XIX: The Living Daylights
Last time on "From Baskar With Love"…
[Lombardia is lying atop a Castle, with Galahad, surrounded by the Gunner's Heaven/Ancient Arena cast] Lombardia (in a welsh accent): Galahad, the only way to kill the evil duke Begguci, is to kill me! For we both share the same heart!
Galahad: I could never kill you Lombardia! We're… we're friends! You and I are war buddies, and I just can't kill you, even if to stop Begguci!
Lombardia: Think not of me! Think of the villagers! If Begguci is not killed, then he will continue to exploit all of the villagers until everyone is locked away or killed.
Begguci (stepping onto scene, sword drawn): Kill Galahad and capture the dragon!
Galahad: I see you're point…
Lombardia (lifting up chest plate to reveal half a dragon heart.): Kill me ye damned fool!
And now for the conclusion…
** *
A ventilation shaft pops open in a large open area. There are only a few lights that stream from the top of the high vestibule. It is very open, and very empty. Gallows Carradine rolls out of the ventilation shaft, hands out in what appears to be a want-a-be kung fu move. Marivel pops out afterwards, Uzi's drawn, with Jack and Lilka tumbling out behind.
"Ouch. Why'd you have to push me for Lilka?" Jack rubbed his bum as he picked himself up from the checkerboard floor.
"Because your big bum was in my face." Lilka stuck out her tongue.
"Say, where's the Calvary?" Gallows asked, looking around.
"We're trying to sneak in, remember?" Marivel prodded his side. "So the Calvary would be a bad thing."
"Duh." Gallows stuck out his tongue. "Who's the super agent here?"
"You don't even have a gun, oh super agent." Marivel sighed.
"Hey Jack!" Gallows called.
"Yo." Jack replied.
"Grab me a gun from under your hat!" Gallows asked.
"What do I look like, the props department?" Jack growled as he lifted off his black cowboy hat and reached inside. He pulled out a copy of "Last Exile Vol. 2", a baseball bat, a coffee mug, an autographed copy of "Stripped" by Christina Augelera, a cat, two left gloves (one with the middle finger missing), a tiny Buddha, a ladder, Jimmy Buffet, some Ritz crackers, and a seashell before coming across a PP7. "Here you go." He tossed the weapon to Gallows.
How do you keep all that stuff in your hat?" Lilka asked, bewildered.
"You don't want to know." Replied Jimmy Buffet before being stuffed back inside with all of the other stuff.
"Ookay…" Marivel blinked. "Which way to the laser?"
"Not so fast, my dear child." Came a rather rude sounding voice. The four looked up to see a robed man with quite the "pail" complexion standing on a balcony ahead. "You may have come this far, 003 and friends, but you've run out of luck."
"And you are?" Asked Gallows. Cool and Suave.
"The name is Leehalt Alceste, head technician and number two within P.R.O.P.H.E.T's ranks." The man replied, boasting rather proudly.
"I'm still waiting to be impressed." Jack said in a welsh accent.
"You're number two, so who's number one?" Lilka asked.
"That would be number 1." Leehalt said rather flatly.
"You ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer…" Marivel rolled her eyes.
"Well Leehalt, there's only four of us and one of you! Wait, I mean, there's four of us and only one of you!" Gallows pointed out.
"How observant of you, Mr. Carradine, but this can be evened." Leehalt laughed.
"How?" Marivel asked, rasing an eyebrow.
"Well, he can subtract three of us, or add three to his side, or subtract one of us and add two to his side, or-" Lilka counted on her fingers.
"Enough of this!" Leehalt waved a hand in front of him for dramatic purposes. "Time to settle out the odds." Leehalt snapped his fingers. From the darkness appeared a green creature with sharp teeth and a wicked grin.
"Umm, that's still not even…" Gallows pointed out.
"How very right you are, Mr. Carradine." Leehalt chuckled. He snapped his fingers and the floor underneath Gallows opened up. Gallows fell into the darkenss, and the floor closed up over it.
