A/N: Well, this is the last chapter. An epilogue will follow shortly. Now
that I'm almost done I wish I had made it longer, but at the same time I
think this was a good length. I dunno. Oh, and this is really gonna suck
for Shay, ya'll. You know that death I've been promising in the warnings?
It's here. Not saying who it is, though.
Warnings: Language, Death, and other Bad Things.
Part: 3/3
PART THREE: THE LAST TWELVE HOURS
She was not going to scream, and she was not going to cry, especially when she was only half an hour into this. The pain was excruciating, and she groaned when it tore threw her once more. For the first time something seemed wrong with the pregnancy. She'd seen others of her race give birth, and it was not like this. It could take hours, yes, but save for the last few minutes most of it was boring.
The pain, roughly equivalent to someone repeatedly forcing their fist threw her body from front to back, was starting to fade again, and she left out her breath. Sweat was beading on her forehead, and blood pooled in her palms from where she had torn the skin with her nails.
Something was wrong. What if something was wrong with her baby? Panic swelled in her chest.
"J'onn! J'ONN! My baby!" her voice was cracking from the pain, and she flailed her arm out in a desperate attempt to grab him. Someone had to make sure her baby was safe. Her baby had to be fine. Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell.
Suddenly J'onn's hand was around hers, his skin cool and smooth against her hot rough skin. "It will be alright," he squeezed her hand slightly, and tried to pull away but she tightened her grip, tugged on his arm desperately. Diana was suddenly on her other side, rubbing a cool clothe across her forehead. It was like ice, and for the first time she realized how hot the fever in her was.
Was she only sick?
"What's happening?" she groaned desperately, and now that she was aware of her fever it seemed like a living thing, struggling to escape her body. She felt like she was on fire. Diana and J'onn exchanged a worried look, and the Martian finally managed to pull free of her hold on his arm. Both would have liked to reassure her, but they knew less than she did.
*
The painkillers weren't working. Or maybe they were, and the pain was just so intense that they weren't having any noticeable effect. It was two hours into the labor, and the rip and tear of the pain in her belly was finally destroying Shay's determination not to scream.
The next wave tore threw her, and the scream that ripped from her throat was fractured, almost animal. J'onn shuddered, and wished for the hundredth time that he knew if something was wrong, or if this was a normal pregnancy for her race. And then he cursed himself for his own stupidity, because of course this wasn't normal, that child she was carrying was a half-breed.
He felt panic rise in his chest, for Shay, for the baby and he fought it down as best he could. Diana was clearly frustrated, doing her best to relieve as much of Shay's pain as she could, and growing increasingly agitated as she realized how impossible her task was.
The screams became an ever-present background to their already flustered attempts to help. After an hour they began to grow hoarse, till they were little more than whimpers again. In a way J'onn found the whimpering, growing gradually softer and lighter, far more disturbing than Shay's screams had been. If he had not believed something was wrong earlier, he believed it now.
Diana met his eyes from across the room, and the terror he saw there knocked any hope he retained away from him.
Their friend was in absolute agony, for all they knew her life and the life of her child in danger...and there seemed to be nothing they could do about it.
"Should we call...?" Diana didn't have to specify whom she meant. The father was either John or Jay, and surely both of them would want to be here. If only to attempt to comfort Shay. If only so that they might say goodbye. Diana felt something in her chest tighten when a chocked scream slid from Shay's throat. There were specks of blood on Shay's pale lips.
J'onn felt her alarm, jerked his head in the direction of her gaze. The dark red droplets stood like drops of wine on her almost white lips.
"Oh...Hera..." and Diana felt the tears slide hot down her cheeks.
**
Shay was silent. She had been for almost an hour, staring up at the ceiling with wide, unseeing eyes. Her lips moved occasionally, forming words with no sound, no force, behind them. They were in the fifth hour, and J'onn wished, vainly, that Shay would scream again. Anything was better than this almost comatose state, than looking into her eyes and seeming nothing staring back out.
