Off they all went. They took a boat to Dover. Anyway, they didn't have much
difficulty in a boat heading in the right direction, and they set off. To
begin with, the weather was good, and they were having a lovely time. It
was quite a big boat, so they all had their own space and weren't too
crowded. They all got settled in. Gladys decided to have a nap, because she
had had lots of terrible and wonderful adventures between Hogwarts and the
Smelly Smelson. Harry was gazing at the ocean and Hermione was reading, as
she did. Ron, who had not had much experience of boats, was wandering up
and down, trying to think of something to do. He then remembered the whole
thing about Harry, and decided to do something about it.
Ron went below deck to find some writing paper and a pen. You see, he had decided to get something constructive out of his conundrum, and write a best-selling book on the highs and lows of his recent exploits. All he could find was a half-chewed crayon (in magenta) and some old post-its. So he sat down and, rather wobblily, set out on his quest. Unfortunately, Ron's handwriting was atrocious, and almost illegible to all but the most talented readers. The fact that he was in a moving boat didn't help. I will attempt to give you a copy of what he wrote here:
'The crazy mishaps and adventures of me and Harry Potter
Me and Harry ar best frinds. We go to hogworts skool of witching and. the other thing. Wwe hav had lots of funness and so forth. In our first yeer, we discovered the mystery of the warlocks wafre [see 'Harry Potter and the warlocks wafer' by reclusive watermelon angelrock]. In our second yeare, we almost coudnt get to skool because a small, treeshaped thing stopped us. Im still not sur whast happened ther, onestly. But the was this big snak, and Harry (my best frend) killed it with a big sord! Inm the third year, Harry's stepfather Chive went to azkaban, then back in, the out again, and something happened with snape. Or something. Yoo kno, Im realy not sure wht happened there ither/. Yo0u should ask haryy. In fourth year, Harry had thesa realy BIG spots, and there was this maezm and someone died, and everyone thought it would be Dumbledoreee, but it wasn't, and it was this reaaaaly obscure (ooh big word) character noones even heard of, and everyong was dissappoinntedd. So, anyway, this yeere, harrrry found outt that hs dadn is hagfrisd, so, he was all surprised, even though the resst of us knew, like, yyears agho. So, we hav to go and save Hagrid from being a priate, or cxomething. But theres this deep air of homoeroticism betweeeen him and me, which seems to be more pronounced noww, especially since that kiss. I chouldd probly sdo something about that, you know. Maybe I sould assk him on a date of something. I reely do like him. I wonder iff our frindship could evver be anything mor? Wat to you think?'
While Ron was writing this, Harry was busy gazing and thinking, among other things, about Ron. He had now realised that he was, in fact, in love. With a guy. He still hadn't come to terms with this, fully, and wasn't really sure what to do, or even if Ron liked him back. He didn't even know if Ron was (whisper it) gay. I mean, yeah, he had agreed to kiss him, but he could just be comfortable with his masculinity, something which can be very attractive to girls. And, afterwards, he had said that they were more than just friends, but he could have meant that they were *best* friends, or some other corny crap like that.
Oh dear, they were in a conundrum (before you ask, yes, I *do* like that word, conundrum, conundrum, conundy-nundy-nundrum. Thank you.) weren't they? Whatever will they do? What is Hermione reading? What is Gladys dreaming about? Does anyone care? Find out in chapter 11 of:
Harry Potter and the Scary Problem!
Ron went below deck to find some writing paper and a pen. You see, he had decided to get something constructive out of his conundrum, and write a best-selling book on the highs and lows of his recent exploits. All he could find was a half-chewed crayon (in magenta) and some old post-its. So he sat down and, rather wobblily, set out on his quest. Unfortunately, Ron's handwriting was atrocious, and almost illegible to all but the most talented readers. The fact that he was in a moving boat didn't help. I will attempt to give you a copy of what he wrote here:
'The crazy mishaps and adventures of me and Harry Potter
Me and Harry ar best frinds. We go to hogworts skool of witching and. the other thing. Wwe hav had lots of funness and so forth. In our first yeer, we discovered the mystery of the warlocks wafre [see 'Harry Potter and the warlocks wafer' by reclusive watermelon angelrock]. In our second yeare, we almost coudnt get to skool because a small, treeshaped thing stopped us. Im still not sur whast happened ther, onestly. But the was this big snak, and Harry (my best frend) killed it with a big sord! Inm the third year, Harry's stepfather Chive went to azkaban, then back in, the out again, and something happened with snape. Or something. Yoo kno, Im realy not sure wht happened there ither/. Yo0u should ask haryy. In fourth year, Harry had thesa realy BIG spots, and there was this maezm and someone died, and everyone thought it would be Dumbledoreee, but it wasn't, and it was this reaaaaly obscure (ooh big word) character noones even heard of, and everyong was dissappoinntedd. So, anyway, this yeere, harrrry found outt that hs dadn is hagfrisd, so, he was all surprised, even though the resst of us knew, like, yyears agho. So, we hav to go and save Hagrid from being a priate, or cxomething. But theres this deep air of homoeroticism betweeeen him and me, which seems to be more pronounced noww, especially since that kiss. I chouldd probly sdo something about that, you know. Maybe I sould assk him on a date of something. I reely do like him. I wonder iff our frindship could evver be anything mor? Wat to you think?'
While Ron was writing this, Harry was busy gazing and thinking, among other things, about Ron. He had now realised that he was, in fact, in love. With a guy. He still hadn't come to terms with this, fully, and wasn't really sure what to do, or even if Ron liked him back. He didn't even know if Ron was (whisper it) gay. I mean, yeah, he had agreed to kiss him, but he could just be comfortable with his masculinity, something which can be very attractive to girls. And, afterwards, he had said that they were more than just friends, but he could have meant that they were *best* friends, or some other corny crap like that.
Oh dear, they were in a conundrum (before you ask, yes, I *do* like that word, conundrum, conundrum, conundy-nundy-nundrum. Thank you.) weren't they? Whatever will they do? What is Hermione reading? What is Gladys dreaming about? Does anyone care? Find out in chapter 11 of:
Harry Potter and the Scary Problem!