PLEASE READ AND REVIEW: I've been delighted with the thoughtful, thought-provoking reviews I've gotten. It's been wonderful, and a big help.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: I'd like to thank Kagemihari for her help with this chapter. One of her comments made me realize that there was a lot of history between Mokuba and Yugi that had to be resolved. I knew one incident in particular was important – but I didn't know why, and I had given up on figuring it out. I was trying to write the chapter around it, which is always a bad idea, when I got a wonderful e-mail from Kagemihari, where she spelled out exactly why this incident was important. I leaned on her insight, with her permission, and the rest of the chapter fell into place. So before the story begins I'd like to make my thanks clear.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: THIS CHAPTER WAS SO LONG I HAD TO POST IT IN TWO PARTS. THEY ARE MEANT, HOWEVER TO BE ONE, SEAMLESS, UNINTERRUPTED CHAPTER. Additional ANs and Response to Reviews are at the end of the second half.

I am trying to keep the ANs in the beginning for things that may be necessary to understand the background of the chapter. The ANs at the end are sort of more stream of consciousness thoughts.

STYLE NOTE: ITALICS are used when Mokuba is relaying a conversation that happened in the past.

MANGA NOTE: This chapter is based heavily on the manga version of the early history between Yami and the Kaiba brothers. If you're familiar with the manga, please skip to the story. If not, I think this note will be helpful.

In their first encounter, Kaiba tries to buy the Blue Eyes White Dragon from Sugoroku. When this fails, he steals it from Yugi. To get it back, Yami challenges Kaiba to a Shadow Game. Kaiba loses when the Blue Eyes destroys itself, because it's torn between obeying Kaiba's command and its loyalty to Sugoroku. As a punishment, Yami leaves Kaiba in the Shadow Realm (or an earlier version) where he experiences the illusion of being killed by duel monsters (the source of the nightmare in chapter 16).

Mokuba blames Yami for driving his brother insane – personally I think he's off base – the pre-Yami version didn't look particularly sane to me. Anyway, Mokuba challenges Yugi twice, knowing Yami will appear. It's clear he's doing it both to get revenge, and to protect his brother by keeping Kaiba from challenging Yami again. As a result of both losses, Mokuba has the illusion of being locked in a Monster Chess Capsule, and is forced to eat poison.

Kaiba forces Yugi and friends to compete in the Death-T tournament, which can kill them. Mokuba challenges Yami , and insisted on being one of the competitors to prove himself to his brother, but this goes horribly wrong. Kaiba thinks Mokuba is trying to show him up and will eventually challenge him. So when Yami beats Mokuba, Kaiba forces his brother to go through the 'Death Simulation Chamber' which duplicates the dream Yami gave him, and which he prepared for Yami as revenge. Yami hears Mokuba's screams and rescues him. He then beats Kaiba and 'shatters' his heart, leaving Kaiba in a coma until he can put the pieces together.

CHAPTER 18: SOMETIMES, THREE'S NOT A CROWD

MOKUBA'S NARRATIVE

"MOKUBA!"

I woke up to the sound of my brother screaming my name. I sprinted for the door, thankful I no longer had to fumble with the electronic lock, then raced to the bed. As always, I appreciated Yami's courage in sleeping beside my brother each night. Right now, he was struggling to restrain Nisama. Yami had learned the hard way that the gentle approach just didn't work with this particular nightmare. It usually took both of us to wake him up. One look at Yami's face told me that he had lived through this dream too, but I had never asked him to show it to me. He probably would have refused, and anyway, I didn't really want to see myself ripped apart by Seto's monsters. Once had been enough.

Nisama's eyes were open. He was fighting something only he could see, screaming my name 'till I thought all of Domino could hear us. There's a reason my brother's room was pretty soundproof, although he was too proud to seal it off completely.

I shook my brother, yelling in his ear, trying to be heard over his howls, "It's okay, Nisama. I'm right here." But either he couldn't hear me, or didn't believe me. Finally, he sat up with a gasp, shuddering uncontrollably. He yanked me into his arms, his fingers running down my face like a blind man's; his own face buried in my hair – as if trying to reassure himself I was real.