Diana wanted, almost needed, to leave. She was projecting her emotions so powerfully that they were overwhelming his. Her panic, fear, was becoming his own, and so thick he was nearly swimming in them. Diana was already drowning, fighting a losing battle against the undertow of her emotions, but J'onn dare not send her away.
Blood slipped out the corner of Shay's mouth, snaked halfway down the side of her face before Diana wiped it away with an already bloody cloth.
J'onn couldn't find the source of the bleeding, and even if he could have he wouldn't have known what to do. Any operation might very well make things worse, and things were already very, very bad. He didn't know what to do. It was not a feeling he was used to, and it was one he liked very little. Why hadn't they considered this before? When Shay had explained that her race had very little difficulty in their pregnancies, why had no one considered the fact that she wasn't having a full-blooded child?
For the first time in the last two hours J'onn recalled Diana's suggestion that they call the others. There had been no word from the battle, he had no idea whether they were winning or losing, and to find out would require him to divert his focus from the crisis at hand. The thought of risking it set ill with him, but he was running out of time and options.
It might already be to late for any effective goodbyes to be said.
The thought shook him, and he turned away from Shay's too-still, too- pale body, and cast his mind out to his teammates. They were returning. There was a giddiness lingering in their minds that left no doubt in J'onn's mind that they had won. It took him another moment to force himself to deliver the news. When he did it was to Clark, because he could not bear leaving himself open to the emotional tumult that would fly at him if he told either Jay or John directly.
As soon as he finished he slammed down his shields as tightly as he could, and even then, the shock wave that was Jay and John's emotions nearly swept him away. He stumbled, sank to his knees, felt bitter bile rise in the back of his throat. Diana was at his side, supporting him, demanding to know what was wrong, but there were no words to describe it to her.
He had forgotten what absolute panic felt like.
"They are coming," he managed to choke out after a moment, as he finally baled enough of the emotional wave from his mind so that he could function. He felt tired, as though he had fought a battle, and when he stood a wave of dizziness clouded his vision.
Diana was still beside him, steadying him, her blue eyes just as exhausted as his were.
He blinked slowly, looked past her, not hearing her questions, and shoved her out of the way as he rushed over the Shay. Her mouth was open in a silent scream, her back arched as her wings, arms, and legs jerked. He sent a wave of calmness towards her, but there was no effect. Another hour of hell had passed, and they seemed no closer to the end.
"We need..." his throat seemed tight, "to restrain her. She may hurt herself." Diana only nodded grimly, grabbed a sheet off one of the beds, and tore it into ropes. Two she handed to him, and with the others she set about binding Shay to the bed. He couldn't bring himself to do it, not with Shay's panic inside his head, not knowing her fear of being restrained, and when Diana finished her two she took his from him and finished it.
And J'onn hated himself.
** *
It took them an hour and a half to get back to the Watchtower. Bruce, Clark, Jay and John. Somewhere between Earth and the Watchtower they had pulled their masks off, both cloth and emotional, and meet each other's stares of fear and worry.
An hour and a half was torture. Jay wanted to pace, but there wasn't nearly enough room, so instead he sank into a ball, his legs twitching with the impulse to run. What an idiot he had been. How many mornings now had he assured himself that there would be plenty of time to speak with Shay? How many times had he went threw the words in his head, only to never voice them.
He didn't care if the baby wasn't his, and really, he didn't believe it was. There was no doubt in his mind that if he had spent a night with Shay he would have remembered it. But he didn't care, Goddamnit. And he should have told her...
And then the Watchtower was looming in front of them.
Clark continued to block the emotional maelstrom he'd gotten from J'onn from his memory. Even as they hurried down the hallways of Watchtower, after Jay who had disappeared in a streak of crimson, he could not forget the exhaustion and worry the Martian had projected.
