XXII: Tomorrow Never Dies
And now for the long awaited Disclaimer…
To the tune of Edward Grieg's "Hall of the Mountain King" Bum bum Bum bum bum Bum bum, I do not own anything, at all, save a few, minor characters! Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dan! Bum bum bum bum bum bum BUM! Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo! Mediavsion and Sony own Wild ARMS (1through 3 and TV)! Dee dee de dee dee de! Dee de dee dee dee dee dee dee! Bond is owned by MGM Studios! Dunna dunna dunna DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA Everything else is owned by their original owners! All fan fics used are (c) the original authors and used without permission! BAH BUM!
clapping
** *
Gallows wiped his forehead as he stood with the others outside an incredibly tall set of doors, shaped like a trapezoid. Fog rolled across the floor for nothing more than dramatic effect, and columns of aquariums filled with drifting seaweed lined the path to this door (their only purpose being the same as the fogs).
"Man, was that last battle rushed, Imean intense!" Gallows leaned on a rectangular aquarium. "So, something tells me that this is the last door."
"Could it possibly be the bleak concrete setting?" Marivel asked.
"Yea, it almost seems like that one movie… God that was a dumb movie…" Jack sighed.
"I don't know what you guys are talking about, yet again…" Lilka sighed. She was tired of being left out of the conversation.
"Anyways, moving on, in the rules of RPGs, isn't there like a huge chain of bosses your supposed to fight before opening the final door, or is it after?" Gallows thought.
"I think it's after…" Jack placed a hand to his chin. He then walked over to the door and placed a hand on the great concrete half-trapezoid sliding door.
{You hear the sounds of something really bad on the other side. Are you sure you want to go in?"} A text box appeared over Jack's head.
"Yup, it's after." Marivel crossed her arms. "But since there are four of us, and each of us are individually defined (though horribly, might I add), we probably all have to face our rivals alone, and (as much as I hate to say it) Gallows will face who ever number One is…"
"Woohoo! Sweet!" Gallows pumped a fist into the air.
"But the only one with a rival is you, Marivel…" Lilka brought up.
"Rivals. What's with that?" Jack seemingly asked nobody in particular.
"Then, it's decided." Marivel spoke. "I shall fight my rival alone. You two will have to sit this one out. No one help me, it's now or never!"
Jack and Lilka looked to each other at Marivel's strange behavior. "I think Gallows is starting to rub off on her…" Jack whispered.
"O.K! So, shall we go see what is really bad beyond this door?" Gallows grinned, reloading his PP7.
"Yosh!" The three others replied, brandishing their lethal weapons.
Gallows selected yes on the text box…
** *
A blue armored hand gently petted a one eyed cat with a bandana in a bright room. We can't see whom this blue armored hand belongs to, for all we see is the one hand petting the very happy looking Shady. It's a high tech looking room, and only two instrumentalists are operating the technology to a large monitor. These two are a red headed girl and a purple headed girl, both wearing the same uniform and cap.
"Hey Kate!" The purple haired one asked the red haired girl.
"Yea Amy?"
"Shigity shigity shwag! Guess what?"
"What?"
"I got new SNES system!"
"You did not!"
"Did too! Bought it at Travis's for two dollars eh?"
"Oh yea, then show it to me!"
Amy pulls out a super Nintendo and puts it on the console.
Kate blushes in surprise. "Wow…"
"Yea, how do you like that, idiot!"
"God Damn…"
"Hey guess what?"
"What?"
"It has new game!"
"What is it?"
"I want to play! It's called Mario Twins! They look the same!" Amy pulls out a Super Mario World cartridge.
"Good God, they look so the same! I would say to them, 'you want Ice Cream cone' and both of them say 'yes!'"
"How in the hell?"
"They're twins!"
"They're twins!"
"Ahem." The blue armored hand interrupted the babbling instrumentalists. "How should I address the world leaders in my letter?" The armored hand asked in a deep, cold, and evil voice (that was also asking for advise.) "I could start with 'Dear World Leaders,' or 'To Whom it may concern, being World Leaders', or maybe something a bit more malevolent like, 'hey world leaders!'"
Kate looked to Number One and smiled. "Hey! You already have them in one room as you requested before! Why not just turn the television on and talk to them?"
There was silence for a few minutes and Shadey wasn't being petted. The cat looked annoyed. "Silence instrument operator! I was already thinking that! Now, how do I turn this thing on?"
"That's our one and only job sir…" Amy replied.
"Right, I knew that. Then turn on the television! I don't pay you for nothing, you know!" Number One shouted.
