XVIII: A View To Kill
Last time on "From Baskar With Love"…
Van stands on a stage in Little Rock and clears his throat as he pulls a name out of his hat. "And our next contestant is Florina and the rest of the Wild ARMs Advance the 3rd children's choir." Van sighs and mutters. "Oh God, here we go with some 'It's a small world after all' crap…"
Pike taps Van on the shoulder. "Uh, your mike is still on…"
Van leaps into the air and smiles, embarrassed. "Heh heh. I mean, let's give it up for them kids!"
Florina and all of those other small children step up to the stage and form a choir. Florina, as the lead singer, smiles and bows.
"~Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy-
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
A little high, little low,
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me,
To me
Mama, just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead,
Mama ,life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away-
Mama ooo,
Didn't mean to make you cry-
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters-
Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Body's aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-I've got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Mama ooo- (any way the wind blows)
I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all-
I see a little silhouette of a man,
Scaramouche ,scaramouche will you do the fandango-
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-
Galileo,galileo,
Galileo galileo
Galileo figaro-magnifico-
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
He's just a poor boy from a poor family-
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-
Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-
Bismillah! No-,we will not let you go-let him go-
Bismillah! We will not let you go-let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No ,no, no, no, no, no, no-
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go-
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me-
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me and leave me to die-
Oh baby-can't do this to me baby-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-
Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters-,nothing really matters to me,
Any way the wind blows...~"
Florina bows as well as the choir. The audience is confused, but claps anyways…
Will Florina and her choir win? Find out in the thrilling conclusion on "From Baskar With Love"!
** *
"Aw man, how did I get stuck with this cameo?" Alan, a blonde young man in a train conductors outfit, moaned as he stood at what seemed to be an indoor train station.
"Say Alan…" Simon, a ticket seller, stepped over, munching on breakfast. "Where's, uh, where's the ship?"
Alan glanced at his watch. It happened to be 10:00:12. "GASP!" Alan shouted. "The ship's twelve seconds late! Where the hell could it be?! Oh man, they're gonna fire me for sure!"
"Calm down man. Here, have a Millennium Puzzle." Simon handed a small rubix cube to the stressful conductor.
"You don't get it, do you! My job is to make sure that this ship gets here at exactly 10:00! It's way past then and my pride, my heritage is on the line! My father gave his life for the rail service doing his job to the tee, and I'll do so! I-I'm a failure!"
Simon raised an eyebrow. "Your family's a bunch of loonies. I'd quite the rail business if mah Daddy died in it."
"Things couldn't possibly be worse! Wait, do you here that?" Alan and Simon put their hands to their ears and listened. It sounded faint at first, but then appeared in full force. The sound of an incoming ship. However, this ship was coming much too fast.
"Holy shit! We have to duck and cover!" Simon cried out.
"No! My job is to make sure the ship arrives safely! I will stand here, as I did in Twilight Venom. Boy, what kind of role was that?"
Suddenly the wall gave in and an enormous space shuttle/airplane crashed through, sliding on the smooth floor until it's parachute caught onto the remains of the wall. The shuttle was barely an inch from Alan's face.
"Didn't they do this in Airplane 2?" Alan could here a small voice ask.
"Yea, but that's no relevant right now." Another small voice said.
The shuttle doors opened and that inflatable slide popped out. Gallows, Marivel, Lilka, and Jack all slid out, brandishing their weapons, ready to take on the moon's army.
"Holy shit!" Simon gasped.
"Um um welcome to the Faluna Moon Base! We are so sorry for the delay, please forgive us!" Alan swallowed.
Alan could say no more, as Gallows shot him dead on, and Simon too. Both of them were shot and dead.
"Gallows! What did you that for?!" Jack smacked him in the back of the head.
"They're P.R.O.P.H.E.T, which makes them nameless henchmen and doers of evil!" Gallows reasoned.
"How do you know they weren't just the space shuttle people?" Marivel asked.
"Uh… oops…" 003 smiled weakly.
"So where's the laser?" Lilka asked.
"I don't know. Let's go ask someone who knows." Marivel stated.
The four ran down the terminal hall, guns ready and willing. It wasn't a long walk before they found several more rail men.
