XII: The Man With The Golden Gun
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" – Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.
"Wax on, wax off." – Mr. Miyagi, "The Karate Kid."
** *
"They had once told me that a great people lived here at one time. They had said that they had built great cities with giant towers made of stone, and transported themselves by means of machines called cars. They had told me many things, but I did not believe them. Old Housewife stories told by senile old men. No, I did not believe them, until I saw that city with my own two eyes, for upon a quest of mine through the frigid snowcaps of a remote mountain pass I did stumble upon the ruins of enormous buildings locked in the ice. An entire city of them, these buildings, standing here as real as you or me. That is when I believed them." Marivel put down her pen and reread her paragraph. She nodded, approvingly, as she thought it was a fine piece of work.
"So Marivel, where to now?" Gallows asked, rubbing his hands together to try and keep warm. They were still on the snow capped mountain face, resting beneath a canopy of frost-laden evergreens. Marivel closed her eyes, wishing the real world would just disappear. "The ruined city of the mountain pass?"
Marivel instantly clapped her book shut and turned to meet Gallows, who was grinning like a boy who had done something he shouldn't. "You've been reading my journal! And what's worse, you're reading it over my shoulder!"
"Eh, it's so-so, but I believe George is acting a bit out of character…" Gallows shrugged.
"How can he act out of character?! This isn't pointless fan-fiction! George is my character and so I can make him act any way I want him to!" Marivel spat. She crossed her arms and snorted. "Where did Jack and Lilka get to?"
"Hola!" Jack's voice rang clear as a Mexican pizza in a frosty wilderness. Marivel and Gallows looked southward to see Jack and Lilka come through the forest, clad in Southwestern apparel.
"What's with the get-up?" Gallows questioned the two as they arrived.
"You know how you told us to seek out food? Well, we found food! We found an entire city!" Lilka giggled with excitement.
"A city?! In the mountain?!" Marivel was amazed.
Jack shook his head. "Naw, it's in the desert flats below. That's why we took so long."
Gallows' face dropped. "You didn't have to go that far."
"Well, what's the town called? Do they have an ARMS office?" Marivel quizzed.
"It's fairly simple to presume that ARMS is not a well looked upon word there." Jack said matter-of-factly. "We had to pretend not to be ARMs when asked."
** *
"Hey bub." A big guy said to Jack, noticeably earlier in the day.
"Yea?" Jack replied.
"You ARMS?" The guys said, scowling and cracking his knuckles.
"Uh… no?"
"Oh Good! We don't like them ARMS types, nor them SEEDS or any other anti-terrorist units or mercenary groups!" The guy said happily.
"O.K. Don't worry, you can trust me." Jack winked.
** *
"And end flashback." Jack closed a little film scene aid.
"It's great if you don't mind all the grubby people!" Lilka exclaimed. "They call it the city of dreamers!"
"And what's it called?" Gallows and Marivel asked in sync.
"Las Gomoras!" Jack and Lilka answered in unison.
"…Never heard of it." Gallows replied.
"C'mon! Let's go right now! It's cold up here!" Jack pleaded.
"Yay! It's lots of fun down there! All these pretty lights and fancy games!" Lilka clasped her hands together.
"Pfft. You two are like little kids." Gallows smirked. He then turned to Marivel. "Can we go?! Please? Please?"
Marivel looked down the mountain, past the trees. "A town without an ARMS branch may be out of our way. We have to get information on that laser, remember?"
"Oh c'mon! It's a seedy little grub hole in the desert! There's bound to be tons of information!" Gallows exclaimed while putting his snowboard gear together.
Marivel thought for a moment and finally nodded. "Alright, let's go."
"Yahoo!" Lilka leaped into her skis before… something really fast could happen.
"Alright! Lady luck, here I come!" Jack laughed.
