Always My Soul
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters
~* Kagome *~
Kagome sat back against her bed hoping she was done with tears, knowing she never would be. Tosh watched her silently, stroking his beard. She could feel the slightest bit of pressure in her chest and resented it. She despised always knowing Kikyo was near and hated the fact that Inuyasha ran off acting as if he were taking an innocent scout of the area. She could never completely get rid of the hurt anger inside of her when such a thing occurred. And to her mind it occurred too often.
"She just won't leave me alone." She whispered angrily.
"Why should she? Both of your paths are now intertwined and there is very little she cannot be involved in." Tosh offered.
She glared at him, "And what do you know about it? You don't have to watch it! You don't have to feel it! You don't have to swallow it and make nice when all you want to do is crawl into a hole and die!"
He nodded, "I just watch my dear. I see things you cannot. I notice things you would never look at. You are so caught up in yourself that you pay attention mostly to yourself and no one else."
"I never asked you to be here!" She screamed at him, hurt and defensive.
"No I suppose you didn't...then again no one asked you to be here either now did they."
It was a simple question, one that cut her to the core. She didn't understand why Tosh was suddenly being so cruel to her. Hadn't she been through enough? Hadn't she shouldered her responsibilities only to be treated as a poor replacement? Why couldn't he understand that she had nothing left to give?
"Kagome" Tosh chided gently.
She fixed her eyes on him. Again his face held that gentle smile that seemed to wash away her despair and anger. Suddenly she felt old as if she had lived a lifetime already.
"Kikyo cannot help but be who she was when she was alive. What she took from you was so tainted that she can see only her wants and needs. What she took from you freed you from such things. Or it should have. I am now wondering if perhaps part of what she took was your ability to deal with these feelings as they came. You have been through so much already and yet you don't see that you are destroying yourself."
"Because I hate Kikyo?" She asked annoyed.
Tosh chuckled, "No girl...because you will not allow yourself the luxury of admitting such a thing to yourself. You do not even hate Naraku though he has more then earned it. Nor do you hate Inuyasha for his indecisiveness when it comes to you and Kikyo. Lesser people would have already succumbed to such powerful emotions, allowed them to rule them. You just let them exist and you are slowly killing your ability to feel. You have such an enormous reservoir of compassion, so much love to give to this world. Yet you will not allow yourself the opportunity to release your anger, fear, pain, except perhaps to the monk you have so valued."
"Leave Miroku out of this" She snapped.
"He is part of it. As is Sango and Inuyasha. They are the cores of your heart; they depict every nuance of what you have inside of you. Inuyasha and his inability to control his anger and frustration, Sango and her peaceful mind...Miroku and his open heart. Grant you, I do not think you have Miroku's more... ahem ...physical vices."
Kagome chuckled at Tosh's term. "So what is it I should do?"
"Trust yourself...and them. If you would gather them to you to express what you feel then use them. Allow yourself to flow through them for that is what a miko does."
"A miko uses people?"
"No Kagome a miko enhances others and gathers from them her own strength. Your own powers are based on what you receive from your friends. That is why they are so strong. That is why even if Kee does face Ferlias while in your body she will lose. Only you can tap that strength and make it what it needs to be to fulfill your duty."
"I don't see how that can be...Kee is a lot stronger then I am" She said uncertainly.
"Kee has her own weaknesses Kagome, she has had to rely on herself a lot. Now she is finding out what it means to not have to be that way and it is harming her in many ways. Where your strength lies in those around you her strength lies in being independent of those emotions. At one time she was referred to as the dark miko and for good reason. Without you controlling it your body is doing as it does naturally and when Kee tries to use that power against Ferlias no matter how much she may not be able to it will destroy her consciousness. Kee will cease to exist anywhere."
"Why"
"These powers are very difficult to understand completely. Let us just say that she does not have the right heart to use it and without the right heart the powers will destroy the offending personality"
"But you said this was Kikyo's job before she died...how can she and I have the same type of heart we're nothing alike!"
Tosh's face grew even gentler then before and Kagome blushed profusely.
"Like night and day Kagome. You should have met her before she knew Inuyasha...she was very much like you. She was perhaps older and more reserved but with the same kind heart. Do not judge her for what she is now...she wasn't always this way"
It stung her to hear such words from Tosh, she had at one time thought the same way about Kikyo. She had even defended her against Miroku when the monk first met her. She put her head in her hands wondering when she had become so cold and uncaring, so devoid of any real feelings.
"It is not too late Kagome." Tosh urged her tenderly.
"Maybe" She responded, unsure.
In the back of her mind she knew Kee was going to face Kikyo and she was secretly hoping Kikyo would respond as she always had so that Kee would teach her a lesson.
