IX: Everything or Nothing
Last time on "From Baskar With Love"…
Calamity Jane and MacDullen are chasing two hoodlums down an alley. MacDullen manages to ram one into the wall as Jane smacks one over the head with the butt of her gun.
Jane: Who's making the Moira Virus! Talk you *^%&^$^^%$%$%@$%%!
Guy: I dunno nothing man!
Guy is smacked with the butt of the gun again.
Guy: All right! It's being made by Nicholi Industries!
Jane (Shocked): You lie! My father wouldn't do that!…Would he?!
--
A building explodes.
--
In a hospital room. Jane and MacDullen are standing around a hospital bed around Rosswell.
Jane:I'll get the syndicate for this! Rest in Peace Rosswell!
Rosswell: I'm not dead yet, jees.
--
A car explodes.
--
In a giant factory, Jane and MacDullen have cornered Nicholi, but he has a gun pointed to them and a vial containing green liquid in the other.
Nicholi: Come any closer and I'll shatter this vial, and we'll all be infected by the super virus!
Jane: Father, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
And now, the conclusion…
** *
The train was half submerged as it sat in the clear, warm waters surrounding the long stretch of beach around Court Seim. Tropical fish swam in and out of it, discovering the new wreck as playful fish do. Gallows, Jack, Marivel, and Lilka sat on the beach by a clump of sea oats as they pondered the important questions of the age.
"Do you think that somewhere out there, there is a race of humanoid fish walking around and doing all the stuff we do?" Lilka asked nobody in particular as she kicked the warm tropical water with her bare feet.
"If there's a planet of lizards, then why not?" Jack replied.
Marivel tapped her fingers and scowled. She had been doing that the entire time they had been sitting on the beach, and everybody stayed clear. After all, she could be going through "that time of the month" and the wrath of Marivel was not a pleasant one. "All right! I've had enough of this! I'm a Crimson Noble! We can't sit in the sun all day, it makes us irritable!"
Gallows sighed and smiled. "Oh, it was just the sun. I thought it was, well, y'know."
Gallows found himself with a new frying pan over his head as Marivel growled. Jack tipped his hat and pulled out an umbrella and handed it to Marivel. "Um, here?"
Marivel snatched it from Jack and immediately stuck it in the earth and sat down, immediately starting to feel better.
"By the way, what are we doing?" Lilka asked, drawing in the sand with a stick.
"We're enjoying an early vacation." Jack replied, letting himself lie down on the sand and pulling the hat over his face. "As long as we get no orders, we're fine."
"But what about the laser? Shouldn't we be doing something?" Lilka asked, worried.
Marivel sighed. "Lilka, you have absolutely no appreciation for a day of good work. We've done nothing but work, so a day off won't kill us."
Suddenly the sand erupted in an enormous explosion, sending Gallows flying a yard or so. Gallows rolled across the sun, reaching for his PP7 as Jack, Lilka, and Marivel reached for their weapons. Jack pulled a glock from his hat and Lilka handled a desert eagle, awaiting the enemy.
"There is no rest for the weary, Agent "Crimson Noble"." A tall woman with a rocket launcher stood atop a dune, speaking in a Russian accent. She had long black hair, one eye, and a long red dress.
"First it was mace and now Rocket Launchers. Women get more and more dangerous every day." Jack quipped.
"Guys, let me handle this." Gallows said as he walked back to the woman. "The name is Carradine. Gallows Carradine." insert jazzy 007 theme. "Never get tired of that."
The woman smiled and reached out a red-gloved hand to Gallows. "My name is Aisha Bernedette, but my P.R.O.P.H.E.T name is Kannon."
"P.R.O.P.H.E.T, huh? So, do you fire cannon balls or something?" Gallows asked.
"No, it is Kannon, with a K, and I am your informant." Kannon corrected.
"Informant, but you said so yourself your P.R.O.P.H.E.T!" Jack growled.
