THE JOKER VERSUS ALAN.

February 14th.

It had been an eager Gordon who'd ripped the paper from his presents, before breakfast had even begun; scattering paper in all directions, His enthusiasm had rubbed off on all those around him, including a sleepy John, watching from the monitor of TB5. The birthday wishes came thick and fast as he'd thanked first one, then another for the gifts his dextrous fingers had revealed, his joy apparent at the diversity of their choices. Peeling back the paper to reveal a shirt that gave 'loud' a bad name, Gordon held it up, beaming "Nice one Gran', don't you think so Alan?"

"You gonna wear it?" Alan whispered.

"Sure."

"Then I may consider suing you for blinding me."

"'Scuse me while I get my shades." Scott voiced deprecatingly. This brought laughter and a backhander from Mrs. Tracy.

Breakfast came a poor second as he ignored his father's advice and dived into the box of Belgium chocolates Grandma Tracy had also bought him, offering the box all round. Finally with breakfast out of the way, they awaited the arrival of the mail plane. Alan did a double take as Kyrano entered the lounge carrying a bulging sack.

"Boy, are you Mr. Popular this morning." he said to Gordon, watching as Scott took charge of the Hessian filled sack.

"This one's for you." Scott said delving into the sack and studying the large white envelope."

"For me?" Alan smiled, pleased.

"Well, it is Valentine's Day."

"Yeah I know."

"This one is too."

"Another one?"

"Now who's Mr. Popular?" Gordon fired back.

"Any for me Scott?"

Scott flicked a glance at the expectant Virgil. "Could be, just let me delve through some of this…….nope, this one's for me, oh and here's one…..no two for you Gordon, hang on….there's a couple more."

"Thanks Scott."

"Any for me Scott?" Tin-Tin's melodic tones asked hopefully.

"Sure honey…..just let me get at 'em……there you go. Oh and Tin-Tin?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't you go letting that brother of mine go getting all jealous on you….."

"As if."

"I won't." She laughed, ignoring the way Alan was trying to peer over her shoulder as she eagerly tore the cards from their envelopes.

Scott watched for a moment as she beamed at the contents, oblivious to the scowls she was receiving from Alan. Then resuming his self appointed task, he began rifling through the well filled sack. All watched expectantly as he conscientiously worked his way through the contents, handing another three parcels into the eager hands of Gordon. Scott smiled at the ripping paper flying in all directions mingled with the satisfied grunts as Gordon uncovered the sweater, liquors and a book Lady Penelope had sent him. The title, 'The A to Z of Practical Jokes.' brought a huge grin to his face, while all around him other faces drained of colour and took on horrified looks.  Oblivious to the fact his enthusiasm wasn't shared, he flicked through the pages, a devilish gleam in his eyes, 'I must put this to good use,' while over his head others exchanged mental notes to make sure the book found its way into the incinerator before its contents had been put to any bad use. Putting aside his reservations and returning his attention back to the contents of the sack, Scott said, "Well what d'ya know, another two for me…."

"….any for me yet Scott?" The hopeful note in Virgil's voice stirred him to redouble his efforts.

"Not so far…..just give me a –couple-more-minutes….nearly at the bottom now….."

"Is there any mail for me son?"

Scott's head jerked up. "You expecting a valentine Dad?" 

Jeff Tracy favoured his son with a wry look, "I may not be attractive to you son, but I'm not over the hill yet you know, and for your information, I meant proper mail."

Rising to the thinly veiled smirks, he added, "you lot aren't the only ones who can receive valentines….I've had my moments." and ignoring the raised eye brows, he headed for his favourite piece of furniture. "Just bring any over when you've finished Scott."

"Sure Dad."

"Any for me yet Scott?"

Scott shook his head at Virgil, before plunging back into the sack, "Hey, another one for me…..that makes four."

"He can count…."

"There's nothing wrong with his hearing either." Scott fixed Alan with a level look.

Alan shuffled lower in his seat, "Anymore for me yet?"

"Nope, but there's…..wait for it……six more for Tin-Tin." Scott ignored the arrested look on Alan as he handed the envelopes into the waiting clutches of the pretty Eurasian girl. Her enthusiasm receiving a nod of approval from Grandma.  All watched with indulgent interest, with the exception of Alan, who scowled blackly as she pulled the cards free, delighting in guessing the senders identities. Scott watched, grinning for a moment before resuming his task.

"There you go Grandma." He said, handing over the monthly magazine she subscribed to.

"Thankyou dear."

"Any for me yet?"

"Virg', the minute I find one with your name on it, you'll be the first to know……here's one." Virgil sprang forward.

" …..Gordon……it's yours." Virgil sank back.

"Virg'?"

"Yeah?" Virgil, hand outstretched, shot out of his chair so fast he almost skidded straight over the top of the coffee table.

"Give those letters to Dad will ya……sorry kid."

"He can have one of mine……if I ever get anymore."