"GALLOWS!" Marivel screeched.
"Marivel showing compassion? What the?" Jack sweated a little. Things must be bad.
"Um, Mr. Leehalt, the odds still; aren't even." Lilka stated.
Leehalt didn't bother to reply as he snapped again. A rumble could be felt and the far wall was torn to pieces. From the fog of destroyed brick came forth an enormous man in a trench coat and a spiked hat. "ASGARD! MY SPY! LET US DESTROY THESE PEONS!" Leehalt shouted, throwing his arms up for more dramatic purposes.
"Oh shit…" Jack stepped back.
** *
All was dark. Then all was light. Then all was a bit fuzzy. Then shapes came into being. Three shapes, standing over Gallows. Gallows blinked and tried to sit u, but found he was strapped to a metal table, facing an overly bright light. The three figures revealed themselves when his vision adjusted. There was a large man with a gray beard and no hair in a lab coat, another large man (of the Baskar kind) with tiny spectacles and crazy hair and a pencil thin moustache, and a much leaner man with dark hair and a lab coat. 003 could hear music building in the background and the three scientists began to march around the table, which meant only one thing.
"No! Not a musical number!" Gallows screamed.
"~[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]
Kidnap Mr. Carradine…
[Elliot]
I wanna do it
[Pete]
Let's draw straws
[Duran]
Boss said we should work together
Three of a kind
[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]
Birds of a feather
Now and forever
Wheeee
La, la, la, la, la
Kidnap Mr. Carradine, lock him up real tight
Throw away the key and then
Turn off all the lights
[Duran]
First, we're going to set some bait
Inside a nasty trap and wait
When he comes a-sniffing we will
Snap the trap and close the gate
[Elliot]
Wait! I've got a better plan
To catch this secret agent man
Let's pop him in a boiling pot
And when he's done we'll beat him up
[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]
Kidnap Mr. Carradine
Throw him in a box
Bury him for ninety years
Then see if he talks
[Duran]
Then Mr. Ragu Ragla man
Can take the whole thing over then
He'll be so pleased, I do declare
That he will cook him rare
[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]
Wheeee!
[Pete]
I say that we take a cannon
Aim it at his door and then
Knock three times and when he answers
Carradine will be no more
[Duran]
You're so stupid, think now
If we blow him up into smithereens
We may lose some pieces
And the Boss will beat us black and green
[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]
Kidnap Mr. Carradine
Tie him in a bag
Throw him in the ocean
Then see if he is sad
[Elliot and Duran]
Because Mr. Ragu Ragla is the meanest guy around
If I were on his mangle list, I'd get out of town
[Elliot]
He'll be so pleased by our success
That he'll reward us too, I bet
[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]
Perhaps he'll make his special brew
Of mega berry stew
Ummm!
We're his little henchmen
And we take our job with pride
We do our best to please him
And stay on his good side
[Duran]
I wish my cohorts weren't so dumb
[Pete]
I'm not the dumb one
[Elliot]
You're no fun
[Duran]
Shut up!
[Elliot]
Make me
[Duran]
I've got something, listen now
This one is real good, you'll see
We'll send a present to his door
Upon there'll be a note to read
Now, in the box we'll wait and hide
[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]
Until his curiosity
Entices him to look inside
And then we'll have him
One, two, three
[Elliot, Duran, and Pete]
Kidnap Mr. Carradine, beat him with a stick
Lock him for ninety years, see what makes him tick
Kidnap Mr. Carradine, chop him into bits
Mr. Ragu Ragla is sure to get his kicks
Kidnap Mr. Carradine, see what we will see
Lock him in a cage and then throw away the key
Heeheeheeheehee!~"
Gallows swallowed. This didn't look good. "Who's this Mr. Ragu Ragla Man?"
Elliot (the leaner one) adjusted his glasses and made a crooked smile. "Ragu Ragla is the lord of evil."
Duran (the balding one) and Pete (the Baskar) all put their hands into the air. "Hail the Ragu Ragla!"