"Hey! Tell us where the laser is!" Jack shouted, but before they could answer, Gallows had shot them all again.
"GALLOWS!" Marivel screeched.
"Sorry, my trigger finger's a little itchy." Gallows shrugged.
"Let's just try going out the main exit. Maybe we'll find a billboard…" Lilka thought.
"Wow Lilka! You actually thought of something that wasn't sugar coated!" Jack was surprised.
"There's a reason I'm an agent you know." Lilka smirked.
"Creepy… All right! Let's go!" Gallows exclaimed.
And the four continued running through the airport, with Gallows firing at everyone they past. He shot the peanut guy, the lady with the huge cat, the woman behind the register, the groom and bride, the guard, the gift shop guy, the local security, everyone.
"Gallows!" Marivel growled once more.
"Sorry, I just get carried away."
The four were closing on the main exit, guns brandished. However, standing near the gate were two medieval guards, munching on apples.
"Hey, you see those people with the guns coming?" One guard asked the other as he stopped munching on the apple.
The guard looked out. He could clearly see them, but they were very far away. "Yea."
"Should we do something about it?" The guard asked. Still, the agents were very far away.
"…Yea." The other replied. The agents were still very far away.
And in a second, the agents were upon them. Gallows fired twice, let the blood spilled, and urged Marivel to keep her appetite, and Jack urged Lilka to keep her lunch.
Once outside the two main doors to the airport, the four skidded to a halt, almost tripping over a sight-seeing blue popepee peepepo, Isaac, who promptly ran off screaming. "What the hell?!" Jack asked in awe.
Before them was an endless canyon, with cliffs, towers, buttes, mesas, plateaus, and gorges of every kind. There was no bottom to be seen, and all of it was housed inside a giant glass bubble. That wasn't the awe-inspiring part though. Rail of every kind, preferably single rails, stretched in crazy patterns all over the place. Miles and miles of suspended, looping rail meant for cargo and supply trains. Still, another awe-inspiring notion was the fact that giant cannons sat atop every mesa, tower, and butte. Smaller, medium, and large cannons all sat on the cannon walls, aiming practically everywhere. It was the Western railway of hell.
"Looks like somebody had a little too much free time…" Marivel sighed.
"Look!" Lilka shouted. "The laser!" She pointed, and at the top of an exceptionally high mesa at the far end of the cannon was an enormous observatory with a giant laser (the cheesy looking kid from those old forties movies) aiming at Filgaia.
"How the hell do we get there?" Gallows scratched his head.
"Like this!" Jack lifted his hat and pulled out a pair of SOAP grinding shoes. "You guys played through Final Fantasy X, right?"
Marivel, Lilka, and Gallows all had a frightened, sickened look. "You want us to grind on that roller coaster rail with nothing but our shoes?!"
"Hey, for Queen and Country man!" Jack pulled out a few more pairs of shoes and handed them to his teammates, who reluctantly put them on.
"For Queen and Country!" Gallows reassured himself as he stepped on the rail. It went straight down for a ways before setting out. That would gain him speed, but also pull his stomach into his throat. "For Queen and Country…"
"Just go!" Marivel pushed 003, who screamed the entire way down. The other three followed him, gaining speed until they were racing along the track at the speed of any train. The single rail soon met with several other rails, allowing the four to grind side by side. One hill, then another, then another, then a loop. Gallows was never more scared in his life.
"Cannon fire!" Jack yelled.
Yes, it appeared that every cannon among the thousands had locked onto them. Shells larger then train cars launched out from the tops of mesas, blowing apart the rail system just behind them. Lilka could feel the hot fire of the explosions on her back.
"Jump!" Marivel called.
The four did just that, leaping and doing a few twists in the air as cannons bombarded the track behind them. The rail dived again, heading down into the ebony abyss below.
"I don't like the feeling of this!" Gallows squeled.
The track suddenly ascended and the four could feel their feet leave the rail. They had been launched into the air, heading towards several more mils of rail below them. Cannon fire raged around them as cannons blew each other out, the rock walls down, or the rail apart. Luck certainly was with them. Pure dumb luck.
Their feet landed with a clunk upon the rail once more, sending them along the suspended track at top speed.
