Always My Soul
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters
Inuyasha watched the girls retreating backs until they disappeared from sight. Even after he strained his hearing, listening to the sound of their near silent passing. All the time his mind whirled with shock. He was finding his ability to deal with the information that Kee had let slip was left wanting. He closed his eyes against the pain that swept through him.
~ She knew...the entire time. She knew where I was going...to whom. Why didn't she say something? Why did she put herself through it over and over again without confronting me? Why didn't she try and stop me? Why didn't I see it? ~
At this last thought he knew the real answer, he didn't want to see it so he had simply not paid attention. There may have been many times she had tried to stop him. Times she clutched her chest or looked at him sadly. He had always discarded the idea that she had seen through his outrageous lies when she turned her brown eyes away from his sadly. Now he knew the truth of it. She had known and he had only lied to her more.
He heard Miroku move back by the fire and sit down. Inuyasha found he didn't have the strength to turn to Miroku yet. He didn't want to see the truth in the monk's eyes either. He swallowed convulsively against the tightness in his throat and wondered idly if it was possible to die of shame.
Finally he did turn to his friend who regarded him grimly across the flames of the fire.
"Why?" It was all Inuyasha could ask.
Miroku met his eyes and Inuyasha resisted the urge to flinch from the depths of sorrow he saw reflected in them.
"Would it have mattered if you knew Inuyasha? Would you have left Kikyo in the darkness?"
Inuyasha desperately wanted to say yes, that he would have done anything to keep Kagome from hurting that much. But he knew it for the lie it was before he even dared say it to Miroku. The monk shifted slightly and motioned for Inuyasha to sit next to him. Only by force of will did Inuyasha move and take the offered seat.
"She knew...she knew all this time and never said anything", he uttered harshly.
"She said things Inuyasha. She said many things to you but you wouldn't hear her."
Inuyasha took the censure without reacting to it. At this moment he felt so lost in all things Kagome that he saw Miroku as his lifeline to understanding what had brought them to this point. He waited for the monk to speak more and was rewarded for his patience when Miroku began to talk earnestly to him.
"She did not want you to suffer Inuyasha. No matter what pain she went through she never once thought that she had a right to demand you leave Kikyo alone. I only found out a few months ago...after Kagome had followed you to where you met Kikyo. It was obvious something was very wrong that day. She had her hand to her chest and was crying by the river. I could not leave her alone as she asked me to and she slowly told me what happened to her when Kikyo was near."
Inuyasha stared into the fire fighting the urge to scream out his shame and anguish, hating Miroku for sharing this intimate detail and wanting to know the full extent of damage he had inflicted on Kagome without knowing it.
"You have no idea how hard it was for me after that. Seeing you go off after knowing Kagome was aware of Kikyo's nearness. I could not understand for the longest time how she could stand such a thing. But she helped me understand something Inuyasha. Something you need to understand. Love doesn't pick and choose whom you will be with in the end. It doesn't listen to your pain; it doesn't care much for giving up. Kagome knew this and even though you did that to her she still to this day cares deeply for you. I have accepted that with much thought and a lot of walking distance between you and I. If she doesn't make it back Inuyasha..."
"She is coming back!" Inuyasha insisted a little too loudly.
Miroku nodded absently then continued, "If she doesn't make it back Inuyasha I think you will regret for the rest of your life what you rejected without even knowing you did. If she does make it back I think you owe it to her to tell her the truth of all of it"
Inuyasha hung his head, "I know that Miroku"
"I hope so for both of your sakes. I hate this, she is not here, and you are a heap of guilt. I will have to make sure to tell her"
Inuyasha looked at Miroku as if he were some new life form. Here he was feeling the worst he had ever felt in his entire life and the monk was making jokes.
"What?" Miroku asked innocently.
Inuyasha narrowed his eyes, "Have I ever told you how much I dislike you?"
Miroku smiled, "Of course but that doesn't mean I have to listen now does it?"
Inuyasha opened his mouth to fire back when a barely heard shout made him jumped to his feet, ears pricked in the direction the cry had come from.
"INUYASHA!"
It was Sango and she sounded like she was almost in tears. He glanced down at Miroku who had jumped to his feet the moment Inuyasha had.
"Something is wrong" Inuyasha told him.
Then the hanyou took off, Miroku following close behind. Inuyasha found it in himself to be more afraid then ashamed as he raced to reach Sango.