Kannon smiled. "I play both sides of the game. For the correct amount of Gella, I made a deal with ARMS to tell you what you need to know."
"Hooray! This is awesome!" Lilka leaped into the air and giggled.
"Well, what do we need to know? Is it about the laser?" Marivel asked.
Kannon shook her head. "I will tell you what you need to know if you can solve my problem."
"Anything for you, darling." Gallows grinned an award-winning grin.
Kannon blushed and blinked. "I need to know if 002 is really dead."
Gallows looked like someone shot him. He stepped back, crestfallen, and let the others look to each other. Marivel looked up to the woman. "…002 is dead. He died in the underground laboratory a year ago fighting the madman Janus and his henchmen."
("Woohoo! I'm finally mentioned!" Janus screamed from beyond the grave. "I was in DriftWings for only one line!")
Kannon looked to the sand below her high-heeled feet and sighed. "I thought so, but I did not believe it with my heart. Now I can finally let my ambitions free…"
"Well, that's the way love is played…" Jack shrugged. "I mean, look at my girlfriend. She turned into a freekin demon!"
"Wow Jack! You have a girlfriend!? I didn't think it was possible!" Lilka giggled. Jack growled in reply.
"So, about that information…" Marivel crossed her arms.
"Before I give you the information, you must do me a favor." Kannon looked back at the group.
"We just answered your question!" Gallows responded.
"Then you must do me another favor. I want my apartment cleaned, vacuumed, and dusted. The walls needed to be painted a nice red and the dog needs to go for a walk, and I'd like a new shrubbery!"
"A shrubbery?!" Lilka asked, shocked, for no apparent reason.
"Yes, a shrubbery! And after all that, I have a special favor to ask." Kannon winked and then started walking towards town, making a gesture to follow.
"I don't like this at all…" Marivel groaned.
"Me either. Chores suck." Jack wined.
"I wonder what that special favor is…" Lilka questioned.
"I bet 002 never had to do any of this…" 003 said before they all mounted the dune and traveled onward.
** *
And so, the afternoon was spent doing chores. Marivel dusted, Lilka vacuumed, Jack painted, and Gallows took the dog for a walk, and then a great many other chores were added on, taking up all the daylight hours. Night fell over the tropical town, and the apartment had become the cleanest place this side of the Vatican… presuming the Vatican is clean. Kannon walked in and raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"SURPRISE BY DESIGN!" The four shouted in unison.
"Wow. This place is a lookin a PRETTY nice!" Kannon nodded.
"So, is that it?" Marivel asked, sick and tired of the overalls she was wearing to protect herself from the paint.
"I can add more paint if you want. I have found my true calling, for I am an Arteest!" Jack kissed his fingers as he was wearing a smock and a beret.
Kannon smiled and shook her head. "The paint job is fine. You all may leave for the night."
"But what about the information?" Gallows asked.
Kannon winked. "I'll tell you soon enough."
Gallows turned beet red (well as red as one with his complexion can get) and rubbed the back of his head.
"All right! How about we go for a pizza to celebrate!" Lilka said happily.
"Pizza and a cold one sounds good to me." Jack said as he dismounted a ladder and started for the door with the two girls.
"Can you get live animals on pizza?" Marivel wondered as the exited.
Gallows cleared his throat and straightened his bow tie. He could see the P.R.O.P.H.E.T agent walking to a mini-fridge and taking out a bottle of chilled champagne. "Mr. Carradine, you do enjoy chilled cham-pag-ne, do you not?"
"I prefer a vodka… or a Martine (shaken, not stirred.)" Gallows replied rather coolly.
Kannon nodded. "I prefer Vodka myself, for you see, I am a stereotypical Russian woman whose attraction is not only beautiful, but deadly!" She then chucked the cham-pag-ne bottle out the window. The apartment was on the second level and the sounds of glass breaking and shouts of pain were soon heard. Kannon then leaned over to the mini fridge to get that vodka. Gallows could easily make out her slender form, beautiful complexion, and fine …assets… yes, that's it.
