XIV: Moonraker
"Marina, Marine, it's all the same thing
Typos are mistakes, you know what I mean
I make them all the time and so do you
But the difference is how many you do
I'm famous for typos, tis my rep
But don't hate me for it, just give me some pep
If you don't like it then the answer is as green as grass
Just turn around and stick it up your-"
[Snap fingers!]
** *
The sky had returned to being clear and the temperature had resumed normal desert conditions. Pennyless, thanks to Lilka, the four agents left Las Gomoras with nothing but the shirts on their backs (and pants, you silly gooses!) and marched into the desert.
"Let me play this! Let me play that! Thanks a lot Lilka." Gallows grumbled.
"Hey, it's not my fault all the games are rigged." Lilka defended herself. "Besides, in times of need, we should stick to each other and help each other pull through, right?"
"This Doomed to Obscurity is a pyramid, right?" Jack asked, not paying attention.
"That's right. It shouldn't be very hard to miss." Marivel replied.
"You know what they say about pyramids. If you enter them, you'll be cursed!" Jack said.
"What?!" Lilka asked, "R-realy?"
"Nonsense! Pyramids have nothing on us Crimson Nobles." Marivel took pride in her vampire lineage. "I'm much scarier than any mummy!"
"I want my mummy right now!" Lilka whimpered, then was followed by two drumbeats and a cymbal crash.
"So the pyramids cursed eh? No problem, bring it on! I can handle anything!" Gallows pumped his fist into the air.
"Uh, Gallows, you're stepping in a Tarantula's den…" Jack pointed out.
003 looked down to see his shiny black shoe had, in fact, fallen through the hollow soil and several large hairy arachnids were crawling on his pant leg. Gallows screamed and leaped into the air, doing a crazy dance to try and get rid of them.
"Don't worry! I'll save you!" Lilka pulled out a crest card and gave a look of heroism.
"Are you sure?" Marivel made a feline face with a sly grin. "Tarantulas are spiders, you know?"
Lilka lost all her nerve, and color, and stepped back, shuddering. "Curses and spiders! I'm scared!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF MUTE MAIN CHARACTER DRIFTERS EVERYWHERE! HELP ME!" Gallows screeched.
"Hmmm, I read about how to deal with rogue tarantulas once. Now what did it say?" Jack pondered. "Ah yes. Gallows, stop moving! Be absolutely still!"
Gallows stopped in mid-dance, forming a very odd position.
"O.K, now let them sniff you and give them a fish." Jack concluded.
"What?!" Gallows asked.
"Oh wait, that's bears." Jack corrected himself.
"Oh, wait! I know!" Lilka said from a very, very far off distance. "Let's read that chapter of DriftWings and it will tell us!"
{Maya punched Gallows right in the face, knocking the Baskar to the ground. "What are you? An idiot! Don't answer that!" She placed the armadillo on the ground and watched it scamper back through the scrub. She turned back to the group, only to be horrified.
"Woah! What the heck's wrong with you? You didn't have to hit me so hard…" Gallows said as he rubbed his head. "Hey! What are you doing!?"
Maya raised her boot up and stomped hard upon the Baskar's chest several times, knocking the wind out of Gallows.
"Hey! Cut it out!" Clive said, breaking the two up. "What's going on!"
"EVIL! SHE WANT'S TO KILL ME!" Gallows gasped.}
"Ah man, not that again…" Gallows groaned.
"Well, if that's what we have to do." Marivel grinned. She walked over to the still form of Gallows and promptly struck him down to the earth, and then with several mighty swift kicks, finished off the tarantulas and all of Gallows' energy. "That's what you get for letting my sister tell that Christmas story."
Jack looked to Lilka, afraid. "I'm glad she's on our side."
Lilka weakly nodded. "Uh huh."
