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AUTHOR'S NOTE: The next few chapters look at different facets of Yami and Seto's relationship. I thought it was appropriate to start with Mokuba's point of view – after all, this would be a major change in his life, too. Besides, I love the little guy! Additional AUTHOR'S NOTES, and RESPONSES TO REVIEWS are at the end of the chapter.
CHAPTER 15: LITTLE DOESN'T MEAN STUPID
MOKUBA'S NARRATIVE
People are always saying that I'm nothing like my brother. I know what they mean. He's got that cold, arrogant thing down pat, and I don't. Actually I think it's kind of an insult. Why don't they just come out and say, 'Wow, you're not a creep like your brother,' 'cause that's what they mean. I usually let it pass. I know it's partly Nisama's fault. But they don't understand that if it wasn't for my brother always protecting me, I probably would be a 'creep' like my brother. They're wrong, anyway. We're more alike than people think. We both get by through planning things out; through reading people. And we don't like it when our strategies fail.
I figured if Yami was here, his friends would come over. I thought if they spent some time with Nisama, they'd get to know him, maybe even start to think of him as someone besides Creepy Kaiba. It seemed worth a shot.
I never thought Yami would like him, much less like him, like him. That bothered me. It was unexpected, and unexpected is usually bad. Yet Yami seemed good for him. I made a list, a long time ago, of the things someone would need to have to be with my brother. I wanted someone sillier. I expected a girl. But Yami had so many of the other things right, I wasn't about to be fussy – especially when he could make Nisama smile. It was strange that he could, when he was so serious himself. But I kept forgetting – only half his title was 'King'. The other half was 'Game'. He made everything into a contest. He got Nisama to eat by putting the food in the center of the table and challenging him to grab the most pieces – only you had to finish each piece before you could get another. I think he let my brother win, although it was hard to tell – Nisama had quicker reflexes and a longer reach.
They actually had fun with their crazy, competitive games. Nisama taught Yami to drive – which I think was a mistake. They'd tear up the grounds with motorcycle races. Nisama won a bet by riding right up from the front steps to the top floor. They'd take the car out, or worse both Lamborghinis to race at night, when they thought I was asleep. I didn't want to think about how many speeding tickets they were piling up – that is if anyone could catch them.
I worried about them a little – but that was a small price to pay to see Nisama have fun for once. It's funny -- I'm 12, and I'm still a kid, mostly. Nisama says that's the way things are supposed to be. But then -- how come things were never that way for him? He was younger than me when he beat our adoptive father – and he had been an adult even then. He's been the only father I can ever really remember. So if Yami could give him a childhood, even a little bit, I was all for it.
Yami wasn't goofy, like I'd originally wanted, but he was just as crazy as my brother. He'd even tease Nisama sometimes, usually after he'd beaten him at some dare devil stunt. He'd flash that self-satisfied smile and call him 'Blue Eyes'. Nobody ever gave my brother a nickname before. It annoyed him, but I could see he liked it too.
Yami was good with my brother, and Nisama wasn't easy. Yami didn't mind his working all the time, although he tried to get him to relax. He understood that Kaiba Corporation wasn't just Nisama's company – it was part of what kept him alive. Best of all, Yami seemed to know when to humor my brother, and when not to take any shit from him. When Seto was in one of his moods, Yami acted almost like it was a duel. He'd be patient but stern, just like when he was waiting for the perfect card to appear. But whenever that side of Yami showed up, I'd get scared.
My brother's great at getting people to hate him. I can remember him taunting our adoptive father, smirking when he'd made him to mad to talk – even though he knew he'd pay for it later. And Yami was even more dangerous. Nisama could usually control himself when I was around – or awake. But every once in a while, when he thought I was asleep on the couch, he'd start in on Yami, taunting him, trying to break his restraint – as if he was caught in a game that he could only win by getting Yami to despise him.
"So, there's something the great King of Games is scared of? I thought you never refused a duel, but suddenly you won't have a Shadow Game. Afraid you're losing your touch now that you're on your own? Want me to rip up another card – will that get you in the mood?"
Great, I thought -- now he's challenging Yami to a Shadow Game? Like we don't all know how the last ones turned out.
"Afraid of getting stuck there yourself? We know you don't mind dumping me there – or maybe you don't repeat yourself. I guess it's just a case of been there, done that."
Ouch. I could tell by the way Yami's eyes narrowed, that one stung. But he spoke calmly enough, saying:
"You're playing a fool's game Kaiba, and I'm not joining in."
Then his voice softened.
"I'm not leaving you. I won't hurt you either, Seto. If you truly want me to go, you'll have to be the one to tell me. All it would take is one word."
He came up to Nisama, and started massaging his rigid shoulders. For a minute I was afraid my brother would lash out – with his fists this time; he was that tense. Then he bent his head and rested it on Yami's, slowly curling to lean into Yami's waiting arms.
