The Purest of Pain by Elly
A/N: By the way, I would like to make it clear that I do not own any of the characters mentioned (they belong to Clamp) and the song that I used which is The Purest of Pain by Son by Four. And the story was made for entertainment purposes only and was not meant to infringe on anybody's rights. This story will be re-posted once the new alterations are made. For now, please enjoy the story and R&R~!
Legend:
"Words"
*Song Lyrics*
******
*I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it*
"Hello, Tomoyo?" his voice could be heard over the phone. It seemed drenched in remorse and regret. He had been fighting the urge to call her long enough, but he couldn't stand it anymore. He had to hear her voice.
"Eriol?" a soft mesmerizing voice drifted to grace his ears. For a moment her tone was soft and full of love and care, then pain and sadness; he was reminded of the memories they had shared then. The memories when fate had separated them. His heart clenched at the pain that was robbing him of the ability to think. His heart ached to hear her call his name again.
"Yes," he said warily as to not frighten her away.
"What is it that you want, Hiiragizawa-kun?" her voice could have frozen Hell itself. Formality was back in her speech, her uppermost defense brought forward; her ice walls that surrounded her heart had taken place once again.
*I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice*
"Please don't hang up on me, Tomoyo! I …I," he pleaded. He knew that he was begging but if that's what it takes to hear her voice, he would go even lower than begging itself. He would even jump off a cliff and die content with just hearing her breathe.
"If you have nothing else to say, then goodbye! I have pressing matters to tend to," her voice was cold and deliberate.
"Tomo…" his voice trailed off. The line beeped furiously at him as if it was angry with him.
*I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you*
He had hurt her, in more ways than one. It's been a year now but he knew and he remembered clearly what he had done. He had no choice. It was either he left her or her life would be endangered along with his. He would die over and over again rather than watch her fall into that bottomless abyss of darkness, alone. He had thought that maybe her cold shoulder would be better than living in a world without Tomoyo.
Maybe there is someone more fitting for her now, more pertinent of a lover, of a companion, of a friend than he is ever to her. It shredded him to pieces thinking of that possibility but if that was the consequences of his choice, then he would have to accept it.
*But there's something
baby that you need to know
that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying*
A year ago, he had left her for the sake of Kaho. She was held captive by a powerful warlock. Though he may not love her anymore, he couldn't have just left her like that to die. She was after all HIS creation. He was the one the warlock was after, and he couldn't let him know that Tomoyo had meant anything to him. She meant too much to him to just let her slip away. Being around her had made him more human than humanly possible, and now without her, he was degraded and now less the man he used to be.. And he had to live with that probably for the rest of his life.
She had save him once from oblivion. She gave him light, the urge to live on. He was on the brink of death when she descended into his life like an angel. And now that she was gone, he was rapidly returning to life he had led once before.He won the fight, barely. He was injured, thoroughly beaten. He barely made it alive. He had hope that when he won, he would be able to reconcile with her and make amends, but he was too late. She had left him.
*I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back my fantasies*
He wanted to accept that she was gone but his mind and soul wouldn't allow it. His heart bled and bled endlessly, his mind refused to stop thinking about her and his soul couldn't atop aching for her. He needed to see her. Just once more. He needed to see her smiling once again, to see if she's happy, living her life as it is. That's all he needed, then he would fade, into oblivion for the rest of his miserable life and leave her with peace of mind, heart and soul.
But he knew what he's asking was too much, even for himself. He had regretted having to leave her behind, but he did not, still does not regret his decision.
*The courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe*
He felt like dying. Every part of his poor tortured heart was deteriorating. He did not get reborn just to find love and end up losing it again. He did not want to live his life in vain. He was in love and he was happy to be alive. But now he felt like he had been stripped of his very own soul. He felt dejected and crestfallen. He was once full of faith and now he's merely an empty shell, devoid of hope.
carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
He crumbled to the floor in despair. Every ounce of his strength deserted him and all he wanted was to feel her arms around him once again. Her warmth had always greeted him but now, the cold hard concrete beneath him embraced him. He was lost. Every part of him screamed for her and yet she was the one thing that wasn't there. His mind reached to torture him more. Vivid images of her flashed in his mind.