** *
It was a big pyramid, resembling more of the Mayan step pyramids than of the Egyptian kind, however, it was still really big and really old and really spooky. Not just regular spooky, but SPA-OOKEE with spooky marshmallows. Lilka peeked around Jack, who was shaking as well. Gallows stood tall and defiant (and with a black eye and a few bruises) and Marivel was in the lead, as always.
"Hey, I'm the one with a numbered agent name and in the story summary, how come I don't lead?" Gallows asked as any sore loser would.
"Quiet!" Marivel demanded. "I wonder if P.R.O.P.H.E.T really is out here, or if my Sis set us up on a wild goose chase…"
"Well I don't see anyone so let's go back to town!" Jack offered.
"Yea! Let's do as Jack says and get a moving guys!" Lilka squeaked.
Gallows and Marivel looked back at the two, and then to each other disapprovingly. Gallows smiled and looked the two in the eye (which was hard to do due to Jack and Lilka's size difference.} "Tsk tsk tsk. I'm ashamed of you. You guys call yourselves agents and yet you're afraid of a few ghosts?"
"Curses, Gallows, curses!" Jack corrected the Baskar. "Curse you for calling me afraid of curses!"
"What do you mean ghosts?" Lilka's knees were shaking harder than ever.
"Oh c'mon!" Marivel turned around and stepped into the pyramid, only to be greeted by a ghost. Not just any ghost, but the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus!
"Why, hello!" The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus greeted.
"G-g-ghost!" Marivel practically flew out of her cloak with fear. Gallows, Jack, and Lilka all stepped back, wary of danger.
The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus tilted his head in boredom, and then titled it all the way around and back to normal position. "Oh, I get so tired of the same old thing. Calm down you ninnies, what do you want?"
"Um, um, um, we want to know if there's any P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents here and if there's a laser here, Mr. ghost sir." Lilka said, practically soiling herself. (Gross!)
"What! You mean you're not here for my treasure?" the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus asked.
"N-no! Please don't curse us! I'm too handsome to receive a curse!" Jack pleaded.
"Oh calm down and quite graveling. I hate it when people do that. All right, I'll answer your question if you can do me one thing." the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus demanded.
"And that is?" Gallows asked, nervous.
"To avenge your death?" Marivel asked.
"To make sure you wife is happy?" Lilka pondered.
"To destroy whatever is holding you in this world?" Jack gulped.
The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus shook his head. "No no no, nothing like that! You must survive the trial of fear! Mwahahahaha!" then, the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus pulled a near by lever that was neatly hidden, pulling the ground away and having all four agents fall.
The four fell into a dark tunnel, more precisely a mine cart. The cart began to move and music began to play.
"Uh oh, I feel a song coming on." Marivel said meekly.
"Brace yourselves!" Gallows shouted.
"~SHADOW
Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange?
SIAMESE SHADOW
Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween
PUMPKIN PATCH CHORUS
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
GHOSTS
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween
CREATURE UNDER THE BED
I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red
MAN UNDER THE STAIRS
I am the one hiding under yours stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair
CORPSE CHORUS
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
VAMPIRES
In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song
MAYOR
In this town, don't we love it now?
Everybody's waiting for the next surprise
CORPSE CHORUS
Round that corner, man hiding in the trash cam
Something's waiting now to pounce, and how you'll...
HARLEQUIN DEMON, WEREWOLF & MELTING MAN
Scream! This is Halloween
Red 'n' black, slimy green
WEREWOLF
Aren't you scared?
WITCHES
Well, that's just fine
Say it once, say it twice
Take a chance and roll the dice
Ride with the moon in the dead of night
HANGING TREE
Everybody scream, everybody scream
HANGED MEN
In our town of Halloween!
CLOWN
I am the clown with the tear-away face
Here in a flash and gone without a trace
SECOND GHOUL
I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?"
I am the wind blowing through your hair
OOGIE BOOGIE SHADOW
I am the shadow on the moon at night
Filling your dreams to the brim with fright
CORPSE CHORUS
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
Halloween! Halloween!
