VIII: On Her Majesty's Secret Service (Part 002)
A.K.A From Russia With Love (The Lost Episode)
The sea was shattered as shells of enormous prestige exploded, trying to hit the long train a'comin'. The train, though sinking, plowed through the waves as a snowplow does to that white fluffy stuff we call snow. The train released one last deep whistle before slamming head on into the Sweet Candy. After the grand slam, the head engine car found itself stuck in the wall of the ballroom, where several Odessa soldiers were waiting, armed.
"All right, we got here. Now what?" Jack asked.
"You know, maybe next time we should plan this kind of thing out in advance…" Marivel sighed.
"Oh wow! A ballroom! I always wanted to be in a ballroom, with a chandelier and pretty dresses and fine music-" Lilka clasped her hands inside the train.
"And Odessa soldiers all plotting to kill us." Jack finished.
"Do not worry! For I have a plan!" Gallows smiled, revealing sparkly teeth, and leaped out of the train.
"Gallows! Wait!" Marivel leaped out after him.
The two agents emerged from the black Filgaia Express and on center stage, in front of a dozen or so Odessa soldiers. And at the very back was Captain Bart, who instantly grabbed the soldier beside him. "Gah! It's those two! The Dirty Pair!"
"Hey! That's Lovely Angels!" Gallows and Marivel replied venomously.
Jack placed a hand to his forehead. "Oy. References…"
"Guards! Do something nasty to them! Quickly!" Bart shouted. The soldiers all cocked their sub-machine guns (Which I don't think is possible) and stepped in line in unison as any impressive military force would.
"Hold it right there." A mysterious voice said oh so mysteriously. 003, Marivel, Bart, and the others turned around to see a somewhat tall, lean man with "pail" (Meteor9 is slapped!) skin and wearing all black, including a broad black sun hat.
"A-agent Vassim!" Bart gulped.
The soldiers all bowed down simultaneously, avoiding eye contact with the Elw in Black.
"Sounds like a song, doesn't it?" Lilka questioned Jack. "~Here come the Elw in black, Filgaian defenders…~"
Jack rubbed his forehead once more. "Oy. More references…"
"Well well well, if it isn't the infamous 003…" Vassim, the man hidden in black-
"Hey that sounds like a song too!" Lilka exclaimed. "~Man in hidden in black…~"
"STOP WITH THE REFERENCES ALL READY! What is this, a library?" Jack cut the conversation right there.
Gallows stepped foreword, calm and cool. "What?! You've heard of me?! So does that make me famous?!" Maybe not…
Vassim nodded. "You've been a thorn in our sides for far too long. I have been personally sent by number One to put an end to your little ARMs game at once."
"Wait! So this war you're trying to start was just a trap for us!" Marivel was prepared to draw. No, not with a pencil you silly Drill baboons.
Vassim nodded… boy does that sound familiar. "Quite the set up if I say so myself. You may have managed to kill Boomerang and Lucied, but I won't prove to be taken so easily.
Gallows pulled out his PP7 and tried to pull the trigger, but found he couldn't bend his finger enough. What the?!"
Vassim laughed as Bart cringed nervously. "You fool?! Haven't you ever played an RPG?!"
"No, not that! You mean, we'll have to take turns in combat?!" Marivel gasped.
"Thanks to Captain Bart's RPG enhancer, the rules of an RPG apply. So how about we stop meta-gaming and get back to task. Where was I?" Vassim questioned himself.
"…You were going to let us all go and turn yourself in?" Gallows suggested.
"Ah yes… Wait a minute!" Vassim growled. "Now you die!" Vassim threw open his black cloak, revealing an enormous sword that resembled Anastasia's, except much larger. How anyone could ever lift such a thing was beyond anyone. "What you see before you is the mighty Guardian Blade, a sword so powerful it is capable of creating gorges within the earth and valleys from peaks with a mere swipe!"
"Oh my poor ship." Bart rubbed his head.
