XI: Live and Let Die
Colette stepped forward, glaring daggers through the mist. "Give it up already, sheesh! You know that gunfights are especially hard to write when you're trying to make them realistic!"
Marivel slipped a cartridge (of the Sega Genesis kind) into her Uzi and locked it into place as she crouched behind a big ol' rock. "Then why don't YOU give up?"
Collete stopped and placed a finger to her chin in thought. "Why don't I give up? Hmmm… must be for …the Buddha…"
Marivel blinked. "…The Buddha?"
The steam dissipated as Colette appeared, hands on hips, standing before an enormous dark red Buddha statue. The Buddha was of the Chinese quality, being a fat man with a cup of something in one hand and reaching towards the heavens with the other. Colette laughed. "Yes, the Buddha! I did it all for the Buddha, the Buddha, the Buddha! I did it all for the Buddha, so you can just stick it up your-"
"Alright that's enough. I'm not going to take your Buddha! I'm here for the laser!" Marivel barked.
"What?! But miss Melody said you guys were coming to take me jolly ol' Buddha!" Colette said, unbelieving.
Marivel sighed as she put away her uzi's. "What would I want with a Buddha? I'm a Crimson Noble! All we collect are coffins and guillotines and the like."
"Oh." Colette said. "Then I'll give up. If it doesn't involve the Buddha, then I have no quarrel."
"…But what about your loyalty to Melody?" Marivel tilted her head in curiosity.
"Oh don't worry about that. I'm still as loyal as ever." Colette turned to the eight foot Buddha behind her. "Buddha, do your thing!"
The jolly eyes of the Buddha blazed to life and the statue began to move, standing up. "BUDDHA!"
"Well, what do you think now?" Colette laughed. "It's all too easy now!"
Marivel gulped and stepped back a couple feet. "Aw shit!"
"Buddha crush attack go!" Colette laughed.
"BUDDHA!" The Buddha then curled into a ball and began rolling towards Marivel. Marivel quickly began running down the mineshaft as the Buddha rolled after her.
"What the hell is going on?!" Marivel shouted as she ran for her life. The great red Buddha was closing in and the downhill slope of the path only made things harder. Marivel then gained an idea and stopped.
"Quebly! Your master calls you!" Marivel shouted.
The earth erupted as the giant drill robot appeared before the oncoming Buddha. "QUEBLY." The drill bellowed, as it's massive eye searched for the target. But it was too late. The Buddha smashed into Quebly, poking his eye and knocking the whole contraption over. Marivel stepped back, her eyes growing wide.
"Quickly Quebly! Explode!" Marivel shouted.
"You know, why don't you try this once in a while hmmm? I mean, it's not easy just being summoned and exploding all the time, you know." Quebley sniffed, trying to wipe his injured eye with his tiny arms. "You owe me sister."
Quebly then proceeded to explode, demolishing the mine shaft and the floor structure, sending the entire level down one, and so on and so forth until Marivel, and Colette (Oh, and the Buddha) were sent falling into an ebony abyss. (Oh, alliteration!)
** *
"THIEVES WILL DIE UPON ENTERING MY HORDE! RAAAAAA!" Power Trask breathed another energy attack, blazing through the rock side that was his home. Gallows and Jack quickly ran ahead of it, trying not to get their rears burned.
"Jeebus Christ! Where the heck is this laser?!" Jack gasped.
"Dunno, but we got to find it!" Gallows replied coolly. "As it is our mission!"
"Hey! How come your all sounding cool and suave all of a sudden?" Jack raised an eyebrow.
"Well someone has to get back into character!" Gallows rolled his eyes.
The giant monster clawed forward, crawling along his belly while trying to snap up his prey. Gallows fell over a small diamond crate as Jack ran by. Trask's enormous powerful jaws were closing in. Would this be the end of our hero? No, it will be not! Thanks for playing though, please try again. As Trask's jaws were about to close upon 003, a big red Buddha fell upon Trask's head, temporary stunning the creature.
"What the?! A Buddha?!" Gallows gasped.
Jack shrugged. "The Lord works in mysterious ways." Suddenly, landing in his outstretched hands, fell Colette. Jack grinned and looked to the sky. "Thanks Lord."
But Jacks pleasure was short lived, as Marivel fell upon his cowboy hat, knocking him down into the diamond pile. Marivel sat up and rubbed her back. "Thanks for breaking my fall Jack."