My brother couldn't bring himself to say the word. But there were times when he couldn't stop his desperate attempts to drive Yami away, either. That's when I realized how much he was coming to mean to Nisama. I didn't know how long Yami could keep holding his temper. So I hoped he was as good at reading Nisama as he was at games, otherwise one day my brother was going to have a one way ticket punched for the Shadow Realm.
They say you shouldn't spy or eavesdrop (although Nisama's never told me anything that stupid), but that's how you learn. It's how I learned to trust Yami, at least in this. There had been an article in the paper that day, about how even years after they had stopped making them, Kaiba Corporation's weapons were still popular, how other companies were fighting to try and get the patents my brother refused to sell. I knew Nisama would be dangerous that night, so I tried to stay awake. I fell asleep though, so I don't know what started the argument. My brother, probably. Nisama fought fair now, but he knew how to hit people's weak spots, and he could be merciless.
"So where's Obelisk these days? Oh, that's right – you don't know. Am I the only one who sees a pattern developing here? Sugoroku's Blue Eyes White Dragon, Exodia, the God Cards – you may be good at getting powerful cards, but you're lousy at holding on to them. Afraid of making your Dark Magician jealous? I'm just a mere mortal, but I've never lost anything that was mine."
"You lost your soul."
"Maybe I value my deck more. What about you? After all your bullshit about the 'Heart of the Cards' you're not a very good guardian, are you? How did you expect to save the world when you couldn't even hold onto a few pieces of paper? Or are you going to push the blame off on your even littler aibou?"
Nisama had really gotten to him this time. Yami was so mad he could hardly talk; his eyes were blazing. I was about to interrupt them, before my brother ended up decorating another playing card, when Yami, with an effort, suddenly said,
"We can't both break our promises to Mokuba on the same night."
Nisama suddenly started to laugh out loud, going on for so long that his legs starting shaking and he ended up sitting on the floor.
"Some King of Games you are. I should send my brother out to duel you next time." he had finally choked out.
I thought Yami was going over to him to help him get up, but he had sat down beside my brother instead, and actually cradled Nisama's head against his shoulder before kissing him. I shut my eyes, in embarrassment this time. Still, as I went to sleep for real, I was relieved that it looked like Nisama was going to survive the night.
That was the best thing of all about Yami. He managed to get through my brother's defenses. He would ruffle Nisama's hair, and cuddle him like a child, if you can believe it. He would kiss his neck and stroke his back, as if Nisama was a big cat. Yami must have been stronger than he looked, because he would lift my brother up, and Nisama seemed to enjoy it. Some of it even rubbed off on him. Nisama would hug me now, even during the day. He would kiss me good night, without me having to pretend to be asleep.
I was pretty sure that Yami must care for Nisama too, but I wasn't sure how much. I wasn't even sure why --- after all, no one had ever cared, besides me, before. I was afraid that maybe it was all another game to him. I could see that he thought dealing with Nisama -- getting him to open up, handling his moods -- was a challenge. It was why he was so good at it. But what would happen if he succeeded, if it was no longer a game – would he get bored and go away? My main requirement for a boyfriend for my brother was that he had to stick around.
I didn't think Yami was just playing with my brother. He wasn't mean, and he wouldn't knowingly break his promise. But Nisama was so involved with his work, Yami might tell himself that he wouldn't notice or care if he left. Or he could think that now that Nisama had opened up a little he'd be fine – he'd find someone else. But my brother wasn't like that. For all his championships, he had never learned to play games. Everything was life and death with him. I just hoped that someone called the King of Games could understand.
He had shattered my brother's heart once, and Nisama had survived. Hell, he had already proved he could survive anything. But nobody got a second shot at my brother. Not any more. For six years I had a front row seat as our adoptive father destroyed my brother. I had to stand by, safe and protected by his love, and watch as my brother's soul slipped through his fingers like water. I would have given anything to have been able to go back in time – to the day before I begged him to stay with me, before he vowed to be my father, before he traded his happiness for mine.
But my brother had taught me that the past could not be changed. And I knew, as I watched him stumble into his room after each 'lesson', that if I begged him to break his word to me, it would have robbed him of the courage he needed to face our adoptive father, would have made his sacrifices worthless in his eyes.
So for all those years, the only thing I could do for him was to pretend I didn't see what was going on, pretend that I didn't hear what his nightmares were telling me, pretend I didn't know the price he was paying for my safety, even as his heart splintered before my eyes.
To everyone, I'm Mokuba, the other Kaiba – but there's one more way I'm like my brother. I take my promises just as seriously. And I swore no one would ever hurt him again.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
MOKUBA: In the manga, despite his constant efforts, Mokuba is only partially successful at getting Yugi and his friends to understand his brother, much less to like him. I started wondering what would happen if he finally succeeded. He's had so much bad luck in his short life, I wasn't sure he would be able to recognize or believe in something good happening for a change.
