PLEASE READ AND REVIEW: I've been delighted with the thoughtful, thought-provoking reviews I've gotten. It's been wonderful, and a big help.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: At the end of the last chapter, I realized it was time to hear from Yugi – that he was becoming conspicuous by his absence. But, my Yugi is based on the manga. In the dub, Yugi is eager to be friends with Kaiba. In the manga they are acquaintances who respect each other, rather than friends. Like, in the dub, Yugi asks Kaiba to join them at Duelist's Kingdom. In the subtitled version, which I think is closer to the manga (boy, do I wish someone would translate that episode when Kaiba first arrives and duels Jou) Yugi asks Kaiba if he has discovered the 'heart of the cards'. His answer is telling: he says that he doesn't know yet, then promises to duel Pegasus fairly – indicating to me, a certain measure of mutual respect, if not friendship. That is the tone I tried for in Yugi's narrative.

Additional ANs and Response to Reviews are at the end of the chapter.

NAMES: In the subtitled DVD, Yugi refers to Kaiba as Kaiba-kun, which is a more formal form of address. Somehow, I couldn't get Yugi's narrative to work in my own mind, until I added the kun to Kaiba's name. Ji-chan means (I hope) grandfather.

STYLE NOTE: ITALICS are used when Yugi is relaying a conversation that happened in the past.

CHAPTER 19: THE FOURTH SIDE OF THE TRIANGLE

YUGI MUTOU'S NARRATIVE

Yami thought I had planned the whole thing out. He always gives me too much credit. I'm grateful. It was his faith in me that had taught me to believe in myself. I'm not as wise as Yami thinks, but I've learned to trust my impulses. And as angry as Yami had been at Kaiba-kun that day, at the party; he had looked so right sitting next to him on the bed.

I couldn't share a body with him and not know that there was a deep, unexpressed, unexplored, connection between them. A connection he would never pursue as long as he was joined to me, and as long as he saw Kaiba-kun as a potential threat. And Kaiba-kun was dangerous, uncontrollable. We all knew it.

When Yami had chosen to live out his life in a separate body, he thought he was doing it for me. And I had let him think that. It was mostly true. I had been ready to move on, and he had been the first to see it. But I also wanted him to have his own life, instead of just a little piece of mine. He was my darkness, not my shadow. He had given up his chance 3,000 years ago. It was time he got it back.

But it had been a painfully mixed blessing. I had known I would miss him. I had not known how much. How much I would still need him, not as a guardian, but simply as a presence in my life. If Duelist's Kingdom had proved that Mokuba was the most important piece of Kaiba-kun's heart; it had also shown that Yami was part of mine. We shared more than a deck. We were not friends, or even lovers. In some ways the connection between us was more intimate. And, I was grateful that neither my love for Anzu, nor Yami's feelings for Kaiba-kun, could undo that tie. Maybe I should have felt guilty for caring so much, when we each loved other people, but our mental -- our emotional bond -- felt so natural, so right, that the only guilt would be in denying it.

It was how I had known what Yami was going to say from the moment he walked into the game shop that day, after making love to Kaiba for the first time. I had made it easy for him.

"So, you're going to stay at the mansion. Have you come to ask for my blessing?" I joked.

Yami, of course, took me seriously.

"Would I have it?"

"You have more than my blessing. You have my love."

"How did you know?"

"How could I not know? Whenever you dueled, you focused on him like he was the only thing in the world."

"If it hadn't been for you, I would have killed him."

I shrugged. If Yami had almost lost Kaiba-kun at Pegasus' castle, I had almost lost both him and Ji-chan. Yami knew I hated even thinking about it, just as I knew it was the one event that he had buried in the depths of his soul room. So I was surprised to see him ready to unlock the door, and raise the memory within. Maybe his stay with Kaiba-kun had influenced him more than I thought.

But I could never be anything less than honest with him, even about that day. It would be too much like lying to myself. And some good had come out of it.

"That was the day," I told him, "that I learned I wasn't always weak – not when I knew I was right."