CHILD CORPSE TRIO
Tender lumplings everywhere
Life's no fun without a good scare
PARENT CORPSES
That's our job, but we're not mean
In our town of Halloween
CORPSE CHORUS
In this town
MAYOR
Don't we love it now?
Everyone's waiting for the next surprise
CORPSE CHORUS
Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back
And scream like a banshee
Make you jump out of your skin
This is Halloween, everyone scream
Wont' ya please make way for a very special guy
Our man jack is King of the Pumpkin patch
Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King now
EVERYONE
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
CORPSE CHILD TRIO
In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song
EVERYONE
La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! [Repeat]~"The mine cart pulled out of the Tim Burton tunnel and into a dusty Egyptian looking room, with the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus standing near the track, holding onto a lever. The cart came to a stop, and the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus stepped up, smiling, and poking each of the four petrified Agents. After a moment, breath came from their lips and they blinked. The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus stomped and snapped his fingers.
"Well, that's just the way it goes…" The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus sighed. "Well, my friends, you are the first beings ever to survive the trial of fear! What will you do now?"
"Change my pants?" Jack suggested.
Marivel shook her head and blinked several times. "Since we survived that most fearful trip, can you tell us if there's P.R.O.P.H.E.T around?"
The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus shrugged. "Sure. There's a group of them here moving a laser into the teleportation machine up a level. But you'll never catch them! Bwahahaha! Oh, I'm so evil!"
Gallows hopped out of the cart and turned to his fellow teammates. "C'mon guys! We have a laser to catch before 002 does!"
Nodding, the other three hopped out and started for the stairs. Gallows turned to the ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus and raised an eyebrow. "Hey, how come you didn't scare the P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents?"
The ghost of Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus grinned and stretched. "Because we evil guys don't pick on each other! Haven't you learned anything from "James Bond Jr."?"
Gallows cringed. "Now there's something truly scary!" He then ran off after his other teammates, leaving the ghost to cackle to himself evil like!
** *
Upon arriving at the upper floor, Gallows discovered an enormous room shaped like a triangle, with the upper angle disappearing into darkness. In the middle of this room as an enormous machine, obviously the teleportation machine, and four figures guarding it.
"Who are you?!" Jack demanded to know.
There was a one eyes giant of a man wearing yellow, a female in a white jumpsuit with a giant key, a slender man with glasses and a gun of some sort, and a woman with long brown hair and a white dress like thing on. The giant stepped forward and placed a tanned hand to his bearded chin. "We're Ptolomea and his fun friends, P.R.O.P.H.E.T agents extraordinaire!"
The glasses man jabbed Ptolomea in the ribs and took over. "We are Special Operations Unit Cocytus (That's an allusion to Dante's the Inferno!) and I am Judecca (The annoying one!), The big guy is Ptolomea (The funny guy!), the lady in the white dress like thing is Antenora (The supposed to feel sad for one!), and the lady with the key is Caina (The one who would not die!)"
"Don't forget Randolph the Magic Key!" Caina interrupted.
"Cheerio chaps!" Randolph greeted them.
"Uh huh..." Marivel raised an eyebrow.
"What a bunch of weirdos." Lilka whispered to Jack.
"What did you say?" Antenora asked, hands on hips.
"I said you were weirdos!" Lilka announced.
"All right! Let's rumble!" Gallows grinned, pulling out his PP7!
TO BE CONTINUED!
-*-
Joe Montana: It's been a while since we were here.
Enya: Yup.
Hey guys, aren't you gonna comment on the chappy?
Enya: O.K, you ref Meteor9 too much.
Joe: And your using the Teefa85 spoof again… not good kid.
Hey, aren't you guys at least looking forward to the fight between Prolomea and his fun friends?!
Enya: yawn
Joe: Stop writing to the Sonic Heroes sound test, it will help.
sweat drop Thanks a lot. I'm gonna go hang my self.
Enya and Joe: You're welcome!
** *