Always My Soul
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or the characters...except the ones I mentioned before
Kagome awoke with a start, her mind befuddled with sleep. She couldn't seem to make up her mind if she should smell the scent of clean sheets or if she should instead be smelling dirt and trees. She rolled over, yawning hugely and stretching trying to clear her mind. She was in the middle of rubbing sleep from her eyes when she realized there was someone sitting on her bed watching her.
Her eyes sprang open her heart racing in fear. The old man sitting there only smiled kindly at her. She cautiously pushed herself up into a sitting position and stared at him. He didn't seem threatening in the least and she found herself responding to his smile with one of her own.
"Can I help you?" She asked timidly.
His shoulders shook with amusement, "No my dear it is I who am here to help you"
His voice had a soothing timber to it and Kagome couldn't help but relax even further though she was confused as to why he was in her room.
"My name...well its too long for you to worry about, you can call me Tosh for short." The man, Tosh introduced himself.
"I'm Kagome," She offered hoping it would compel Tosh to explain what was going on.
He dipped his head pleasantly, "You are mystified as to why such an old man should be sitting on your bed are you not?"
She waved her head up and down in agreement, and then blushed worried she might have offended him. He only smiled more brightly.
"You have had a trying time with Kee and I wish to make amends. Perhaps even help you understand the things she may have said wrongly. She is not use to dealing with your kind directly." Tosh explained.
Kagome remembered everything suddenly and she felt tears rush to her eyes as her heart broke all over again. Tosh reached over and patted her hand in a friendly manner. Kagome collected her wits about her.
"What do you mean "my kind"? Humans?"
This drew a vibrant, rich roll of laughter out of Tosh. Kagome became flustered. He seemed a nice enough man but he didn't seem to take too many things seriously at all. Tosh sobered slowly, though never lost the smile on his face. He looked at her warmly and took her hands into his. She allowed this without a second thought.
"I shall tell you a story. A story of a very human...very mixed up young woman who lived many many years ago." He began "She lived not far from the village you first encountered when you came to this time. Her name was Kee and she was the most powerful miko of her time. This young woman, Kee, felt she was limited by the standards of the time for she had a wild heart and an exceptionally strong will. At that time many did not trust her and would not ask for her help with youkai. This Kee felt was an injustice and she did everything she could think of to dissuade others from these thoughts. It brought her nothing but grief and in the end Kee left this village hoping to find a place for her somewhere else. Unknown to Kee a great youkai lord had taken an interest in her and stalked her as she traveled from village to village healing those she could and helping as much as she was allowed."
Kagome drew her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them caught up in Tosh's story. She wondered if Kee had ever really felt accepted anywhere.
"Kee went along her way for months never knowing that this youkai lord was anywhere near her. Finally one-day villagers who had heard of the miko who was hunted by the youkai lord drove her from a town. They said many awful and cruel things to Kee that day and her heart was utterly destroyed by all of it. So she, having been trained by mikos of her time in the art of sword fighting took up her sword and went to find this youkai lord. Her intentions were to kill him and make all know that she was no friend of youkai. She hunted for him for an extraordinary length of time, killing all youkai that came after her until finally two years after her search had been started she found the youkai lord that had become her obsession. Their battle was the stuff of legends but in the end Kee fell to the might youkai lord. It had never occurred to her that she might lose. All this time she had hunted for him she had believed that she would kill him. And as the miko lay dying in the darkness of the youkai lord's cave he asked her why she had spent so much time coming after him when she could have just left the area and found people who had no idea who she was. Her reply came on dying lips. "I have lived every day openly wanting your death but seeking my own". It took the youkai lord many centuries to understand the miko's words but eventually he did, when he himself died."
Kagome looked at Tosh saddened, "Is that really her story?"
Tosh nodded his face having settled into a look of deep thought, "Kee did not know how to live when she was alive. Nor did she learn how to talk to people. She is very awkward in this area. You have many things in common with her."
Kagome turned her head away from him, "So you're just like her?"
"Yes and no child. I was older and wiser before I died, but I lived as much and as well as I could. Kee said things to you that upset you, I profess I do not understand your reaction myself. I only understand your heart has torn and you are defenseless without it."
"Why did They create me?" She finally asked quietly.
She heard Tosh sigh and felt him shift on the bed.
"They created you because you are needed Kagome. They never intended for you to feel lesser because of it"
"Well They did," She snapped.
"You fear he will not see you but her when he hears the truth?"
Kagome's head instantly turned towards Tosh in surprise, "No...its me I'm worried about not him. He's made it clear to me that he doesn't feel THAT way towards me. It's just that I always thought of myself as well as unique. Now I'm not. I'm just Kikyo's whipping boy, and he was right when he said I was only a bad copy of her"
Tosh sighed, somehow making it a patient sound, " Darling girl your soul, Kikyo's soul...it has been reincarnated. This means it is a unique thing. It has been shared with others so it is rich with previous life experience. This soul that is now in your possession has understood mysteries you have never dreamed existed. It has felt every emotion many times, the strongest of those being love of another. Would it astound you to know Kee also shared this soul?"
Kagome gawked at him. He chuckled at her lifting a hand to stroke his long beard.
"You had to be born Kagome. That is just the way it is. You must accept this fact before you can even hope to face Ferlias and live."
"I'm not facing him...Kee can handle it"
She knew she sounded like a spoiled child but it wasn't in her to care anymore. She was more then torn...she was broken. And all of it really did revolve around Inuyasha in the end. She couldn't face him, couldn't conceive of giving him a chance to reject her when she couldn't accept her self as she saw her self.
The tears pooled in her eyes again and she put her forehead to her knee in a vain attempt to hide her pain from Tosh. If she had looked up she would've seen that Tosh only frowned in sympathy for her as he stroked his beard.