"I've heard many things about you, Mr. Carradine. They say you're name is …greg?" Kannon eyed him.
Gallows thought for a moment and shrugged. "Yea sure, whatever. Suits me."
"And I have heard many other things, including you are a fabulous lover." Kannon winked and grinned.
Gallows thought for a moment. Well, he thought it was true, but the only woman he ever had the chance to prove it was with Becky back in Claiborne when he was a junior agent. Well, word travels, one supposes. "…Sure…"
Kannon walked up to the super agent, carrying two glasses of vodka in each hand, her hips swaying with every step. "Then why don't we find out?"
(SWEET! Remember the dating sim Gallows!) Gallows thought to himself. "Why of course, my lady." Gallows said calm and suavely.
"Then why don't you put on some romantic music and I'll be in the other room." Kannon winked.
"Sure will." Gallows said in a deep voice. Once Kannon had left, Gallows pumped his fist into the air. "All right! I knew this super agent thing was going to pay off sooner or later! …But wait a minute, does that mean every super agent gets a hot chick or man? Than that means that Marivel will get to…" The image of petite Marivel in a romantic situation sickened Gallows. He didn't even want to think of Lilka. "Eww. Time for some mental cleansing." Gallows sneaked over to the television and turned on the Golden Globes.
{And the award goes to… Bill Murray for Lost in Translation.}
Gallows smiled as his mind went blank. After a moment or two, he flipped the television off and undid one button on his shirt. "It's time to get romantic!"
Gallows pressed a button on the radio and Kenny G turned on. It sounded more like elevator music than romantic music, but whatever. He then walked into the bedroom, where Kannon was in the bed already… still wearing clothes. She gave him a knowing smile and gestured him to come in. Gallows smiled and hopped in …still wearing clothing, and placed his hand down to feel Kannon's slender legs when…
003 leaped out of the bed, screaming. "W-what happened to your leg! It's all plastic-y!"
Kannon smiled. "They are artificial, as is all of me." She popped an arm off with a gentle squeeze. "I am a regular barbie doll, no? A long time ago, I traded my flesh and blood for a more powerful body in order to exorcise the demons!"
Gallows gulped. "D-Demons?! Huh, you're crazy! This is so sick! Eww! Gross!"
And so, the night continued on like that. Gallows being weirded out and Kannon making up some crazy excuse or another…
** *
The sun was shining and Gallows looked like a mess. He attempted to straighten out his bow tie, but it was futile. He gave up as he met the other three near a palm tree in the middle of town.
"Hey Gallows!" Jack waved. "So, did you get lucky last night, if you know what I mean, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, eh? I mean, did your get to butter your biscuits, if you know what I mean? Did you get the dough rising, if you know what I mean? Did you, um, did you get your Bulka-get-it-on, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge?"
"You don't want to know. It was quite possibly the scariest thing I've ever gone through…" Gallows replied.
"Yea, I'd think so. Well, at least you're a man now." Marivel chuckled.
"What are you guys talking about?" Lilka wondered, having no concept of the adult life.
"Ahem. Well, I got the information." Gallows tried to change the subject. "The laser is being stored in the gemstone cavern up in the mountains."
"Why there?" Marivel asked.
"They have a lovely view and its supposedly the best place to ski during the winter months. No crowds, no tourists. Call now and receive a free broshure!" Gallows said. "Now let's get going!"
Jack and Marivel chuckled evily to each other. "Whatever you say Gallows."
"What's going on?!" Lilka demanded to know as they left town.
Kannon sat on her balcony, watching Gallows leave, smoking a cigarette. "That is quite possibly the best lover that ever existed…"
-*-
This chapter was rated [M] by the ESRB for Animated Blood & Gore, Animated Violence, and Mature Sexual Themes. If you are under 17, do not read this chapter… wait, this was supposed to go at the front, wasn't it? Aw damn…
** *