Author: Damnyankee
Rating: PG-13, just because
Summary: Continuing the idea behind trying to resolve things quickly instead of drawing them out in a TV fashion: what if? Abby and Carter in their alternate universe…
Author's Note: Sorry this has taken a few days, but ff.net is being silly and I was trying to wait until I posted Chapter 5 before writing this. Aw, well…guess I can't wait!!
Disclaimer: I don't own them, NBC/Crichton/whoever else owns them, yadda yadda yadda…
Chapter 6: The End
Later that day, laying in bed, the two lovers snuggled into each other, both silent but not sleeping. They had made love, making up for time lost with each other, time missing each other, time arguing with each other. Now they were left with the aftermath of their previous conversation, and the problem of what came next. After a long time spent in silence, Abby finally spoke. Her voice was quiet, trying hard not to break the spell.
"Carter, what was Africa like?" She was laying with her back to his chest, her head resting on his arm, their hands entwined. She waited for his response, sensing that it couldn't be easy to answer the question. He gently kissed her shoulder; she felt him take a deep breath, and then begin to speak.
"It was incredible. And it was terrible. It was... it was kids with polio. It was kids dying from malnutrition, and malaria, and whooping cough." He paused. "And it was beautiful. I mean, the country's beautiful. Hospital doesn't have enough staff, so the patients', uh, family members, they stay with them. They cook for them, they clean for them, they even, uh, change the sheets. It was a life-changing experience. I just--don't know how yet." He took another deep breath and she waited for him to continue, and when he didn't she spoke again.
"Where's Luka?" She felt him tense at this question, then relax again. She didn't mean it in a spiteful way, just a curious way, but she knew his jealousy and that he would presume she meant it to hurt him.
"Uh, he's…Luka's fine. He's staying there. I think—I think he's found himself, in a way." He kissed her shoulder again, and his fingers started working themselves between hers, fidgeting. It was something he did when he was uncomfortable. "I can't explain some of the things I saw there, Abby. I was completely out of my element, completely thrown for a loop. But, the longer I was there, the more I realized that there was so much I could do. So much more than…" He trailed off, not wanting her to make presumptions about what he was saying.
"Here," she finished for him quietly. They both resumed their previous silence, treading carefully, not wanting to veer off the path they'd carved so precisely not very long ago. Again, Abby was the first to speak. "Did you think about me?"
"Yes." His fingers stopped their fidgeting; he didn't know where she was going with this.
"What did you think?" She had wanted to ask him this question, like all the others, ever since he'd left. She sought an understanding of what was going on inside him. She just wanted him to let her in. Ironically, he'd wanted the same thing of her for the past two years.
"I guess…I don't know. I thought about all the stuff I've been telling you. Why you couldn't help me when Gamma died, why you had to go after your brother when, for once, I needed you." This time it was her turn to brace herself. To reassure her, he ran a finger down her bare hip. "And then, I guess I kind of started to understand it. Being in that place, you start to get a kind of clarity. Like, the world we have here is so crazy, or we think it is, until we see it from outside. And I knew--I sensed--that what you did had nothing to do with how you felt about me. That, like so much else has been in our lives, it was just a matter of bad timing." He felt her soften, both because of his touch and his words. "And, of course, I thought about this; us, laying here in bed, close to each other, loving each other. All I've wanted for so long is to just be able to love you completely, neither one of us holding anything back. I know how hard that is for you, and for me sometimes, too." He waited again, wanting to continue, but wanting her to say something. When she spoke, he was surprised at her choice of words.
"I think I want to go back to med school." She held her breath, anticipating his response. For a few seconds he said and did nothing, and then she felt him begin to laugh. A soft, low chuckling; a sound she had missed so much. She propped herself up on her elbows so that she could look at him, beginning to laugh herself. "What?"
"I pour my heart out to you, I tell you how much I've missed you, I offer my heart up on a plate, and you respond by telling me you're going back to med school?" She swatted at his shoulder, but was laughing so hard that she barely touched him. They looked at each other, just laughing, for a few moments. Abby dropped back onto the bed on her side, this time facing him. When the laughter stopped, both their faces returned to serious, and they were suddenly aware that they were looking at each other, and that this made the honesty harder. But, of course, truer.
"That's what I've been thinking about while you were gone. That I have been so scared of so much for so long, and I'm sick of it. I love being a nurse, but I know I'll be a great doctor, and I don't want to hide from that anymore." She paused, wiping something invisible off his shoulder. She had been looking in his eyes, but now she couldn't. She had to look down; the feeling was too intense, and she didn't want him to see the tears starting in her eyes. "With you, John, I don't have to be scared. I mean, I am still sometimes, but you won't let me. And after you left, and I thought I might never have you again, I knew that it was either sink or swim. Sink, because I didn't believe in myself enough to swim without you, or get over it and swim on my own."
"And…?" He brought her chin up with his hand, wanting to see her eyes, the tears starting to fall.
"And, I couldn't sink anymore. I've been 'sinking' for—well, it seems like forever. You were right; I don't have to put my life on hold." She took a deep breath, preparing herself for the soul-baring she was about to do. "Everything good in my life, John, is because of you. Has been for a long time. And I can make it on my own, I can be happy, I can have what I want, without you. Except that, you're one of the things I want most, and happiness without you is just…mediocre." He had started to smile very stupidly, from ear to ear. "What, what is it?"
"Nothing, it's just—I've wanted to hear you say this kind of stuff for so long, and I had started to think after…everything…that I might never. That this whole thing between us was completely one-sided. I think you may have just made me the happiest guy in America." He kissed her then, rolling her onto her back, him on top of her. When the kiss ended, they looked at each other, both now smiling stupidly. "You know what I think?"
"What?" She responded, as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"I think we should move in together." She cocked her head at him, surprised at this answer.
"Yeah?" She though about it for a moment, then nodded her head. "You know, I think that's a great idea." He started to kiss her neck in response. "Oh, and that's a great idea, too. Keep going with that one." He mumbled something incoherent into her skin. "I didn't catch that, Carter." She giggled as his eyelashes tickled her earlobe. "You realize this all could have ended very differently? Before I found you on my couch, I was prepared to give you your key to my apartment back, and maybe end this." He raised his head to meet her eyes, blinking curiously at her.
"Really?"
"Don't get upset about it. I was pretty pissed at you. But then I woke up, and I saw you sleeping there, and I had time to really think before I had to talk to you." She ran her hand down his chest, hoping to reassure him. He smiled at her, realizing that it didn't matter what she had meant to do; it mattered what had actually happened. He resumed kissing her neck, working his way down to her chest. "Remind me sometime, John, to tell you about the strange dream I had last night." Again, he mumbled something she didn't understand. "You don't know anyone named Kem, do you?"
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And Abby went back to med school and became an amazing doctor, and they moved in together, and then got married, and had many Carby babies!!
A/N: Thanks for reading my wonderful rendition of the carby life. I had a good time writing this, and I'm hoping to write more soon. Anything to keep my mind off of what TPTB are ACTUALLY making carby suffer through….Please read and review!!