"Woohoo! His is fun!" Lilka grinned.
"Oh my god! Someone get me off this thing!" Gallows whimpered.
Jack suddenly appeared in the lead, crouching his body to gain more speed and less air resistance. Marivel saw this, and decided she would do it as well. The two had wordlessly set up a race between each other, and the miles of railway were soon covered between the two.
"Jack! Marivel! Watch out!" Gallows shouted.
Marivel looked from her partner up ahead. A particularly large cannon with strange, neon lights was straight ahead.
"A beam cannon!" Marivel gasped.
The lights grew stronger and a vortex of visible energy formed around the tip of the barrel.
"Quickly, leap to the side rails!" Jack announced.
The four did so just as the beam was released. An enormous ray of pure orange energy was fired, distenegrating all before it. The top of the rail was blackened and the beam cannon set to resetting itself.
"Ack! My suits on fire!" Gallows panicked as tried to beat the tails of his tux out as he sped along.
The rail took a turn, and the four found themselves on a straight away, joining more rail. Two armored trains, covered in spikes and horns, pulled alongside them liked metal horned snakes. Small openings revealed machine gun turrets, and the four were fired upon by semi-machine gun bullets.
"Jeebus Christ! This is the most insane rail trip I've ever taken!" Jack cried aloud as the four set to trying to dodge the fire from both sides.
"Just keep going! Maybe we can outrace them!" Marivel called.
The four all flipped about to make themselves faster and crouched down, but little did they know their rails were ending. Surprised, the four fell down to a lower set of rails that turned and turned, forming a spiral that lead upwards in a different direction. The four could see the trains going off in a different direction below them and now, the rails straightened out after one loop and nothing remained before them save the super laser Arc Smasher.
"If we survive this, remind me never to pick up skateboarding…" Gallows mentioned.
Suddenly a rail before them merged with theirs, and a large black box modified sandcraft rolled out before them. The back panel flipped down revealing a rather large cannon. The white words "Alhazad" were written across it and atop stood the Legendary outlaw Ronnie Frown, a Baskar in a long tanned leather coat and a tanned cowboys hat. In one hand was the Carl/Gustav Anti-Sandcraft Rifle and on the other was his familiar Pongo the black Pordarge.
"I must commend you for making it this far upon our railways, but the enemies of P.R.O.P.H.E.T must die!" Ronnie announced.
The four were still grinding behind it, trying to stay stable and not fall into the chasm below, but yet not slide into the spiked bumper at the end of the Alhazad and the large cannon above it.
"Oy, another DriftWings cameo." Marivel sighed.
"I thought you and your bird were dead!" Gallows shouted.
"This isn't a sequel, Carradine! It's the end of the line for you!" Frown replied.
"Oy, train jokes and here we are on a railway…" Marivel slapped her forehead.
The four pulled out their weapons. Firing and staying stable and maintaining speed would not be easy, unless you were a woman. Multi-tasking is what women do. Marivel pulled down the triggers on both of her uzi's expecting to take the outlaw out. The before mentioned outlaw ducked and fired his enormous rifle, breaking a part of the rail behind the grinding heroes. Pongo flew off and into the air before them.
"Here! Have This!" He shouted before clawing at Gallows arm. With a few frantic flicks, Gallows pried the bird off of him.
"Have this back!" Gallows pointed his PP7 at Pongo, but found his arm had no feeling, or control in it. The PP7 fell out of his hands into the remote chasm on the moon. "God Damnit!"
"Get a load of this!" Frown smiled and ducked inside the Alhazad. The four could hear the main cannon clink and turn.
"Everybody, to the side!" Lilka shouted. "Ack! Get away from me you stupid bird!" Lilka had become under attack by Pongo, who flitted in her face and attempted to scratch out her pretty green eyes.
The three others leaped to the emergency rails on the side. "Lilka!" Jack shouted for the younger agent, who was still in front of the cannon. Jack pulled out a gun from under his hat and fired several bullets at Pongo. The Pordarge flew off, back to the Alhazad. The cannon fired, sending an enormous bullet with an angry shark's face painted on the end. Jack leaped forward and pushed Lilka to the rail over.