"Understood." Amy and Kate responded in unison and pressed a big red button, turning on the giant monitor, which showed all of the World Leaders in one room staring at a monitor. There was the King of Meria Boule, the Queen of Sylvaland, the Guild Master and Noel of Guild Galad, and a Hobo eating a ham sandwich representing Slayheim. Number One commenced to pet Shadey again, and that was all that the world leaders could see.
"What do you want, you monster!" The king of Meria Boule shouted.
"You do realize that since we, P.R.O.P.H.E.T, have the Arc Smasher super laser, we can destroy any nation that we want?" Number One questioned in a cold, calculating voice.
"Yes, we realize this, and are willing to pay any ransom that you ask for!" The queen of Sylvaland pleaded.
"What are ye all, daff? He's just a wimpy blue hand petting a pussy cat! Wots ee going ta doo? Send anotha Gruasswein on us?" The Guild Master taunted the other world leaders.
"I believe that was all your fault, Dad…" Noel sighed.
"This sandwich sure is good." The Hobo remarked.
"Do you need me to prove how powerful I am?" Number One asked.
"NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!" The world leaders all shouted.
"Good. Well then, my demands…" Number One began. "I want one hundred thousand Gella deposited into my Swiss savings account.
"Uh, sir, shouldn't we ask for more? This base cost well over a million…" Amy asked.
"Silence woman!" Number One roared. "Scratch that last one. How many 0's can you fit in a savings account?"
The World Leaders looked to each other, and then back to Number One's blue hand. "Uh… a lot, we're sure…"
"Good. I want as many 0's as possible. Now for my second demand…"
"Ach! You homeless bugga, give me some of ya sandwich, laddy!" The Guild master was trying to pry the ham sandwich from the Hobo's grip.
"Get off a me sandwich you damn blasted Capitalist!" the Hobo shouted before biting the Guild masters hand.
"Uh, Dad, I think your going to need to get a shot now for hobo bites…" Noel advised.
** *
The agents opened the door, which lead in four different directions. Marivel crossed her arms and smirked. "Look who's right yet again…"
"Yea yea…" Jack rolled his eyes. "But which way do we go?"
"Look!" Lilka pointed to the paths. "There all different colors! We'll just follow the ones that match us.
"I dunno, which one is my color?" Gallows looked at it.
"You are definitely a yellow, 003!" Lilka smiled. "And Jack, you're a brown."
"Man, I was hoping for more of a light magenta myself…" Jack sighed.
"I'm blue, no doubt about that…" Marivel stated.
"Right, and I'm red!" Lilka put her hands on her hips.
"All right gang! Let's split up!" Gallows put his fist in the air.
"Wait! Before we go, we have to have an encouraging speech!" Jack shouted. "'Tis the rules!"
"Yea Gallows! Give us a rousing speech!" Lilka clasped her hands together.
"Uh… I really don't know any…" Gallows scratched his head.
"Can't you improvise?" Marivel asked.
"Hmmm… O.K, I got one. Listen up. Ahem. Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation: conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war. . .testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated. . . can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war.
We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate. . .we cannot consecrate. . . we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.
It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished."
The other agents blinked in confusion. Marivel shook her head. "I'm mad you have that memorized, Gallows…"
"All right! Let's go!" Jack placed a fist in hand.
"Right." The three others nodded and ran down their paths…
** *
Jack ran down the hall, before coming into contact with a jungle of seaweed and fog. He stopped and looked around. An arena, most likely, what other reason was there for a large open space in a final dungeon? Jack lifted his hat and pulled out a handgun. Creepy music. That could only mean…
"Yo!" A tall man in a manila hat and trench coat said from the rafters above. Jack spun around and looked up to see him.
"And you are?" Jack raised an eyebrow.
"The name is Ian, and I am your supposed rival, even though we've never met before." Ian smirked. "Life's funny like that, ain't it?"
"Har har har. Look, are we gonna continue chatting all day, or are we gonna fight?" Jack taunted.
Ian leaped down to the fog-covered ground, drawing his twin handguns Love and War. "Let's fight!"
Jack immediately fired and rolled to the left behind an aquarium of seaweed. Yea, that was cool. Too bad he didn't see if it hit. But if it did, he wasn't really a rival then, was he? Hmm, he must still be alive. These thoughts were answered as the aquarium shattered into pieces over him. Jack got up and fired another bullet at Ian, who fired back and ran along side. The two rolled behind some more seaweed aquariums and fired. Glass shattered and water spilled, leaving shot seaweed to fall to the ground.
