Disclaimer: please see chapter one
A/N: This chapter contains lyrics from the song "Helping Me Get Over You" by Lari White and Travis Tritt.
Chapter 4 - Helping Me Get Over You
If I had a suspicious mind, I'd think Warrick had done this on purpose. He's only known the girl for sixth months and they're engaged. Doesn't seem like something Warrick would do. But when I see them together, I know it isn't all just a conspiracy to get me and Grissom in the same room. They're in love. And it's beautiful. And I'm so happy for him. So happy that I can barely feel the nerves I'm feeling about seeing Gil again.
***
The cab pulls up outside the hotel. I recognise some of the people I can see walking into the building. Lab technicians, police officers. People I haven't seen for a long time. I feel my stomach tighten. I haven't seen Catherine for a long time either.
***
Peter kisses me softly before he goes to the bar to get me a drink, then I turn round to look for Warrick, to see if he needs any help with anything. I scan the room, and find him by the door greeting the arriving guests. I'm about to follow Peter when I notice who Warrick is talking to. My throat constricts when I see him. Whatever I've been telling myself, I miss him.
***
Whilst Hannah congratulates Warrick and Sandra, my eyes quickly scan the room. There are so many people here that I used to know, I still remember their names. Not bad for someone who isn't really good with people. Then I see her. She's looking this way. Whatever I've been telling myself, I miss her.
***
Damn! He's caught me looking at him. I smile and he smiles back. Then the woman at his side turns to him and speaks, and he looks away. So I look away and Peter brings my drink and we go to sit down.
************************
Sara's taken Peter away to dance. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was after my man again. But I do know better. I know she would never cheat on Nick. I watch them dancing. He can dance. He can move. He turns to me and smiles, then he turns back and I watch his hips swaying to the beat. For a split second I forget that there's anything to be nervous about. Then I hear a familiar voice.
"Do you mind if I sit down?"
I look up to find him standing over me.
"Of course not." He sits. "How are you?"
"I was gonna ask you the same thing," he smiles. I really wish he wouldn't.
***
I see her across the room. She's sitting alone watching the dancing, and I know that I have to go and talk to her. I've come all this way, and I'll regret it forever if I don't at least say hello.
I make sure Hannah has someone to talk to then I make my way across the room. She laughs that beautiful little laugh, and when I follow her eyes I see she is watching the man who is dancing with Sara. I hesitate now. I'm not sure I can talk to her.
But I have to. I have to know that she's all right. I want to know that she still loves me. But, I guess knowing that she's okay will have to do.
She allows me to sit, and the conversation begins. I make a small joke to try to break the ice, and it seems to work. She smiles.
"Well, I asked first," she says.
"I'm fine," I lie. I was fine until I saw her again. But I can't tell her that.
~You ask who's lying in my bed
~Is it really love we're making
She nods. "Good... Is that Hannah?" she asks.
"Oh, yeah... I'll introduce you, later. She's talking about wedding dresses with Sandra."
"Really?" she grins in that mischievous way that I remember vividly.
"I don't work as fast as Warrick," I respond.
~My heart's hanging by a thread
~She's the only reason it ain't breaking
In truth, to ask Hannah to marry me would be unfair. I do love her, but it's not the same as my love for Catherine. A love I can't seem to shake, no matter how hard I try.
~Do you ever cross my mind
~Darling fact is you still do
But when I'm in L.A, with Hannah, I'm happy and I can go weeks without Catherine crossing my mind.
~That's the reason she is here
~Wiping your old memory clear
I love her and she keeps me sane, but part of me still belongs to someone else. And it isn't fair, is it? I'm using her, aren't I?
~She's helping me get over you
***
I joke with him about the sound of wedding bells for him and Hannah, despite the fact that my heart breaks as I speak. They're very well suited. According to Warrick she works with him, and they share a lot of interests. I think he's happy. I hope he is. Who am I kidding? I hope he's miserable without me. But it doesn't look like it.
~I know you'd never ask his name
~But in your heart I know you wonder
"So, are you seeing anyone?" he asks, shyly.
I smile fondly as I see he's still shy about asking personal questions, then I bring myself back to the real world and say:
"Erm... Yeah." Erm?! That sounds like I'm happy doesn't it? I had to think about it!
He nods slowly, but doesn't speak. I think he's waiting for me to continue. Perhaps he's eager to see if I can remember the guy's name.
~I'm not much good at playing games
~I'm just trying to keep from going under
"Yeah, his name's Peter Greenwich. He's a doctor... We met a few months ago at a karaoke bar."
"Karaoke?" he asks, surprised.
I smile. "We go out once a month. Sara was exacting revenge on Greg for taking us to a strip club the month before."
"Ah!"
"Greg was drunk and he fell on this woman, and Peter tried to help revive him...It's not the most romantic story in the world," I shrug.
"It'll do," he smiles.
~There's no forever in his eyes
~It's not the love that we once knew
`It'll do'. That's it exactly, isn't it? Peter'll do because I can't have the man I really love. I do love Peter, and when we're together I do feel happy. But it's not the same as it was with Gil.
~Oh and it might be a sin
~But tonight I've got a friend
I'm living for each day, not expecting anything from the relationship. If it ended tomorrow, I don't think I'd mind. And I don't like how callous that sounds. He deserves more than this. I thought tonight would be a turning point for me. I thought I'd come here, see Gil and not have any of these feelings. I thought I'd realise what I had with Peter was what I wanted, and all the thoughts about Gil would turn out to be a childish action of clinging to memories rather than facing the future. I hoped that would happen. But it hasn't.
And it isn't fair on Peter, is it? What I can offer isn't enough.
~Helping me get over you
***
~Oh I did the best that I could do
~I had to find somebody new
~To help me get over you
TBC...