And when they heard the scream, the first one in three and half hours, ripped from Shay's tortured throat when the baby moved in response to Jay's presence, he felt the terror himself. They ran into the Med Bay in time to watch Jay draw back and slug J'onn, before literally tearing apart several blankets that had been holding Shay to the bed.
J'onn stumbled back, watching numbly and without protest, as Jay crawled behind Shay. His legs were suddenly on either side of hers; one hand wrapped around one of hers, the other massaging her side. Her head fell back against his chest, and a shuddering groan slipped from her. For the first time in almost eight hours J'onn was swallowed by relief instead pain from Shay.
She turned her face up towards him, "Jay... the baby..."
"Shhh..." he pressed his lips to her forehead, feeling the shuddering in her back muscles, and hating himself for not being here sooner. Her hand, wrapped around his, contracted suddenly, and he felt his bones shift.
John stood in the doorway, numb with shock, not believing this was happening.
How long had he been promising himself that he would talk things over with Shay, figure everything about this insane mess out? He took a step towards her, only to have his knees lock. Jay would take care of her, he assured himself. He moved to stand beside Bruce, who had enfolded Diana into a desperate hug.
** **
John had tried to pull J'onn aside, but the alien was reluctant to move out of visual range of Shay. Currently Shay was whimpering as Jay continued to sing tidbits of songs to her, his voice cracking frequently.
Diana said it was nine and a half hours into the labor, her blue eyes puffy, still enfolded by Bruce's arms.
John, with a final growl of frustration, decided he would have to speak to J'onn without the benefit of privacy. "Can't you just cut her open and get the baby out?" After a moment J'onn turned his head to look at him, blinked slowly.
When J'onn spoke his voice was shaky, "I do not know her physiology well enough. If I did there is a large chance that at least the child would die." John ground his teeth in frustration. Everyone was refusing to see the baby's death as an option, and he didn't understand why.
"You should at least see if she'd be willing to try," John ground out from between clenched teeth. J'onn looked at him, and then, shoulders hunched walked over to Shay and Jay. John couldn't hear the alien speak, but both Jay and Shay's response was noticeable.
"NO! Promise me you won't touch my baby! Promise me!"
Jay's protest was quieter, but only marginally. J'onn nodded, reassuring words undoubtedly falling from his lips. John turned, and felt helplessness rise in his chest. He left his eyes slip closed, and jerked back to consciousness what felt like seconds, but was actually two hours, later to excited screaming.
Everyone was crowded around Shay's bed, and he hurried over, trying to figure out what was going on and what he had missed. Jay was still lying behind her, murmuring a constant stream of assurances and comforting words into her ear. She had both of his hands in her, and his fingers were very red, his hand compressed smaller than seemed possible. John wondered if all the bones in the boy's hands were broken, or just most of them.
J'onn was positioned between Shay's legs, a look of intense concentration on his face. Diana was standing behind the Martian; more for moral support it appeared than any actual medical assistance. And John suddenly realized what was happening.
The baby was finally coming. After hours of agony, worry, and terror on everyone's part, it was finally winding to a close. He didn't feel as relieved as he'd hoped he would.
Shay's scream blocked out Jay's soft murmurings, and very nearly drown out Diana's exuberant exclamation that they could see the head. Someone was yelling that they only needed a few more pushes, and someone else fell over backwards, having apparently locked their knees. Some Man of Steel Clark was turning out to be.
Jay was shouting encouragement now, and with one final scream something small, dark, and bloody came away in J'onn's hands. "My baby, let me see my baby!" Silence fell, swift and foreboding, and Shay felt ice climb up her spine. She released Jay's hands, and he embraced her, arms warm and comforting.
And then she saw J'onn's face, the defeat reflecting out of his eyes, and she felt tears like fire streaking down her cheeks. She heard someone screaming, a high-pitched animal keening, and it wasn't until much later that she realized it was herself. Her baby, her perfect little baby, was not moving, was not breathing. She turned in Jay's arms, buried her face desperately against his chest, her scream muffled against him.
