Sunday morning did not start as well for Harm as Saturday had, probably
because it started quite a lot earlier. Not long after five he was jolted
from sleep by a heavy weight landing on his chest and a sandpaper-like
tongue licking his face. It was accompanied by gentle laughter from the
doorway. Next to him, Mac continued to sleep, oblivious to what was going
on around her.
"I think your friend wants you to get up."
"Dad? What time is it?"
"0510. Rise and shine."
"Why do I get the feeling I've been volunteered for something?"
"You're a lawyer. You have highly trained deductive reasoning skills."
"No, that's O'Neill."
"What?"
"Nothing." He gently pushed his living alarm clock off him. "I'll be down in a minute."
The milking did not take as long as Harm had been expecting. But then, he hadn't done it with any help since he came back from Vietnam when he was sixteen. They fed the chickens when they were done, before letting the cows out to pasture.
As the light grew steadily stronger, they each clambered onto the sturdiest part of the pasture fence and sat there watching the cows.
"Dad?" Harm's voice was hoarse. He was not really sure how to go about this conversation.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
Harm Sr looked over at his son. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Everyone you served with except Admiral Boone is either retired or dead. The retired ones are twenty years older than you, and none have the security clearance to even know you're still alive. A few days ago you were saved from almost certain death by something that shouldn't be possible. You're the same age as your only son, and look enough like him to be mistaken for him. And because I did some fairly high-profile things in my career, and know half the Navy from either flying or cases, it means you can't move around much. Your wife made peace with your death and remarried years ago, and is now twenty years older than you. All your time in Russia as a POW means that time travel issues aside, you can't really say you've got much of a Naval career ahead of you. The only place you can really go is the SGC."
"When you put it like that." Harm Sr stared out over the countryside in front of them. Then he grinned back at his son. "I've still got more than I had this time a week ago."
"Isn't dreaming of home better than being home and it all being different?"
"Perhaps. But I always knew if I got home things would have changed. My friends would have been promoted and moved on. Your Mom would have moved on. I can kid myself a little, but even in my dreams there was reality. I knew I could never completely come back. I think what I've got here is pretty much a best-case scenario, if you think about how my life's gone so far."
"How do you mean?"
"Your Mom can't know I'm alive, so there's no awkward reunion. I get to see you grandmother again; maybe take care of her some. I can see the man you grew up to be, know the good things you've done in your life, and know I'm partly responsible for them, though mostly not for the reasons I'd like. From what I've seen of you and the Colonel, I think I may get some grandchildren soon. And."
"And?"
"And now I'm a pilot who's flown among the stars." He laughed. "I've gone from captivity to the greatest freedom I can imagine. When I was working in the Russian mines, you could look up the shafts during the day and see the stars, like when you look up a chimney. The stars are freedom, Son. It's ironic that the SGC would give me the freedom of the universe and at the same time cut me off from my own planet, but the way I see it, the universe is bigger. Mom lives alone, so I can come up and see her sometimes, bluff people into thinking I'm you if they see me. And for the rest of the time, I can fly. Tom and I spoke to the General about it, and he spoke to the President. I can still fly, and when the day comes I can't fly any more, I can get a post on another planet, or as a non-flying CAG on a starship. Even if I end up flying a desk in the Cheyenne mountain, I'll be doing something important, and I'll be able to keep an eye on my kid. What more could I want?"
"A semblance of a normal life."
"We're Naval Aviators, Harm. We gave up any chance of a normal life the minute they pinned on our wings." He smiled. "Most of your pals would have had their fathers at their Winging. You had to settle for me being there when you took out an alien spaceship."
"So you don't regret being here?"
"The way it was explained to me, if your friends hadn't come get me, I'd be lying in an unmarked grave in the Russian tiaga. This has got to be an improvement on that. Do I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't gone down that day? Of course. But I realised something about a year after I was transferred to Russia. If I hadn't been hit that day, I might have been hit a few days later, and that time I might not have been able to get out. It's no good second-guessing anything in my life. I'd go completely insane."
Harm nodded at that, understanding. He looked back at the house, and noticed that there were some lights on upstairs. "Looks like the ladies are up and about. Feel like going and getting bossed around for a while?"
"Sure, why not? Being bossed around by Mom makes me feel like I never left. She's not sure how to treat me, so she's treating me like she did when I was a teenager."
"What did the two of you talk about yesterday while Mac and I were fishing?"