"And I learned to listen to you. More, I learned that being powerful isn't the same thing as being wise," he said with a smile.

"Most of all," I said with my heart in my eyes, "It was the day I learned that you needed me, as much as I needed you."

He looked at me intently. "I'll always need you. You'll always be my light."

"And he'll always be your greatest rival. And you'll always need both." I smiled when he let out a breath I didn't realize he had been holding.

But despite my words, and my instincts, I was nervous of encouraging Yami to like someone with Kaiba-kun's past. I respected his efforts to make something of his life, but I was bothered by his many missteps along the way. At Alcatraz, I had been dismayed to discover that my duel disk, which had somehow become as much a part of me as my arm, had such an ugly and violent history. And I wondered if one day, Yami would come to feel the same way about Kaiba-kun himself. But I trusted that Yami's heart wouldn't lead him wrong, now that he had learned to listen to it.

I was glad when Yami started bringing Kaiba-kun to the game shop. Even Jou had promised to behave, sort of. Well, actually he had said:

"Hello—Earth to Yami! Did I miss something? When did Kaiba become the good guy? This is the bastard that tried to murder us. He damn near succeeded in killing Sugoroku and even his own brother!"

"He's not the same person, any more than I am," Yami replied.

"He sure looks and sounds the same to me." Jou retorted. "And shattering his heart, if he has one, doesn't even begin to make up for what he did. Nothing will. Am I the only one who doesn't have 'forgive and forget' penciled in on my list of things to do today?"

"No. You're not the only one who can't forgive or forget. Never think that." Yami said quietly.

I knew that Yami hadn't convinced him. But Jou heard the sadness in my aibou's voice, and he was too good a friend to argue further. He turned to me.

"Okay, Yugi. I wouldn't do this for anyone but you and Yami, but I promise. I'll be nice to the son of a bitch as long as he doesn't start anything with me."

And Kaiba-kun didn't start trouble. Of course, that could be because he didn't speak. He sat in the back, staring at the walls, as if counting the cracks; only stopping to memorize the pattern on the tiled floor, instead. It was hard to believe, looking at his bored expression, that he cared for Yami at all. But I couldn't imagine why he had bothered to come, if not to please my aibou. Then, I had caught him, the one time he had lifted his eyes to the back of Yami's head. I was stunned by the naked longing I saw there, the promise of undying love; before he had lowered his lids to continue his analysis of the floor. I had never seen such an open look on his closed face – except for that time when he had saved Mokuba's soul in Noa's world – and smiled at his success, even though he had given up his life to do it.

I thought about that fervent look, and what it meant – and realized that the number of people that Kaiba-kun would kill or die for, had just doubled.

Maybe Kaiba-kun had more to give Yami, than a challenge – the kind of burning passion and wordless devotion he craved and deserved. I had assembled Yami's puzzle, but Kaiba-kun was the final piece, that neither of us realized was missing – until he came along to complete it.

Yami and I were two separate people. One had only to look at our choices to know that. I had loved Anzu since we were kids. I loved her for her courage, for her warmth, for the way she pretended to be an empty-headed cheerleader until one of us was in trouble. The only mistake Pegasus had made in designing the Black Magic Girl was in giving her blonde hair instead of brown, and screwing up the bangs.

I liked Kaiba-kun as much as possible, respected him, and even pitied him a little – having no one but Mokuba. But I could no more imagine loving him, than deliberately walking in front of his dragon's lightning breath. He was too wild, too strange; as if he had grown up in the Shadow Realm, instead of Domino. If Yami and I had shared a body, Kaiba-kun, at times, seemed to share a soul with his indomitable white beasts. But my faith in Yami was as strong as ever, and I didn't doubt the wisdom of his choice. Strange as it might seem to push my aibou into the arms of our fiercest rival – maybe it took a magician to tame a wild dragon.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: For reasons I don't even want to think about, I find it much easier to channel Kaiba's brand of hyper self criticism, brutal honesty, and dark humor, than Yugi's certainly more healthy blend of optimism, insight, and faith. But just as Kaiba would never be in a relationship that made Mokuba unhappy, I certainly can't see Yami with Kaiba, if his choice made Yugi miserable. So I thought it was important to get Yugi's perspective. Believe me, I'm not fishing for compliments when I say -- his voice is the one I hear least clearly – I guess it's proof that, like the disclaimer says, I don't own YuGiOh (although I'm beginning to feel like I've taken out a lease on Kaiba and Mokuba.)

