A/N: Hey all thank you thank you thank you all for the reviews...ummm since
I'm doing this I just want to say two things...I know my grammar needs work,
one of the reasons I'm writing this is to see if I can improve it...sometimes
it looks right and then it doesn't and then my brain takes a trip south
with all the sentence structure...hopefully there will be some improvement in
this area soon....oh and I have this problem with writing...its an addiction...I
binge when a story gets in me head...hopefully through me others will be able
to admit to their addictions and that is always the first step to...another
binge...Happy reading and be safe. dragonfly-rising
Always My Soul
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters
~ Kagome ~
"What were you like when you were alive Tosh?" Kagome asked interested in the old man's history.
The pressure in her chest had gone and she was positive Kee had dealt with Kikyo and sent her far away. She wondered idly what Kee had done to reach this goal and reasoned that only fear chased Kikyo from anywhere. Most of Kagome wanted to enjoy the thought of Kikyo afraid. An almost forgotten part of her mind dampened her joy over this idea with disapproval. She knew well what could scare Kikyo had to be in itself enough to terrify Kagome senseless and this part of her mind insisted that she could never really wish that one anyone. To distract herself from this annoying thought she had asked Tosh the question.
Tosh looked at her with new interest, his smile growing even brighter. She wondered if Tosh had talked to anyone about himself in awhile then decided he had not since as he began speaking his voice filled with excitement.
"Hmm...I was a warrior since I was young and fought many battles. I loved at least two women with everything that I was at the time. I lost them both and grieved the loss though I was left with children from both women. Regrettably circumstances did not allow me the luxury of raising them. "
Here Tosh paused his bright smile evaporating, causing Kagome to reach out and grasp the old man's hand in both of hers. She could feel his inner turmoil through the contact and felt awful for having asked the question in the first place. Tosh gazed down at her warmly even if his eyes were clouded with sorrow.
"I'm sorry Tosh we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to" She offered.
"How kind you are...no it isn't that I do not want to talk of it. I had such high hopes for my children you see. Such high hopes for myself. It was just not fated to be in the end. I died before really knowing the children and have had to watch from far away. It is so hard to be a father when one is as I am. So hard to watch them stumble, to watch them making mistakes that I should have been able to warn them about."
Kagome's heart went out to Tosh, feeling sorry for him and his children. Tosh was silent for a long time before he shook himself and turned his attention back to Kagome. The expression in his eyes warned her his mind had turned to more serious matters. Her mouth went dry instantly and she took her hands from his trying to look anywhere but at him directly.
Suddenly Kagome felt a wave of vertigo wash over her. The feeling was so intense she would have fallen back against the wall of her room if Tosh hadn't put out a hand to steady her. She was shaking so badly even her teeth were chattering. She moved to brush hair from her face and stopped the motion, gazing in horror at her hand that was fading. She could see Tosh through it. In a panic she met his eyes.
"Is this normal?" She asked in a small fear filled voice.
Tosh's expression had turned from serious to palpable apprehension. Kagome felt her own anxiety leap to new levels.
"No that is NOT normal Kagome. You should not be reacting like this. Not here...especially not here" He replied, anger coloring his voice.
"What's wrong with me?" She demanded even as her hand slowly took on a solid look.
"It is your soul Kagome" came an answer from Kee who had suddenly appeared at the end of the bed.
Kagome stared at Kee her mind frantically trying to comprehend what she had meant. Tosh looked at Kee as well, clearly waiting for an answer. Kagome fought herself as fear tried to make her run from Kee, to not hear what the miko had to say, to not know why she seemed to be disappearing. Kee gazed down at her and Kagome had the distinct impression that Kee no more wanted to voice what was happening then she wanted to hear it.
"I chased Kikyo away Kagome...but it was too late. Your soul is adrift without you as its anchor. It cannot exist in this way, and when it goes you will cease to exist. I do not know how much time you have left."
"What does that mean?" Kagome asked looking at both Tosh and Kee.
Tosh sighed frustrated before speaking, "It means that you have a choice. You can return to claim your body from Kee...or you can stay here and allow your soul to return to Kikyo."
"Why her?" Kagome asked angry instantly.
"I cannot keep your soul here Kagome I have lived my life with it. It is aware of this. Only Kikyo exists that can offer this soul a haven to which it is accustomed." Kee explained.