He was littering kisses across her forehead, her hair, and his arms tight around her. Jay watched as they carried John's tiny, stillborn baby away, and tears snaked hot down his cheeks.
PART THREE: THE LAST TWELVE HOURS
She was not going to scream, and she was not going to cry, especially when she was only half an hour into this. The pain was excruciating, and she groaned when it tore threw her once more. For the first time something seemed wrong with the pregnancy. She'd seen others of her race give birth, and it was not like this. It could take hours, yes, but save for the last few minutes most of it was boring.
The pain, roughly equivalent to someone repeatedly forcing their fist threw her body from front to back, was starting to fade again, and she left out her breath. Sweat was beading on her forehead, and blood pooled in her palms from where she had torn the skin with her nails.
Something was wrong. What if something was wrong with her baby? Panic swelled in her chest.
"J'onn! J'ONN! My baby!" her voice was cracking from the pain, and she flailed her arm out in a desperate attempt to grab him. Someone had to make sure her baby was safe. Her baby had to be fine. Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell.
Suddenly J'onn's hand was around hers, his skin cool and smooth against her hot rough skin. "It will be alright," he squeezed her hand slightly, and tried to pull away but she tightened her grip, tugged on his arm desperately. Diana was suddenly on her other side, rubbing a cool clothe across her forehead. It was like ice, and for the first time she realized how hot the fever in her was.
Was she only sick?
"What's happening?" she groaned desperately, and now that she was aware of her fever it seemed like a living thing, struggling to escape her body. She felt like she was on fire. Diana and J'onn exchanged a worried look, and the Martian finally managed to pull free of her hold on his arm. Both would have liked to reassure her, but they knew less than she did.
*
The painkillers weren't working. Or maybe they were, and the pain was just so intense that they weren't having any noticeable effect. It was two hours into the labor, and the rip and tear of the pain in her belly was finally destroying Shay's determination not to scream.
The next wave tore threw her, and the scream that ripped from her throat was fractured, almost animal. J'onn shuddered, and wished for the hundredth time that he knew if something was wrong, or if this was a normal pregnancy for her race. And then he cursed himself for his own stupidity, because of course this wasn't normal, that child she was carrying was a half-breed.
He felt panic rise in his chest, for Shay, for the baby and he fought it down as best he could. Diana was clearly frustrated, doing her best to relieve as much of Shay's pain as she could, and growing increasingly agitated as she realized how impossible her task was.
The screams became an ever-present background to their already flustered attempts to help. After an hour they began to grow hoarse, till they were little more than whimpers again. In a way J'onn found the whimpering, growing gradually softer and lighter, far more disturbing than Shay's screams had been. If he had not believed something was wrong earlier, he believed it now.
Diana met his eyes from across the room, and the terror he saw there knocked any hope he retained away from him.
Their friend was in absolute agony, for all they knew her life and the life of her child in danger...and there seemed to be nothing they could do about it.
"Should we call...?" Diana didn't have to specify whom she meant. The father was either John or Jay, and surely both of them would want to be here. If only to attempt to comfort Shay. If only so that they might say goodbye. Diana felt something in her chest tighten when a chocked scream slid from Shay's throat. There were specks of blood on Shay's pale lips.
J'onn felt her alarm, jerked his head in the direction of her gaze. The dark red droplets stood like drops of wine on her almost white lips.
"Oh...Hera..." and Diana felt the tears slide hot down her cheeks.
**
Shay was silent. She had been for almost an hour, staring up at the ceiling with wide, unseeing eyes. Her lips moved occasionally, forming words with no sound, no force, behind them. They were in the fifth hour, and J'onn wished, vainly, that Shay would scream again. Anything was better than this almost comatose state, than looking into her eyes and seeming nothing staring back out.
Diana wanted, almost needed, to leave. She was projecting her emotions so powerfully that they were overwhelming his. Her panic, fear, was becoming his own, and so thick he was nearly swimming in them. Diana was already drowning, fighting a losing battle against the undertow of her emotions, but J'onn dare not send her away.