And so, the four put on their skis and snowboard, and slipped out of the forest with rather pleasant ease and speed. The powder was fresh and smooth, making it a perfect reason to ski. It was all fun and games till…
"HAHAHA!" A black helicopter with P.R.O.P.H.E.T rose over a snow bank and the unmistakable voice of Dakota Sierra laughed within it. "I have you know, ARMS! You'll never escape!"
"Aw crap." Jack groaned.
Suddenly, from hidden snow banks along their sides, came three P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents on rocket powered skis with machine guns.
"Aw double crap." Jack groaned some more.
"You cannot beat the Sierra Gang! Now prepare to die!" Dakota cackled.
"Wyoming, you take the cowboy hat one. Utah, you take the little girl." A tanned man with a pencil thin moustache and a tanned rawhide coat shouted.
"Who are you and Dakota going after, Nevada?" Utah asked as coolly as he could muster, smiling an award-winning grin to all the lady fans out there.
"I'll go after the vampire!" Nevada grinned.
"AND I'VE GOT YOU, 003!" Dakota fired a missile at the speeding Baskar, but Gallows managed to leap off a conveniently placed ramp and avoid the explosion all together.
"Heh. Come and get some!" Gallows smirked, cool and suave like, until he flew head first into the snowdrift ahead of him. "Ouch."
"So you want to take me on eh?" Marivel smiled, revealing her fangs. "You'd better be pretty confident in your abilities!"
"Oh I am! I'm a master skier." Nevada replied, firing his submachine gun into her direction.
"Aw crap some more." Jack groaned.
Marivel leaped into the air over a massive fissure in the ground, sailing through the air on her skis, hoping to leave her pursuer behind. She turned around in mid-air and puller out her uzi's and fired, whilst Nevada's rocket powered skis had him flying over the fissure as well.
Jack swerved off to the right through a small alpine grove, hoping to ditch the giant sombrero clad Wyoming. The trees did not provide such relief, as Wyoming simply knocked them down with his enormous strength. Jack gulped as he saw enormous evergreen after enormous evergreen fall to the enraged P.R.O.P.H.E.T agent.
"Eep! Got to think, got to think!" Jack panicked. He looked forward, trying to spot out a useful item. A beehive, a giant rock, a shoulder mounted gauss rifle, and a fire hydrant were coming into view. "Aha!" Jack concluded. As he skied by, Jack slipped a very long pole out of his hat and batted the beehive, causing the tiny insects to swarm out into the mountain forest and seek revenge for the injustice bestowed upon their clan. And it just so happen that Wyoming was skiing by at that time. With a many grunt of pain, Wyoming was lost to the bees as Jack escaped the forest and onto empty mountain slope.
"Hahaha! It appears I am the victor!" Jack smiled right before flying off the mountain and off a cliff.
Of the thousands of bullets raining down from above the fissure, none were able to hit their target. Nevada and Marivel were pressing each other's foreheads, trying to get a bullet into each other. Marivel's Uzi finally clicked empty.
"Heh, looks like your empty!" Nevada smirked with confidence.
"Bet your empty too…" Marivel replied.
"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?" Nevada handled the wrong gun menacingly.
Marivel smirked. "…Yea, I do."
Nevada pushed forward the gun and pulled the trigger and fired, but only a click was heard.
Suddenly, Sierra's chopper pulled up besides them while they hovered in air. "You guys do realize your still in thin air."
Nevada licked his teeth, not turning from Marivel. "Yea, I do."
"Me too." Marivel nodded. "On three, we reload."
"Right. One…"
"Two…"
"Three!" The two pushed off each other, landing on firm snow and immediately setting off down the mountain while reaching for gun cartridges. However, they were covered in a shower of powder as Lilka and Utah rocketed before them.
"Can't catch me!" Lilka teased.
"Oh, I bet I can!" Utah sneered, pulling out his archaic buccaneers pistol.
"Not if I do this!" Lilka reached into her sleeve and withdrew several crest cards. "Saint!"