A new panic seized her, "But...but I can't...I'm not ready to go back"
She didn't know if she would ever want to go back, even with this new threat to her very life. She didn't have it inside her to face her friends. To fight any more for something she did not believe in at all. Tears of fear and frustration filled her eyes and she swiped at them angrily. All she could think of was that her world only held pain and disappointment. She craved the peace she had found here with Tosh. No tragic hanyou who couldn't see how much she needed his love. No heartrending monk always on the verge of death because of his curse. No saddening youkai exterminator intent on avenging her family. Just the calm of this sanctuary she had made for herself.
"What is wrong with you you stupid girl?!" Kee exploded at her.
Kagome jerked picking her head up to see an incensed miko whose power flowed around her like a dark whirlwind. Kagome just stared at her blankly, knowing it was incomprehensible to the dark miko for her to just give up.
"You have everything waiting for you out there Kagome...everything that was denied me by myself and others. You have three people who would take their own lives before allowing harm to come to you. You have love and family. You have all of this and yet you still want to deny yourself the very thing you need the most. A purpose." Kee yelled.
"You don't know anything about it Kee!" Kagome screeched back, her own powers flaring about her as she scrambled off the bed, coming around it to stand face to face with Kee.
She failed to note that Tosh paled considerably and moved to a corner of the room that was farthest away from the enraged mikos. She was intent on forcing Kee out of her sanctuary. Her aura clashed with Kee's creating a riot of conflicting colors.
"You have no idea how HARD it is out there. How it tears you down little by little until there is absolutely nothing left inside of you! You've only been around them for a few days and you think you are an expert in their pain? You think you know how far they go just to live one more day so they might finish their vendettas. You think you understand what small role I play, only being their shard detector, never being of any real help, never really accomplishing anything but being a burden on them! You think you grasp how every day I look at Miroku and PRAY that today he won't be taken, or that Kikyo won't take Inuyasha, or that Sango won't meet the same fate as her family." By the end Kagome was choking on her own tears fighting to get the words out that would express her deep abiding sorrow that never seemed to leave her.
"If that is all that you have to offer them then you might as well fade away Kagome because they need YOU now more then ever and in the end you have failed their trust. You have betrayed them in ways they could never comprehend and you were just a waste of energy. In the end all you really turned out to be was an empty copy of a miko who deserved her soul more then you ever did. And even if you will not fight against Ferlias FOR them I will."
With that Kee disappeared and Kagome collapsed into a ball on the floor, her agony filled sobs seeming to echo in the small room.
Always My Soul
By: dragonfly-rising
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters
~ Kagome ~
"What were you like when you were alive Tosh?" Kagome asked interested in the old man's history.
The pressure in her chest had gone and she was positive Kee had dealt with Kikyo and sent her far away. She wondered idly what Kee had done to reach this goal and reasoned that only fear chased Kikyo from anywhere. Most of Kagome wanted to enjoy the thought of Kikyo afraid. An almost forgotten part of her mind dampened her joy over this idea with disapproval. She knew well what could scare Kikyo had to be in itself enough to terrify Kagome senseless and this part of her mind insisted that she could never really wish that one anyone. To distract herself from this annoying thought she had asked Tosh the question.
Tosh looked at her with new interest, his smile growing even brighter. She wondered if Tosh had talked to anyone about himself in awhile then decided he had not since as he began speaking his voice filled with excitement.
"Hmm...I was a warrior since I was young and fought many battles. I loved at least two women with everything that I was at the time. I lost them both and grieved the loss though I was left with children from both women. Regrettably circumstances did not allow me the luxury of raising them. "
Here Tosh paused his bright smile evaporating, causing Kagome to reach out and grasp the old man's hand in both of hers. She could feel his inner turmoil through the contact and felt awful for having asked the question in the first place. Tosh gazed down at her warmly even if his eyes were clouded with sorrow.
"I'm sorry Tosh we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to" She offered.
"How kind you are...no it isn't that I do not want to talk of it. I had such high hopes for my children you see. Such high hopes for myself. It was just not fated to be in the end. I died before really knowing the children and have had to watch from far away. It is so hard to be a father when one is as I am. So hard to watch them stumble, to watch them making mistakes that I should have been able to warn them about."
Kagome's heart went out to Tosh, feeling sorry for him and his children. Tosh was silent for a long time before he shook himself and turned his attention back to Kagome. The expression in his eyes warned her his mind had turned to more serious matters. Her mouth went dry instantly and she took her hands from his trying to look anywhere but at him directly.