One thing I find interesting is the parallels between Yami and Kaiba. Yami takes Kaiba to the Shadow Realm and makes the monsters come alive. Kaiba promptly duplicates this feat using the advantages that are uniquely his: technology and real world power. In Battle City (in the manga) Yami is trying to stop Malik's drive for the God cards and Millennium Items – his spiritual power. Kaiba hosts Battle City, even putting up his Blue Eyes as bait, because he wants to destroy his Rare Hunters (or Ghouls, as they are called), because he believes they are ruining the game of Duel Monsters.

In his own way, Mokuba is every bit as much Kaiba's hikari as Yugi is Yami's – and he seems to have the same drive to protect him that Yami, and even Yami Bakura have shown.

I don't plan on a Yugi and Seto chapter, the same way as I have had Mokuba and Yami chapters, because, in the manga there is surprisingly little interaction between them. Kaiba's appearance on the scene usually triggers a shift from Yugi to Yami – whether because Yami considers Kaiba an ongoing threat, because he likes talking to him – or both – is a little unclear. Yet Yami often appears in situations where the threat theory doesn't quite hold up. When Kaiba first arrives at Duelist's Kingdom, Yugi watches his duel with Jou (subtitled DVD), although it's noticeable that he doesn't cheer for Jou. Yami only emerges when it's over – to warn Kaiba that Pegasus is a foe beyond his ability, and to promise to defeat Pegasus, at least partly for Kaiba. Kaiba responds that it doesn't matter whichever one reaches Pegasus first -–one of them will destroy him.

After their tag team duel, it would surely be the perfect time for Yami to retreat back to his puzzle. He's tired from the duel, Kaiba has promised to help, and Yami knows he's going to be needed later. Yet (manga, again) he hangs around during the helicopter ride for a friendly (well, as friendly as Kaiba gets) debate about the power of cooperation and the meaning of friendship.

I think I was most influenced by the manga (#263) after he defeats Kaiba at Alcatraz. He tells Kaiba that the power of friendship is what enabled him to win. Kaiba responds angrily that an abstract concept like friendship has no meaning in his life. Yami is staring intently at Kaiba, thinking that Kaiba must feel the connection between them because they bring out the best in each other, and that there must be a place where good rivals and good friends are the same. You can see him almost trying to will this message into Kaiba's brain. He's so focused on him that he's forgotten about his friends, and is startled to hear them calling him.

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:

AnimeFan-Artemis, Kagemihari, Spirit Star – Yami and Yugi: Kaiba isn't the only one in this relationship with a significant other in his life. How Yugi feels about Yami and Kaiba would be important to Yami. And I think it's important to look at the nature of their relationship, and how Yami and Yugi's bond impacts on Kaiba. As to the answer to Mokuba's question: that's one of several questions that by the end of the story (but probably not before), hopefully, you'll have the answer to.

AnimeFan-Artemis – Seto's narration: Yeah, I know – it's taking me a while to work my way back to him. Yami's up next, and Seto will appear before Christmas – for those who like a healthy helping of angst with their Christmas cheer!

Lightening Sage – Seto and Turmoil: After I read you're review, I realized something: I think I've felt a little freer to express all the turmoil and pain in Seto's character, precisely because I've given him such strong supporters. Without that level of comfort, the story would become meaningless. It's somewhat ironic that although isolation is a main component of Kaiba's character, he has people that truly love him and whose support he relies on, if he could bring himself to accept that.