"JACK!" Lilka shouted.
No, Jack had not been blown to a million pieces. Instead, he found himself ricochet off the bullet's surface into the air and land on the top of the Alhazad. The three looked very confused.
"The physics of Mario at work…" Marivel figured.
The hatch opened and Ronnie Frown leaped out, gun ready. He fired the rifle, just missing Jack and blowing a piece of the cliff side that sped by them away. Jack fired, but due to the wobbling of the rail craft, found the bullet to go through Frown's hat only. Ronnie butted Jack with the barrel, knocking him down to the steel surface.
"Now you die!" Frown grinned while facing the Carl/Gustav into Jacks face.
"Hey Frown!" Marivel called. Ronnie gritted his teeth and turned his attention to Marivel, who immediately fired her uzis. The Carl/Gustav flew from his hands. She had just shot the edge of his gun, wounding his fingers. The Carl/Gustav fell into the void below.
"Damn you Armitage!" Frown yelled.
"That's Marivel Armitage to you buddy!" Marivel responded.
"Your name will be inscribed on a tombstone when I'm finished!" Ronnie leaped into the hatch, which meant only one thing.
"To the sides again!" Gallows shouted.
Gallows and Marivel jumped to the extreme left rail, as Lilka was on the extreme right. However, the chinking and clanking of the cannon was met with the change of direction for the cannon. The cannon turned left, aiming straight at the two older agents.
"Thanks a lot Marivel…" Gallows groaned.
"Get a load of this… again!" Frown shouted. The cannon fired, destroying the cliff side and engulfing the two agents in fire.
"Marivel! Gallows!" Lilka shouted.
"Hahaha! You fools, it's useless! Just give up!" Frown shouted.
Pongo returned with a vengeance, setting upon Lilka like he was an extra in Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds". Angered, Lilka drew her fire wand and waved it, creating an arc of fire. "You mean old bird! Now you'll pay! Blast!" Lilka threw a Crest card into the arc, instantly creating an explosion. She flew through it, as they were all traveling at high speeds, and could make out a fried chicken sitting on the rails behind her.
"Think your hot stuff eh? Get a load of this!" Frown's cannon clinked and churned from left to right, setting itself on Lilka.
"Not so fast Frown!" Gallows voice came from now where. Gallows and Marivel were speeding back along the rail, catching up with speeding backwards rail craft.
"It takes a lot more than that to finish us off! Jack now!" Marivel shouted.
Jack winked and stood up, kicking opened he hatch and lifting his hat to reveal a stick of dynamite. He lit it and dropped it in and leaped off the rail craft and back onto the rails. The four immediately slowed down their speeds. The craft sped ahead and then exploded, sending the Alhazad and Ronnie Frown into the abyss below. The four agents grinded through the fire and soon there was nothing but the Arc Smasher ahead.
"You guys are alive!" Lilka expressed her joy.
"Of course!" Marivel stated.
"We had the whole thing planned." Gallows said.
"Even you Jack?" Lilka asked.
"Yup, even me." Jack finished.
"Hey! Why didn't you guys inform me!?" Lilka was angry.
"Because we like to play mind games with you!" Marivel answered.
"Because your our pawn." Gallows replied.
"Because it's an adult thing." Jack stated.
The adults set to laughing, poking fun of Lilka, until their rails ended and they all flew smack dab into a wall. Lilka's rail ran smoothly until it connected with the bottom level of the dome observatory. She looked up to see Gallows, Marivel, and Jack slide down the surface.
"Whose the dumb one now?!" Lilka stuck her tongue out and placed her hands on her hips.
Suddenly the rail system behind them exploded to some jazzy music as Lilka laughed.
** *
Joe: If you grinded for that long, you would have no shoes left by the end.
Enya: I doubt you'd have feet.
I thought it was a great chappy! It had my all time fav original char in it!
Joe: You took this whole level from Sonic Heroes
Enya: And you were even listening to the Bullet Station song while typing it.
Guilty as charged. It's just so cool! And besides, if Tidus and Kamari can grind in FFX, why not everyone's fav Wild Arms Agents?
Joe: Hey I found a nickel! I think I will go buy some gum now!
Random!