Suddenly Kagome felt a wave of vertigo wash over her. The feeling was so intense she would have fallen back against the wall of her room if Tosh hadn't put out a hand to steady her. She was shaking so badly even her teeth were chattering. She moved to brush hair from her face and stopped the motion, gazing in horror at her hand that was fading. She could see Tosh through it. In a panic she met his eyes.
"Is this normal?" She asked in a small fear filled voice.
Tosh's expression had turned from serious to palpable apprehension. Kagome felt her own anxiety leap to new levels.
"No that is NOT normal Kagome. You should not be reacting like this. Not here...especially not here" He replied, anger coloring his voice.
"What's wrong with me?" She demanded even as her hand slowly took on a solid look.
"It is your soul Kagome" came an answer from Kee who had suddenly appeared at the end of the bed.
Kagome stared at Kee her mind frantically trying to comprehend what she had meant. Tosh looked at Kee as well, clearly waiting for an answer. Kagome fought herself as fear tried to make her run from Kee, to not hear what the miko had to say, to not know why she seemed to be disappearing. Kee gazed down at her and Kagome had the distinct impression that Kee no more wanted to voice what was happening then she wanted to hear it.
"I chased Kikyo away Kagome...but it was too late. Your soul is adrift without you as its anchor. It cannot exist in this way, and when it goes you will cease to exist. I do not know how much time you have left."
"What does that mean?" Kagome asked looking at both Tosh and Kee.
Tosh sighed frustrated before speaking, "It means that you have a choice. You can return to claim your body from Kee...or you can stay here and allow your soul to return to Kikyo."
"Why her?" Kagome asked angry instantly.
"I cannot keep your soul here Kagome I have lived my life with it. It is aware of this. Only Kikyo exists that can offer this soul a haven to which it is accustomed." Kee explained.
A new panic seized her, "But...but I can't...I'm not ready to go back"
She didn't know if she would ever want to go back, even with this new threat to her very life. She didn't have it inside her to face her friends. To fight any more for something she did not believe in at all. Tears of fear and frustration filled her eyes and she swiped at them angrily. All she could think of was that her world only held pain and disappointment. She craved the peace she had found here with Tosh. No tragic hanyou who couldn't see how much she needed his love. No heartrending monk always on the verge of death because of his curse. No saddening youkai exterminator intent on avenging her family. Just the calm of this sanctuary she had made for herself.
"What is wrong with you you stupid girl?!" Kee exploded at her.
Kagome jerked picking her head up to see an incensed miko whose power flowed around her like a dark whirlwind. Kagome just stared at her blankly, knowing it was incomprehensible to the dark miko for her to just give up.
"You have everything waiting for you out there Kagome...everything that was denied me by myself and others. You have three people who would take their own lives before allowing harm to come to you. You have love and family. You have all of this and yet you still want to deny yourself the very thing you need the most. A purpose." Kee yelled.
"You don't know anything about it Kee!" Kagome screeched back, her own powers flaring about her as she scrambled off the bed, coming around it to stand face to face with Kee.
She failed to note that Tosh paled considerably and moved to a corner of the room that was farthest away from the enraged mikos. She was intent on forcing Kee out of her sanctuary. Her aura clashed with Kee's creating a riot of conflicting colors.
"You have no idea how HARD it is out there. How it tears you down little by little until there is absolutely nothing left inside of you! You've only been around them for a few days and you think you are an expert in their pain? You think you know how far they go just to live one more day so they might finish their vendettas. You think you understand what small role I play, only being their shard detector, never being of any real help, never really accomplishing anything but being a burden on them! You think you grasp how every day I look at Miroku and PRAY that today he won't be taken, or that Kikyo won't take Inuyasha, or that Sango won't meet the same fate as her family." By the end Kagome was choking on her own tears fighting to get the words out that would express her deep abiding sorrow that never seemed to leave her.
"If that is all that you have to offer them then you might as well fade away Kagome because they need YOU now more then ever and in the end you have failed their trust. You have betrayed them in ways they could never comprehend and you were just a waste of energy. In the end all you really turned out to be was an empty copy of a miko who deserved her soul more then you ever did. And even if you will not fight against Ferlias FOR them I will."
With that Kee disappeared and Kagome collapsed into a ball on the floor, her agony filled sobs seeming to echo in the small room.