"Wait. So your going to use something that can blow apart mountains on a ship. What are you stupid?" Marivel slapped her forehead. "You'll sink us all and you will all drown."
"Do not question me, agent! Now, time for action!" Vassim laughed.
"Um, hold on sir!" And Odessa soldier stood up.
"Oh what is it?" Vassim asked, clearly irritated.
The soldier rubbed his hands nervously as his fellow soldiers stood up as well, creating a cacophony of "Yups" to anything that the first soldiers said.. "Well, we were wonderin, you know, since we were good soldiers and all, and we've done our part, and since we're nameless henchmen, you'd…"
Vassim sighed and tapped his toe with the blade, impatiently. "Oh all right. Get out of here, you pansies!"
Smiling, all of the soldiers filed out of the ballroom, leaving only Vassim, Bart, and the agents.
"Hey! Aren't we supposed to do something?" Lilka whispered.
"Shhh! This is there fight… No idea why, but it just is." Jack replied.
With all the soldiers gone, Gallows cleared his throat and Marivel gave a soft cough. Vassim shook his head. "Oh, right. Where was I?"
"…You were about to leave with the henchmen and leap into the S.W.A.T van waiting on shore?" Gallows tried again.
"…" Vassim thought about it and shrugged. "Don't understand the logic in it, but if that's what I said…" Vassim then turned around and started for the stairs.
"Wait sir! Remember, you were about to fight these two ARMS agents!" Bart stood up.
The man in the black hat turned back around and amrched rather quickly to the two. "You tricked me!"
"No I didn't." Gallows whistled.
"Yes you did! I wasn't about to go into any van, was I? I can't believe of all the low down dirty things…" Vassim went on.
"Right, well, let's, um… let's call it a draw." Gallows quipped.
"A draw?! We haven't even fought yet!" Vassim spat.
"Yes we have." Gallows answered.
Marivel put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes as the two went on.
"No we haven't! I'd think I'd remember if we fought or not!" Vassim replied.
"Look you loony, we fought and I won, but you're a sore loser" Gallows crossed his arms.
"Hold on, let me check your experience points." Vassim reached up and seemingly pulled down a bluish menu and tapped the status option. "Ha, you see! I'm worth a lot of EXP. If you'd have beat me, you'd be at a much higher level."
"What a… what if you don't have any EXP…" Gallows put a hand to his chin.
"WHAT?!"
"You know, like a final Boss. They don't have any EXP."
"JUST GET ON WITH IT!" Lilka and Jack shouted from the engine car.
Suddenly, BGM began in the background, indicating battle. Gallows and Marivel each drew their respective weapons, while very cool looking Vassim got into a fighting stance with the mighty Guardian Blade. After a moment, Vassim threw down his hat and looked to Bart. "Bart! This isn't my music! This is Vinsfeld's theme!"
Bart shrugged. "Hey, no one ever made a song for you. You weren't exactly a combatant, y'know."
Vassim growled and picked up his hat. "Now face me, the mighty Elw agent of P.R.O.P.H.E.T! You're lives end here!"
"That line's getting rather redundant…" Marivel sighed.
"So, um, who goes first?" Gallows asked.
"I believe it's me." Marivel nodded. "Um, what should I do?"
"Use Saint on him!" Lilka shouted.
"Beat him with Aport!" Jack yelled.
"Use Quebley!" Gallows suggested.
"Just go!" Vassim yelled.
"Hey! This is an R.P.G. I get as much time as I want to think out my strategy!" Marivel responded.
Bart giggled. He flipped a switch on his remote and suddenly a battle bar formed above their heads.
"Hey! No fair! That's not Wild ARMs at all!" Lilka shouted.
"Heehee I know. If I really wanted to make things fast, I'd go for the X-2 style." Bart snickered.
"Fine! I'll just attack!" Marivel decided. She ran up a couple of steps and fired her twin uzi's at Vassim. Vassim stepped back a bit and clutched his chest, little white numbers appearing over his head.