Then he pushed me away, like he always did. Once he was sure I was alive, he never wanted to be touched. He had changed a little, since Yami. He would hug me now – to comfort me, and because he knew I liked it. But he would only rarely let me embrace him in return – and never after this nightmare.

"I thought I killed you." He muttered, as if I didn't know, as if we hadn't had this conversation before.

You didn't. It was just a dream."

"I could have killed you. That was no dream."

"It's okay."

That got him mad, as it always did.

"In what universe is it 'okay' for me to almost kill my brother with my own duel monsters?"

This time, I tried a joke, "At least it's something we have in common – being eaten alive by your demons." I put on my best smile, but my brother wasn't buying it. I was serious anyway. There's no experience I wouldn't want to share with my brother, even this one.

I could never resist trying to make him feel better, even though I knew it wouldn't work.

"I don't blame you," I said.

"You should."

"I love you."

He flinched at that, before replying, almost too low for me to hear.

"You shouldn't."

"I forgive you."

"Some things can't be forgiven."

"Oh yeah? How come it's okay for you to get beaten to a pulp just to give me a home? How come it's okay for our adoptive father to drive you half crazy, and for Yami to finish the job – but you're the only one who never gets to make a mistake?"

"My mistakes, as you call them, have fatal consequences."

"This time it didn't. Whether you want to hear it or not, Nisama – I forgive you."

He never had an answer to that, but I wasn't fooled. His silence didn't mean I had convinced him.

After a moment, he mumbled, as he always did. "You deserve better." He looked at Yami. "And you should have left me in the Shadow Realm with the other demons where I belong."

With anyone else, I would think they were exaggerating. But my brother was in earnest.

Promise me you won't hurt yourself." I demanded.

No answer.

"Promise me, Nisama!"

"I promise," he finally whispered.

After a while, he was calm enough to fall back into an exhausted slumber. With any luck he'd sleep 'till morning. I relaxed as I leaned against Yami. I knew why Nisama was drawn to him – it was the power of course, and the air of danger – my brother could never resist either. But I was starting to understand why he stayed, why he needed Yami. There was something comforting about him, about being held by him in the dark, as Nisama slept beside us.

"Thanks for making him keep the door unlocked." I mumbled.

"Despite what Kaiba thinks, you hardly need any more practice hacking into security systems." He said with a touch of annoyance.

Despite the tension, I smiled. I loved it when Yami got on my brother's case about me, and started offering advice. Not that Nisama listened, thankfully. "Believe it or not, Kaiba," he's say, "tagging along behind you, carrying that ridiculous briefcase is not the ideal exercise for a growing boy." My favorite was, "Did you ever realize Kaiba, that according to Yugi, helping your brother test a new video game is not an acceptable excuse for missing school?" (Although after hearing my brother's explosion on that one, Yami had never held up Yugi as a role model again.)

Yami had three names for my brother: Blue Eyes when he was trying to tease him, Seto most of the time, and Kaiba for when Nisama really pissed him off. It was Kaiba at least once a day.

My smile faded as Yami continued speaking, "Seto would lock everyone out, if he could. But, as much as your brother would deny it, after that nightmare, he needs to see you, to touch you, to feel that you're alive. He needs to know you love him and forgive him."

"You couldn't tell that from his reaction." It always hurt. Although he didn't mean to, sometimes Nisama made me feel as helpless as our adoptive father had.

"He can't endure being forgiven right now – maybe not ever. But he still needs to hear that you accept what he did, even if he cannot."

He paused, then said, "You hate being at the core of his worst nightmare, don't you?"

I nodded, surprised that he had noticed. It was hard enough to get used to the idea that Yami really and truly cared about Nisama. And it was strange, that of all of Yugi's friends, Nisama's lover was the first to see me as a real person, not just as Kaiba's little brother. It seemed like almost too much to expect – for him to like me too. But he did. And it made a difference.

Nisama loved me, would die for me in a heartbeat, had sacrificed his soul for me without hesitation. But there were so many things I couldn't tell him. So many things that Yami seemed to know and understand, instead.