"Guh. Don't mention it." Jack groaned as his head was underneath her.
"Marivel?! What are YOU doing here? Aren't you supposed to be fighting something?" Gallows stood up, hands crossed against his chest.
Marivel stood up, placing her hands on her hips. "What are YOU doing here, Gallows?! Aren't you supposed to be looking for a laser?!"
"I AM!" Both shouted at once and turned away from each other. After a second they both looked back to each other. "That was weird." They blinked and barked again "Hey! Stop imitating me! No, you!"
"Guys!" Jack interrupted. "Let's pull ourselves together." Jack flashed an award-winning grin. "We should be happy that we are all back together. After all, the more the merrier, safety in numbers, that whole bit." Jack then looked to Colette who was sitting on a crate nearby. "Well hello little miss. What is your name?"
"Jack your pathetic. She's like fourteen." Marivel sighed.
"Hey, I'm just trying to be polite." Jack growled.
"Hey, what happened to all the rocks?" Colette asked.
"What rocks?" Gallows asked.
As if on cue, all of the debris from the above floors crashed down upon them, shattering the horde and sending all of the characters below another set of floors with a whole lot of screaming.
** *
Melody was very angry. "I am very angry!" Melody spat. See?
"Wow…" Lilka was in awe, for her life had been saved due to a mysterious man… or woman… or… thing? Yea, something had saved her life. A gunman, or gunwoman, or gunthing, was shrouded in darkness standing on a parallel catwalk over the iron smelting cauldrons below.
"Now now, a beautiful woman such as yourself shouldn't be angry. It creates wrinkles." A charming and suave masculine voice called from the shrouded figure.
"Ack! You're so correct!" Melody panicked. "My beauty cannot be distorted by such trivial things! Quickly, I need a mirror! COLETTE!"
"COMING MADAM!" Colette's voice grew louder and louder as she fell from the world above. Melody, Lilka, and the mysterious gun-toting stranger were in surprise as the cast and crew, with a few props, fell down onto the catwalks. Marivel landed on her feet, quickly drawing her uzi's. Colette landed upon her feet as well, quickly sifting through her bag for the item Melody had requested. Jack landed on his rear and immediately set to cursing every thing in the whole wide world in Spanish, and Gallows landed upon his face. The many rocks and the enormous Trask fell beyond the catwalks into the ironworks below, quickly dissipating in the molten metal.
"What the hell is going on?!" Melody asked, confused.
"Someone explain that to me…" Gallows said.
"Look out!" The mysterious gunman shouted. The six others watched in horror as Power Trask rose from the metal, wrapped in fire. Power Trask let out a cry to curdle the blood and reached for the catwalk with an enormous golden claw. The mysterious gun man grinned and leaped towards it, firing one bullet from a small concealed handgun. The stranger landed before Marivel and Gallows, and Trask fell limp into the burning cauldrons.
Jet Enduro, 002, nodded and blew smoke from the barrel of his gun. "That one almost made it."
Hearts instantly filled Melody's, Marivel's, and Lilka's eyes as they all clasped their own hands together. "What a hunk!"
Jack scratched his head as Gallows rubbed his chin. Jack blinked and finally spoke up. "Hey, aren't you Jet Enduro, 002?!"
"Indeed I am." Jet smiled, receiving sighs of love from the three women.
"But, uh… aren't you dead?" Jack looked confused.
"Yea! You died in that underground lab explosion a year ago!" Gallows stepped forward, a fist clenched.
"Hey, has anyone seen the Buddha?" Colette wasn't paying any attention. But she wasn't receiving any either, so when the Buddha fell out of the sky a moment after she spoke, no one knew that it had struck her dead on, broke through the catwalk, and both of them were falling to their dooms.
"Man, this sucks." Colette sighed while she fell.
"I didn't die at all." Jet began, taking a seat upon the handrails. "It was a clever rouse to fool P.R.O.P.H.E.T into lowering their guard, and boy did they ever."
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Jack growled.
"Are you insulting 003 and his crack commando team?!" Gallows asked.
"Hi, my name is Marivel, want to go out for coffee, big boy?" Marivel asked, showcasing a goofy grin.
"You bitch! He's my man!" Melody seemingly pulled out a baseball bat from nowhere and struck Marivel with full force, sending her flying down the catwalk a ways.