"You're good." Jack admitted.
"If I wasn't, you'd think I be at the final round?" Ian replied.
"Hey, you never know!" Jack responded as he took another shot. Ian ducked as his hat was shot off.
"My hat!" Ian shouted. He then rolled across the fog floor and fired a few bullets at Jack. Jack's hat went flying off. Jack instantly started for it.
"Now we are equal!" Ian laughed as he continued to fire. Jack found he wouldn't make it to the hat. Damn it! He rolled behind an O2 case. Wait, what? Jack looked at the symbols on the giant case.
"EXPLOSIVE?!" Jack yelled. This was not good.
"You ready to die yet Jack?" Ian smirked.
"Nope, not today." Jack pulled off his coat and propped it on top of the O2 case. Damn it was cold without it. "Let's see you shoot me when I'm behind this big old case of explosive oxygen!" Jack lied as he ran under cover to a shelter not far.
"What?! Explosives! Must… cause… explosives… merely for… thrill factor!" Ian pulled the trigger down on both Love and War, sending streamlined bullets plunging through the thin metal casing surrounding the pure O2 content. Ian smiled as the fire burst out from the case in a very loud, deafening BOOM!
Let me repeat it for emphasis. Ready? You might want to cover your ears. One… Two… Three…
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Damn, that was loud. Every aquarium within the vicinity instantly shattered. Jacks cover was no more, and it could possibly come down to Jack being no more as well. His Jacket was incinerated within moments. The fiery burst raged outwards and upwards, igniting the fog in a blazing roar. The rafters all fell down, creating strange and bizarre angles. One the explosion had finished, Jack rolled along the ground, trying to extinguish his self.
"HOT! HOT! HOT!" Jack yelped before removing himself of unwanted flames. "Well, if that take up at least 1000 Gella of pyrotechnic funds, I don't know what will. It's a good thing my rival fell for the trick."
"Yea, it's a good thing, isn't it?" Ian asked, drawing War to the back of Jack's head. "I love a good explosion, don't you?"
Jack smiled. "Good one, holmes. But before you do me in, could you hand me my hat?"
"I suppose. I know how much a hat can mean to a man." Ian kicked the black hat up and tossed it to Jack.
"Zank You." Jack decided to say in Engrish for apparently no reason. "Now let's see exactly how much you love explosions." As Jack placed the hat upon his head, a lit stick of dynamite slipped down his face and into his grip, where he promptly tossed it at Ians feet. "BANG."
"Ah Shit…" Ian mumbled before another explosion rang through out the brown pathways…
** *
Lilka skipped down the red path, ever so carelessly. She was humming a little ditty before coming into a neon lit 1940's retro dance stage. At first a bit confusing, the stage then managed to delight the bajeesus out of Lilka. She dropped her Japanese school briefcase and gasped in awe as jazzy music came on.
"Wow! This is great! I wonder who my rival's going to be!?" Lilka giggled.
Out of the corner came a rather large man in a 40's suit and a small white cowboy hat and a beard and side burns. The very much forgotten king of crime, Cormano. "That would happen to be me."
"He must be a real good dancer! Or a good musician!" Lilka didn't notice him.
Cormano sighed. He was tired of being treated like this. Besides the current fic, the only other fic he was even mentioned in was "DriftWings". He looked to the piano man and nodded. "Start up the tune, maestro! This is my only number!"
The piano man nodded in reply and a jazz band walked out from seemingly nowhere (whom were made up of the Little Twister crime council.) Cormano walked behind Lilka and tapped her shoulder. She looked but he had walked to the otherside, and he continued to play games with her.
"~If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice way out loud
And waved his arm and shook his leg
You'd notice him
If someone in the movie show
Yelled "fire in the second row,
This whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him
And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed now and then
Unless of course that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there…
Suppose you was a little cat
Residin in a persons flat
Who fed you fish and scratched your ears?
You'd notice him
Suppose you was a woman wed
And sleepin in a double bed
Beside one man for seven years?
You'd notice him
A human beings made of more than air
With all that bulk, you're bound to see
Him there
Unless of coarse that human being next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You know who…
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!~"
With that, the jazz bound bowed and walked out and the piano man left with them. Cormano leaned against a light pole and tipped his cowboy hat as Lilka finally caught him in her sights.
"Wow! When did you get here?" Lilka tilted her head in confusion.
Cormano did nothing but sigh. He shrugged and stepped off the pole, letting his shiny dance shoes touch the floor. "You must be Lilka, my rival."