"You see that laundry chute over there?" Elliot smiled as he pointed to a laundry chute surrounded by thousands of candles.
Gallows nodded. "Uh huh."
Pete walked over and laughed. "That leads to the Ragu Ragla. We make him offerings and he praises us with good fortune!"
Gallows narrowed his eyes. "Say… aren't you supposed to be my Dad, Pete?"
Pete cleared his throat. "This isn't a sequel, so that part is irrelevant."
"Enough of this silly banter!" Duran yelled. "It is time to make the sacrifice!"
"What kind of God lives at the bottom of a laundry chute anyway?" Gallows asked.
"Thou shalt not question the great and might Ragu Ragla!" Elliot waved his hands in the air. "It is blasphemy to say so!"
"Why should I care, you're about to feed me to him anyway!" Gallows objected.
"Because you should practice tolerance while visiting strange new cultures." Pete read from a book he was reading.
"Oh, I see…" Gallows stated.
"Good. Now FOR THE SACRIFICE!" Duran shouted once more.
"Wait! Should we cook the agent first?" Pete asked. "Maybe Ragu Ragla would like that…"
Elliot raised a hand to his chin in thought. "Yes. Maybe he'll want to slurp on the brains as an appetizer…"
"Oh god…" Gallows moaned.
"I say we BROIL him!" Duran shouted.
"That will take too long! Lets barbeque him!" Pete argued.
"I agree." Elliot nodded his head.
"BROIL!" Duran shouted.
"BARBEQUE!" The two other scientists shouted back.
** *
Commercial break: [Black screen with the Migrant Symbol fading in. Gallows voice] "Last Exile", I mean "From Baskar With Love".
Commercial Break over: [Black screen with the Migrant Symbol fading out. Marivel's voice.] "From Baskar With Love".
** *
Meanwhile…
Lilka, Marivel, and Jack were huddled together, calculating their enxt move.
"So, you guys want a coke with the burgers?" Jack asked.
"Sure! Wait! We're supposed to be planning our attack!" Lilka responded.
"Right. That golem there looks like he could take on an army by himself. We'll have to out think him!" Marivel stated.
"Ooh! A spelling Bee!" Lilka giggled.
"He's a computer! That's dumb. …Hey, I know!" Jack smiled.
"What?!" The two girls demanded to know.
"He's a big clunking metal man right? Let's have a dance off! The green guy has pathetic legs and Asgard's a golem, which means he can't dance too well!" Jack grinned.
"And you can dance?" Marivel asked sarcastically.
Jack lifted off his hat and pulled out a dancing award. "Here's all the proof I need baby."
"Well, it's just sane enough to work." Lilka nodded.
"That's crazy, Lilka." Marivel corrected.
"What's crazy?" Lilka asked, confused.
"Never mind. Let's go for it!" Jack placed his hand in the middle, and Marivel and Lilka put theirs on top. "Let's Go!"
"Ready to die?" Leehalt crossed his arms as the three disbanded their huddle.
"WE CHALLENGE YOU TO A DANCE OFF!" Jack shouted.
"A dance off?" Leehalt was a bit surprised.
"That's right!" Marivel crossed her arms. "Unless you're chicken!" Lilka immediately set to clucking like a chicken.
A nerve appeared in Leehalt's forehead. "Insolence! We accept!"
"Good! We make it two out of three!" Jack smirked.
"Very well, but let it be known that Asgard has won every dance off seven years running." Leehalt laughed. "Show them your prowess, Asgard!"
Asgard nodded and immediately set to doing the robot with no flaws. The agent's jaws dropped to the floor.
"Thanks a lot Jack." Lilka narrowed her green eyes.
"Yea Jack. Remind me to drain your blood if we're still alive." Marivel thrust her chin in the air.
Suddenly, on the third story balcony, several lights turned on. A flattened cardboard box fell to the floor before Asgard's boots and a speaker system turned on.
"Welcome to the P.R.O.P.H.E.T/ ARMS Dance Off! I'm your announcer Catherine Winslet!" Catherine's voice sounded throughout the hall.