Vassim smiled. "All right! It's my turn!" Vassim placed the enormous sword in a fancy position. "Absolutely over-the-top, ridiculous, cherry blossom sword gash x2!" The attack could be described to you, but children in Japan have suffered seizure's do to it.
Marivel and Gallows both fell o their knees, little red numbers appearing over their heads. "C-can't take much more of this!" Gallows gritted his teeth.
"Don't we have a mega berry or something?" Marivel asked.
"Haha! It certainly looks like things are going my way! Take that Elw elders!" Vassim grinned.
"They won't be able to take much more of this!" Lilka gasped.
"Déjà vu… Hey! I have an idea!" Jack tipped his hat and took out a long-range sniper rifle. "If we can take care of that remote that Bart's holdin…"
"…Then he'll have to get up to watch T.V?" Lilka asked, confused.
"No! Just- you'll see!" Jack closed one eye and gazed through it, locking his sights on the remote. He gently pulled the trigger. Bart leaped back as his remote was blown to pieces.
"Quickly! You're no longer RPG'd! Go and bring happiness!" Jack shouted.
"... What's he talking about?" Gallows scratched his head.
"Don't know about the wording, but he's talking about this!" Marivel fired both uzi's at Vassim, inflicting real world damage. "How about some real-time physics!"
The string of bullets had nastily blown Vassim's arms clean off. The man in the black broad hat looked to where his arms once where and scoffed. "Ah, tis nothing! Now come on!"
"Come on? Look you Hunter D knock off bastard, you don't have any arms left!" Gallows shouted.
"Doesn't matter! Now come on!" Vassim lunged at Gallows, who cleanly side stepped.
"Without arms, you're mighty blade can't do a thing…" Marivel laughed.
"Aw crap. It looks like you won." Vassim sighed. "Oh well. No hard feelings then. I have only one favor…"
"You let me drain you of all your blood, cus I'm mighty hungry…" Marivel rubbed her petite stomach.
"…No… Tell my twin sister Mariel/Florina that I loved her as any brother would… and that she owes me ten dollars still." With that Vassim kicked off a boot, revealing an LED timer going down from ten seconds.
"Ah shit! It's a bomb!" Gallows shouted.
"A BOMB! NO! MY BEAUTIFUL BOAT!" Bart placed his hands to his face in sheer horror.
"Quickly, Jack get that train going in reverse!" Gallows shouted.
"Aye aye!" Jack nodded, switching the levers.
Marivel and Gallows leaped aboard the train as it began to reverse out of the ball room. Bart stood near the back, but sat himself down and poured himself a glass of wine. "At least I get to go out as any cool villain would…"
Jack and Lilka saluted to Bart as the train left the Sweet Candy. And then, the Sweet Candy exploded in an enormous explosion, again, as the Fillgaia Express pulled through the ocean.
"Tim wasn't there…" Marivel hissed. "I'll find you Tim!"
The other three backed off, as seeing Marivel was being scarier than normal. Marivel looked back to that giant explosion over the calm blue sea…
- - - -
Joe Montana: What are they talking about, John Madden?
You got me, Joe. There's a big difference between you and Madden. For one, Madden has a line of games after him.
Joe Montana: Yea yea
Enya: You know this last chapter was really dumb
Which ones aren't Enya…
Enya: … Yea, you're right. But, um, What's with the double title?
Oh, I decided to use "From Russia With Love" after all. It's the third Bond film, but I didn't use it before because it sounded too much like our title.
Enya: Uh huh. Hey, wanna listen to my "China Roses"?
Joe Montana: Okay, this joke's gone on too long! We've already spoofed Teefa85 once.
Yea, yea. Silence Joe. Now I must go to work. Too bad you guys can't give me any of your millions of dollars.
Joe and Enya: Yup. Too bad.
I hate you guys…