OK, I can't be bothered waiting for reviews for the second chapter so here it is.

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Arthur stared at the door for a moment, it was in his way and didn't seem to be aware of it, either that or it was viciously trying to worsen his day. Arthur decided it must be the latter.

"Damn you." he said in his most threatening voice, which unfortunately wasn't very. "Open!" the door stayed firmly shut and appeared intent to remain so, it seemed to radiate as much arrogance as was possible for a door, which angered Arthur further. He had never been fond of arrogance in anyone, let alone in an insentient object who's only purpose in life was to allow access to certain rooms, this one didn't even seem able to do that.

"Either you open for me, or I'll…I'll….I'll have to do something incredibly nasty, ooh, I'll get Marvin to talk to you about his theories on life." Arthur smiled with sadistic glee but this soon faded when the door continued not to open.

"Oh fine!" he grabbed the handle and slid it open himself.

"Glad to be of…oh, what was I again?" Arthur, in his annoyance at having to do this for himself, didn't notice anything odd about the door's behaviour, he simply tried his best to stubbornly ignore it and succeeded.

Upon entering the , Arthur first noticed a large pineapple sat in the middle of the room. This didn't surprise him in particular, he was used to spotting unusual objects in places they shouldn't legitimately be by now, it was the fact that it said hello which startled him. Arthur had done many things in his time away from earth, but one of the few things he still refused to do was speak to a tropical fruit, or any kind for that matter, so he sidestepped round the pineapple in an attempt to ignore it's presence.

"Trillian?" he asked, looking around the room in an attempt to see her looking disapproving at something. He couldn't see her. "Trillian?"

"Yes Arthur?" Trillian's voice replied from somewhere behind him.

"Oh, hello Trillian, do you know what's going on with….?" Arthur turned to see nothing at all, wondering where the voice had come from.

"With what?" he looked down, the voice was coming from the pineapple and he felt the sudden uncontrollable urge to state the blatantly obvious.

"You're a pineapple." he said stupidly

"Yes, I had noticed that, thank you Arthur." Arthur didn't realise it was possible for a pineapple make you feel stupid, but Trillian seemed to pull it off even as a large exotic fruit.

"Any particular reason you're a pineapple?"

"I would imagine so, but not one I am aware of at the moment. I do seem to have acquired some powers of telepathy so it's not all bad." Trillian said this as if she was simply stating how nice the weather was.

"Are you trying to tell me that pineapples are telepathic?" Arthur's world had already been blown to pieces by all the things he become less ignorant of, he didn't think he was ready to find out that fruit had been reading his mind all along.

"Of course not, it's just that I'm communicating with you right now without a mouth or voice box, it must be something in your mind." Arthur hadn't thought of this before but yes, that must be right. "Anyway, you wanted to ask me something?"

"Oh, yes...I was wondering what was going on with Ford and Zaphod, they're acting very strangely." the pineapple gave a sort of 'have you been paying attention to them all this time?' look and Arthur decided to add something to his previous sentence. "Well, more than usual anyway, they seemed to be trying to tell me something but something distracted them." If Trillian had had any eyes to roll, they would have been rolled right now.

"I knew I shouldn't have sent them, it's not their fault really but I couldn't exactly come myself, it's rather hard to move when you have no legs. They were supposed to tell you that we were being attacked."

"Attacked?" Arthur couldn't help but notice the lack of large explosions of any kind.

"of a sort, I don't really know what's going on myself but it has something to do with Ford and Zaphod losing their memory and me becoming a pineapple."

"What about Marvin, where's he?"

"Who?"

"Oh."

"I know it's some outside influence doing it, and I'm guessing one with some level of animosity, I've been trying to find out but I can't do anything manually and Eddie is being his annoyingly cheerful self as always, unfortunately he hasn't been effected."

Eddie decided to chirp in at this moment.

"I'm hippy-hoppy-happy, isn't life wonderful guys? Yeah, Trillian may have been turned into a slightly spiky fruit but as fruit goes it's a good one."

"Shut up!" Arthur and the pineapple chorused. Eddie shut up for once.

"So what do we do now?" Arthur asked. "And why haven't I been effected?"

Trillian the pineapple looked at him as if he was insane, Arthur was still amazed she could do this without a face to show the expression but she managed it somehow.

"Are you insane?" she asked, Arthur was proud of his ability to read the emotions of fruit. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?" Arthur realised he hadn't and decided this may be the opportunity to do so, he looked into the viewing screen and was amazed at what he saw. He was green. Not just a small spot of green occasionally, fully green, vogon green.

"Oh"