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or the characters...except the ones I mentioned before
Kagome awoke with a start, her mind befuddled with sleep. She couldn't seem to make up her mind if she should smell the scent of clean sheets or if she should instead be smelling dirt and trees. She rolled over, yawning hugely and stretching trying to clear her mind. She was in the middle of rubbing sleep from her eyes when she realized there was someone sitting on her bed watching her.
Her eyes sprang open her heart racing in fear. The old man sitting there only smiled kindly at her. She cautiously pushed herself up into a sitting position and stared at him. He didn't seem threatening in the least and she found herself responding to his smile with one of her own.
"Can I help you?" She asked timidly.
His shoulders shook with amusement, "No my dear it is I who am here to help you"
His voice had a soothing timber to it and Kagome couldn't help but relax even further though she was confused as to why he was in her room.
"My name...well its too long for you to worry about, you can call me Tosh for short." The man, Tosh introduced himself.
"I'm Kagome," She offered hoping it would compel Tosh to explain what was going on.
He dipped his head pleasantly, "You are mystified as to why such an old man should be sitting on your bed are you not?"
She waved her head up and down in agreement, and then blushed worried she might have offended him. He only smiled more brightly.
"You have had a trying time with Kee and I wish to make amends. Perhaps even help you understand the things she may have said wrongly. She is not use to dealing with your kind directly." Tosh explained.
Kagome remembered everything suddenly and she felt tears rush to her eyes as her heart broke all over again. Tosh reached over and patted her hand in a friendly manner. Kagome collected her wits about her.
"What do you mean "my kind"? Humans?"
This drew a vibrant, rich roll of laughter out of Tosh. Kagome became flustered. He seemed a nice enough man but he didn't seem to take too many things seriously at all. Tosh sobered slowly, though never lost the smile on his face. He looked at her warmly and took her hands into his. She allowed this without a second thought.
"I shall tell you a story. A story of a very human...very mixed up young woman who lived many many years ago." He began "She lived not far from the village you first encountered when you came to this time. Her name was Kee and she was the most powerful miko of her time. This young woman, Kee, felt she was limited by the standards of the time for she had a wild heart and an exceptionally strong will. At that time many did not trust her and would not ask for her help with youkai. This Kee felt was an injustice and she did everything she could think of to dissuade others from these thoughts. It brought her nothing but grief and in the end Kee left this village hoping to find a place for her somewhere else. Unknown to Kee a great youkai lord had taken an interest in her and stalked her as she traveled from village to village healing those she could and helping as much as she was allowed."
Kagome drew her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them caught up in Tosh's story. She wondered if Kee had ever really felt accepted anywhere.
"Kee went along her way for months never knowing that this youkai lord was anywhere near her. Finally one-day villagers who had heard of the miko who was hunted by the youkai lord drove her from a town. They said many awful and cruel things to Kee that day and her heart was utterly destroyed by all of it. So she, having been trained by mikos of her time in the art of sword fighting took up her sword and went to find this youkai lord. Her intentions were to kill him and make all know that she was no friend of youkai. She hunted for him for an extraordinary length of time, killing all youkai that came after her until finally two years after her search had been started she found the youkai lord that had become her obsession. Their battle was the stuff of legends but in the end Kee fell to the might youkai lord. It had never occurred to her that she might lose. All this time she had hunted for him she had believed that she would kill him. And as the miko lay dying in the darkness of the youkai lord's cave he asked her why she had spent so much time coming after him when she could have just left the area and found people who had no idea who she was. Her reply came on dying lips. "I have lived every day openly wanting your death but seeking my own". It took the youkai lord many centuries to understand the miko's words but eventually he did, when he himself died."
Kagome looked at Tosh saddened, "Is that really her story?"
Tosh nodded his face having settled into a look of deep thought, "Kee did not know how to live when she was alive. Nor did she learn how to talk to people. She is very awkward in this area. You have many things in common with her."
Kagome turned her head away from him, "So you're just like her?"
"Yes and no child. I was older and wiser before I died, but I lived as much and as well as I could. Kee said things to you that upset you, I profess I do not understand your reaction myself. I only understand your heart has torn and you are defenseless without it."
"Why did They create me?" She finally asked quietly.
She heard Tosh sigh and felt him shift on the bed.
"They created you because you are needed Kagome. They never intended for you to feel lesser because of it"
"Well They did," She snapped.
"You fear he will not see you but her when he hears the truth?"
Kagome's head instantly turned towards Tosh in surprise, "No...its me I'm worried about not him. He's made it clear to me that he doesn't feel THAT way towards me. It's just that I always thought of myself as well as unique. Now I'm not. I'm just Kikyo's whipping boy, and he was right when he said I was only a bad copy of her"
Tosh sighed, somehow making it a patient sound, " Darling girl your soul, Kikyo's soul...it has been reincarnated. This means it is a unique thing. It has been shared with others so it is rich with previous life experience. This soul that is now in your possession has understood mysteries you have never dreamed existed. It has felt every emotion many times, the strongest of those being love of another. Would it astound you to know Kee also shared this soul?"
Kagome gawked at him. He chuckled at her lifting a hand to stroke his long beard.
"You had to be born Kagome. That is just the way it is. You must accept this fact before you can even hope to face Ferlias and live."
"I'm not facing him...Kee can handle it"
She knew she sounded like a spoiled child but it wasn't in her to care anymore. She was more then torn...she was broken. And all of it really did revolve around Inuyasha in the end. She couldn't face him, couldn't conceive of giving him a chance to reject her when she couldn't accept her self as she saw her self.
The tears pooled in her eyes again and she put her forehead to her knee in a vain attempt to hide her pain from Tosh. If she had looked up she would've seen that Tosh only frowned in sympathy for her as he stroked his beard.