The light attack flew backwards, attacking Utah with all of its magnificence. Utah fired a few shots, but eventually fell over and began snowballing down the powedery slope, rolling right past Lilka, who giggled at his frosty expense.
"Don't look now Gallows, but there's a giant snowball coming for you!" Jack shouted as he fell off the mountain to Gallows as the two flew down the slope.
Gallows nodded. "All right. If I can't see it, it doesn't exist."
"…O.K, you may want to look…" Jack shrugged.
Gallows looked behind him to see a giant snowball rolling behind him. With a look of surprise, Gallows shifted his direction to the side, only to notice the snowball make suit. A ramp was coming, and if Gallows could make it, he'd be home free. He locked his lips (Which is bad to do in cold weather) and leaned forward. He made it off the ramp and flew through the thin blue sky, as well as the giant snowball.
"Hahaha! I've got you now!" Dakota laughed as she pulled right in front of the sailing Gallows. Gallows shifted direction, landing on the outstretched little missile carrier wing as the giant Utah snowball collided into the cockpit, causing it to swerve out of control. The chopper began to drop, falling towards Filgaia below. Gallows looked out to the sky while holding on for dear life to see Jack still falling.
"Hey! Aren't you going to help me?!" Jack screeched.
"What do you expect me to do?! I'm falling to!" Gallows yelled.
"Oh… so sorry."
"No need to apologize."
Both agent heard a noise and looked behind Jack to see a very red Wyoming parachuting down, using his sombrero as a parachute.
"Jack! Quickly! Use that sombrero you got in town as a parachute!" Gallows called out.
Jack nodded and grabbed the edges of the sombrero. It immediately puffed out, stopping Jacks descent to an almost complete stop. Gallows leaped off the falling chopper and grabbed onto Jack's pants, which fell down t his ankles.
"This is uncomfortable…" Jack thought.
"What do you think I feel like?!" Gallows closed his eyes shut.
The two drifted down to the desert floor, where Lilka stood awaiting them. She giggled as she saw Jack's boxers, which made Jack turn red.
"O.K, 003, you can open your eyes now." Jack said as he fastened his belt together.
Gallows opened his eyes and looked around to see Marivel skiing down the last bit of mountain. Marivel stopped and wiper her brow. "Woo, that was a great fight! Probably the best one in this entire mission!"
"Uh huh. Say what happened to the enemy?" Gallows asked.
An enormous explosion soon sounded as the chopper hit the ground. Lilka looked up and pointed to two parachutes. "They're they are! I hope they make it out O.K."
Jack, Marivel, and Gallows looked to Lilka with a disappointed appearance. They sighed and looked to Jack.
"So, how far is Las Vegas?" Marivel asked.
"No, it's Las Gomoras. And come, I'll show you!" Jack then pried off his skis and began walking through the desert, Lilka at his side, as the four wandered off.
** *
Nevada rolled up to the just arriving P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents in his wheel chair. He was mummified in one giant body cast. Dakota kicked the ground with irritation. "They got away."
Utah was completely blue due to the snowball, and Wyoming resembled a swollen basketball more than man. They looked to each other as the chopper pilot got away pretty much unharmed. "How about we never go near them again?" Utah asked, rubbing his hands together.
Dakota scowled and put her hands on her hips. "As long as Number One says we must fight! We fight! Onward men! We head back to base for now!"
** *
Next time, on "From Baskar With Love"…
Lilka: Lilka here! Las Gomoras is great fun! I love it here!
Marivel: It's not all that great…
Lilka: Lot's of fun games to play and all the root beer you can drink!
Marivel: Just don't get into debt up to your eyeballs!
Lilka: Oh Marivel, you're so pessa-pessa…
Marivel: Pessimistic?
Lilka: That's it! We're gonna make new friends and roll the dice next time on "FROM BASKAR WITH LOVE"!
Marivel: Ung, Casino puns…
Lilka: Next Episode: The Spy Who Loved Me! Get ready!