Jet, acting as if nothing was happening, simply walked aside as Marivel and Melody proceeded to beat the living daylights -Oh! That's a Bond film right there! - out of each other. "Let me inform you on what's really happening…" Jet looked behind him to see Lilka following him, smiling and gazing at him silently with huge love struck eyes. Jet shrugged and turned back to the two agents. "The plan was this: I pretend to die and lay low for a while so P.R.O.P.H.E.T lowers its guard. When that happened, ARMS would send in the worst possible recruits they had to go in and give them a false sense of security. When the right information was discovered, I would reappear and clean up the mission. But I have to say this, you guys did better than everyone thought."
The sound of glass shattering could be heard as Lilka's young and innocent heart broke. "W-what?"
Even Marivel dropped her giant mace and looked to Jet. "Is that true?"
"All of it is. With the diamond mine now under ARMS control, we now have all of the energy sources for the laser." Jet nodded.
"Oh, my darling 002, the laser's not here anymore! They moved it away before you came! I'm so sorry, but you can take me instead!" Melody batted her eyes.
Jet flicked his wrist and a Melody was in handcuffs. She blushed, getting the wrong impression, and giggled like a little schoolgirl. Lilka and Marivel rejoined Jack and Gallows, hurt and scorn in their eyes.
"I can't believe this…" Jack sighed.
"So, 002, what are we supposed to do now?" Gallows asked.
Jet sighed, as if getting bored with the conversation. "Go home. I've got the rest."
"Go… home?" Lilka echoed, each word sounding as if it were the end of the world.
"But what about my vengeance for Tim, and my plan to become a numbered agent…?" Marivel asked herself, sounding disappointed.
"And my plans to meet all of the glamorous women of the world?" Jack asked him self, repeating his ambitions.
"And I'm supposed to become as famous as 002… that won't happen if we go home." Gallows, with fire in his eyes, looked up at the super agent who had begun walking away. "No! We're not through yet!"
"Things are going to heat up from here. You won't make it." Jet turned to face them.
"We've come this far together, and we'll finish this mission together!" Gallows replied, determination filling his voice.
"You've got nothing to run on, no clues or leads. I got mine right here." Jet pointed to Melody. "Luck can't last you forever."
"No… but love and friendship can!" Lilka stated.
"We've got the skills if we just work together!" Jack crossed his arms.
"It's dangerous out there, and I won't be at your side to help you. If you get stuck in a jam against the top dogs of P.R.O.P.H.E.T, you're on your own." Jet warned.
"We're not alone…" Marivel said quietly. "As much as I hate to say it, but… we've got each other to rely on…" She looked to her teammates and smiled.
"Suit yourselves." Jet shrugged. "Just watch out for 001."
"001?" Gallows echoed.
"He's betrayed us and is now fighting for them. Even my skills will be put to the test against him. You won't stand a chance." Jet advised.
Gallows smirked. "Well bring him on! We can handle anything!"
Jet smirked in reply. "We'll see. Till we meet again." And then he quickly vanished.
"…I'm scared…" Lilka admitted.
"To be honest, I am too…" Jack rubbed the back of his neck.
"Now that 002's out there, the tougher agents should be coming out of the woodwork. Think you idiots can take them on?" Marivel asked.
"Yea. We've gotta, in order to beat out 002! …Man this is getting sappy."
Suddenly, Trask rose from cauldron, Colette on top along with the Buddha. "Hahaha! P.R.O.P.H.E.T forever! Trask's hp has reached 0, and since he's a boss, he's gonna explode! See you agents in hell, I've gotta report!" Collete leaned over and rubbed the Buddha's belly, causing them both to teleport to who-know's-where.
"What?! Since when do monsters explode?!" Gallows stepped back.
Marivel sighed. "Haven't you ever played an RPG before?"
"Do they have explosive organs or something?" Jack pondered.
"Ack! We just have to get out of here!" Lilka screeched.
** *
The four of them leaped out of the mine and onto the snowy slopes of the mountain face as a great explosion rocked the earth, sending rocks and fire into the blue sky. Somehow, Lilka, Jack, and Marivel had obtained ski's while Gallows had a snowboard. Jazzy music began to play as Gallows leaped into the air and posed as the mountain cap exploded in the distance.
Awww yea…