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters
Inuyasha watched the girls retreating backs until they disappeared from sight. Even after he strained his hearing, listening to the sound of their near silent passing. All the time his mind whirled with shock. He was finding his ability to deal with the information that Kee had let slip was left wanting. He closed his eyes against the pain that swept through him.
~ She knew...the entire time. She knew where I was going...to whom. Why didn't she say something? Why did she put herself through it over and over again without confronting me? Why didn't she try and stop me? Why didn't I see it? ~
At this last thought he knew the real answer, he didn't want to see it so he had simply not paid attention. There may have been many times she had tried to stop him. Times she clutched her chest or looked at him sadly. He had always discarded the idea that she had seen through his outrageous lies when she turned her brown eyes away from his sadly. Now he knew the truth of it. She had known and he had only lied to her more.
He heard Miroku move back by the fire and sit down. Inuyasha found he didn't have the strength to turn to Miroku yet. He didn't want to see the truth in the monk's eyes either. He swallowed convulsively against the tightness in his throat and wondered idly if it was possible to die of shame.
Finally he did turn to his friend who regarded him grimly across the flames of the fire.
"Why?" It was all Inuyasha could ask.
Miroku met his eyes and Inuyasha resisted the urge to flinch from the depths of sorrow he saw reflected in them.
"Would it have mattered if you knew Inuyasha? Would you have left Kikyo in the darkness?"
Inuyasha desperately wanted to say yes, that he would have done anything to keep Kagome from hurting that much. But he knew it for the lie it was before he even dared say it to Miroku. The monk shifted slightly and motioned for Inuyasha to sit next to him. Only by force of will did Inuyasha move and take the offered seat.
"She knew...she knew all this time and never said anything", he uttered harshly.
"She said things Inuyasha. She said many things to you but you wouldn't hear her."
Inuyasha took the censure without reacting to it. At this moment he felt so lost in all things Kagome that he saw Miroku as his lifeline to understanding what had brought them to this point. He waited for the monk to speak more and was rewarded for his patience when Miroku began to talk earnestly to him.
"She did not want you to suffer Inuyasha. No matter what pain she went through she never once thought that she had a right to demand you leave Kikyo alone. I only found out a few months ago...after Kagome had followed you to where you met Kikyo. It was obvious something was very wrong that day. She had her hand to her chest and was crying by the river. I could not leave her alone as she asked me to and she slowly told me what happened to her when Kikyo was near."
Inuyasha stared into the fire fighting the urge to scream out his shame and anguish, hating Miroku for sharing this intimate detail and wanting to know the full extent of damage he had inflicted on Kagome without knowing it.
"You have no idea how hard it was for me after that. Seeing you go off after knowing Kagome was aware of Kikyo's nearness. I could not understand for the longest time how she could stand such a thing. But she helped me understand something Inuyasha. Something you need to understand. Love doesn't pick and choose whom you will be with in the end. It doesn't listen to your pain; it doesn't care much for giving up. Kagome knew this and even though you did that to her she still to this day cares deeply for you. I have accepted that with much thought and a lot of walking distance between you and I. If she doesn't make it back Inuyasha..."
"She is coming back!" Inuyasha insisted a little too loudly.
Miroku nodded absently then continued, "If she doesn't make it back Inuyasha I think you will regret for the rest of your life what you rejected without even knowing you did. If she does make it back I think you owe it to her to tell her the truth of all of it"
Inuyasha hung his head, "I know that Miroku"
"I hope so for both of your sakes. I hate this, she is not here, and you are a heap of guilt. I will have to make sure to tell her"
Inuyasha looked at Miroku as if he were some new life form. Here he was feeling the worst he had ever felt in his entire life and the monk was making jokes.
"What?" Miroku asked innocently.
Inuyasha narrowed his eyes, "Have I ever told you how much I dislike you?"
Miroku smiled, "Of course but that doesn't mean I have to listen now does it?"
Inuyasha opened his mouth to fire back when a barely heard shout made him jumped to his feet, ears pricked in the direction the cry had come from.
"INUYASHA!"
It was Sango and she sounded like she was almost in tears. He glanced down at Miroku who had jumped to his feet the moment Inuyasha had.
"Something is wrong" Inuyasha told him.
Then the hanyou took off, Miroku following close behind. Inuyasha found it in himself to be more afraid then ashamed as he raced to reach Sango.