A/N: This chapter contains lyrics from the song "Helping Me Get Over You" by Lari White and Travis Tritt.
Chapter 4 - Helping Me Get Over You
If I had a suspicious mind, I'd think Warrick had done this on purpose. He's only known the girl for sixth months and they're engaged. Doesn't seem like something Warrick would do. But when I see them together, I know it isn't all just a conspiracy to get me and Grissom in the same room. They're in love. And it's beautiful. And I'm so happy for him. So happy that I can barely feel the nerves I'm feeling about seeing Gil again.
***
The cab pulls up outside the hotel. I recognise some of the people I can see walking into the building. Lab technicians, police officers. People I haven't seen for a long time. I feel my stomach tighten. I haven't seen Catherine for a long time either.
***
Peter kisses me softly before he goes to the bar to get me a drink, then I turn round to look for Warrick, to see if he needs any help with anything. I scan the room, and find him by the door greeting the arriving guests. I'm about to follow Peter when I notice who Warrick is talking to. My throat constricts when I see him. Whatever I've been telling myself, I miss him.
***
Whilst Hannah congratulates Warrick and Sandra, my eyes quickly scan the room. There are so many people here that I used to know, I still remember their names. Not bad for someone who isn't really good with people. Then I see her. She's looking this way. Whatever I've been telling myself, I miss her.
***
Damn! He's caught me looking at him. I smile and he smiles back. Then the woman at his side turns to him and speaks, and he looks away. So I look away and Peter brings my drink and we go to sit down.
************************
Sara's taken Peter away to dance. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was after my man again. But I do know better. I know she would never cheat on Nick. I watch them dancing. He can dance. He can move. He turns to me and smiles, then he turns back and I watch his hips swaying to the beat. For a split second I forget that there's anything to be nervous about. Then I hear a familiar voice.
"Do you mind if I sit down?"
I look up to find him standing over me.
"Of course not." He sits. "How are you?"
"I was gonna ask you the same thing," he smiles. I really wish he wouldn't.
***
I see her across the room. She's sitting alone watching the dancing, and I know that I have to go and talk to her. I've come all this way, and I'll regret it forever if I don't at least say hello.
I make sure Hannah has someone to talk to then I make my way across the room. She laughs that beautiful little laugh, and when I follow her eyes I see she is watching the man who is dancing with Sara. I hesitate now. I'm not sure I can talk to her.
But I have to. I have to know that she's all right. I want to know that she still loves me. But, I guess knowing that she's okay will have to do.
She allows me to sit, and the conversation begins. I make a small joke to try to break the ice, and it seems to work. She smiles.
"Well, I asked first," she says.
"I'm fine," I lie. I was fine until I saw her again. But I can't tell her that.
~You ask who's lying in my bed
~Is it really love we're making
She nods. "Good... Is that Hannah?" she asks.
"Oh, yeah... I'll introduce you, later. She's talking about wedding dresses with Sandra."
"Really?" she grins in that mischievous way that I remember vividly.
"I don't work as fast as Warrick," I respond.
~My heart's hanging by a thread
~She's the only reason it ain't breaking
In truth, to ask Hannah to marry me would be unfair. I do love her, but it's not the same as my love for Catherine. A love I can't seem to shake, no matter how hard I try.
~Do you ever cross my mind
~Darling fact is you still do
But when I'm in L.A, with Hannah, I'm happy and I can go weeks without Catherine crossing my mind.
~That's the reason she is here
~Wiping your old memory clear
I love her and she keeps me sane, but part of me still belongs to someone else. And it isn't fair, is it? I'm using her, aren't I?
~She's helping me get over you
***
I joke with him about the sound of wedding bells for him and Hannah, despite the fact that my heart breaks as I speak. They're very well suited. According to Warrick she works with him, and they share a lot of interests. I think he's happy. I hope he is. Who am I kidding? I hope he's miserable without me. But it doesn't look like it.
~I know you'd never ask his name
~But in your heart I know you wonder
"So, are you seeing anyone?" he asks, shyly.
I smile fondly as I see he's still shy about asking personal questions, then I bring myself back to the real world and say:
"Erm... Yeah." Erm?! That sounds like I'm happy doesn't it? I had to think about it!
He nods slowly, but doesn't speak. I think he's waiting for me to continue. Perhaps he's eager to see if I can remember the guy's name.
~I'm not much good at playing games
~I'm just trying to keep from going under
"Yeah, his name's Peter Greenwich. He's a doctor... We met a few months ago at a karaoke bar."
"Karaoke?" he asks, surprised.
I smile. "We go out once a month. Sara was exacting revenge on Greg for taking us to a strip club the month before."
"Ah!"
"Greg was drunk and he fell on this woman, and Peter tried to help revive him...It's not the most romantic story in the world," I shrug.
"It'll do," he smiles.
~There's no forever in his eyes
~It's not the love that we once knew
`It'll do'. That's it exactly, isn't it? Peter'll do because I can't have the man I really love. I do love Peter, and when we're together I do feel happy. But it's not the same as it was with Gil.
~Oh and it might be a sin
~But tonight I've got a friend
I'm living for each day, not expecting anything from the relationship. If it ended tomorrow, I don't think I'd mind. And I don't like how callous that sounds. He deserves more than this. I thought tonight would be a turning point for me. I thought I'd come here, see Gil and not have any of these feelings. I thought I'd realise what I had with Peter was what I wanted, and all the thoughts about Gil would turn out to be a childish action of clinging to memories rather than facing the future. I hoped that would happen. But it hasn't.
And it isn't fair on Peter, is it? What I can offer isn't enough.
~Helping me get over you
***
~Oh I did the best that I could do
~I had to find somebody new
~To help me get over you
TBC...