Pain and agony surged through his entire being and before he knew it, he was crying. Each time he closed his eyes, he could feel her lithe arms entwining around his body. He could smell her soft tantalizing scent, enchanting him into submission and her soft tinkling voice.
*And each night I taste
the purest of pain.*
He looked at the empty seat near the big window in their bedroom. That was her favourite seat. He had placed it there just for her. She said she loved the view of the garden, the glittering stream that ran through it, the wide horizon that spanned across the land and him working in the garden. She would always say that with a smile. She loved the place. She would sit by the window by herself. She would bask in the sun's rays and enjoy the spring breeze or in the moonlight and the night wind while she wrote her songs. He used to accompany her on the piano, playing it as she sang. She would smile at him then close her eyes while she sang, as he played on the grand piano.
How he loved to watch her sing. His heart soared with every note she sang. He loved how the sunlight or the moonrays fall upon her raven head and alabaster skin. She blushed everytime she sang, a soft rose tinge that enhances her midnight blue eyes. She could take his breath away with just a slight turn of head or a slight ruffle of her long skirts. He felt that it was ironic that the woman who caused his nervousness could bring him so much peace and tranquility.
*I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away*
Remembering her love of singing, he looked at the dusty neglected piano. He stood and traced his finger against the ebony surface. A fine coat of dust was removed from the previously shiny exterior. He couldn't bring his heart to play it anymore. He couldn't even play his voilin any longer for all the songs he ever played with it were hers. His music vanished replaced by a dull silence.
The room was just as it was when she left. He never changed it. Even if it tore him to pieces, he could not bear parting with her, even if it was only memories of her. He sat on the piano stool and played one of her songs, the first one he heard her sang. It was one done long ago, in her highschool years, when she was still in love with Sakura. I was sad and melancholic, yet beautiful. It was a song of unrequited love.
*but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying*
The song was etched into his mind, his heart the first time he heard her sing it. The song broke his heart, yet it made him fall in love with her. She was sad and tor mented but her spirits soared when she sang. It gave her strength as music did, once, to him. They met because she was lonely, they became friends because she was alone and they fell in love because it was their destiny.
*I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back...*
He was at the piano; his head was bent over and his fingers nimbly dancing on the keys, playing out her song. Droplets of clear crystals fell from his eyes onto the ivory and ebony keys while his fingers graced them. He played the song with all his heart, hoping that she would him call. Wishing that she was there to sing with him, to make him complete again.
Suddenly, a soft touch and a small weight pressed on his shoulder. He wanted to stop and turn around to see who the intruder was. But before he could turn, the touch progressed to a hug. Small fair hands laced around his shoulders, a voice; soft and silky, breathed these two words to him, " Don't stop."
He obliged and finished the song, accompanied by the intruder's soft voice. Once he was done, he didn't dare to turn, afraid that that moment would vanish. He remained with his head bowed over the piano. His heart was filled with mixed emotions that he could not explain. It was so overwhelming that it surprised him that he managed to stay as composed as he was. He raised his hand to touch the tender hands that twined around his neck.
"Tomo…" he started, only to be interupted by a soft, gentle hush.
"Hush, Eriol. I'm here" she said.
He turned in her embrace to face her. His voice was caught in his throat in his immense joy. She leaned her head against his forehead so that their noses were touching.
"Y…yo…you came back," he choked out.
"I heard you calling me," she said, her eyes were almost violet, ablaze with all the unsaid love.
Softly, she kissed him with all the love and tenderness in her heart. Gently, she drew them apart. A moment of silence hung between them. She was looking at him tenderly, her eyes was glazed with unshed tears.
A tear fell from one of the pools. He raised his hand to brush it away.
"Don't cry," he said.
"My tears are only for you."