Scott ignored the sarcasm coming from his youngest brother. It was clear his mood stemmed from the ten cards Tin-Tin was currently poring over, his eyes had never left her.

"Gordon, here's another one for you, and one for me and one…. no two for John……and Virg'?"

"Yeah don't tell me….it's another one for Dad."

"Er no, this one's got your name o……" Virgil had the envelope out of Scott's hand before he could blink.

"Oh I don't believe this!"

"What's up kid, did she spell your name wrong?"

"It's a credit card bill." Gordon obliged, laughingly deflecting the scowl from his artistic brother.

"Right that's just about it." All eyes locked on the small piles of cards in Scott's hand.

"Virg'?"

"More bills?"

Scott didn't say anything as he handed the small batch of various size envelopes over, the smile on his brother's face, reward enough.

"They for me?" Gordon smiled as Scott handed the last of his cards over. Placing John's to one side, Scott made his way over to his father's desk and held out the three coloured envelopes, a curious questioning look burning in his eyes.

"Thankyou son." The finality in those words confirmed his own suspicions that he'd get nothing further out of his father. Scott watched as the envelopes were slipped out of sight in a lower desk drawer.

"The sack, it still looks pretty full to me Scott."

"Er; yeah, honey it is." He turned back into the room.

"Mr. Popularity is in demand this year."

"Actually; Alan, they're not Gordon's, they're yours." and as Scott tipped the contents, every head turned to look as the table overflowed with cards, spilling onto the floor in all directions.

"What; all of them?"

"Yeah; all of them."

"Now who's Mr. Popularity?" Gordon bounced back.

Alan stared dumbfounded for several minutes at the sizable pile until the dig in his ribs prompted him to begin the sizable task of ploughing through them. The room took on an intrigued hush as he pulled card after card from their envelopes.

"Hey listen to this one." Gordon snatched the card holding it aloft as his brother reached frantically to retrieve it.

"Give that back!"

"Whoa, no wonder you didn't want us to see this one."

"Give that back now!"

Ignoring the warning growl and successfully deflecting the frantically snatching hands, he read out

'For the hottest lips in the business,

You can leave your tread marks on mine anytime,

In breathless anticipation,

Your fantasy girl, Mona.

"I've never heard of anyone called Mona…… honestly, Tin-Tin." Alan cast her an appealing look, "or any of the others…." But it was clear from the way her arms were folded, combined with the icy stare emanating from her, that not only had the reversal of fortunes not gone down well, but she didn't believe him either. This was confirmed as she spun on her heel and stomped from the room, deaf to his pleas.

"Did you see that, did you, she walked out on me."

"Yeah, we saw."

"What am I going to do?"

"Do you really not know who sent you these?" Scott quizzed, randomly picking a card.

"Not that one!"  Alan scrambled forward.

"What's up kid?" Virgil asked, noting the way Scott's brows raised in amusement as he opened the caricatured card. His own lips twitched as he saw the dedication.

'To the lurve machine,

My engine purrs at the thought of you,

can't wait 'til we tune up again.

Yours, always Carlotta.'

"The lurve machine eh?" Virgil mimicked teasingly as his warm brown eyes danced mischievously at the colour running up Alan's cheeks.

"I don't know anyone by that name." he mumbled defensively, amid the quiet chuckles.

"…….hey wait a minute," Scott studied the signature with puzzlement, turning his attention from the cards to the now seated figure, having quiet convulsions behind his birthday present.'

"Gordon?"

Slowly he lowered the book, "Yeah?"

"This has your signature all over it."

For moment Gordon's expression worked overtime, "Don't see how it can have," he finally said, grabbing at a card, "no it hasn't."

"I didn't mean literally, but you know something don't you?"

"What makes you say that?"

Making an educated guess Scott said, "If you're going to forge the signatures, the least you could do is disguise your handwriting better."

Gordon shrugged and grinned sheepishly, "Okay you rumbled me…."

"Why you…."

"Easy there champ." Scott quickly grabbed Alan's arm, "every dog has his day."

"Who're you calling a dog?"

"It's a metaphor kid, your turn will come."

Alan wheeled round on Gordon, "How could you do this to me, and on your birthday of all days?"

"Sorry kid, but it was too good an opportunity to pass up, besides it's not my fault Valentine's Day happens to fall on my birthday. As for Tin-Tin, relax, I'll square it with her, so you're off the hook."

"You'd better, and no funny business either, I'll be watching you…."

"Correction, we'll all be watching you."

Virgil nodded in agreement, "Damn pity we gave him his birthday presents before the mail arrived."

"His birthday's not over yet," Alan growled, "If I had my way you'd be put in the Thunderiser and your butt spat out into the bay."

Several lips twitched, including Gordon's as he responded, "Yeah but you're forgetting one thing…….I have immunity on my birthday, it's an unwritten rule."

All nodded sagely. "True," Scott replied, "but tomorrow's another day, and the clock's ticking."

********

The last victim is Brains, who is left well and truly rattled by Gordon's prank.

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