"You, mostly. And she told me a little about people I used to know in the town. I gave her the basics on what happened to me, but nothing after I escaped. She understands I can't talk about it, and didn't make it awkward."
"She's good at that."
"Yeah, I know."
"I think your friend wants you to get up."
"Dad? What time is it?"
"0510. Rise and shine."
"Why do I get the feeling I've been volunteered for something?"
"You're a lawyer. You have highly trained deductive reasoning skills."
"No, that's O'Neill."
"What?"
"Nothing." He gently pushed his living alarm clock off him. "I'll be down in a minute."
The milking did not take as long as Harm had been expecting. But then, he hadn't done it with any help since he came back from Vietnam when he was sixteen. They fed the chickens when they were done, before letting the cows out to pasture.
As the light grew steadily stronger, they each clambered onto the sturdiest part of the pasture fence and sat there watching the cows.
"Dad?" Harm's voice was hoarse. He was not really sure how to go about this conversation.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
Harm Sr looked over at his son. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Everyone you served with except Admiral Boone is either retired or dead. The retired ones are twenty years older than you, and none have the security clearance to even know you're still alive. A few days ago you were saved from almost certain death by something that shouldn't be possible. You're the same age as your only son, and look enough like him to be mistaken for him. And because I did some fairly high-profile things in my career, and know half the Navy from either flying or cases, it means you can't move around much. Your wife made peace with your death and remarried years ago, and is now twenty years older than you. All your time in Russia as a POW means that time travel issues aside, you can't really say you've got much of a Naval career ahead of you. The only place you can really go is the SGC."
"When you put it like that." Harm Sr stared out over the countryside in front of them. Then he grinned back at his son. "I've still got more than I had this time a week ago."
"Isn't dreaming of home better than being home and it all being different?"
"Perhaps. But I always knew if I got home things would have changed. My friends would have been promoted and moved on. Your Mom would have moved on. I can kid myself a little, but even in my dreams there was reality. I knew I could never completely come back. I think what I've got here is pretty much a best-case scenario, if you think about how my life's gone so far."
"How do you mean?"
"Your Mom can't know I'm alive, so there's no awkward reunion. I get to see you grandmother again; maybe take care of her some. I can see the man you grew up to be, know the good things you've done in your life, and know I'm partly responsible for them, though mostly not for the reasons I'd like. From what I've seen of you and the Colonel, I think I may get some grandchildren soon. And."
"And?"
"And now I'm a pilot who's flown among the stars." He laughed. "I've gone from captivity to the greatest freedom I can imagine. When I was working in the Russian mines, you could look up the shafts during the day and see the stars, like when you look up a chimney. The stars are freedom, Son. It's ironic that the SGC would give me the freedom of the universe and at the same time cut me off from my own planet, but the way I see it, the universe is bigger. Mom lives alone, so I can come up and see her sometimes, bluff people into thinking I'm you if they see me. And for the rest of the time, I can fly. Tom and I spoke to the General about it, and he spoke to the President. I can still fly, and when the day comes I can't fly any more, I can get a post on another planet, or as a non-flying CAG on a starship. Even if I end up flying a desk in the Cheyenne mountain, I'll be doing something important, and I'll be able to keep an eye on my kid. What more could I want?"
"A semblance of a normal life."
"We're Naval Aviators, Harm. We gave up any chance of a normal life the minute they pinned on our wings." He smiled. "Most of your pals would have had their fathers at their Winging. You had to settle for me being there when you took out an alien spaceship."
"So you don't regret being here?"
"The way it was explained to me, if your friends hadn't come get me, I'd be lying in an unmarked grave in the Russian tiaga. This has got to be an improvement on that. Do I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't gone down that day? Of course. But I realised something about a year after I was transferred to Russia. If I hadn't been hit that day, I might have been hit a few days later, and that time I might not have been able to get out. It's no good second-guessing anything in my life. I'd go completely insane."
Harm nodded at that, understanding. He looked back at the house, and noticed that there were some lights on upstairs. "Looks like the ladies are up and about. Feel like going and getting bossed around for a while?"
"Sure, why not? Being bossed around by Mom makes me feel like I never left. She's not sure how to treat me, so she's treating me like she did when I was a teenager."
"What did the two of you talk about yesterday while Mac and I were fishing?"
"You, mostly. And she told me a little about people I used to know in the town. I gave her the basics on what happened to me, but nothing after I escaped. She understands I can't talk about it, and didn't make it awkward."
"She's good at that."
"Yeah, I know."