"And I'm the ref, Kaitlyn Winslet!" Kaitlyn tiny voice boomed through.
"What a beautiful day for such a dance off! Don't you agree Kaitlyn?"
"I sure do Mommy! Today's tournament goes as follows! Marivel will take on Leehalt, Lilka takes on the green spy, and Jack will take on Asgard!"
"How exciting! Two out of three wins, so let the tournament begin! Lilka vs. the green monster spy to the Latino dance hit by Vivian, "Conga Feeling"!" Catherine hit the sound system, and that hit from DDRMAX2 came blaring on, with Lilka and the green spy facing the announcers.
Lilka, as luck would have it, was an excellent dancer, having taken years and years of ballet. Her spins, steps, and turns were perfect, matching the beats and never standing still once. The spy found it hard to even stand without flying, so it looked like he was spinning like a top. Impressive the first time, but not after five seconds. Lilka was having fun with it, and even set to swaying her hips a bit. The song was soon over, and the heat was still on. The other four clapped.
"Wow, that Lilka sure can dance!" Catherine commentated.
"She sure can! She scores a 8 in my book!" Kaitlyn judged.
"And what of the green spy?" Catherine asked.
"The spin was good, but that's ALL he did! Dancing needs variety, Mommy, and he sure didn't have any of that! 2!"
Lilka immediately set to gloating and rubbing it in to the crestfallen green monster. Marivel and Leehalt went to the dance floor. Both of them looked set on winning.
"One for the ARMS side! If Marivel wins this one, then ARMS will win!, So what's next Kaitlyn?" Catherine asked.
"It's gonna be weird, because both of them are wearing dresses and robes, but let's see how they do to DJ Alligator Project's "The Whistle Song"!" Catherine hit the system once more, playing that techno beat.
Marivel began well. She wasn't a professional dancer and didn't have any of the experience that Lilka or Jack had. She stuck to the beat, swaying her hips (which didn't come out to well in that big blue dress) and shook her shoulders. Getting into the song, she started to dance very much like a pop star would, leaping, kicking, and acting rather erotically. Jack was very much turned on, even if Marivel looked no more then fourteen. However, despite her performance, Marivel was being outclassed. Surprisingly (c'mon, it's Leehalt we're talking about!) Leehalt knew how to dance. He could keep to the beat and throw in enough diverse tricks to keep his score going. He even used the cardboard box and started break dancing, even going for the head spin! His hands were in tune to the music, swaying back and forth rather mysteriously and allowing every part of his body go with the music. And then the music was done.
Gasping for breath, the two stepped off as Catherine commentated. "Wow, that was great!"
Kaitlyn added her thoughts right after. "It sure was Mommy! It's easy to see Marivel's an amateur, but she could keep up there with Leehalt, who was great!"
"I think Marivel's dancing was a little too old for your eyes darling." Catherine added.
"Well it is a rather phallic song. Marivel gets a 5 and Leehalt gets a 9!" Kaitlyn awarded the score.
"Ha! It seems all those dancing lessons I took to impress Ekatrina have paid off!" Leehalt grinned. "Next is Asgard! Victory will be ours!"
"Ooh, next is truly the dance of champions, eh Kaitlyn?" Catherine commented.
"It sure is! Jack's known through out Filgaia for his dancing techniques, and Asgard has yet to lose at a professional Dance off!"
"So what do we have to dance for?!"
"This is going to be great! The final dance will determine the winner! The song: Be For U's "Dive ~more deep & deeper style~!" Kaitlyn took her turn to hit the speaker. The song set to play, and the dancers were set.
