gallows scratched his yellow helmet.
"Wow! I'm all pink! I LOVE pink!" Lilka giggled.
"All right! Systems clear!" Marivel shouted, wearing all blue. "It's Go time!"
"You know these spandex suits would be cool if you two weren't flat." Gallows shrugged.
Marivel stepped on the brake suddenly, sending the Asgard01 plummeting to the street, demolishing several buildings in it's wake. Marivel and Lilka both turned to Gallows, throwing off their helmets and witch fire in their eyes. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"
"This won't turn out good…" Gallows gulped right before the two young women pounced upon him like lions on a wounded secret agent gazelle.
The Bulkgideon stopped in its tracks and turned to face the fallen Asgard01. Liz hissed in frustration. "Those not-smart folks! What are they thinking, letting a delicate flower such as myself and the ultimately destructive force of the grave pusher Bulkigideon wander the cruel streets as we please. Does it not matter to them that we are doing as we like, seeking the laser for No. 1's evil yet so satisfying like that of oatmeal before noontide!?"
"Ard?" The samurai lizard asked his buddy.
"Worry not, my cherry blossom Samurai! Like that of Tom Cruise, we shall catch the bus to our goal, and feast upon a delicacy called victory!" Liz placed two fingers out and formed the V sign. "But my jealousy turns ugly in the midst's of our epic voyage. Come! We gather attention for we are Pop stars!"
The Bulkigedon's chassis opened, revealing a hundred thousand missile slots, all which fired into the surrounding cityscape. The resulting explosion demolished everything in true Barefoot-Gin fashion, leaving nothing but rubble and the Asgard01. Behind the Bulkigedeon was the rest of the city, unhurt and not even paying attention.
"What the f-asterisk-money sign-percent sign was that?!" Gallows emerged from the battle, bloody, bruised, and beaten.
Marivel crossed her arms and looked at the monitor. "It looks as if the Bulkgigideon wants to play!"
"Ack! The surrounding city's gone! That poor hotdog man…" Lilka sniffed. "But I'm all right, for I'm strong! Now let's go!" Lilka slammed a huge red button that was her entire console.
"…That wasn't the self-destruct button, was it?" Marivel sweat dropped.
"Oh c'mon, that is so cliché…" Gallows sighed.
Suddenly the Asgard01 rose into the sky, enormous jets spitting blue fire behind it. The three looked around, excitedly.
"Wow! I've been trying to figure how to do this for ages!" Marivel clasped her hands together.
"Oh brother…" Gallows stated.
"Ard!" The Samurai lizard pulled out a large RPG -No, not a Star Ocean. A Rocket-Propelled Grenade. Silly. - and fired. The resulting explosion hit the Asgard01 dead on, causing it to fall from the sky and right onto the Bulkigideon. The Bulkigideon fell backwards, devastating about four blocks behind it. The two lizards scrambled from the machine a few yards away.
"Ouch. What happened?" Gallows asked, rubbing his back, as the Asgard01 had fallen on its back.
"We hit him dead on!" Marivel stated with much glee.
"Yay! I love you guys!" Lilka leaped for joy.
Marivel's pupils shrank as she fell to her knees once again. "I think you ARE trying to kill me!"
"Ard, you have cause our destruction! No more will our songs of merriment and mass destruction be heard by seductive ears. I loathe you no more than a fish does to his own pool of water." Liz crossed his arms and turned his back on his friend.
"ARD?!" Ard started crying waterfall tears.
"Hold it right there!" Gallows shouted, climbing out of the Asgard01 and aiming his PP7 at the two.
"It's the Po! Quickly Ard, reclaim our title of enormous prestige, and together we shall be the unicorn of a P.R.O.P.H.E.T estate!" Liz shouted.
Ard snorted, eager to reclaim his spot in the light. The enormous lizard tightened his Samurai armor once more and charged towards Gallows, katana in claw.
Gallows pulled the trigger, but found the bullets falling short of penetrating the thick Japanese armor. He rolled out of the way as Ard rammed into the side of the robot.
"Go Ard! Win a victory for us, and we shall be Pop stars once more!" Liz leaped in the air, pom poms in hand.
"Go Gallows! He's the man! If he can't do it… than we'll have to find someone else…" Lilka leaped in the air with twin pom poms.
"Hey bitch! I was rooting in this place of combat first!" Liz suddenly rushed to Lilka.
"You skank! How could you address me in that fashion!" Lilka threw down her pom poms.
"Oh you want to fight girlfriend! Bring it on miss training bra!" Liz hissed.
"Shut up hoe!" And the two began scratching at each other madly, biting and pulling each other's tail and hair and rolling across the ruined city block.
"This is stupid…" Marivel realized as she pulled herself to the hatch and looked out.
"Hey Marivel! A little help please!?" Gallows yelped as he was dodging Ard's Samurai strokes.
Overhead, a large black chopper with the letters P.R.O.P.H.E.T spelled across the sides flew by, lugging a giant laser behind it. Dakota Sierra, a blonde beautiful woman, smiled and waved as she flew by. Marivel gritted her teeth. "So that's the laser! And now P.R.O.P.H.E.T has it!"
"Aw my tail! You lit it on fire!" Liz grabbed his tail away from Lilka.
"That's what you get for trying gouge out my lovely eyes!" Lilka huffed.
"No fair! You truly are a master of chick fighting, but I msut say T.T.F.N, as our mission has been accounted for. But I'll leave you with a good bye present. One that you'll be crying over for years to come for it is as wonderful as any golden rain or lovely wind!" Liz suddenly chucked a blue sphere at Lilka and slithered off, calling for Ard to do so as well. Ard left Gallows hiding behind a mailbox trying to fire his PP7. Together the two vanished down a manhole.
"Looks like we drove them off!" Gallows said smiling. "Awww Yea!"
"Though you were fighting like an agent should, you didn't get a single hit in you idiot." Marivel frowned. "And P.R.O.P.H.E.T got the laser!"
"Hey guys!" Lilka walked up, badly scratched. "Look what Liz gave me for my victory!" Lilka presented the blue sphere to them.
"That…" Gallows leaped back, arm drawn over his face to protect it.
"No! It's…" Marivel closed the hatch.
"What are you guys so scared of?! It's so pretty!" Lilka held it close to her face.
"BLUE BUG BOMB!" Marivel and Gallows both shouted at once. Not a moment later, the sphere erupted in an enormous explosion, demolishing another building in the very jazzy process…