Mistress of Dragons – Yami in a separate body: Well I gave a sort of explanation at the beginning. In the manga there's this guy called the Guardian of Memory. I have no idea who he is, or what he does. But I liked the name. So I decided he gave Yami a choice: he could regain his memories and go to the after-life, he could stay with Yugi, or become his own person. He felt it was time for Yugi to be free of him, so he picked Door #3. I freely admit this was all totally contrived. The truth is, I needed Yami to be in his own body, because I couldn't imagine how a relationship with Kaiba could work, since I wasn't writing a Yugi./Yami/Seto story – and what was he going to say, "Do you mind if I borrow your body for a couple of hours? I got a hot date with Kaiba coming up – promise I'll return the body much more relaxed." (Actually that's not a bad line – for another, much funnier story.) Thank you though – having made this artificial decision, I tried to think through the implications, how would Yugi and Yami feel about being separate, how would Yami adjust to giving up the hunt for his memories, etc. and I'm glad it made up for the arbitrary nature of the original decision.

Desidera – What Yami does all day: Great question – you are the first to ask, but I have to admit – I have absolutely no idea. As you can see, he spends some time with Yugi. I also picture him being a late sleeper – Kaiba always wakes up first. But that leaves a lot of hours unaccounted for. I love the LOTR and I always think of him as being kind of elven. That maybe time for meditation is more important to him than to most. Also, he's been in a puzzle. He's not used to doing much. I'm not being flippant; the truth is, I just draw a blank when it comes to imagining his daily routine.

Chibi Angelic Slayer – details: Thank you. I actually think about a lot of details that never make it into the story or even the ANs: like what kind of ice cream the characters like, where in America the Kaiba brothers went after Battle City, and why they stay in Domino, rather than moving to Tokyo. I probably should put a made up trivia page on my profile. Of course, I should probably put something on my profile, but that's another story.

Blue September, Crimson Winter – Seto and loyalty: The one thing that impressed me in Duelist's Kingdom (in BOTH the dub and the sub versions) is that when Pegasus states his terms, telling Kaiba that he will lose his soul if he loses the duel, there's no fuss, no ranting, and no hesitation. There's a calmness and a quietness to Kaiba's devotion that I find moving. But because it's so silent, I think Yami might be slow to realize he inspires the same loyalty. Also, it's quite a responsibility, having someone that will without hesitation or thought, give up his life or soul for you, in a literally breath-taking way.

Ceresi, Crimson Winter, Desidera, Lightning Sage, Red Dragon 4, Samurai-ashes, Solitaire – Yami and Mokuba: I realized that Yami is an only child, and I think that someone as wise and as mischievous as Mokuba would be good for Yami. I also wanted to give Yami a relationship that's different from his friends. But their early history is nothing short of a disaster. I found their Monster Capsule Duel particularly disturbing, since it seems like Yami wins, not so much because he's the King of Games, as because he's outsmarted a kid. A kid moreover, who is clearly troubled, and is acting to protect and defend his brother, sentiments that Yami should have been able to understand. Yes, as Mokuba had tried to terrorize Yugi, not to mention cheating, Yami was right to punish him in some way, but there was a real dark side being revealed here, that Mokuba would remember. I think thought, that it was Yami almost killing Seto, at a moment when he was at his most vulnerable that Mokuba would find hardest to forgive, but I thought he needed to find a way to do that, for his own sake, as well as Yami's.

Cerridwen10, Tainted Fortune: Yami and Seto's dark sides: I think people are attracted to each other for light and dark reasons. With Yami and Seto, a lot of the destructiveness happened in the past. These are two people that tried to kill each other. But because it is in the past, it has allowed this to be a more tender story.

Blue September – Destiny and Friendship: That's funny – I didn't realize it – but I managed to work my way back to the YuGiOh themes.

Angel Yami-ko – Ages: I've just given up on ever getting the ages to match either the manga, dub or subtitled versions.

Pamster – Thanks. Don't worry about the mix up. I do stuff like that all the time.

Lone Wolf55, Seto-kaiba's-fan – Thanks for the continued encouragement. I know it's a long story. I'm glad you've stuck with it.