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters
~* Kagome *~
Kagome sat back against her bed hoping she was done with tears, knowing she never would be. Tosh watched her silently, stroking his beard. She could feel the slightest bit of pressure in her chest and resented it. She despised always knowing Kikyo was near and hated the fact that Inuyasha ran off acting as if he were taking an innocent scout of the area. She could never completely get rid of the hurt anger inside of her when such a thing occurred. And to her mind it occurred too often.
"She just won't leave me alone." She whispered angrily.
"Why should she? Both of your paths are now intertwined and there is very little she cannot be involved in." Tosh offered.
She glared at him, "And what do you know about it? You don't have to watch it! You don't have to feel it! You don't have to swallow it and make nice when all you want to do is crawl into a hole and die!"
He nodded, "I just watch my dear. I see things you cannot. I notice things you would never look at. You are so caught up in yourself that you pay attention mostly to yourself and no one else."
"I never asked you to be here!" She screamed at him, hurt and defensive.
"No I suppose you didn't...then again no one asked you to be here either now did they."
It was a simple question, one that cut her to the core. She didn't understand why Tosh was suddenly being so cruel to her. Hadn't she been through enough? Hadn't she shouldered her responsibilities only to be treated as a poor replacement? Why couldn't he understand that she had nothing left to give?
"Kagome" Tosh chided gently.
She fixed her eyes on him. Again his face held that gentle smile that seemed to wash away her despair and anger. Suddenly she felt old as if she had lived a lifetime already.
"Kikyo cannot help but be who she was when she was alive. What she took from you was so tainted that she can see only her wants and needs. What she took from you freed you from such things. Or it should have. I am now wondering if perhaps part of what she took was your ability to deal with these feelings as they came. You have been through so much already and yet you don't see that you are destroying yourself."
"Because I hate Kikyo?" She asked annoyed.
Tosh chuckled, "No girl...because you will not allow yourself the luxury of admitting such a thing to yourself. You do not even hate Naraku though he has more then earned it. Nor do you hate Inuyasha for his indecisiveness when it comes to you and Kikyo. Lesser people would have already succumbed to such powerful emotions, allowed them to rule them. You just let them exist and you are slowly killing your ability to feel. You have such an enormous reservoir of compassion, so much love to give to this world. Yet you will not allow yourself the opportunity to release your anger, fear, pain, except perhaps to the monk you have so valued."
"Leave Miroku out of this" She snapped.
"He is part of it. As is Sango and Inuyasha. They are the cores of your heart; they depict every nuance of what you have inside of you. Inuyasha and his inability to control his anger and frustration, Sango and her peaceful mind...Miroku and his open heart. Grant you, I do not think you have Miroku's more... ahem ...physical vices."
Kagome chuckled at Tosh's term. "So what is it I should do?"
"Trust yourself...and them. If you would gather them to you to express what you feel then use them. Allow yourself to flow through them for that is what a miko does."
"A miko uses people?"
"No Kagome a miko enhances others and gathers from them her own strength. Your own powers are based on what you receive from your friends. That is why they are so strong. That is why even if Kee does face Ferlias while in your body she will lose. Only you can tap that strength and make it what it needs to be to fulfill your duty."
"I don't see how that can be...Kee is a lot stronger then I am" She said uncertainly.
"Kee has her own weaknesses Kagome, she has had to rely on herself a lot. Now she is finding out what it means to not have to be that way and it is harming her in many ways. Where your strength lies in those around you her strength lies in being independent of those emotions. At one time she was referred to as the dark miko and for good reason. Without you controlling it your body is doing as it does naturally and when Kee tries to use that power against Ferlias no matter how much she may not be able to it will destroy her consciousness. Kee will cease to exist anywhere."
"Why"
"These powers are very difficult to understand completely. Let us just say that she does not have the right heart to use it and without the right heart the powers will destroy the offending personality"
"But you said this was Kikyo's job before she died...how can she and I have the same type of heart we're nothing alike!"
Tosh's face grew even gentler then before and Kagome blushed profusely.
"Like night and day Kagome. You should have met her before she knew Inuyasha...she was very much like you. She was perhaps older and more reserved but with the same kind heart. Do not judge her for what she is now...she wasn't always this way"
It stung her to hear such words from Tosh, she had at one time thought the same way about Kikyo. She had even defended her against Miroku when the monk first met her. She put her head in her hands wondering when she had become so cold and uncaring, so devoid of any real feelings.
"It is not too late Kagome." Tosh urged her tenderly.
"Maybe" She responded, unsure.
In the back of her mind she knew Kee was going to face Kikyo and she was secretly hoping Kikyo would respond as she always had so that Kee would teach her a lesson.