"Hai! That's right! And you are?" Lilka questioned.
"The name's Cormano, the mean guy in the streets in Wild ARMS Advanced the 3rd and the comic relief in "DriftWings"…" Cormano replied.
"Oh. Never heard of you…" Lilka smiled. Cormano fell down to the floor.
The unheard criminal picked himself up rather fast. "Look you little girl! I'm your rival and that's all there is to it! Now, you ready to dance or what?"
"Dance, as in gunfight, right?" Lilka asked. Hey, with this backdrop, you'd never know…
"I'd say as in an actual dance off, but there was one already. So lets go for it!" Cormano reached into his suit and pulled out the Domar 55H, a hand gun with an incredibly long barrel.
Lilka leaped back, her entire face growing white. "Ack! That gun is huge!"
"You know what they say, the bigger the better!" Cormano replied. "Hopefully after I kill you, I'll be noticed and made into a star in the fan fiction community!"
Lilka sweat dropped and waved her hand in an attempt to sway his notions. "Um, Mr…"
"Grrr! That's CORMANO!" Cormano shouted.
"Eeep! Mr. Cormano sir! That's not how you become a star!" Lilka squealed.
"How would you know, when was the last time you saw a Lilka fic?!" Cormano tapped the barrel against the side of his head.
"In the day I had a few!" Lilka smiled. "But I can show you how they do it now!"
"R-really?! You'd do that for me!?" Cormano's eyes were on the verge of spilling over.
"Of coarse! First, you have to be a PC!" The room grew dark as this was mentioned. "Um, but you can get around that! What you need to have is a lonely and yet undertone sad background!"
"Sappy background huh?" Cormano thought this over. "Like that one chic with the kid and the evil aunt?"
"Heh. Yea, now that you mention it so bluntly…" Lilka half smiled.
"Hmmm. Sappy story sappy story." Suddenly a light bulb appeared over the gangsters head. "O.K, how about this!? My dog was shot, my fiancée was killed by bandits, my daughter is sick and there's no docter, and my taxes are high! Oh, and my saxophone broke, my truck has a bad tire, and my mother was killed during my birth!"
"I think… that's a little too sappy… but it would be a good country song…" Lilka shrugged.
"Maybe sappy's not going to work…" Cormano sighed.
"HEY I KNOW!" Lilka suddenly had an idea. "Cute often works! Do this, like me!" Lilka then curtsied, giggled, and made puppy dog eyes.
"KAWAII!" Cormano suddenly felt himself urging to speak in Japanese. "Hmmm, let's see…" Cormano then attempted to be cute, butr just came out looking really freaky.
"O.K… Let's try a mascot suit!" Lilka then set herself in a blue penguin plushie suit, with only her face showing. She waddled over to Cormano and giggled.
"Holy Azumanga-Daioh! That's just way too cute! I could never do that!" Cormano took a step backwards.
"Hmmm, you may need to be a super villain. Those types seem to work…" Lilka thought. She then looked to Cormano. "But your not that type… The only thing left is Comic Relief."
"Comic Relief huh? Well, I guess it is my calling! Thanks Lilka! I'm off to be a star!" Cormano shook her hand and then walked down the hall, humming the "Razzle Dazzle" to himself.
Lilka sighed and shrugged. "Some people were never meant to be in the show business…"
** *
Marivel walked, ever so slowly, almost as if she were caught in slow motion. The path of blue was behind her and the fog rolled at her feet. Suddenly, the structure around her began to fluctuate, as if it were made of water. Yet she continued to walk, as if she wasn't concerned. Being around for over 1000 years can do that. The hallway changed completely, and she couldn't tell if she had been teleported or if it was the arena that had changed. She was suddenly on a great field of yellow, dusty grass that stretched forever in all directions, only ending in a snowy mountain chain to the west. The sky was an early afternoon blue, and the chirping of the cicadas was well heard. War drums could be heard in the distance. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought herself in a battlefield. Her eyes narrowed and her walking came to a halt.
"Tim! Come out and face me!" Marivel shouted.
From out of the sky, an enormous fire ball fell, rocketing towards the dry earth at top speeds. Marivel leaped away, using her cloak as a set of wings to fly a distance off. The fireball turned out to be a meteorite, which plowed through the field, spraying grass and dirt in a shower behind it. Finally, the meteorite stopped and two eyes opened and a pair of legs lifted it up.
"Rigdobrite…" Marivel felt her hands reaching for her uzis. She realized that they wouldn't do much against a shield of rock.