Our early encounters (well disasters, really) with Yami were one more thing Nisama and I never talked about. But they were one more thing I wanted Yami to understand. More than that, I needed to learn how to forgive the man who had saved my life, for almost taking my brother's in its place. How to trust the one person who had both helped us and hurt us more than anyone else. Who was becoming part of the family he had almost destroyed, and then put back together. I guess, I needed Yami to bail me out, once again.

"I knew we were wrong the whole time, you know – Death-T, I mean. I just didn't care. It was the only thing I could do for Nisama – to be as wrong as he was, with him. I'd do it again, too." I wanted to be honest – even if Yami ended up hating me for it.

"I know," he said gently. "I knew even as I was punishing you, that you were motivated solely by your love for your brother. If my sorrow means anything to you, be assured of it."

I was surprised again, but not too surprised to note that he was apologizing (well, as close as I had ever seen him come to it, anyway) for what he had done to me, not to Nisama.

For the first time I understood my brother. I mean, he had been more than half-crazy at the time, and I had been just a kid. And I hadn't lied to Yami, I had helped Nisama out of love. But my brother had taught me never to try and make excuses for the inexcusable – and there was no getting around the facts: if Yami hadn't stopped us, we would have killed a lot of people without thinking twice. And probably without feeling sorry about it afterwards, either. Maybe my brother was right – and some things shouldn't be forgiven.

But there was one thing I knew for sure: my brother could have had a safe, comfortable life. All he would have had to do was abandon me. He chose to take on the world, alone, instead; surrendering his soul along the way. And now, everyone thought I was an angel for refusing to hate the demon he became, for my sake. They kept reminding me that he had tried to kill me at Death-T. Like I was too dumb to know that. Like I had forgot, somehow. But one horrible day of insanity couldn't undo his years of devotion, or make me forget that he had destroyed himself out of love. Everyone condemned him (and they were entitled to) as the creator of Death-T, and sympathized with me as one of its victims. But my days of hiding behind Nisama were over. Now it was time to stand by him and face whatever blame his actions had earned.

"I don't want your forgiveness or your apology, if Nisama doesn't get it too." I said proudly.

"Mokuba, I forgave him long ago." Yami said, "The part of Seto that was irredeemable, disappeared the moment I shattered his heart. And I can't apologize for that, even to you. You know as well as I, that he had to be stopped – for his own sake and yours, let alone everyone else's."

"What about Pegasus's tower?" I challenged. I hadn't seen the duel of course. But I had heard all about it. People never notice me. And when they like me, they even manage to forget that Nisama's my brother. So I get to hear a lot of stuff they'd never say to his face. And Jou had been pretty worked up over my brother's 'cheating.'

Yami answered me slowly, as he lost himself in the memory of that day.

"In the beginning, neither of us realized the battle's true stakes. Your brother neither knew, nor would have cared about Sugoroku. And Death-T was still too fresh in my mind. I never would have imagined that he would chose death over life without you.

But I won't pretend. I had sworn to save Yugi's Ji-chan, but once the duel started, I was pursuing only victory. And fighting Seto is like dueling no one else. Nothing else existed. So, I would have broken my promise to you. I would have let Seto die to win a match," he said calmly.

"Knowing by then, it was what he wanted, knowing he would have gone to his death believing that he had betrayed you by leaving you in Pegasus' hands, knowing he looked on his death as a just punishment for his failure.

I've never asked for an apology for Death-T. Your brother's never asked for one for Duelist's Kingdom. Some things are beyond that."

Maybe he was right. Maybe I was simply tired of fighting him; tired of trying to hold him at arm's length as he tried to hug me closer. Maybe it was just that he reminded me so damn much of Nisama at that moment, as he said that so coolly, refusing to justify himself; daring me to hate him. And I couldn't. I found myself leaning against him once more, with his arms around me; wanting to accept his non-explanation, wanting to trust that he loved my brother and would never hurt him again; would die before he broke another promise. Wanting to believe the note of sorrow in his proud voice. And I remembered how he had come through in the end. Yami might have broken his promise to me at Duelist's Kingdom; but he had enabled Nisama to keep his, instead.

Besides, I was fooling myself to think I could ever hate the first person, besides me, Nisama had found to love – much less someone who cared enough to lose sleep over his nightmares. In the end, one day of insanity shouldn't count for everything.