Always My Soul
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters
If the situation had happened to anyone else Kagome would've chalked it up to no sleep, but it didn't. Since it hadn't her sense of guilt was almost unbearable. Not that anything actually happened, it just could have happened and that was an awful thought.
After 3 days of traveling she, Inuyasha and Miroku crested the hill above Kaede's village. Her mind was muddled since she had yet to have more then a full hour worth of sleep. Nightmares plagued her subconscious mind. She was tired of the looks that passed between Inuyasha and Miroku then were cast back at her. She was tired of the constant headache. She was tired of forcibly pushing her miko powers down. She was tired of fighting her mind's bent towards going off and silencing every youkai's heartbeat that she heard. She was tired of her own heartache of being denied comfort by her companions. She understood they had no idea how to show her such a thing but she couldn't help but feel cut off from them. A completely separate being that was denied even the simplest of touches because her power might kill one of them.
Her eyes drifted to Inuyasha's back and she sighed internally. He hadn't said more then two words to her since they had left Yensa's cave. His entire attitude had almost totally reverted back to how he had acted when they first met, not the angry part it was the lack of connection that was tearing at her heart.
~ It's my fault. ~ She thought sadly ~ I should've been stronger; I should've been able to resist the spell Yensa cast on me. ~
She knew that thought was absurd but she couldn't help how she felt. Her brow furrowed as her mind tried to turn Inuyasha into an enemy. This thought was not new to her, it had been a steady companion since the cave, and she had been fighting its affect on how she viewed the hanyou.
~ NO ~ She told herself stubbornly ~His name is Inuyasha! How can I think of him as an enemy and love him at the same time? ~
As caught up as she was in these thoughts she failed to notice Inuyasha's ears prick forward as if hearing something. She failed to feel the approach of a youkai, but her body reacted of its own accord.
"Kagome!" yelled Shippo happily as he raced towards her arms flung wide.
If Inuyasha hadn't realized the danger to the kitsune, if Miroku hadn't cried out in warning, if she hadn't reacted as fast and as ruthlessly as she did Shippo would've died. As it was her head snapped up just as Miroku said "Shippo", Inuyasha raced forward and scooped up the kid, and Kagome found she had it in herself to cause herself great harm.
Her power flared so wildly she could not squash it, and so she turned the building energy onto herself. Searing pain brought a scream from her that even she cringed from. She fell to her knees, and collapsed into the dirt, curling in on herself. Her skin burned like acid was being poured on it. Tears of pain rolled down her face as she gasped for air, trying to force her lungs to keep moving, they were fighting her. She wanted to faint but her body refused her such an easy escape from the torment. She barely registered Inuyasha explaining what was wrong with her to Shippo and Sango, who had just arrived.
~ Sango! ~
She could touch Sango. Sango could help her, if only just to help her deal with the pain.
"Sango" She cried out, knowing it sounded pitiful, but not caring.
Almost immediately she felt the youkai hunter's hands on her shoulders and the pain abated enough for her to pull a few less labored breaths. Kagome uncurled enough to collapse against her friend finding refuge in the physical contact. Sango's body supported her with ease and a cool hand went to her brow, wiping the sweat away. Just this small comforting motion caused the pain to recede in waves until finally stopping. Kagome found herself shivering in Sango's embrace. Sango was speaking to her in a soothing voice and she realized her friend had been speaking to her in that way the whole time.
"Better now?" Sango asked.
Kagome nodded weakly, her powers seeming to have been depleted by the attack on herself. She stayed where she was for a few moments longer, amazing herself with the need to be this close to anyone. She pushed herself up off of Sango with regret, and squared her shoulders as best she could. Sango looked at her worriedly.
"I've never seen such power Kagome," She said in awe.
Kagome bit her lip against the arrogant statement that begged to be said. She was losing herself in this persona. This wasn't who she was, not this hater of all youkai and cursed, not this self-important miko ready to berate anyone beneath her. Everything was changing inside her and she hated it.
She stood up slowly, taking stock of her body, hoping she hadn't done herself any permanent damage. She felt fine other than the weakness. She looked at Shippo who was still in Inuyasha's arms. The poor boy looked so crestfallen, yet he clung to Inuyasha as if he needed the comfort even from the hanyou.
"I'm sorry Shippo," She said wearily.
"Kaede will make you better Kagome" Shippo insisted.
"I hope so" was all she could reply, her heart telling her that there was probably nothing the old woman could do.