Blood slipped out the corner of Shay's mouth, snaked halfway down the side of her face before Diana wiped it away with an already bloody cloth.
J'onn couldn't find the source of the bleeding, and even if he could have he wouldn't have known what to do. Any operation might very well make things worse, and things were already very, very bad. He didn't know what to do. It was not a feeling he was used to, and it was one he liked very little. Why hadn't they considered this before? When Shay had explained that her race had very little difficulty in their pregnancies, why had no one considered the fact that she wasn't having a full-blooded child?
For the first time in the last two hours J'onn recalled Diana's suggestion that they call the others. There had been no word from the battle, he had no idea whether they were winning or losing, and to find out would require him to divert his focus from the crisis at hand. The thought of risking it set ill with him, but he was running out of time and options.
It might already be to late for any effective goodbyes to be said.
The thought shook him, and he turned away from Shay's too-still, too- pale body, and cast his mind out to his teammates. They were returning. There was a giddiness lingering in their minds that left no doubt in J'onn's mind that they had won. It took him another moment to force himself to deliver the news. When he did it was to Clark, because he could not bear leaving himself open to the emotional tumult that would fly at him if he told either Jay or John directly.
As soon as he finished he slammed down his shields as tightly as he could, and even then, the shock wave that was Jay and John's emotions nearly swept him away. He stumbled, sank to his knees, felt bitter bile rise in the back of his throat. Diana was at his side, supporting him, demanding to know what was wrong, but there were no words to describe it to her.
He had forgotten what absolute panic felt like.
"They are coming," he managed to choke out after a moment, as he finally baled enough of the emotional wave from his mind so that he could function. He felt tired, as though he had fought a battle, and when he stood a wave of dizziness clouded his vision.
Diana was still beside him, steadying him, her blue eyes just as exhausted as his were.
He blinked slowly, looked past her, not hearing her questions, and shoved her out of the way as he rushed over the Shay. Her mouth was open in a silent scream, her back arched as her wings, arms, and legs jerked. He sent a wave of calmness towards her, but there was no effect. Another hour of hell had passed, and they seemed no closer to the end.
"We need..." his throat seemed tight, "to restrain her. She may hurt herself." Diana only nodded grimly, grabbed a sheet off one of the beds, and tore it into ropes. Two she handed to him, and with the others she set about binding Shay to the bed. He couldn't bring himself to do it, not with Shay's panic inside his head, not knowing her fear of being restrained, and when Diana finished her two she took his from him and finished it.
And J'onn hated himself.
** *
It took them an hour and a half to get back to the Watchtower. Bruce, Clark, Jay and John. Somewhere between Earth and the Watchtower they had pulled their masks off, both cloth and emotional, and meet each other's stares of fear and worry.
An hour and a half was torture. Jay wanted to pace, but there wasn't nearly enough room, so instead he sank into a ball, his legs twitching with the impulse to run. What an idiot he had been. How many mornings now had he assured himself that there would be plenty of time to speak with Shay? How many times had he went threw the words in his head, only to never voice them.
He didn't care if the baby wasn't his, and really, he didn't believe it was. There was no doubt in his mind that if he had spent a night with Shay he would have remembered it. But he didn't care, Goddamnit. And he should have told her...
And then the Watchtower was looming in front of them.
Clark continued to block the emotional maelstrom he'd gotten from J'onn from his memory. Even as they hurried down the hallways of Watchtower, after Jay who had disappeared in a streak of crimson, he could not forget the exhaustion and worry the Martian had projected.
And when they heard the scream, the first one in three and half hours, ripped from Shay's tortured throat when the baby moved in response to Jay's presence, he felt the terror himself. They ran into the Med Bay in time to watch Jay draw back and slug J'onn, before literally tearing apart several blankets that had been holding Shay to the bed.