Luckily for Mokuba, I think Gozaburo basically ignored him. Gozaburo would have been focused intensely on his ongoing battle with Seto, and I think Seto would have been pretty careful to keep Gozaburo's attention away from his little brother. I don't however, think Mokuba got off easily. In some ways, it must have been harder to watch, helplessly, what was happening to his brother, and then to see Yugi's friends blame him for the way he turned out. In the early manga episodes, Mokuba is actually a lot like Kaiba – except he's motivated by love, a desire to be like his brother, and maybe even a desire to share his burdens. Later, in many ways, he reminds me more of Yugi. That he's not more like Kaiba, is due to his brother's determination to give Mokuba's life a chance to develop along other lines. And Mokuba had an advantage Kaiba didn't: an older brother willing to do anything to protect him. So as much as I was trying to show how Mokuba felt about Yami and Seto's relationship, I was also trying to show what it was like to be Mokuba.
ANGER: As much as I would like to believe that sex with Yami (or even love) would solve all of Seto's problems, I can't. He's simply too conflicted, and anger is his basic way of dealing with his emotions. I don't see him as being physically violent – it's noticeable in the manga that he only fights in self-defense. But I do see him as being incredibly provocative at times. I kind of see storms breaking over the mansion, with Yami being the calm eye of the hurricane, and Kaiba being tossed by the winds.
In the subtitled version of the tag team duel, it's clear, it's taking everything Kaiba's got just to be able to hold it together long enough to cooperate through the duel. Yami's trying to help him, while using the duel as an opportunity to get Kaiba to re-evaluate his own philosophy. From Kaiba's internal dialog, you can tell that Yami's getting through to him. But of course, outwardly Kaiba's at his most difficult, alternating between saving Yami and flinging insults at him. There are times when Yami looks ready to drop him off of the roof himself, but there's also the sense that he realizes just how hard Seto is struggling, and that he's supportive. When Kaiba sacrifices his Blue Eyes for Yami it's clear he has really given up a piece of his soul. He starts screaming at Yami that he needs revenge, and Yami finally tells him that if that's the only thing that will ease his soul, he'll attack, even if it costs them the match. That promise finally calms Kaiba enough that he looks at his hand, and realizes he has the winning combination. That's the emotional sense I wanted to create with the fighting scenes in this chapter. I wanted Yami to be patient, without appearing weak, and to allow him to get a bit angry, even as he understood the emotions driving Kaiba.
RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:
AnimeFan-Artemis – Fire and Ice: I can see why the comparison usually runs the other way – after all, Kaiba's sarcastic and aloof, and Yami's warm, in the sense of being able to make friends. But when I think of the qualities that really describe Kaiba – his passionate devotion, his explosive temper and his reckless willingness to do whatever it takes to protect Mokuba – they're all fire qualities. And Yami seems wiser, more balanced, more in harmony with himself – which I think of as being 'cooler' qualities. I'm glad you noticed it – if it doesn't sound immodest, I was proud of the comparison.
Blue September – Yami's character: The manga doesn't show Yami really doubting himself, just at the end of Duelist Kingdom, and when he hears about Malik, his behavior undergoes a dramatic change. I don't think he regrets his actions, but I think he does develop a different sense of right and wrong, and even a better understanding of the need for him to control his power and consider the consequences of what he's doing. I'm glad you think he's in character. As I've put him in his own body, I'm trying to explore the implications that would have on him.
BTW: I'm glad you liked the "YOU belong to ME" bit – What can I say – even a Kaiba mellowed by love and regular sex, would still be pretty oppositional, stubborn, and too proud for his own good!
Solitaire and Xpyne – Yami/Seto: the dubbed version really plays up the animosity between them, especially on Kaiba's side. It's one of the many things I dislike about the dub. In the manga, or the subtitled anime, they have a more complex relationship. There's almost a note of – nobody gets to abuse this person but me – to it. Kaiba says repeatedly that he won't let anyone beat Yami but him. Yami shatters Kaiba's heart and then is furious with Pegasus by creating a puppet of him, and as he sees it, mocking Kaiba. Although their fights are at times vicious, they always root for each other against anyone else.
Crimson Winter, Red Dragon 4 – Yami/hikari: I think of Mokuba and Kaiba as a kind of real world counterpart to Yugi and Yami Yugi's more spiritual relationship. Except Kaiba would be better off if he paid as much attention to Mokuba as Yami does to Yugi. I also find the ways in which Yami and Kaiba are similar and yet different (the same can in some ways be said for Yugi and Mokuba) interesting.
Mistress of Dragons – emotional balance: Both Kaiba brothers are so damaged, that there's enough hurt and uncertainty to go around. It's like they both grew up in the Shadow Realm. Yet, I'm also trying to show the love and comfort that exists between these three characters, so Thank You for your comments.
Spirit Star – mushy: Thank you. I'm always trying to walk the line of creating an emotionally intense story that's not sappy.
Unsolvable Riddle – characters: I think having the characters narrate each chapter helps, because it forces the story to flow from the characters' emotions.
Animebay-b, Chibi Angelic Slayer, Riku – Welcome to Riku, and continued thanks to animebay-b and Chibi Angelic Slayer. I really like hearing from you.