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters
If the situation had happened to anyone else Kagome would've chalked it up to no sleep, but it didn't. Since it hadn't her sense of guilt was almost unbearable. Not that anything actually happened, it just could have happened and that was an awful thought.
After 3 days of traveling she, Inuyasha and Miroku crested the hill above Kaede's village. Her mind was muddled since she had yet to have more then a full hour worth of sleep. Nightmares plagued her subconscious mind. She was tired of the looks that passed between Inuyasha and Miroku then were cast back at her. She was tired of the constant headache. She was tired of forcibly pushing her miko powers down. She was tired of fighting her mind's bent towards going off and silencing every youkai's heartbeat that she heard. She was tired of her own heartache of being denied comfort by her companions. She understood they had no idea how to show her such a thing but she couldn't help but feel cut off from them. A completely separate being that was denied even the simplest of touches because her power might kill one of them.
Her eyes drifted to Inuyasha's back and she sighed internally. He hadn't said more then two words to her since they had left Yensa's cave. His entire attitude had almost totally reverted back to how he had acted when they first met, not the angry part it was the lack of connection that was tearing at her heart.
~ It's my fault. ~ She thought sadly ~ I should've been stronger; I should've been able to resist the spell Yensa cast on me. ~
She knew that thought was absurd but she couldn't help how she felt. Her brow furrowed as her mind tried to turn Inuyasha into an enemy. This thought was not new to her, it had been a steady companion since the cave, and she had been fighting its affect on how she viewed the hanyou.
~ NO ~ She told herself stubbornly ~His name is Inuyasha! How can I think of him as an enemy and love him at the same time? ~
As caught up as she was in these thoughts she failed to notice Inuyasha's ears prick forward as if hearing something. She failed to feel the approach of a youkai, but her body reacted of its own accord.
"Kagome!" yelled Shippo happily as he raced towards her arms flung wide.
If Inuyasha hadn't realized the danger to the kitsune, if Miroku hadn't cried out in warning, if she hadn't reacted as fast and as ruthlessly as she did Shippo would've died. As it was her head snapped up just as Miroku said "Shippo", Inuyasha raced forward and scooped up the kid, and Kagome found she had it in herself to cause herself great harm.
Her power flared so wildly she could not squash it, and so she turned the building energy onto herself. Searing pain brought a scream from her that even she cringed from. She fell to her knees, and collapsed into the dirt, curling in on herself. Her skin burned like acid was being poured on it. Tears of pain rolled down her face as she gasped for air, trying to force her lungs to keep moving, they were fighting her. She wanted to faint but her body refused her such an easy escape from the torment. She barely registered Inuyasha explaining what was wrong with her to Shippo and Sango, who had just arrived.
~ Sango! ~
She could touch Sango. Sango could help her, if only just to help her deal with the pain.
"Sango" She cried out, knowing it sounded pitiful, but not caring.
Almost immediately she felt the youkai hunter's hands on her shoulders and the pain abated enough for her to pull a few less labored breaths. Kagome uncurled enough to collapse against her friend finding refuge in the physical contact. Sango's body supported her with ease and a cool hand went to her brow, wiping the sweat away. Just this small comforting motion caused the pain to recede in waves until finally stopping. Kagome found herself shivering in Sango's embrace. Sango was speaking to her in a soothing voice and she realized her friend had been speaking to her in that way the whole time.
"Better now?" Sango asked.
Kagome nodded weakly, her powers seeming to have been depleted by the attack on herself. She stayed where she was for a few moments longer, amazing herself with the need to be this close to anyone. She pushed herself up off of Sango with regret, and squared her shoulders as best she could. Sango looked at her worriedly.
"I've never seen such power Kagome," She said in awe.
Kagome bit her lip against the arrogant statement that begged to be said. She was losing herself in this persona. This wasn't who she was, not this hater of all youkai and cursed, not this self-important miko ready to berate anyone beneath her. Everything was changing inside her and she hated it.
She stood up slowly, taking stock of her body, hoping she hadn't done herself any permanent damage. She felt fine other than the weakness. She looked at Shippo who was still in Inuyasha's arms. The poor boy looked so crestfallen, yet he clung to Inuyasha as if he needed the comfort even from the hanyou.
"I'm sorry Shippo," She said wearily.
"Kaede will make you better Kagome" Shippo insisted.
"I hope so" was all she could reply, her heart telling her that there was probably nothing the old woman could do.