J'onn stumbled back, watching numbly and without protest, as Jay crawled behind Shay. His legs were suddenly on either side of hers; one hand wrapped around one of hers, the other massaging her side. Her head fell back against his chest, and a shuddering groan slipped from her. For the first time in almost eight hours J'onn was swallowed by relief instead pain from Shay.
She turned her face up towards him, "Jay... the baby..."
"Shhh..." he pressed his lips to her forehead, feeling the shuddering in her back muscles, and hating himself for not being here sooner. Her hand, wrapped around his, contracted suddenly, and he felt his bones shift.
John stood in the doorway, numb with shock, not believing this was happening.
How long had he been promising himself that he would talk things over with Shay, figure everything about this insane mess out? He took a step towards her, only to have his knees lock. Jay would take care of her, he assured himself. He moved to stand beside Bruce, who had enfolded Diana into a desperate hug.
** **
John had tried to pull J'onn aside, but the alien was reluctant to move out of visual range of Shay. Currently Shay was whimpering as Jay continued to sing tidbits of songs to her, his voice cracking frequently.
Diana said it was nine and a half hours into the labor, her blue eyes puffy, still enfolded by Bruce's arms.
John, with a final growl of frustration, decided he would have to speak to J'onn without the benefit of privacy. "Can't you just cut her open and get the baby out?" After a moment J'onn turned his head to look at him, blinked slowly.
When J'onn spoke his voice was shaky, "I do not know her physiology well enough. If I did there is a large chance that at least the child would die." John ground his teeth in frustration. Everyone was refusing to see the baby's death as an option, and he didn't understand why.
"You should at least see if she'd be willing to try," John ground out from between clenched teeth. J'onn looked at him, and then, shoulders hunched walked over to Shay and Jay. John couldn't hear the alien speak, but both Jay and Shay's response was noticeable.
"NO! Promise me you won't touch my baby! Promise me!"
Jay's protest was quieter, but only marginally. J'onn nodded, reassuring words undoubtedly falling from his lips. John turned, and felt helplessness rise in his chest. He left his eyes slip closed, and jerked back to consciousness what felt like seconds, but was actually two hours, later to excited screaming.
Everyone was crowded around Shay's bed, and he hurried over, trying to figure out what was going on and what he had missed. Jay was still lying behind her, murmuring a constant stream of assurances and comforting words into her ear. She had both of his hands in her, and his fingers were very red, his hand compressed smaller than seemed possible. John wondered if all the bones in the boy's hands were broken, or just most of them.
J'onn was positioned between Shay's legs, a look of intense concentration on his face. Diana was standing behind the Martian; more for moral support it appeared than any actual medical assistance. And John suddenly realized what was happening.
The baby was finally coming. After hours of agony, worry, and terror on everyone's part, it was finally winding to a close. He didn't feel as relieved as he'd hoped he would.
Shay's scream blocked out Jay's soft murmurings, and very nearly drown out Diana's exuberant exclamation that they could see the head. Someone was yelling that they only needed a few more pushes, and someone else fell over backwards, having apparently locked their knees. Some Man of Steel Clark was turning out to be.
Jay was shouting encouragement now, and with one final scream something small, dark, and bloody came away in J'onn's hands. "My baby, let me see my baby!" Silence fell, swift and foreboding, and Shay felt ice climb up her spine. She released Jay's hands, and he embraced her, arms warm and comforting.
And then she saw J'onn's face, the defeat reflecting out of his eyes, and she felt tears like fire streaking down her cheeks. She heard someone screaming, a high-pitched animal keening, and it wasn't until much later that she realized it was herself. Her baby, her perfect little baby, was not moving, was not breathing. She turned in Jay's arms, buried her face desperately against his chest, her scream muffled against him.
He was littering kisses across her forehead, her hair, and his arms tight around her. Jay watched as they carried John's tiny, stillborn baby away, and tears snaked hot down his cheeks.