"Well, at least you know your Guardians…" Tim appeared, standing before the hulking rock. "Even if they're nothing but lame plot devices."
"For someone who's specialty is Guardians, you're a hypocrite." Marivel smirked.
"And your not even worthy to be my rival. Normally, rivals share something in common. You and I are about as far as it comes to be being similar." Tim crossed his hands. "This should be easy. Cosmic Ray!"
The skies darkened and cackled. The hulking asteroid glowed as stars fell from the sky, plummeting into the dry field.
"Booster!" Marivel chanted. Her strengths expanded ten fold and she was easily able to avoid the stars, due to her super speed. Rigdobrite roared and stepped forward, but Tim smiled and stopped the beast.
"Let her be Rigdobrite. We'll do her in. Guardian! Return!" Tim commanded. Rigdobrite suddenly appeared as green energy and returned to Filgaia as glowing rain.
"Giving up so easy?" Marivel asked, panting.
Time did nothing but shake his head. The earth shattrered behind him, and Grudiev (Godzilla remix.) clawed his way to the surface, steam billowing from his reptilian openings.
"Lets shake things up a bit. Gravitron!" Tim summoned out the earth. Grudiev roared as the plains uprooted themselves and floated in the sky as massive islands of earth and soil. Marivel could tell this was going to hurt. "Ah, the powers of the universe at my hands. It's something that there hasn't been an evil summoner until now."
"He who plays God always falls, Tim." Marivel foreshadowed.
"Nay, he who controls the powers of God IS God!" Tim laughed. "If I wanted to, I could crush all of Filgaia, P.R.O.P.H.E.T and ARMS as I am about to do to you with my islands in the sky."
"Then why don't you?" Marivel asked.
"Because this mission is naught but folly." Big words for a shrimp like Tim. "No single agency can control an entire world. Even if P.R.O.P.H.E.T does manage to take over Filgaia, it will quickly dissolve. The world is much too vast and the cultures too different."
"Then why fight at all?" Marivel asked.
"Because I hope to see Filgaia go out in a blaze of destruction!" Tim laughed as he let down his hand. The islands in the sky were falling!
"Geyser!" The Crimson Nobel shouted. From the earth before her, a fountain of unattainable energy in the form of water exploded, knocking the falling island off course. The chunks of land plowed through the remains of the field, sending dust into the blue sky.
"Damn, I can see you're good at magic!" Tim admitted. "But you cannot out last my greatest summon of all!"
Magic was taking its toll on Marivel. She narrowed her eyes and looked at the boy. "Bring it on."
Grudiev returned to Filgaia in the form of a glowing rain as a bright red portal opened, revealing the darkness of the world after. The sounds of a turning clock were heard, and the moaning of a thousand anguished souls flowed from this portal as a river of the dead. The sky rained blood and lightning cackled across the sky in an insidious manner. A white cloaked figure with a scythe faded into existence, dwarfing all in its sights.
"Ge Ramtos…" Marivel whispered.
"Arcane X!" Tim demanded. Ge Ramots replied in a manner, allowing the clock to continue ticking as three spheres of dark energy encircled Marivel. She gulped. Was this the end?
Ge Ramtos continuous stare turned from her. The spheres faded as Marivel chuckled cruely and darkly. Her heritage dealt with Ge Ramtos several times. The path of the Crimson Nobel was one without the clock.
"What is this?!" Tim shouted, surprised. The portal to the underworld was sealing itself up as the blood returned to the sky. The sounds of the clock faded, along with Ge Ramtos. MArivel's time was not now.
"Feel thine wrath, conjuror! APORT!" And from the heavens light, a black frying pan soared, falling into Marivel's willing hand. Marivel took one good swing, letting the holy cooking device smack Tim square in the head.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tim screamed as he flashed several times and then began to fade away as final bosses do. The world flashed several times, and soon, Tim was nothing more than polygons blowing in the wind. The artificial field flickered out of existence, and a dark and weary Marivel found herself in the blue hall once more, standing before two tiny white spheres called Chu chus. She ignored them and walked past them, down the hall.
"Well, I guess the frying pan can be used against all kinds of evil." Chuih shrugged.
"All right, so our Chu Chu Star Online experiment is complete. Great observations dood!" ChuBei winked.
"Right! And due to our shameless self-advertising… a game of POGS!" Chuih replied.
** *
Everyone in Slayheim is dead
And its nothing but salt and sand
Only one Hobo remains to be said
And he only wants his sandwich with ham!
** *