Asgard and Jack were immediate to stay with the beat. The lyrics may be in Japanese, but who cared? The golem could dance, and his constant footwork and stylish arm movements were earning him points. Jack could keep up well, spinning and leaping to the beat as well. The two were like twins (the fraternal kind, cus they didn't look any thing a like.), doing the same exact movements. Shaking hips, artificial or real, shoulder shaking, and head movements were in there, adding to the overall performance. The onlookers were in extreme awe, as this was the dance of the century. But what really came to mind was the fact that Jack began to sing along, his voice sounding nothing like the female Japanese vocalists, but still a rather good voice if you ask me. Asgard didn't bother to sing, concerning himself with the dancing that he was pulling off perfectly. Sweat was forming on Jack's forehead. He was beginning to tire out. Asgard was a machine, and thus he didn't tire out. Jack's steps were starting to falter a bit, but yet he continued to karaoke. Everyone was on the edge of their seats. Who would win the song ended?! Well, with a perfect leap and twist with a V sign stretched over their eyes, the song ended.
"I-I'm speechless…" Catherine expressed happily.
"Oh My God. They were so incredibly good Mommy!" Kaitlyn was still in awe.
"I'll say. They should do this professionally!"
"They should! And now… the scoring! Asgard gets a perfect 10 for his breath taking moves!" Kaitlyn shouted.
"P.R.O.P.H.E.T wins!" Catherine declared.
"Wait! And due to his incredible karaoke while doing that awesome dancing, Jack gains as 10.5 for extreme multitasking!" Kaitlyn shouted.
"Is a 10.5 legal?" Catherine asked.
"Hey, I'm referee! What I say goes!" Kaitlyn defended herself.
"You heard it! Arms wins!" Catherine announced as confetti began to fall from the ceiling towards the ground.
Lilka and Marivel latched onto Jack as "We Are the Champions" by Queen played. Jack fell over, and the three were one happy team.
"I can't believe we lost!" Leehalt kicked the green spy, sending him flying into the darkness above while he screamed.
"Yea! You lost, which means you have to give up!" Marivel stood up.
"YEA!" Lilka stuck out her tongue.
Leehalt growled and stomped, being the sore loser he is. "You win. Grrr, I need to vent! Where's Teefa85?1 She needs to write a chapter for me to explode in!" nd with that, the two remaining P.R.O.P.H.E.T dancers began to walk away.
"Wait! Asgard!" Jack stepped towards him. Asgard looked over his shoulder. "Hey, no hard feelings between professional dancers, eh?"
Asgard turned around. He couldn't smile, but he nodded and shook Jack's hands. "No hard feelings."
"Good… Say, aren't you supposed to only have one arm?"
Asgard tipped his hat and shrugged. "This isn't a sequel." And with that, Asgard disappeared through the hole in the wall, along with Leehalt.
"Well, all's well that ends well." Lilka said.
"Oh crap! We forgot about Gallows!" Marivel leaped up.
"Hey guys!" Gallows waved as he walked up with a cherry coke in hand.
"Oh hey Gallows." Jack waved and then turned to Marivel. "So where do you think they took him?"
"Wait a minute!" Lilka suddenly realized. "Gallows?! But how?"
Gallows shrugged. "I was kidnapped by these three scientist who wanted to dissect me and feed me to this God, but they started fighting between themselves. I took the opportunity to slip out of my bonds and find my way back. Real cool and suave."
"Wow. You doing something on your own. That's different." Jack rubbed the back of his head.
"Oh thank goodness you're here!" Marivel clasped her hands together. She then realized what she was doing and coughed and looked the other way. "So we don't have to go looking for you, I mean…"
"Oookay. Creepy." Gallows stated.
"Say, where'd you get the cherry coke?" Lilka tilted her head.
"In a vending machine down the hall, but, uh, I think it was a bomb." Gallows sipped some more coke and looked up to the DJ's. "Hit my music girls!"
"Will do!" Catherine and Kaitlyn replied and hit some jazzy music as the vending machine/bomb exploded behind the four reunited agents.
** *
Next time on From Baskar With Love…
Marivel joins the Brazilian Soccer Team in hoping to become the best Soccer player in the world! Can Gallows, Jack, and Lilka protect her from an angry Brazilian mob after they lose the cup? Stay tuned for From Baskar With Love number 20, "License to Kill"!
** *